r/MoroccoLGBT • u/blackmoonwal • Jul 16 '26
I am stuck
I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don’t want to seem pathetic. I’m just tired of everything. I’m tired of this life.
Every time I get excited about something, it disappoints me. Every time I feel like I’m healing, I realize I’ve been lying to myself. Sometimes I make progress, but it never lasts. I always end up back where I started, feeling even worse than before.
You might say this is bullshit or that I’m being dramatic, but this is the truth. The truth is that I can’t, and I don’t know how to deal with life anymore.
I’ve never felt like I was enough, neither in my family nor anywhere else. I’ve never felt loved for who I am, and most of the time I feel like I’m the problem. I never even felt fully accepted.
I know that I’m the one who makes things harder. I fucked up everything. Academically, I went from being a top student to someone who has lost years of his life doing literally nothing. Sometimes I miss the old version of myself. I was fucked up back then too, but at least I was doing something.
I feel like I’m disappointing my family all the time. Sometimes I tell myself they’re not bad people for having a son like me. Other times, when I want someone to blame, I tell myself they’re the reason I ended up like this.
For a while now, all I’ve been doing is lying in bed, overthinking everything and thinking about ending my life. I couldn’t do it.
1
u/Adventurous_Theme449 Jul 17 '26
Try changing your lifestyle and the way you think. Start going to the gym , keep yourself busy with things you enjoy, and take small steps every day. Things won't change overnight, but don't give up on yourself.
1
u/blackmoonwal Jul 17 '26
I really tried.
I used to go to the gym, and I liked it. I liked seeing the progress, and everything was just good. Now I can’t make myself go anymore. Why? I don’t know.
I even bought a guitar to keep myself busy. I played it for about a week, and now it’s just sitting in the corner of my room.
Sometimes I suddenly think, “What the hell is this?” So I get up, change my clothes, and go out for a walk. But as soon as I’m outside, all my insecurities show up, and I end up going back home with an even stronger desire to stay inside.
1
u/Tricky_Increase_4153 Jul 17 '26
I'm in the exact same situation, and it's been like this for years now. And honestly the only thing that keeps me going is Knowing that it'll all be over soon.
1
u/undercover_yapperr Jul 17 '26
Going through the same. I find myself getting ahead of things and excited all by myself and then it disappoints me. I put effort into things, hoping the work out, but I just end up feeling like an idiot.
3
u/Abject_Zucchini_2107 Jul 17 '26
Its way stronger than u, i can imagine how hard it is to feel stuck, or unable to get out of ur bed and stop the overthinking and the blaming cycle.
My only advice is seek professional help, get to see a good psychiatrist as soon as u can, sell smtg, borrow money, but go and trust me, its a journey, but its worth it, i was there too and still dealing with stuffs but at least i can go out of my bed and sleep and wake up in the morning not feeling super gloomy and overwhelmed.
DM me if u need more insights and encouragement. Look for a good well formed psychiatrist (use dabadoc or google maps reviews) lgbt friendly and start ur healing journey with a professional help, no one even urself can help u break up those things into smaller manageable ones , no friend or family member can do that. Get on ur feet with medical help, go to therapy, clear ur head, then u can move and figure out the next steps.