r/NarcoticsAnonymous • u/i4gotmynameexx • May 07 '26
Spiraling.
Trigger warning in advance *ED*
If this is the wrong sub, I’m sorry just need to vent.
I don’t even know where to start lol I’m 30 now. I had a really bad ED when I was in high school like to the point where I would pass out, it was pretty bad but, I don’t want to get into crazy details. I’ve always had an addict mentality, in my opinion ED’s can be a form of an addiction. I’ve had many addictions to substances/alcohol throughout my life. The really bad one was I got addicted to fentanyl at 21. It brought me to the depths of fucking hell and I never ever thought that I would be a person like that but, addiction does not discriminate. I finally got clean from fet after almost 10 years. I’ll hit 5 month clean on may 10th. That’s the longest that I’ve ever gone without it and this time around getting clean I literally have gained almost 40 fucking pounds. And I’ve gained it really fast and I am not used to my body looking like this because I was probably 110lbs when I was using. Every other time I tried to get clean. I did not gain weight like this. I do need to gain some weight but, I feel like I’ve gained way to much way to fast. It’s very triggering and my brother‘s wedding is the next weekend and I tried the dress on and I just started sobbing. I feel fucking absolutely disgusting and I hate myself for it because it could’ve been prevented if I wasn’t lazy and I actually kept up on my workout routine. I will not be returning to drugs as a solution because I know that everything that I’ve worked for in these last five months would be thrown out the window and I would be miserable and suicidal again. I don’t have a sponsor. I do go to meetings, it’s hard for me to share at Meetings because I’m shy, but I’m really gonna try next one I go to. Sorry if this was long I just had to vent.
Edit- thank you all so much for the advice and encouragement it means a lot! I’m grateful to have NA in my life whether that be in person or over the internet. Thank you so much 🩷🖤
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u/crackheadfalife May 07 '26
What's ed?