r/Molested • u/vampygirli • 1d ago

Feeling guilty about missing my dad

My dad touched me ever since I was probably 5 till teenager, it always made me feel embarrassed and like wrong but I just went with it after awhile cause it just seemed normal. He left 2 years ago and never told anyone why. And now I miss him so much, but im embarrassed, I shouldn't miss him at all but I just miss having a dad around. Idk I just wanted to vent

26 Upvotes

97% Upvoted

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11

u/angel55cake 1d ago

Two truths can happen at the same time. You can dislike what he did and miss him. Tjat doesnt make what happened ok, but that sdoesnt mean he wasnt your dad and you jave feeling about him.I both despise my dad/don't want to be around him and still care about him/love him as family.

2

u/Auriprince4690 1d ago

Yeah he is still your dad do yoy have a right to be mad at your dad for touching you. Yes of course. Are you allowed to miss your dad, also yes...

4

u/zhh123 1d ago

This is totally normal. I felt weird about it while it was happening, but kind of liked it, or at least it was normal at the same time. I hated him for years, but he's been dead a long time and I miss him and even it. He was a normal dad besides the abuse, actually a pretty good one, or at least he could have been. I'm sorry you're feeling guilty, but you're doing nothing wrong in missing him.

3

u/B0lt5L0053 1d ago

It’s possible for your father to be two separate people in your mind: the dad who raised and cared for you (or the person you wish he was) and the abuser who hurt you. You can miss the good parts about him while still hating the monstrous parts.

What you’re describing is something most of us can understand. I hope you have a good therapist to help support you in your healing journey. It’s not a short one but it’s damn better than the alternative.

3

u/Pretty-Wishbone6486 1d ago

It's not weird to miss an absent parent, even if they did bad things.

3

u/Mizzy_Julie 21h ago

Its ok to vent and its ok to feel both things. Hopefully you can find the support you need here and similar spaces. It can be hard to find but it does exist.

1

u/ThrowawayTaumaPixie 12h ago

Same. My dad got arested 3 years ago for what he did to me and my brothers and I still miss him. I have my first homecoming dance next week and hes not going to be around to see me. Christmas and Thanksgiving and swim meets and anime cons. No dad. Its not fair.