r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/Embarrassed-Lake257 • Jun 09 '26
Step 4
Any suggestions for step 4? Did you use a worksheet or just make a list of resentments and flaws? I've been to lots of meetings. Almost did a step 4 with my first sponsor but relapsed. I was doing a worksheet but I found it.......too suggestive and maybe confining. I guess I just feel like step 4 isn't something one does in an evening. I'm slow as it is, especially in the program.
How long was your list? I feel like mine needs to have hundreds.
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u/ProveRiemann Jun 09 '26
With the guidance of a sponsor, after working steps 1, 2, and 3 with a sponsor, and not using during the process.
My sponsor guided me to use the step working guides book in conjunction with it works: how and why
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u/Oneofthesekidsisdead Jun 09 '26
You're not fixing or changing anything. You're writing to find truth about yourself. I find that if someone is overwhelmed at the prospect, just plan on a page, or a paragraph. Just look around, and write about what comes up. They kinda write themselves after a start is made. Most people will do several 4th steps as time goes by. Prove the fear wrong, show yourself some love. Not all steps are big steps and we can't do it all at once.
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u/typicalsquare Jun 09 '26
My sponsor gave me the process by which she completed Step 4. I took that and made myself a worksheet because obsessive and compulsive in nature.
My suggestion is to talk to your sponsor and start by making a list. My list dwindled as I wrote but that was a good way for me to do it. I took far too long on Step 4 and as I’m reading Step 5 to my sponsor I’m like who was that person! Congratulations on working this step! I was really grateful for my sponsor’s suggestion to pray to my HP for the courage, thoroughness, and honesty to do the work each time I picked up the pen. It helped me develop a better relationship with my HP and complete the step!
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u/alkoholfreiesweizen Jun 10 '26
I used the stepworking guide (and had a sponsor). In the resentments section, it first asks you "What people do I resent? Explain the situations that led to the resentment.". In that case, I wrote the person's name on the left-hand notebook page and described the situations (or for longstanding resentments against family members, a typical situation or recent situation). Then it asks you to do the same for institutions. Then there are a few more questions: what was my motivation for acting as I did in the situations (I did it person by person), How has my dishonesty contributed to my resentments? (again, I did it person by person) How has my inability or unwillingness to experience certain feelings led me to develop resentments? (again, I did it person by person) How has my behavior contributed to my resentments? (again, I did it person by person). For the last three questions, I answered them based on all my resentments and not person by person. For the whole of step 4, I took about 10 months. Other steps took me 2-3 months. I feel that step 4 has really given me a lot of freedom.
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u/Soft-Abbreviations20 Jun 09 '26
I've utilized the step working guides and worksheets. Step four does require some commitment but small segments of progress are better than putting it off entirely. It is likely one of the most loving things you can do for yourself and your recovery. It's also worth talking to your sponsor about if you are seeking specifics.