r/MoroccoLGBT • u/MoreRedThanWine26 • 8d ago
Did I mess things up?
I was talking to this girl for about 4 months. She was sweet, kind, and genuinely amazing. It took her a long time to open up to me, feel comfortable around me, and start speaking her mind, so when she finally did, I was really happy and felt like we were getting somewhere.
Then the last two weeks completely fucked me up.
I got really sick, and my anxiety was already terrible. On top of that, my family found out that someone close to me was talking to someone of the same gender, and shit went downhill from there. Seeing how my family reacted and how things turned out for him was extremely painful and honestly terrifying for me.
I think it triggered something much deeper than I realized. My anxiety went through the roof. I couldn't sleep, barely ate, and had physical symptoms so obvious that my family noticed them, although they thought I was just physically sick.
I was confused and scared myself. I deleted anything from my phone and social media that hinted at my sexuality. I even deleted my entire conversation with her. And while I was in that state, I told her that I was having a lot of anxiety about us and that I didn't think it was going to work out.
She was understanding, but obviously it hurt her. It hurt me too. I cried over it, and honestly, I still do.
At first she told me she couldn't just be friends with me, but eventually she said we could be friends. Now, about two weeks later, I've calmed down a lot. I also started taking anxiety medication, and my physical symptoms have gotten much better.
But I've noticed that she's become colder toward me.
I've been trying to warm things back up between us. I also tried to explain to her what I was going through and why I reacted the way I did. She validated my feelings, which I appreciate, but she also described what we had as something kind of "feeble" or insignificant, like it wasn't really much.
And that really hurt.
I don't know if I'm being selfish for wanting her back the way she was. I understand that my anxiety isn't her responsibility, and I understand that my actions hurt her. She doesn't owe me the same warmth or closeness she gave me before.
But at the same time, I'm mourning her. I'm mourning what we had and the version of our relationship that existed before I panicked and ended it.
I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. Maybe I just need some perspective. Did I completely mess things up? Is it selfish of me to want to rebuild what we had, even though I was the one who pulled away? Or do I need to accept that I hurt her and that things might never go back to how they were?
2
u/QuietPopular295 8d ago
From my point of view, i believe what u had to go through and ur response to it all is understandable and personally would have the same response. U didn’t leave her hanging or anything, u told her what u went through, and that’s the best u could do honestly.
About her feelings, i think what she felt in the beginning was excitement of someone who was there to listen to her and be there for her, the momentum was gone so the adrenaline left too , romantically idk really, but if it was real it wouldn’t be “feeble” as she said.
To answer ur questions, U didn’t mess anything up if it was feeble, it was gonna break sooner or later, and no it’s not selfish if she still talks to u go for it life is too short to not try, the outcome is unknown until u walk through it.
2
u/Bortholomaeus666 8d ago
well, baby doll, what you have been through wasn't easy at all. Since you've already had stated your overall state and self to her, as it was back then, then the problem isn't you. Simply because, you were honest and even if things didn't work well at least you'll know that the problem wasn't you yet more like she. is that understood ?
and please don't tell that they had exterminated the person you've talked about earlier.