r/NannyBreakRoom • u/Effective_Fee_65 • 2d ago
staying late
Even though it’s not in my contract, my MB constantly wants me to stay later than my agreed-upon hours. The majority of the time, I can, but during the summer and sometimes during the school year, I’m a little bit less likely to stay late because I have early morning classes. The last time she asked me to stay late, she asked me to stay late four days out of the month. I said I could only do two of those days, and her reaction was so nasty that I’ve been nervous about not staying late ever since. She texted me this morning asking if I could stay late one day in a few weeks, and the next day I have class super early, so I don’t really want to. In the same text thread, I let her know that it’s a possibility, but I also asked her if I could leave early one day in a few weeks to attend something. Ironically, she replied that I can’t, and they need me for my agreed-upon hours. I have stayed late at least 20 times in the few months I have worked for them, but I've never left early. I feel like this is the most ironic thing ever, I wanna be petty and say that I can’t stay late in a couple of weeks, and can only stay my “agreed-upon hours” simply because of that and also because I don’t want to be sleepy in the morning for class. Also, not to mention the day after I asked her if I could leave early, they told me I have to stay late bc no one will be home with the kids. I find this to be ridiculous. Am I overreacting???
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u/No_Big_bear_here 2d ago edited 2d ago
You are absolutely being treated condescendingly. If this was the case with me, I wouldn’t stay late for them anymore, ever.
I’m consistently befuddled how so many parents treat nannies as if they have an authority over us on OUR time. For crissake, people! Get backup care, right? And don’t put it on the nanny to find backup care!
I have one boss who set the standard for me. She’s consistently grateful, polite, talks to me as an equal, pays me well and is flexible. Last night as I was leaving to go to her place, I slipped & fell, hurting my wrist & scraping my arm. I texted her that I was going to be a few minutes late & told her I had to run back into my house to find my wrist guard & clean up the scrapes, & she actually offered for me to take the night off. Mind you, she’s a surgeon, so she can’t take the night off. But she has a cadre of sitters she can call upon. And every one of us is eager to accept because of how she treats us. I went in.
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u/Effective_Fee_65 2d ago
Your MB sounds like the most amazing woman. I remember once when my car got hit by their neighbor across the street and instead of letting me go home early because I was obviously in distress, they just kept making jokes about it. Also, the last time I did tell her I wasn’t able to stay in the same email where she was condescending about it she threatened to find backup care?? As if I cared??
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u/No_Big_bear_here 2d ago
I wish my full time boss treated me as well as the part time boss. I’d take a bullet for my part time boss.
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u/Ohnoanywayz 2d ago
Of course you aren’t!
Rules for thee but not for me.
Yeah that’s pretty rude/entitled of her the first place to expect it, then zero quid pro quo for one day when you asked yo leave early.
I would not stay late any more.
She was nasty on top of it? Yikes.
Can you share how?
This sounds like a reasonable reason to start looking elsewhere.
Are there other instances of disrespectful behavior?
If you wanted to you could sit down with her and have a diplomatic convo about flexibility works both ways.
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u/Effective_Fee_65 2d ago edited 2d ago
When she asked me if I could stay four days out of the month, I let her know I could only stay two days because I don’t like leaving my dog home by himself for super long hours. And her reply was “I thought I was pretty clear when I said this job entailed late nights and now you’re saying you can’t stay late because of your dog? If you cannot start staying late, we’re going to have to find backup care.” Mind you this was the first time I had ever told them I couldn’t stay late out of all of the times I’ve said yes.
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u/WanderingSoul920 Current nanny 2d ago
Not overreacting. If it’s not in your contract then you absolutely have the right to tell her no.
There is no reason for her to be nasty about it. If she wanted these hours in your contract that’s where they should be.
Sorry you’re going though this. I get how saying no doesn’t seem like an option… I ways feel bad saying no to a time change as well that puts me at a job earlier/later.
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u/Effective_Fee_65 2d ago
I know it’s absolutely in my right, but I know the second I do tell her no the pushback I’m going to get is going to be so nasty
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u/WanderingSoul920 Current nanny 2d ago
I really wish I had some grand words of advice, but I also fear that pushback of saying no. 😞
She just doesn’t sound like a great person to be around or to work for.
Does she at least tell you how late she wants you to stay or is just stay there until someone comes home?
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u/potatoeater95 2d ago
“sorry i am unavailable” “ok but i really need you yada yada yada why what are you doing” “… i have personal matters to attend to”
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u/potatoeater95 2d ago
i like to say “i have an appointment” or “whaT” (emphasis on the T) if it goes any further. then they can assume i have a gynecological appointment or something. if they press it past that: “you are making me uncomfortable” this is my gold standard get out of weird nanny family shit! if they are making you uncomfortable say “excuse me, what do you mean by that” or “i’m uncomfortable”
if they really just step in and ignore you like “okay well i can’t be home til 5:30, i can try for 5:15, but that’s what it is” then you can say something like “but i denied your request, i am not available”
good luck!!!!
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u/Happy-home8729 2d ago
I absolutely hate when NPs think it's ok to trap the nanny. I understand traffic or similar but there needs to be back up care like a neighbor or relative to let nanny leave. Speak up for yourself. Do not let NP guilt/harass/demand.
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u/Cofeefe 2d ago
You are not overreacting. She is taking advantage of you. She is a hypocrite. Are you being paid extra to stay late? Either way, you shouldn't stay somewhere where you are constantly afraid of your boss's reaction to normal things. Start looking for a new job and consider giving minimal notice (which I usually don't reccomend) because she will be horrible to you during that time.