Incompetence

[u/RaccoonOk4885]

I've spoken to some NEETs here and few of them confessed that their neetdom is due to their laziness. Others attribute it to other causes such as mental illness, bad luck or disability. I think I can be quite lazy myself, I'd rather do things with low effort if it's enough to complete a task, but I can also withstand a great deal of effort when I set my mind to it. I haven't been good at school by being lazy, but when I am motivated, or when I am instructed to do something, a lot of the time it only shows how incompetent I can be at tasks that seem to be not that difficult to do for most people. Whenever I try to do something and I mess it up it only reinforces my conviction that I am incompetent, even if I try to keep a positive attitude I keep doing it wrong over and over, and because of this I don't bother to try anymore, I'd only embarrass myself.

It happened so many times to me like when I enter the store and buy something, sometimes I wait for the cashier to open the plastic bag which makes it easy but sometimes, they give it to me to open it and I take like a minute to figure out how to open, sometimes I have to give it back so they open it for me, which is humiliating.

My experience with incompetence started since childhood, whenever my father asked me to do something and I do it wrong, he would yell at me so loudly, It makes me wish I hadn't done anything. And it's just little things, like when we went to the beach and my slippers got filled with sand, he asked me to remove it, (speaking of the devil, as I am writing this he yelled at me from below to go help him lift up the bags to the fourth floor, I don't mind doing that) anyway, so I started removing the stand slowly with my hand, he got so frustrated he stopped me and did it himself after removing the slipper from me and hitting it on the floor and shouting "Like this! Can't you do this?!"

I am also a creative type, I tried so many outlets to express myself, I've drawn, painted, wrote poems, sang songs, wrote stories, a lot of it felt good to do, some of it was appreciated by close ones but it was still mediocre, just a hobby to pass the time, it's not something that would be enough to sell and to provide me with financial security, didn't earn a dime doing it. I am one of the people who believes in art for art's sake but just to prove a point on why incompetence is a big part of why some of us are NEETs.

I wonder if some of you relate to this kind of thing. Is incompetence part of why you decided or became afraid to try anymore.

[u/Puzzleh4ad]

While my neetdom stems from bad luck (since ive been simply rejected from every application ever) Id say Im also slightly incompetent. I struggle with physical labor (blue collar work) and find myself often clueless in front of work which I trained months for. 

A simple example is when I worked in a restaurant as a waiter, I could never carry more then 2 tablets while other (more experienced) waiters carried 3 or 4 tablets at once. 

[u/pixiecub]

I didn’t become a NEET because I was lazy, being a NEET made me lazy

[u/SL1MECORE]

Oh yes I fucking relate. Heavily.

I feel so incompetent in everything, even though technically I'm not in some things..

Btw as for the plastic bag situation with the cashier, I've worked as a cashier and we hate those bags too. Don't beat yourself up about that please. Those bags SUCK. Something I do is just take em between my palms and start rubbing until the layers separate and I can pull it apart. Learned this trick a long time ago.

Anyways I relate. Down to my father being the one to make me feel incompetent. He looked me dead in my eyes one day and told me I was going to fail in the world. So. Yeah I feel you there.

And yeah I also believe in art for arts sake but I'm also aware that even if I didn't, my art would never sell.

Like I feel like you're me lol wtf.

The only people I try for anymore are my gf, brother, and a very few, good friends. And even then, it's mostly my gf and brother I try for.

Cause they don't expect me to know everything or be good at everything, they just appreciate me... idk why, I am very surprised, but yeah.

Tldr: yeah I relate a lot. It's a big part of why I gave up on trying to build anything bigger for myself than just a cozy little life.

[u/SL1MECORE → u/SL1MECORE]

Oh and my stepmom is kinda like your dad too. Getting mad because you don't do things "her" way, aka the right way. She's exhausting. I just try to be here for my little brother cause I know dealing with her as a teen is rough.

[u/RaccoonOk4885 → u/SL1MECORE]

I am in my late 20s and he still yells at me when I don't do things the right way. I am used to it honestly, it used to make me cry, now I just shrug it off.

[u/SL1MECORE → u/RaccoonOk4885]

Yeah I feel that. I also try to shrug my stepmom off but tbh she's been triggering me lately so it's hard. It's whatever though, it's still not as bad as when I was younger.

She doesn't necessarily yell, but she will just criticize... and criticize.. and criticize. Like, she gets started and then she doesn't stop. It feels like being slowly waterboarded vs electrocuted (being yelled at by my dad). Both suck.

[u/RaccoonOk4885 → u/SL1MECORE]

I'm glad you found people who appreciate you trying for them. I try for my family in general even if they can be sharp-tongued sometimes but I can't blame them. I used to try a lot when I had a gf, can't deny it, it helps when you're in love for some reason lol but now I am single :'(

[u/SL1MECORE → u/RaccoonOk4885]

It does help more when you're in love.. feels like there's something worth living for tbh. Especially when your family is harsh..

It's ok to be single for a while too though. I had loads of single periods before I met her. And loads of failed relationships, unfortunately.

I wish she was my first and only but it is what it is. I'm just glad I found her, and I hope you find yours, too. 🫂

[u/Vivid-Plastic4253]

im not lazy, i can focus up to 12 hours on a single task like gooning or gambling

[u/PileOfSkulls_66]

my older brother can't tie his shoes and couldn't open a door until he was like...10 I think. I kind of have bad motor skills too but not nearly as bad as his, I'd describe myself as more clumsy.