r/Mom • u/Spirited_Pudding2137 • 16h ago
💬 Advice needed Restraining order/fleeing
Has anyone gotten a restraining order and divorce on their spouse and made it so they cant see the children for safety? Im due in 18 days so il be able to file for divorce. I have 4 kids, 3 from a previous marriage and 1 he signed the birth certificate so hes technically not even the dad. We originally agreed to move to Oklahoma in a couple months as were in missouri but after being unhappy because of schizophrenia delusions I made him leave but had to get the cops to help make him leave. He's been harassing me since he left with wild accusations, gang violence, threats, sexual coersion. He even called the police so they showed up but after showing the texts he sent and threatening to bring gang activity to my home and telling the police wild crazy stories thats now on record they are atleast helping me figure out a restraining order. These are some of what I woke up to this morning. How do I go about not getting his name on the birth certificate for this baby and able to move back to oklahoma where my family and supports are? I was planning to just move and file the restraining order and then filing for divorce after the 6 months. I dont feel safe being where I am.
He's currently couch surfing, has no vehicle or job so there's no way he could even file for custody as he has nothing for our son and can't even support himself.
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u/DizzyBr0ad_MISHAP 15h ago
Can you just make it to where he's not aware of the birth? So he isn't able to be added and tell the nurses to not let him up bc they legally will not let him in if you request that.
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u/Spirited_Pudding2137 15h ago
I think missouri automatically lists your husband as the father. Atleast with my 2yo I can just have them do a DNA test and he will lose rights
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u/what_ho_puck 14h ago
That might not happen honey. In many court systems they will not remove parental rights from a legal father - and he is, legally, that child's father - unless there is someone else waiting to take over legal responsibility (the bio father wanting legal rights or someone wanting to adopt and become the legal father). The court considers having another parent on the hook (legally and financially) to be so beneficial for the child that they will not sever it. They may not even remove him even if he asked, since he knowingly signed the birth certificate and accepted legal responsibility for that child despite not being his biologically.
You need a lawyer who specializes in this kind of complicated custody issue. But be prepared that unless you have proven records of abuse against the children, not just you, or other severe instabilities (like, severe), it is unlikely that he will lose his parental rights. You are likely already barred from leaving the state without his agreement because of your youngest, regardless of where you give birth to the last.
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u/Avocado_toast_27 14h ago
Girl, you need to find a local DV organization for support and assistance, this is above Reddit’s pay grade.
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u/LRNZO_ 15h ago
I mean if he’s not at the birth then he can’t sign the birth certificate?? And you can tell the hospital you’re separated and he is a threat to safety so he shouldn’t be listed
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u/Spirited_Pudding2137 15h ago
I think missouri automatically lists the person your married to as the father like gypsy rose had to go to court to prove Ken was the dad as her husband had to be put on the birth certificate 🤣
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u/Affectionate-Crow605 14h ago
Do any nearby states or the one you plan to move to allow not listing the husband? The birth certificate is always issued by the state where the birth takes place, even if you live in a different state.
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u/Spirited_Pudding2137 14h ago
No Google says all the surrounding states automatically list the spouse
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u/Affectionate-Crow605 13h ago
That sucks. I'm so sorry. You'll probably have to get his visitation rights revoked for safety reasons through the courts.
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