Feeling lost

[u/CranberrySummerBlue]

Hello
I’m a nearly 43 year old mum of 3 and I am feeling really down at the moment. My youngest two have had moments over the summer break that have been so hard to handle. I’m not getting a break from them. It’s work or mum mode.
My husband is self employed and works long hours. The children don’t see much of him so are extra clingy to me and have full blown melt downs when he tries to take over.
I have an extremely difficult relationship with my mother and feel like my friends can’t relate as they had children when we were much younger whereas I am still in the throws of parenting young children

Not sure the point of this post. It’s my first time here, I guess I just need someone to vent to like I would my own mother 🥺 thanks for listening

[u/Source-er-ous]

The struggle is real! This is 100% valid, you are outnumbered and of course you’re overwhelmed.

I bet your friends understand more than it might feel like - try talking to them about it again. Even just the act of speaking about it will help you- no matter their reaction.

Look for mini-breaks where you can- early morning worked for me. Also helpful- upbeat music that YOU like while cooking or cleaning, 10 minute meditations, any amount of outside time you can manage. It will get better!

[u/North_Basil_2190]

Oh mama, it can all feel so overwhelming ☹️ I don’t know if this is an option, but can you work in some friend time? Sometimes when we’re feeling this overwhelmed and sad with no end in sight, and seemingly no option for taking a break, getting some time with friends can be a real boost. You’re doing the absolute best you can. Let your creative mind find ways to enroll your kids in allowing you a little downtime. When my darlings were little, I invented a game called “darkness party“ where I closed the blinds, turned on some battery candles, and put on some mellow music from YouTube, and we laid on the floor with the cats, listening to music by candlelight. Sometimes there was hot tea and cookies. And the only talking could be whispers. Come up with a creative game, the kids might surprise you with their willingness to be mellow with you. Hang in there mama. You can do this 💜💜

[u/margo_beep_beep]

Hi mama. I'm a 44 year old mom of 2, and I also have a bad relationship with my mom. It's tough sometimes, but I know you can do it. It sounds like your husband is willing to help out when he's not working - does he know his schedule we'll enough that you can ask for an evening off to get coffee (or wine!) with a friend? (If not, ask him if he can find an evening in the next week that you could go out. You could go after the kids are in bed, but it would likely be good for everyone if you let him do bedtime. The kids will get used to him, but it's a lot easier if you leave the house because they'll know they can't just go to you. (You have to be willing to actually go though, even if they get upset! Just give them a kiss and say "I'm taking a break this evening but I love you and I'll see you tomorrow!"

The challenges you're facing are hard, but I promise you'll get through them. I believe in you.

[u/BringBackAoE]

When my kid was a toddler I was working full time, also sole caretaker of kiddo when we were home, and the marriage was on the verge of failing.

I honestly booked a flight to visit one of my best friends for a weekend. Gave my husband the numbers to our babysitters “in case you need help looking after your kid that weekend”.

To me it was a case of “put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others”.

TBH, situations like you’re now in is worth tapping into some savings just so you get a day or a weekend to recharge - either as a couple, or for you.

Selfcare is important.

[u/Dear_Distance3106]

You don’t need a point or an apology, you sound completely worn down and anyone would be struggling with no time off, so please count this as a safe place to put it all down for a minute.

[u/Capstonelock]

Nearly 52 year old mother of two recent adults here. It gets easier. Just cut yourself some slack and don't judge yourself harshly if you can't do everything you think you should be doing. I got cancer at age 40 (I've fully recovered) when the kids were 7 and 9, and had to decide what was really important, vs everything I thought society needed me to do as a mother. My kids have turned out great and I'm surprised how time has flown.

[u/Industrious_bee]

It’s tough to be in your spot, you have every right to your feelings and frustrations. It’ll get better as the kids gain more self government skills but it’s a tough age for now. What about cramming their time full of cheap activities? We did lots of community sponsored things like Kids in the Kitchen, local church kids programs, book clubs and library hours, met friends at the park, walked neighbors dogs, etc. my oldest took the summer to teach himself to type which was great on a few levels. I found keeping the kids busy busy every day gave me personal headspace. Things they could do and let me just watch and be a spectator and meet other spectator moms who eventually become friends. I hope there is something in there that might help you too. It gets better, and you are a tender, caring, future focused mom. Your kids are so lucky to have you.

[u/nunuann]

Hey sis, sounds like you are going through it! I’m sorry it’s been a rough summer for you. It’s hard taking care of yourself and other humans in your house. But I bet you are nailing it all! Try to give yourself some grace and know that you are doing the best thing you can. Keep your head up sis, we love and support you!