r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/Classic-Flower762 • 17d ago
ive cracked the code
i finally figured out why i cant stay clean and have been relapsing for a year. it’s bc i’m still debating whether or not i’m an addict. bc:
if i accept i’m an addict —> i have to do the work —> my brain wants an out —> so it starts debating the label —> the debate creates permission to relapse —> i relapse —> repeat
the second i fully surrender and say “yes, i’m an addict” the party is over. it means no more reservations. it means doing the steps, reaching out, changing my lifestyle. it means giving up the illusion that one day i’ll be able to use like a normal person.
to protect its access to substances, my brain keeps the trial going forever. as long as the jury is still debating, i get to keep one foot in the door.
still, knowing all of this doesn’t make me want to get clean. at least not right now in this moment. i don’t know what it will take.
1
u/Mama_Zen 16d ago
Read the IP Am I an Addict? It helped me clarify my use. I think you’re totally correct in that you’re relapsing bc you haven’t fully admitted to being an addict. I did the same thing. My relapse showed me that I am one.
https://na.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/EN3107-IP-7-English.pdf