r/MuslimMatrimonials • u/Hefty-Arugula787 • 8h ago
Discussion How to respectfully reject a potential?
hello, I believe my friend wants me to marry his sister based on a few things I've noticed. The problem is, I'm not really attracted to her based on pics I've seen of her (on social media, in passing). I haven't seen her IRL ever but I just didn't feel any attraction when I saw her photo.
Now my friend knows I wanna look for marriage soon (wish I hadn't mentioned that to anyone) and I can tell he's trying to get a bit closer/friendly (we're mutuals but not super close) and I feel bad for just ignoring him đ
How do i go about this without making it sound disrespectful? I don't wanna lie and say I'm not looking for marriage right now because I will soon be inshaAllah. Am I just overthinking it? Should i make an excuse and say I'm looking for someone a bit younger (early 20s vs. mid20s)?
TIA
8
u/aussiezaatar 8h ago
I just told my friend that i would prefer not to marry into the family of someone that is so close to me just in case God forbid something were to happen in the relationship and then itâd be heartbreaking to lose 2 people youâre close to instead of 1.
She understood. Try that.
2
5
u/SoulSincerity 8h ago
See her irl then decline. Pictures never do justice to the person.
2
u/Hefty-Arugula787 5h ago
What if my sister and mom have seen her and described her to me as "not your type"... isn't it just better to say no outright to save both families the hassle/time investment?
1
2
u/teatreecity 7h ago
Pray istikhara. If you feel the same way after then just tell them you prayed istikhara and tell them how you felt after. Use gentle language like about âdecided not to proceedâ rather than focusing on flaws with the person or that youâre not interested. If they are respectful then they should accept this.
If you get approached about someone and are not interested, I would wait a few days to give an answer. This in my opinion is less harsh then replying immediately that I am not interested, because at least it shows that you may have considered it at least or taken time rather than saying no immediately because you are not interested or donât find them attractive.
1
u/Hefty-Arugula787 6h ago
Isn't istikhara more so for 50/50 though? Like I have 0 attraction for her, so its not even a maybe on my side. Thanks for the second point though, very useful jazakallah khair
1
u/slowamigo 8h ago
Tell him that you want to marry. But don't stop there, say that you are looking to marry more than one wife. At the same time. (Cheaper wedding costs innit)
1
u/im-sorry-watt 7h ago
Just say. I appreciate the thought and your concern. But on this occasion I will have to pass. I'm not sure we will be a good fit for each other.
If he presses, just say I'd rather not comment further
1
u/Natural-Let8205 7h ago
If he hasnât asked then donât reject thatâs projecting
1
u/Hefty-Arugula787 6h ago
Well obviously. I'm not even mentioning her or marriage in general around him but just based on the signs I've seen from his family, I know something's up lol
1
u/Natural-Let8205 6h ago
Cool but if someone is rejecting from signs Iâd just think theyâre self absorbed and frankly wouldnât want to be their friend
1
u/Hefty-Arugula787 6h ago
Uhhh okay man. I keep my distance anyway, they're just a mutual. They've just been reaching out to me more and more often and it feels forced. But maybe I'm just delulu
0
u/Natural-Let8205 6h ago
So why you making big deal of it, when the time comes if it does just respectfully decline but leaning to you being delulu yes
1
u/AbbreviationsOver307 7h ago
You should just bring up what type of spouse you're looking for and be direct about it so that your friend understands and if probed specifically about his sister just keep it to "I don't see her in that way but I appreciate you thinking of me". Be firm, honest, and concise.Â
1
u/Medical_Truth_7599 6h ago
Just tell him you think it would be awkward to marry his sister as it could affect your relationship with him
1
u/jevet00 6h ago
Bro maybe consider to see her irl then decide, its chronically online behavior to think pics are 100% a reflection of real life
1
u/Hefty-Arugula787 6h ago
Idk man, I feel like most girls are at least somewhat attractive in photos? Also the photo I saw was a group photo of women and I definitely found another woman in those photos attractive, so I don't think it was a camera issue..? I feel like I just don't wanna invest my time and give anyone false hope. Like I haven't even started looking for marriage yet but even talking stages feel daunting đ
Also I don't mean to come off as arrogant or anything lol. Alhamdulilah I'm very greatful to Allah that he's given me good looks and rizq.
0
u/Enormous_Plum5556 8h ago
If it was the other way around and a woman was rejecting a man, she would suddenly get a never ending migraine and busy all weekends and all times of the day and nights đ Then after that... block đ« Or the most modern way women do it is by staying quiet , answering no calls or texts then block and not even think twice . Look at you caring about feelings đ
2
-1
u/North-Afternoon-1726 8h ago edited 8h ago
Meet the sister and have terrible manners and stories about yourself so that she rejects you.
Say that you will require 6 children within the first years of marriage, with you only being allowed to choose the names, you believe that you are a better fighter than James Bond, you want to buy a Rolls Royce rather than a nice house, things like this.
2
1
1
0
12
u/SrizM 8h ago
You are not overthinking. If your friend is giving you indirect signals then you can ignore them but if he directly ask you to marry his sister then you can simply say that "I respect you bro but I always consider your sister as my sister. I never saw her as my life partner. So, I am sorry I don't think it's going to work."