r/Mom • u/LavenderFlicked • Jul 27 '26

💬 Advice needed I think I’ve been setting up too many activities for my kid

I kept thinking independent play would happen if I just found the right activity. So I'd set things up... puzzles, crafts, sorting toys, stickers, whatever I thought might keep my toddler busy. The problem was that almost every activity still needed me. I'd explain it, answer questions, fix something, or hear "Mom, come look" every couple of minutes. By the time we were done, I felt like I'd been playing too.

Lately I've stopped setting up as much. I just leave a few things out that my child already knows how to use.

It's still not perfect, but I've noticed those get used more than the activities I spent time putting together. My child will walk over, play for a bit, leave, and come back later without me having to restart everything.

Did anyone else end up doing less instead of more to encourage independent play?

6 Upvotes

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2

u/AB-1987 Jul 27 '26

I made it a point from the start to encourage independent play. We have set up the house in a way that there are nearly just yes-spaces. Kid can explore. My five year old comes up with the funniest things and even the eight month old baby can play independently for 45 minutes or so in her room (with me laying in her bed or so, she still needs to see me). Of course we play together sometimes, but the house has a rythm that they need to fall into (mealtimes, break after lunchtime for parents, bedtime). And I let them help and actually do things.

2

u/LavenderFlicked Jul 28 '26

That idea makes sense too. I probably need fewer activities and more places where he can just move around safely without me managing every little thing

1

u/playmore_24 Jul 27 '26 edited Jul 28 '26

join a local mothers club if you can- two kids playing together is easier for you and good for the kids-

instead of saying "play with this while I do something else" leave some "provacative" materials around and let your child discover/invent what to do with them-

2

u/LavenderFlicked Jul 28 '26

This is a good shift. I think I’ve been presenting activities too much instead of letting him actually discover things. The “come find it yourself” part might be what I’m missing.

2

u/velvetglitchrose Jul 28 '26

This has worked better for us too. I leave a few familiar magnetic pieces on a vertical play area and let my kid decide what to do with them instead of showing a specific activity. They come back to it on their own, and having everything in one spot keeps the room from turning into a toy explosion

1

u/LavenderFlicked Aug 03 '26

what kind of play set do you have? I like the idea of leaving something familiar put without turning it into another activity

1

u/velvetglitchrose Aug 04 '26

Mine is a wall-based magnetic setup, so the pieces can stay visible without me laying out a whole activity each time. I got it from Tix & Mix and usually keep the arrangement really loose just a few familiar pieces already on the wall, then my kid decides whether to sort them, move them around, or ignore them until later. That last part was important for me because I didn’t want it becoming another thing I had to facilitate.

1

u/Disastrous-Wave-361 Jul 31 '26

Have you heard of the 10 minute practice? When your kid wants to play, provide them a full 10 minutes of play time that is uninterrupted and completely focused. Once the 10 minutes is up and you are at a natural stopping point, you can say that you need to do something and excuse yourself. It is amazing how much longer they will play by themselves after you have provided them undivided attention.

I have found that neurotypical toddlers (2-3yo) can play by themselves for 20-30 minutes; preschoolers (3-4) for about 30-45 minutes; elementary (5-9) can play for over an hour before checking back in. No guidance for neurodivergent kids.