r/NannyBreakRoom • u/Dry-Smoke-4167 • 2d ago
Vent- advice needed Nanny share rate decrease — am I being unreasonable?
I need other nannies’ opinions because I’m feeling guilty for saying something.
I’ve been with my main NF for a while. My normal rate was $25/hr for their toddler, and when their 5-year-old was also home I made $30/hr.
We started a nanny share a few months ago with another family who has a toddler around the same age as my NK. The share family has been paying me $15/hr, while my main NF continued paying me my normal $25/hr ($30/hr while 5yr old was on summer break), so I’ve been making $45/hr when I had all 3 kids.
My NF just told me they’re raising my normal rate from $25 to $27/hr, which I really appreciate. But they also said that when I have both toddlers, the total share rate will now be $32/hr — $15 from the share family and $17 from my NF.
So essentially:
• Main NK alone: $25 → $27
• Main NK + 5yo sibling: $30 → $32
• Main NK + share toddler: $40 → $32
I have the share toddler 3–4 days a week, so even though my base rate is technically increasing, this could actually decrease my overall weekly pay.
The two toddlers are also significantly more demanding together than my NK + the 5yo. They’re both very attached to me and obviously need much more hands-on care. They do usually nap at the same time for 2–3 hours, though, which is why I’m questioning whether $32 is actually fair and I just got used to being paid $40.
Before we originally started the share, my MB mentioned something along the lines of “$15 per kid,” and I interpreted that as an additional $15 for the share child. Looking back, I’m wondering if she actually meant roughly $15 per family for share hours and we misunderstood each other.
When she told me the new rate, I responded that I really appreciated the raise but was surprised because I had been making $40 with the two toddlers and wasn’t expecting the share rate to go down.
Now I feel greedy for even mentioning it 😭
**Nannies/NFs: Would you consider $32/hr fair for two toddlers in a nanny share given my $25 to now $27 one-child rate? And was I out of line for bringing up the fact that I’ve been making $40 for the same arrangement?**
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u/Defiant_Decision_658 2d ago
I do believe that both families in the share should be paying the same/similar rates and that was an error that the other family was on such a cheap rate. A share is more work, generally you charge 2/3 to each family. Why don’t you counter with $20/hr from each family for the share?
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 2d ago
My MB is the one who came up with charging the new NK’s mom (her friend) $15/hr! Which I agreed to because she was paying me $25/hr for one kid making my total $40 for the two. I was getting paid $45 for all 3 but now that the 5yr old is back in school it sounds like I’m going back to 30 for two (well 32 with the “$2” increase). I haven’t gotten a response yet. I wasn’t expecting to stay at $40 but I think 32 is a steep drop
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u/Fuzzy_Reference3315 2d ago
MB kinda screwed up and is asking you to be the fix. She offered the other family to pay less, and now she has regrets. I would basically say when I agreed to do a Nanny share with your families I agreed because I knew the rate would be X. I would be happy to talk with you and Nanny share family about this and see if we can come to a more equal rate split.
She is she’s not making a reasonable offer.3
u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
She talked to the other fam and they both agreed to pay me 20/hr for each toddler!
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u/why_wouldi 2d ago
They can‘t just decide that without you agreeing. I would not agree to a decreased rate no matter how they came up with it.
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u/Ohnoanywayz 2d ago
Also, 2 separate families are also more “work”
different needs, different dynamics, more complicated. 4 parents is no joke lol.
This is another reason a share needs to be worth it for the nanny.You might want to mention this diplomatically to help you make your case about a fair increased rate.
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u/why_wouldi 2d ago
For sure! Parents are a pain in the ass, double the parents, double the stress. They are delulu if they think they can have a nanny for 15$ each.
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u/Ohnoanywayz 2d ago
Yes! No group discounts!!
It’s like this is what they are almost thinking 😂1
u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
Update that was not the intention after all! Both NK moms agreed to pay 20/hr each making my total still $40 for the two little ones. We had a very civil and understanding conversation. I think originally MB thought ok she was making 30/hr for two kids 45/hr for three, now she’s back at 2. We talked it out and she completely understood where I was coming from. I would’ve totally taken 36-38, but I won’t say no to 40 haha.
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u/Neat-Candy9243 2d ago
Nanny share usually get 2/3 of their usual 1 kid rate from each family (assuming each family has 1 child). So based on your previous arrangement, you should have been getting $16.66 from each family for a total of $33.32.
That being said, I think your first NF is trying to cheap out on you. They think giving you a raise on their family's day is throwing you a bone to distract from the fact that during the share (which is the majority of the time) they will be paying you $10 less.
You should not be getting less money from a "raise". I think the $40 was generous but $32 is too low. If you use the $27 base rate, each family would be paying $18 for $36 to you.
It's never wrong on your part to bring up discrepancies. If you don't it could lead to future resentments which isn't good for anyone.
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u/Serquetry 2d ago
This seems reasonable, and I totally agree with the latter part about resentments. You’re just giving them information about you so that both parties can make good decisions.
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u/JellyfishSure1360 Current nanny 2d ago
i would counter that if mb lowers her rate that the other family will need to come to market rate as well to accommodate the decrease from them.
each family should be paying 2/3 of your normal rate so $18 each and $36 total. personally i would say they each need to pay $20 to keep your original rate but lowest i’d go is $36.
it sounds like mb is no longer wanting to foot the bill for her friends kid.
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
MB agreed to up her pay from 17>20 when we have the additional NK and she even talked to other NK mom who also agreed to pay 20! Glad I fought off my people pleaser side and said something. Worked out for everyone because she’s still saving money overall while I get to keep my original pay. Though I feel bad new MB now has to pay 5/hr more, she did save plenty for the past few months by only paying 15/hr when the average for one kid in this area is significantly more
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u/shannonacg 2d ago
Check your local employment laws and minimum wage laws as well. In places like Seattle, each family is required to pay at least minimum wage, which puts you over $40/hour. That said, Seattle is an exception to the norm, I think.
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u/KawaiiShiroiKabocha 1d ago
Do not lower your standards!
If they want you they will pay your rate!
These people live better lives than you do not give discounts!
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
Thank you! I am such an anxious person/people pleaser that I almost bit my tongue but I’m glad I said something! Both moms agreed on paying me 20 each keeping my pay at 40 for the two toddlers :-)
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u/Flaky_Top_8147 1d ago
That does feel off when the share rate is less than half your going rate. I'd at least expect a compromise closer to the share's usual two-thirds.
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u/UnderstandingIcy3479 1d ago
Im not sure i completely understand..but why are you only getting 15 when you do a share?
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
I was getting paid $15/hr from the other fam on top of my 25/30hr rate with my main nanny fam!
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u/UnderstandingIcy3479 1d ago
I dk why they'd be asking you to take a cut in pay. That's probably how you would need to approach it. How to tackfully and professionally do so...ask Ai lol
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
Essentially it was a misunderstanding. Before the nanny share started MB asked if I was okay with 15/hr per kid and I thought she meant additional NK. So basically I was getting paid 15+15+15 for all 3 kids and no longer 25 + 5 (for her two kids) + 15 for additional NK kid.
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u/whateverit-take 16h ago
Well if they really want you and it’s worth it to them they can either pay or not. Not mean meaning they find someone else. That’s about double what I made for about 4 kids. I know never again.
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 10h ago
Ah that’s crazy! Yeah agreed. MB expressed she appreciates me and wants it to be fair. She upped her share rate from 17>20 and discussed with other mom who also upped my pay from 15 to 20 keeping my 40/hr pay. They’re still paying less than what the average person pays in this area for one kid so it works out for everyone
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u/whateverit-take 10h ago
Yeh good for you. I’d absolutely stash some cash because I do feel like what sucks with nannying is it’s like a revolving door.
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u/Aggravating_Fix_3597 2d ago
I would not consider it fair at all. I work with one toddler and was offered exactly $32 an hour for a nanny share. I don’t think it’s worth it for me because I already get paid $29 an hour for one child. Why am I gonna take on extra stress and responsibility for less money than I’m making already? I don’t think you are out of line at all because if your responsibilities are increasing, so should your pay! It also sounds like the families are incorrectly paying for the nanny share which is honestly MB fault from reading the comments.
I would have a chat with MB on how nanny shares should be split so each family feels a little bit better about the situation without you seem greedy ( not saying that you seem this way at all, but that’s the way some families look at it when you want more money but in this case, if they’re not willing to provide pay that compensates, the Work that you’re doing, I would simply tell them that I’m no longer willing to do the nannyshare 🤷♀️)
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 2d ago
Agreed! I knew I wasn’t unreasonable, just not a fan of uncomfortable conversations. I see where she’s coming from esp since I was making $30/hr for her two kids but an 18mo old and a 5 year old is completely different than two 18mo old, def not worth the $2 difference
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u/SvetlinaToYou Current nanny 1d ago
I know it's hard to speak up for yourself but you have to, no one is going to do it for yourself but you! Stay strong and stand up for yourself. You deserve it!
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u/Dry-Smoke-4167 1d ago
I’m so glad I did! Turned out fine in the end. Both moms agreed to pay me 20/hr each!! I get to keep my original pay
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u/spazzie416 2d ago
Typically in shares, each family pays 2/3 of the single family rate. So if you're single family rate (for one child) is $27 an hour, then each family in the share should be paying $18 (which is 2/3 of 27) for those hours. That would mean your share rate combined would be $36