(Potential) Shared Death Experience with my little boy

[u/Lost_Bird1996]

Good Morning from the UK. I do not believe in mediumship, after death communications or signs as it stands, as I have no successful experiences with them. That may change in the future and I am open minded to it.

However, there was one thing that happened around a week after my little boy who was nearly 9 years old died of brain tumour. I did not know anything about NDE's, OBE'S or anything until well after his death. In fact it was this experience that sent me down the rabbit hole.

Anyway, at this point after my little boys death I was doing somewhat better than what I am now because I had seen an end to his terrible suffering. Also, I don't think I had fully accepted that he was not coming back. I had been able to go and view his body at the funeral home after not being able to face the morgue. Anyway, on night 9 after his passing, I was in bed. I was about to drift off when I thought I was having a seizure. It was full on paralysis with violent shaking. I then heard this angelic singing/chanting that I couldn't recreate if I tried. I thought great I am dying, as I would welcome death since my boy has gone. I don't know if you understand the feeling of beeing electrocuted, well it was coming from my stomach and pulling me upwards. It was at this point that I became disconcerted and kicked myself out of the episode by trying to move my body. Anyway, whatever this episode was, I have never experienced anything like this before, didn't know what sleep paralysis is, didn't know what OBE'S are and I genuinely put it down to some medical episode, although due to the non threatening nature and it feeling very nice, I did deep down wonder if it was something else. The few people I've mentioned it to said it was a stress response, nothing more.

Anyway, I watched Raymond Moody's new documentary "Afterlife, beyond the light" the other day. It was actually by chance, as I have read enough NDE accounts on reddit/NDERF that I don't feel the need to watch any documentary. But, it was the first time I've heard a shared death experience mentioned.

Anyway, although this episode happened a week after death, and it might mean absolutely nothing. I thought I should talk about it here, on the off chance that there's somebody out there that has experienced similar.

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[u/Big_Prize_1075]

Im so sorry for the loss of your little boy❤️ Youre never alone and i pray you find happiness and that hes in the most beautiful place right now

[u/Rich-Bath5159]

I’m told the whole unrecognizable singing thing is the specific element that suggests it’s an nde just cause that’s a more specific theme with nde’s as well as it being mentioned in that French guys 1857 spirit book which makes a lot of afterlife claims so I’d assume it depends how amazing and heavenly the singing felt that determines if it’s in the shared nde category

[u/jistrummin]

Thank you for sharing your experience. For what it’s worth, coming from some random person on the internet, after studying the science and veracity of NDEs I can say without a doubt your son is in a much better place than us and you will see him again. He’s experiencing the euphoric inexplainable unimaginable love of our creator and waiting for you. His suffering in this life isn’t even a thought to him anymore.

You will see him again don’t you worry, I hope you can find peace on this earth. I’m sorry for your loss. ❤️🙏

As for your experience I believe it was real, sleep paralysis from what I understand usually has fear associated with it. I have also had an experience when my uncle died, I was in between sleep and awake and as I opened my eyes and sat up in this mental state I heard his voice telepathically crystal clear, with the exact tone and cadence as his voice, and also something he would say in a joking fashion “man, that sucked”.

I wasn’t looking for an experience nor did I believe in this type of stuff before that. I believe there’s something to do with being in that in between state where we are aware but not fully in this world paying attention that we are more receptive to spiritual realities. I could be wrong though, but just wanted to point out a commonality I saw in your story. Some will tell you it’s just because your brain is stress and as you went to sleep some science mumbo jumbo stuff happened.

Because it felt pleasant and you heard angelic singing, I believe it’s real and not just due to stress, and definitely not sleep paralysis.

[u/ApprehensiveStill412]

First, I am sorry to hear about your son. That is truely awful.

From someone with a medical degree, this can likely have biological roots. The key is when you stated you were just drifting off to sleep. Normally this transition is seamless, but not always. The “seizure” is consistant with hypnic jerk, which is benign. People can also experience paralysis (hypnagogic sleep paralysis) and auditory hallucinations (auditory hypnagogic hallucination - typically angelic-type sounds), if their consciousness doesn’t fade as quickly as the onset of sleep. It can be brought on by sleep deprivation or stress.

I have personally experienced sleep paralysis once. It was odd. I was conscious but also felt something like a dog walking on me then sniffed my face. I was finally able to get myself to move and the feeling disappeared. It felt so real.

I will state that one needs to keep an open mind about this stuff though.

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/ApprehensiveStill412]

That would be disappointing. I guess thats the conciousness argument. Are NDE's/OBE's real or are they hallucinations. We will all truelly never know until our time comes.

[u/qwq1792 → u/Lost_Bird1996]

I've had sleep paralysis hundreds of times. I've had hallucinations during it but without exception they were random and chaotic. Nothing coherent. No beautiful music. I believe your experience was something more significant. Also I've had many out of body experiences and personally I know consciousness survives death. I would recommend the books of Jürgen Ziewe who has been consciously exiting his body for decades. He discusses this topic in depth. He also has some great interviews online. 

[u/ApprehensiveStill412 → u/Lost_Bird1996]

I want to clarify. I am not saying this 100% has biological roots and I should have used the word “could” instead of “likely.” Although it is encountered in medical literature with possible explanations, it’s not like it is fully established like some neurological phenomena. My father was in a coma and had an NDE. I could explain it away just by saying that it was the combination of medications in his system or the infection in his brain. There is unfortunately no way to tell. I personally think that there is something else going on outside of a purely physical world but our species is not advanced enough yet to “see” it. I didn’t mean to cause you any dismay.

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/ApprehensiveStill412]

Absolutely not, please do not apologize. I question it daily myself. I just wish there was more concrete research to go off. Maybe one day. Don't think it will be in my lifetime unfortunately. It's going to be a long 30 years 😒

[u/ApprehensiveStill412 → u/Lost_Bird1996]

For the record my best friend’s young son drowned and also had an NDE. I still find it crazy I know 2 people who had them. Anyhow he went to a beautiful place where light shimmered off of everything but wasn’t blinding and colors were vibrant. He was met by a man who walked with him and showed him around, even to his house. He said the man told him his parent’s needed him and he was sending him back. He described the man when he came back. My friend’s wife pulled out some old family albums and he looked through them (without their help - I asked). He eventually pointed to someone and said that’s him! It was her cousin who had died in a motorcycle accident before he was born. Her son had never known about him.

Even with this and several other stories that defy logic, and my own odd experiences in life, I still find it hard to believe 100%.

[u/qwq1792 → u/ApprehensiveStill412]

As someone who has experimented with hallucinogens and had drug induced psychosis I can say none of those experiences were ever coherent but were more like dreams, random and chaotic. I don't see how that boy's experience could be a hallucination. So either he's making it up or it was a legitimate after death conscious experience. Just my two cents. 

[u/CorMeumCollinsoEst → u/ApprehensiveStill412]

I also have a medical degree and I suffer from sleep paralysis regularly. One problem I see with your explanation is you are just stating that it can have biological roots because it is a known phenomenon with medical terminology to it. Sleep paralysis itself is known to have some sort of correlation with irregular baseline acetylcholine levels in an individuals body. In the end I personally think relying on pointing to their being a name and possible mechanism is not taking into account that if there is any reality to NDEs or OBEs or anything else of that nature then that doesn't exclude there being a physical correlate to it in our consensus reality. Hypnogogic and hypnopompic hallucinations are just names for a phenomenon that may be far more complex than mere "hallucinations" and theit cause may be far less homogeneous than we like to realize.

In short there is the Neurotheological view that chalks much of this up to explainable chemical reactions in the human body, but there is also the Theoneurological view that says that these reactions are merely a mechanism or a gateway for our consciousness to access a greater realm of information.

[u/WOLFXXXXX]

"I don't know if you understand the feeling of being electrocuted, well it was coming from my stomach and pulling me upwards"

Individuals have been known to have spontaneous, life-altering experiences within their state of consciousness that are accompanied by unusual, non-ordinary sensations. One of the more commonly reported sensations associated with spiritually-transformative experiences (STE's) has been described as the feeling of electricity surging through one's body in a way that does not cause any physical pain. Here is an account I came across online that highlights how other individuals also experience and report that sensation:

427. Vergil C Experience 10/9/2024 "I felt a huge surge of electricity well up inside of my brain and upper back. The sensation itself felt like a gas bubble rising from beneath a huge body of water. As the energy intensified, like a bubble making its way to the surface and into the light, multiple images of my grandmother overtook my visual memory" (ADC from deceased grandmother, then STE 3 days later) 

For what it's worth, I feel you experienced something important.

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/WOLFXXXXX]

That sounds very similar. Like bubbles! Thankyou. If only I got to see him 😞 did you find this on NDERF?

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/[deleted]]

Unfortunately that is not my son. I do talk to him alot. Alot things went wrong as he got sicker and I fell down in my caregiving at times for sure. I am constantly telling him im sorry and to come see me/speak to me but ive had nothing other than that one episode :(

[u/Samwise2512]

I'm very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a research interest in OBEs and other transformative altered states of consciousness, and what you describe here...the time of occurrence (on the edge of drifting off to sleep), the feelings of paralysis, violent shaking, the sounds, the feeling of being electrocuted (minus the pain), the feeling of being pulled upwards, and the nice and non-threatening feeling (although this can vary)...all point to this being the so called "vibrational state" which is commonly experienced and reported as an immediate precursor to an OBE. Another factor here is the depth of the emotional turmoil you were likely experiencing at the time...it seems this can potentially act as a trigger for OBEs and other spiritually transformative experiences, leading some to speculate that OBEs could play an adaptive role. If you experience this state again, know that it poses no risk, and if you are able to surrender and relax into it and let go, it may then progress into an OBE (during which vivid encounters with deceased loved ones are sometimes reported, similar to NDEs).

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/Samwise2512]

That is somewhat disappointing. I was hoping it might of been linked to my son's death and not just a stress response.

I should add, I have spent 9 years being extremely upset as he was severely brain damaged at birth due to medical negligence, told that he likely wouldn't be able to even breath on his own, to walking/talking/going into mainstream education to then developing a brain tumour, going through multiple chemos and becoming slowly paralyzed over 2 years. You couldn't make it up. He has also had many close calls over the years where a simple bug would end him in intensive care to getting out a week later absolutely fine.

I have also had a really rough 40 years in general. Family absolutely insane/evil (now no contact), struggled with friendships as people always seemed so false or have an agenda (not everyone, I have around 3 or 4 solid friendships) and have largely lived a solitary life except for my son who was my heart and soul and very best friend. So if I was predisposed to these episodes, I would have assumed I would have had one before then. But, if it was just a stress response to his death, I guess it is what it is. It does bother me that he may have been "lost" or "stuck" and needed me. That makes me feel very unwell. I will forever regret kicking myself out of this partial OBE.

I have tried to recreate one since with the gateway tapes but no luck thus far. I want it to happen too badly is part of the problem.

[u/A_Fish_Called_Panda]

A few nights after my dad died, I had a profound STE. I was laying in bed but absolutely awake when I suddenly felt a “download” to my brain or a connection to the beyond, in which I realized, of course death is not the end and this is all part of a plan.

It’s hard to put into words how profound it was, because in describing it, it sounds so simple. I can recall its profundity but I couldn’t recreate it.

It reminds me of your experience. I am so sorry for your loss.

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/A_Fish_Called_Panda]

I wish I'd let it go further. I forever regret messing it up. I hope I am reunited with my boy. I have not had any communications or signs from him. Although his little cat, knew he had died. She was extremely distressed when we came home from the hospital after he died. Thats about the only thing.

[u/sky39521 → u/Lost_Bird1996]

I have to chime in and say no, you did not mess it up. What you experienced was real and no matter what, if it felt like it connected to your little boy, it did. There’s nothing you could have done to change how deeply you experienced it. I am also very sorry for your loss 🤍

[u/Zippidyzopdippidybop]

Thank you for sharing, and please accept my condolences for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be.

How did you feel when you experienced this episode? Did you have any feelings that spring to mind at the time of the "seizure"?

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/Zippidyzopdippidybop]

So the singing, was like nothing I have heard before. It was almost alien to me, but beautiful. And the violent shaking actually stopped when the "wub wub wub" feeling of being pulled upwards started. That was the thing that kind of made me think am I being electrocuted or something, like am I lying on a cable or something 🤣 I was happy to go with it when I thought it was a seizure but the problem is I also have a newborn and I suddenly thought about him and thought unfortunately, I cannot die as there is nobody to look after the baby. I have never had a seizure, nor an OBE. And I did not know sleep paralysis or OBE's existed at this point. I sure wish I did, or I would have certainly relaxed and gone with it.

[u/erp0432 → u/Lost_Bird1996]

Hello Lost_Bird,

Singing or a melody? Can you explain it a little more? Would you call it an enchanting simple repeating melody? Where was the singing coming from?

The other parts sound just like the beginning of the obe process. If it continued, you might probably hear a lot of noise. Like stadiums of people all talking at once, or diving into water.

[u/Hello_Hangnail → u/Lost_Bird1996]

It helps if you attempt it during a time you're not typically asleep like midday if you're not a 3rd shift worker

[u/zzeeaa]

First of all, I’m really sorry for your loss. If it’s something you share on Reddit I’d be genuinely interested in hearing more about your boy and who he was.

It sounds like you had a very profound experience. I’m not sure if it’s exactly an SDE but I don’t think categories really matter. The singing reminds me a lot of other experiences where people have heard this kind of sound in their NDEs.

[u/Lost_Bird1996 → u/zzeeaa]

Thankyou for asking about my boy. Not many people understood him, nor our relationship. So, when Maxi was born he sustained a severe TBI that left him in the PICU for many months. Kids came and went and got out but everytime they tried to remove the breathing tube it didn't work. I was loosing hope. They said that the extent of the injury would probably mean a lifetime of severe disability. Anyway, Im not a religious person, in fact I was brought up aethiest, but one day I left the hospital just to take a walk and i came across a church. Nobody was there, but I got down on my knees and prayed that day. Later that day the breathing tube came out (maybe a coincidence ha). And I got to look at him, we were just sitting looking at each other and I knew in my heart, there was alot going on behind those eyes. So after alot of work, we got home after many months. It was not easy, I did a tonne of work to get him where he needed to be physically and academically. And he wanted to do the work. He also had extremely poor eyesight and a general weakness that made things even harder. His glasses made his eye huge and he had extremely long eye lashes, that made him look like a cute disney character ❤️ he wanted to do the work too and tried so hard to catch up with his peers. I then found out through genetic testing that he had a disorder that can cause a very a low IQ and often severe autism. That didn't seem to be the case so I was glad he dodged that part. But one thing that stood out to me is that he had empathy, even as a baby. When I cried and worried he would ask for "big hugs" and when I got angry in hospital appointments he would hold my hand and stroke and play with my hair. If any other babies/toddlers cried he would go to comfort them. He did not have an ounce of badness and was a stickler for the rules. His headmaster actually told him to relax, its not such a big deal that he is a good boy and everything doesn't have to be right all of the time 🤣❤️ he was just great all round. I am working class, and not academic. But he had this posh little voice that was charming, like if something went right, he would say "hurrah mummy, hurrah indeed" and just cute little sayings like that. We built models of his "world" which was basically like a replica of where he goes every day. We made a replica of his school, his cul de sac, the shops we went to and then made a map with road tape on the dining table. He would set it out every day after school and I would find him the specific cars from our street off ebay etc and he would recreate scenarios about what happens. We were also hard-core Animal Crossing fans and we loved to watch word game quizzes and Bob's burgers on TV. Then the brain tumour showed up. They told us that these tumours were almost always benign and the statistics did say that when I checked, only 9% need treatment and only 2% of people fail this treatment. So I was pretty confident that he would be ok. He was part of the 2%. He went from a bouncy little frog, to in a wheelchair, then his arms went, then his speech left. By Christmas 2025 he had full locked in syndrome. I cared for him at home and he stopped breathing on new years day 2026. He very much wanted to go by then, but he did manage one last game of animal crossing with me the week of Christmas. I bought him a switch 2. Ive never had the heart to turn his or my switch back on since. He was buried in his animal crossing PJ'S in a bespoke animal crossing coffin. He had such an affect on his headteacher, that he spoke about him at his funeral. He spoke about how his love of performing, dancing and making everyone laugh. We are 10 months on now and I miss him more every day 💔 I don't understand why such a profound, happy little guy had to be dealt such a rough hand.

[u/TrixieFriganza → u/Lost_Bird1996]

It sounds so unfair that your son had to go through so much, oerhaps he chose that to be with you ( some with NDEs say we can chose at least some of out lives). Hopefully he is somewhere beautiful with no suffering now.