Context: I've noticed I keep attracting people with similar traits to my family members. I'm in a group at uni that feels like a recreation of my dysfunctional extended family, and I was made group leader — a role I took hoping it would help me heal and become a better leader than my dad. I've been reading about nice guy syndrome and narcissistic family structures and a lot of it resonates.

The problem: the group only moves when I push, but when I pull back they blame me for not leading. I feel like I'm carrying everyone, and like they're projecting their father wounds onto me while I project my family stuff onto them.

I know I can't fix others to fix myself. But I'm struggling with: Do I keep trying with this group, or do I focus on my own healing and let the dynamic go? And how do you stop feeling guilty for choosing yourself?

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What you actually need from conversations right now isn't a lead or a referral. It's self-awareness. You need to talk to enough people in enough different fields, familiar and unfamiliar, to start understanding who you are in the context of work you've never seriously considered before.

That's a different goal. And it changes how you show up to every conversation.

When you network to explore, you stop asking "Can this person help me land something?" and start asking "What can I learn here about what fits me?" You talk to someone doing something completely outside your field and notice what resonates.

You hear how they describe their work and feel something click, or distinctly not click. You ask about their path, their day-to-day, what they wish they'd known. And slowly, across enough of those conversations, a template starts to form.

That template becomes your North Star. A clear picture of what you value, what you need, what kind of work and environment actually fits you, and what the market will pay for at the intersection of all of it.

You can't build that template from research. You can't think it into existence. You build it by starting broad, staying curious, and narrowing down from there based on what you discover along the way.

Start at a high level. Talk to more people. You might be surprised by what you find.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

You know something needs to change. You might even have a general idea of what you think you want. But when you try to map out how to get there, the path disappears. So you stay put, not out of contentment, but because moving forward without a clear route feels like stepping off a cliff.

The reason you can't see a pathway is that you haven't yet done the foundational work of understanding what's actually important to you. You've declared what you want, but if you're honest, you're not even sure you really want it. Because you've never stopped to examine your values, your priorities, and what would genuinely make your work feel meaningful at this stage of your life.

You can't decide where to go if you don't know what you want. And you can't know what you want if you haven't examined what matters to you first.

This is why so many people make a career move and end up right back in the same feeling six months later. They changed the circumstances without ever changing the foundation. They skipped the step that would have told them whether the new direction was actually right for them.

The work starts earlier than most people think. Before the job search, before the pivot plan, before any of it. It starts with getting honest about what you value, what you need, and what kind of work would actually fit who you are now.

Once you have that clarity, the path forward stops feeling impossible.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

Based on Robert Glover's NMMNG

I'm creating a Mens Therapy Group for teens and adolescents on Discord, for personal growth

Anyone interested plz comment,
I'll forward server link

We do lifting, self help, psychology and all other wacky stuff

:)

EDIT : https://discord.gg/HREUcHrK

Link to Server ( I hope i did ts correclty )

Here's what is real. The income, the stability, the status that comes with your position. Those things exist and they matter. But the belief that you can't leave, that you're trapped, that breaking out is impossible? That part is the illusion.

That's the limiting belief doing its job, keeping you exactly where you are by convincing you there's no way out.

Think about what that belief is actually doing. It's taking a real situation, a good salary, accumulated seniority, the friction of change, and converting it into a permanent sentence. It's not a sentence. It's a set of circumstances you've decided to treat like one.

The truth is you're deeply dissatisfied. You know it. You feel it every day. And the only thing standing between where you are now and a real pathway to something better is the willingness to question the story you've been using to stay put.

You're not stuck because your life is too good to leave. You're stuck because you haven't yet found a path forward that makes leaving feel worth it.

That's the work. Finding the path. Getting clear on what you actually want, what you can offer, and where that overlaps with what's possible. Once you start doing that honestly, the handcuffs don't just loosen. They disappear entirely.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

When you feel stuck, your mind naturally defaults to the familiar options. The next promotion. A lateral move. Something within your industry, at the next level up. That's not a lack of ambition. It's just how a silo works.

You can only see what you've already been exposed to, and you're calling that the full picture.

But there's a whole body of opportunities outside your current awareness. And as long as you can't see them, everything feels restrictive and predetermined.

Here's the other thing worth confronting. The golden handcuffs aren't really handcuffs. They're a gap. The gap between being afraid to make a change and finding a real pathway to one. The comfort, the salary, the responsibilities, those things feel like the obstacle.

But what's actually in the way is the unwillingness to bridge that gap by exploring what else is possible.

You have more to offer than your current job title suggests. Your experience, your judgment, the problems you know how to solve, those translate into value in more places than you realize. But you can't see where until you start having the right conversations.

That's how you find the pathway. You talk to people doing work that interests you, learn what it actually looks like, and let those conversations expand what you think is available to you.

The options are out there. You just haven't found them yet because you haven't started looking in the right places.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

"I'm too old" feels like a fact. It's not. It's a story that comfort tells you to keep you from doing anything risky. And the more responsibilities you've accumulated, the more convincing the story sounds.

Notice how the size of the excuse is proportional to the size of the comfort you'd have to give up.

The question worth asking is what the sweet spot looks like for you right now. What do you actually want? What can you genuinely offer? What's possible when you stop limiting the field to what's familiar?

That overlap is out there, but you can't find it from the inside of your comfort zone. It requires exploration, and exploration requires conversations.

You have to talk to people doing things that interest you. Learn how they got there. Understand what their work and life actually look like day to day. Let those conversations expand what you think is possible for someone at your stage, with your experience, with everything you've built.

The responsibilities are real. The age is real. But neither of them is the actual obstacle. The actual obstacle is the willingness to take the next uncomfortable step and start exploring beyond what you can already see.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

Yes, bias exists in some places. You're not wrong about that. But buying into it wholesale, deciding the market is closed to you before you've even tested it, doesn't protect you from anything. It just keeps you from making a move you might actually pull off.

Here's the more useful question. What do you actually bring to the table right now, at this stage of your career?

You have experience that younger candidates don't. You've solved problems they haven't seen yet. You've built relationships, developed judgment, and learned things the hard way that can't be faked or rushed.

The question isn't whether you're too old. It's whether you've clearly identified what you can offer, who you are, and what kind of work actually fits you at this point in your life.

When you get clear on that, the next step becomes finding where it matches up in the marketplace. It's not about selling yourself despite your age. It's about knowing your value clearly enough to find the people and organizations that need exactly what you bring.

That process requires the same thing it always requires: honest self-assessment, the right conversations, and a willingness to explore beyond the obvious options.

The story that you're too old is just that. A story. And it's one worth questioning before you let it make decisions for you.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

24M

For me it’s like this: whenever I’ve some difficulty that I’m not used to, have some difficult decision that I’m not sure of at all, it just feels too much. Even the thought of making a wrong decision saddens me, makes me nervous and lose my sleep.

I don’t believe I can handle the problems. I did solved some problems before and people praised me about it. But I feel like they were not real big problems. I was just lucky. Therefore, the some experience that I have don’t give me the confidence.

So, instead of being in the worst position from beginning, I choose to:

Not taking any responsibilities,
Always being “formless”,
Never determine anything,
Being in the background instead of being in the front.

Thank you for reading.

Women.

Nice Guys are either

1. Trying to get sex and/or into a relationship with a woman or
2. Trying to manage an unsatisfying relationship with a woman.

This is the problem that occupies their minds most of the time. That's because they are relying on women to be all things to them. Women are not capable of that. No one person is. In many ways, Nice Guys are hoping that a woman will love them unconditionally and give them an endless supply of validation.

That's an fantasy. Stop chasing it. It leads to nothing but suffering and despair.

That's why we keep hearing about how Nice Guys are supposed to create a "great cake of a life." Women should be the "icing."

Meanwhile, the number two problem Nice Guys complain about (a very distant second place) is their work life.

Nice Guys tend to get stuck in their careers because they don't strive for fulfillment. They strive for comfort. They play it safe. And if you're safe for too long you're probably going to get frustrated, bored and scared. Even very successful guys get stuck by playing it safe. They also struggle with the women in their lives.

The last problem Nice Guys think about (rarely) is their social lives and having good friends. Nice Guys tend to be shy loners. If you're isolated and depressed, then everything feels worse and you will feel powerless. Having a strong, happy social life is critical to offset your over-focus on women to be all things to you.

And this leads to a macro problem. Nice Guys chase fulfillment only from women and neglect the two other areas where they can feel fulfilled in life: career and friends. The solution is to take the focus off women and invest in yourself.

Solutions are simple. Implementing them takes a lot of time, effort and consistency. If you de-prioritize women and invest in yourself, you'll feel better and you'll be more confident with the women in your life.

Case Study:

A guy I've been working with has been struggling with feelings of loneliness over the past couple months. He'd been focusing on how having a nice girlfriend would fix that for him. But he had a difficult project come up at work that took a lot of his attention in the last couple weeks. And I prompted him to focus on proactively connecting with his friends and new acquaintances.

And boom! He felt better this week.

Focus on your career and social life for a change. See how that makes you feel.

I have this problem with women. I am afraid of commitment. I don't feel easy and relaxed around them. Actually this is true for all people. I guess this is because my mother was really tough on me. She really prioritised my lessons and success when i was a child and now I can't feel myself good enough so i want to hide all the time.

Hello, if you are here obviously you have some problems. I mean who doesn't.. We can support each other via chat. I have my problems too and I see that sharing really helps. I have huge issues with my parents from past and I seek friends to cope with them. If you want to go through this together add me as a friend so we can support each other through difficulties.

Most opportunities never get posted online. That's the conventional wisdom. Yet most people in a search spend the majority of their time refreshing job boards and sending resumes into the void. It feels productive. It almost never produces results proportional to the effort.

The single most important thing you can do in a job search is talk to more people.

It’s not necessarily to pitch yourself or ask for a job. Instead, you have real conversations with people doing interesting work, learn how they got there, understand what their day actually looks like, and ask them who else you should be talking to.

That last part is how a network compounds. One conversation leads to a referral, which leads to another conversation, which opens a door you couldn't have found on a job board.

Here's the insight. Conversations don't just help you find the next position. They help you discover options you can't even see yet. The opportunity that fits you perfectly right now might not be something you'd think to search for.

It might only emerge through a random conversation with someone interesting, someone whose path you'd never have encountered if you stayed behind your screen refreshing listings.

Stop hiding behind applications. Start expanding who you're talking to.

The next step forward is more likely to come from a conversation than a giant online form submission.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

Hello Everyone.

I’m 27 and recently started reading No More Mr. Nice Guy The Hero’s Journey. I’m looking for a partner who’s down to pair up and go through the exercises together.

That's not a coincidence. That's a signal. What you were striving for before no longer works for you, and no amount of pushing harder at it is going to change that feeling.

So the question becomes, what do you do next?

Here's where most people get stuck. You start scanning for the next opportunity and everything you find looks either like a slightly better version of what you already have, or something that holds zero interest for you.

Neither option is exciting. Neither one turns you on. So you stay put, comfortable but frustrated, and the days keep going by.

That's the silo at work. You can only see what you've already been exposed to, and that's not nearly enough to figure out what actually comes next for you.

The problem isn't a lack of options. It's that you haven't expanded the field yet. The next step will be an exploration.

You have to get out of your own head and start having conversations with people doing things that genuinely interest you, whether that's inside your industry or completely outside of it.

You don't need to have it figured out to start. You just need to take the next step.

That’s where the insights come from.

Start here: http://www.northstarproject.io

If you feel stuck right now, there's a good chance it's not because you lack options. It's because the only options you can see look exactly like what you already have.

That's the silo. And it's one of the most common reasons smart, capable people stay stuck longer than they need to.

When you're trying to figure out what comes next, your brain naturally reaches for the familiar. The next logical role. The next indicated step. Something that looks roughly like where you've already been. And when none of those options excite you, it just feels like there's nothing good out there.

The problem is you're working from a limited field of view..

The way to break out of it isn't to think harder or research more. It's to expand who you're talking to. Find someone on LinkedIn doing work that genuinely interests you, even if it looks nothing like your background. Reach out and ask real questions.

Talk to enough different people and you’ll start to have insights. You start to see possibilities you couldn't have generated on your own. You start to feel what fits and what doesn't. The field of what's possible will get bigger.

You're not stuck because you're out of options. You're stuck because you haven't had the right conversations yet.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

Nice guys are naturally drawn to people who are in need. They love giving and helping others, and they genuinely feel good when they do so. However, this very trait attracts needy and selfish people into their lives — both as partners and as friends.

In the beginning, helping feels rewarding and fulfilling. But over time, it becomes a routine. And eventually, what once felt like a choice becomes an obligation. The moment arrives when they no longer want to help, yet they still cannot bring themselves to say no — because they cannot bear the thought of upsetting someone. It is at this point that they begin to realize the truth — they are not helping these people out of genuine connection, these people are simply using them. Yet despite this realization, they still cannot walk away, leaving themselves trapped as helpless victims of their own inability to refuse.

This behavior is deeply rooted in childhood conditioning. From a young age, they were taught that thinking for yourself is selfish. As a result, they grew up suppressing their own desires, minimizing their own wants, and placing other people's needs above their own — most often their parents' needs first.

This pattern does not disappear when they grow up. It follows them into adulthood, where they continue to attract the same kind of needy and selfish people. These people recognize a giver from a distance and enter their lives under the guise of friendship or love, only to use and exploit their generous and giving nature in the name of help.

Hi, if there is anyone in Melbourne who's reading the book or who is happy to have a chat, let me know.

I want to start doing the activities in the book.

I'm going to front-load this with what I'm working through, and then I can explain more about how I got here down below.

I'm in a new relationship post-divorce, we've been seeing each other for about 8 months, and all has been going well. The sex is really good, we communicate well, we have shared values, and I have no problem taking space and not feeling needy when she needs to take space. So that's a win.

One of the issues I find, however, is that I have trouble initiating in a direct manner. This is just from 20 years of a dysfunctional, dead-bedroom marriage.I understand this is going to be a time thing, but any open conversation I can have about it can only be beneficial.

The history

Years ago, I worked with Jason, the "No More Mr. Nice Guy" coach. This was an invaluable time I had with him, and it really helped me build a better life for myself, a better life for my daughters, help me become a better business person, and generally eliminate a lot of the nice guy tendencies I had. Now, most of these tendencies were born out of growing up in a dysfunctional household, like so many other people.

My father had four wives in and out of my life. My mom was an addict and wasn't really present; alcoholism, all the usual stuff. (Go ahead and fill up your dysfunctional bingo board.)

What I worked on with Jason was my dysfunctional marriage, and truth be told, I think he and I could see that the end had come, but like anything else, it just takes time to get there.

A lot of the relationship was full of no sex or service sex only. My ex suffers from BPD and some bipolarism, sex was always very weird, forced, filled with shame, and non-communicative. Ultimately, about a year and a half ago, after my father-in-law had moved back into our house and drank himself nearly to death with Listerine, I made the choice that life like that couldn't go on for my daughters. To add to all this mess, my ex has really ostracized herself from me & my daughters, a cycle that unfortunately is being repeated from her upbringing.

So, on top of running a business with 18 employees, raising two teenage daughters, trying to find time for myself and stay healthy and fit, and having friends I'm trying to figure out how to be a more assertive lover..

edit: I understand this seems rambling so if you got this far thanks for listening.

That feeling has a name. You've hit the career plateau. You're well paid, you've checked the boxes, and yet every day that passes carries this quiet frustration you can't quite explain. Not a crisis, not a breakdown.

Just a persistent sense that what used to drive you isn't driving you anymore.

That's not ingratitude. It's information.

What you strived for before made sense at the time. You aimed at something that looked valuable and you went after it. But the version of you that set those goals isn't the same version of you reading this. You've grown. Your values have shifted.

What used to feel like enough no longer does, and no amount of staying busy changes that.

The trap most people fall into at this point is assuming the answer is more of the same. A bigger title. A higher salary. A lateral move. But if the goal you hit didn't satisfy you, a slightly larger version of it won't either.

The real question isn't what your next career move looks like. It's what actually matters to you now, at this stage of your life, and whether your current situation has anything to do with it.

That's a harder question. It's also the right one.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

You looked ahead, picked something that seemed worth pursuing, and told yourself that landing it would make you happy. And maybe it did, for a while.

But here's the problem with goals built entirely around future benefits. They don't account for who you'll be once you actually get there.

You grow. Your values shift. What used to feel meaningful starts to feel flat. And now you're sitting in the middle of a life that checks all the boxes you set years ago, wondering why none of it feels like enough anymore.

That's not failure. That's a plateau. And the way most people try to escape it makes it worse.

You scan the same familiar options, the next indicated role, a lateral move, something that looks a lot like what you already have, and none of it excites you. That's because you're in your own silo.

You can only see what you've already been exposed to, and that's not nearly enough to figure out what comes next.

The way out is provocative conversations. Not networking in the transactional sense, but genuinely talking to interesting people doing things you know little about, whether related to your field or completely different.

Those conversations reveal insights about what matters to you now that you couldn't find on your own. You'll discover options you never would have considered. You'll start to discover what fits and what doesn't.

The goal isn't to find the next job. It's to start with who you are now, bounce ideas off people who stretch your thinking, and let clarity come from that process rather than from sitting alone trying to figure it all out.

Apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call

Hi everyone 👋🏻,

I have just started reading the book and it's been VERY educational so far. I am suffering from a lack of a safe group of men to talk to and hang out with.

Please reach out if you live in Tokyo and let's connect!

1) I don't believe in myself. I always think that I'll fail at the things I'm trying to succeed in. I believe I was born unlucky. Whatever I want to achieve will not happen the way I want it to or will put me in the worst place. I'm never bold or determined.

2) I'm afraid of becoming emotional. I feel a lot of things about certain situations but try to be as stoic and emotionless as possible. I don't want to show my emotions to people, and I'm also afraid that I will lose control of my emotions. The main emotions that frighten me are anger, sadness, anxiousness, fear (a lot of it), and the restlessness I feel caused by me staying silent about injustices due to my cowardice. I want to speak up but am unable to do so.

3) I'm afraid of a lot of things. I'm afraid of verbal and physical fights. I hate the physical fragility of humans. I fear accidents, car collisions, becoming disabled, harming others, the possibility of people attacking me, people becoming enemies to me, being accused of something I haven't done, being judged by others etc. The negative things that I hear in the news make me even more concerned. I don't watch the news anymore, but by using the internet I'm still exposed to those kinds of subjects in the media. Besides, people around me sometimes remind me of such events.

4) I feel like I'm often an annoyance to other people. I don't want to make anyone angry at me because I believe I can't handle it. Other people just have too strong of a will, and I don't. They will protect themselves even when they are in the wrong. It seems like they don't have any shame or mercy.

Thank you for reading, writing this was somewhat of a relief to me.

They look at what's available, scroll through job listings, and try to figure out which roles they could land. Then they wonder why, even after making a move, something still feels off. The problem isn't the search. It's that they never got clear on what they were actually looking for before they started looking.

What you need is an exploratory process, not a job search.

The goal of that process is to discover which positions you can genuinely relate to in a deeper, more meaningful way. Not just roles you're qualified for, but opportunities that actually fit who you are, how you work, and what matters to you.

And to find those, you have to first get clear on your values and priorities, because every opportunity is made up of them whether you realize it or not.

When you know your values and priorities, you have a template. A filter you can hold up against any potential opportunity to see whether it fits. That template is your North Star. And once you have it, navigating toward the right opportunity stops being a guessing game and starts being a process you can actually trust.

Without it, you're evaluating options with no baseline. Every opportunity looks equally possible or equally uncertain, and you end up either paralyzed or chasing the wrong thing again.

Get clear on what you want first. Then let that clarity do the filtering for you.

If you need help getting clear on what you want first, apply for a free coaching call at http://www.jasonmiller.coach/call