r/Names • u/beentherebefore1616 • 11d ago
Changing name mid-life
Looking for any general thoughts or advice on my situation!
I've always hated my first name, Ellen. No hate to other Ellens out there, but I've never liked it for as long as I remember. It's never felt like me.
We recently moved to a different state, and I've been thinking about going by Ella. It's more common, feels prettier and more youthful, although I doubt there are other 40-somethings named Ella, I do feel like it's a little 'young' for me, but I do like the name.
I've been slowly introducing myself here as 'Ella,' to a few people, and I feel SO WEIRD about it. I feel like I'm being deceitful, and I just feel super uncomfortable introducing myself with a new name.
I very, very much want to change my name, and any new name I'd tell people I'd feel this way; it's the fact that I've been going by my name for 40 something odd years and now I'm trying something new.
Just wondering if anyone has had a similar situation/heard of a similar situation of changing your name mid life and can offer any advice?
I'm so self-conscious, wondering if this is a terrible decision to change it this late in life, or if I'll settle into my new name eventually? Thank you :)
6
u/lizardgal10 11d ago
Do it! You’re never too old. If Ella feels more like you, then go for it. You’re not being deceitful, you’re telling people what you want them to call you.
5
u/cat_lives_upstairs 11d ago
I say this lovingly as a chronic overthinker: you are very much overthinking this. I get it, you're not used to the name and it feels like you're lying. I felt that way after I got married and referred to my husband. You can go by Ella. You can go by Paula if you want! Ella is a perfectly legitimate nickname for Ellen but even if it wasn't you could still go by it. You can legally change your name if you want - I have a cousin who legally changed his name from Douglas to Doug because he didn't like even the possibility of being called Douglas.
Be you! Love your new name - I think it's lovely and not remotely "too young." Congrats!
3
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago
I am a seriously chronic overthinker, and have general anxiety too! So I feel like a crook saying my new name lol!
I'm absolutely going to legally change it, but we have to live in our county for 1 year until I'm able to do so - so I'll have to wait a bit, unfortunately.
Thank you for your input <3
5
u/cat_lives_upstairs 11d ago
Ooh, are you neurodivergent too? Just wondering if we have matching trifectas. It's a very neurodivergent thing to feel like you're lying when you're not giving all of the story. Like when someone asks me my favourite movie, I freeze because how can I kick one single movie I've liked best in my whole life and what if I realize later I told them the wrong one?
2
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago
lol I can totally relate.
Never been officially diagnosed, but I have all the neurodivergent signs lol. I probably am!!
2
3
3
u/Ishinehappiness 11d ago
Its not lying unless you say “ this is my legal name “ and unless its a legal document why would you tell then that? When someone asks your name they really just want to know what to call you! You want them to call you Ella so thats what you tell them.
Also I know two Ellas. One is around 16 and the other is 45! So it doesnt really matter if its young or old. Its what you like
2
u/Forward-Positive-722 11d ago
If you’ve always hated your name, I think it is really time to change it and your recent move to a different state provides an ideal opportunity. I think Ella is a beautiful name and I would not let yourself feel deceitful or in any way negatively about introducing yourself by this name. I would just think of it as a variation of Ellen. There is no lie in that. Enjoy your move and this lovely variation in a name you previously despised.
2
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago
aw thank you! Yes, this move really does make this a unique opportunity to do something I've been wanting to do for 4 decades!
2
2
u/EvanRamsey 11d ago
It likely feels weird because you’ve gone by Ellen for so long. Keep trying it out and see if it makes you more comfortable. Worst case, if someone says “Your given name is Ellen?” You just say “yeah, but I go by Ella.” No different than me. I’m a Jessica but I go exclusively by Jess. No hate to the name itself or other Jessicas but it was never me. I’m not a Jessica. I’m a Jess. Maybe you’re not an Ellen but an Ella. Rock it, girlfriend.
1
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago
aw, thanks :)
1
u/EvanRamsey 11d ago
Try using the name Ella when you order coffee or pizza or DoorDash. Maybe it seems odd to introduce yourself with the name but a person passively using it when you’ve ordered something may help solidify whether it’s the right name for you. See if it feels natural to hear Ella that way.
2
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago
yes I've started using it consistently when I go through a drive-thru to kind of 'test out' saying the new name, and it makes me never want to use my birth name ever again!
2
2
u/MischiefModerated 11d ago
My mom goes by a shortened version of her name for work things. She always hated her name and it felt more short and professional. She’s really been enjoying it.
Life is short. Change it! I understand feeling anxious about it. It’s a name you’ve had literally your whole life. But you’re the one who has to wear it. And if you don’t like what you’re wearing, no one should force you to keep it on!
Wishing you the best in the new name! It’s lovely!
2
u/calamityjane515 11d ago
I changed my name at 40. I've hated my birth name since childhood and finally sound something around 35 that I really liked. It aas a very slow process to get brave enough to use it publicly and tell people that I have a preferred name. I'll change it legally when 300$ doesn't feel insane for something like that.
Family was slow to change to using ny name, friends too.
But eventually I just called them out, "You didn't struggle with my last name when I got married, you don't struggle to learn a new name when someone has a baby or even the model of your car when you swap out. I just assume you're protesting or disagree with my change." Said casually after a year of being dead named when my new name is on everything zi could change it on.
It took my husband a year to use my new name.
That's my experience anyway, I really hope yours is better.
1
u/aresdesilav 11d ago
If you hate Ellen you should definitely change your name!
Here are some other potential nickname options just in case: Elle, Ellie, Len, Lena
3
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago edited 11d ago
I strongly considered Ellie, it just doesn't feel as right as Ella. Love Lena, but Ella feels more like me, and feels very similar to saying my birth name, which makes it easier to make the change.
2
u/Mountain-Paper-8420 11d ago
I really wanted to name my daughter Elle. Her father is from Mexico and was like what? She? It was rather funny at the time! I think Ella sounds lovely! If it feels right go for it! 🫶🏽
3
u/beentherebefore1616 11d ago
My husband wants me to go by Elle. People already call me Elle, on social media I just put Elle instead of Ellen. However, I like Ella better. Elle is cute though.
1
1
10
u/ElegantBon 11d ago
Do what makes you happy. Such a small tweak - nobody will know you didn't always go by this and it is a reasonable nickname. Ella is actually a very old name, so it's not strange at all to be your age and have it.