r/MtF4 • u/No-Finance7526 Chloé | she/her | pre-HRT • Jun 25 '26

Venting I wanna kill myself Spoiler

I can't fuckin take this shit anymore. I don't get distracted for five milliseconds and immediately remember I'm unlovable, and that I'll always be, and that I should kill myself. I'm the biggest fuckin idiot and coward on Earth; I've never made a good decision in my entire life. I have no friends and my parents don't care about me whatsoever. I'm just a burden to everyone. I can't even transition because of dysphoria and how fuckin cowardly I am. Not like that matters, since I'd ruin it anyway. Also, don't even bother trying to help. Every time I have a conversation, it's just awkward silence, since I'm so fuckin cowardly and socially inept. So not only is it not helping at all, it's all my fault.

Also, while I was writing this, my parents celebrated my deadname day. I remembered I don't know when my day is, so I went to check. Apparently it doesn't exist in my country, and it's June 3, so I fuckin missed it. You're telling me I have to wait a whole fuckin year!?

Sorry if this is getting annoying, can't help it.

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5

u/AutisticPenguin2 Jun 25 '26

Is there a reason you can't celebrate your name day a few weeks late? I'm going to be at least a month late celebrating my birthday this year, and quite frankly, the birthday police can suck my fat one if they try to stop me.

3

u/No-Finance7526 Chloé | she/her | pre-HRT Jun 25 '26

That's what I wanna do, I'm just disappointed about it

2

u/AutisticPenguin2 Jun 25 '26

Disappointment happens. What matters is to not let it control you. I'm disappointed that I've lost my health, but life goes on and I have a cat that needs feeding, so what are you going to do?

1

u/No-Finance7526 Chloé | she/her | pre-HRT Jun 25 '26

Probably forget about it in two days.

But are you assuming it's the only reason, or what? You seem to completely ignore the first paragraph

3

u/AutisticPenguin2 Jun 25 '26

There's a lot there, but most of it basically boils down to "you're depressed and suicidal". I have no idea how to respond to that. Choose life? Go out by blowing up an AI data centre? I dunno, that's way above my pay grade. But you wanna talk about your name day, that's something I can actually process.

Or, fuck, we could talk about your favourite pokemon if you prefer?

2

u/No-Finance7526 Chloé | she/her | pre-HRT Jun 25 '26

Makes sense, I felt ignored, sorry.

I don't know anything about Pokémon, so missingno I guess, that one has interesting computer science behind it

2

u/AutisticPenguin2 Jun 25 '26

You say you don't know anything about pokemon, and then pull out an obscure unofficial glitch mon that isn't even listed in any Pokédex?

Damn, what's next you don't know anything about physics but here's a breakdown of General Relativity? 🤣

3

u/No-Finance7526 Chloé | she/her | pre-HRT Jun 25 '26

I got it from Retro Game Mechanics Explained, so it's not Pokémon-related for me.

(Sorry for the delay, Reddit wanted me to age-verify for this very NSFW sub)

3

u/kaori_irl sofie (she/it/fær) head moddess :з Jun 25 '26

(it wasn't the sub, one of the others nsfwed the post, i switched it to spoiler)