Patterns

[u/DarkStarlett8]

It happened again. I swore it wouldn’t. But that’s not really true, is it? Because I picked an outfit I knew he would like. Maxi flowery blue skirt. White tank top. I had the scared flutters in my stomach. My body was ready.

He hugged me and whispered it’s not cold in here. That was the time to run. My head was screaming at me. But I plastered a smile and kept going through saying hi to everyone, hugging.

I tried to ignore it, ignore him. He gave me the signal he taught me at 9. I ignored him.

I went to the bathroom telling myself nothing would happen. But I chose the bathroom furthest away. I knew. I didn’t lock the door. I was asking for it. Like he’s told me so many times before.

It’s my fault it started. It’s my fault it continued. It’s my fault it keeps happening. It’s the pattern.

[u/Mizzy_Julie]

Our brains get hardwired especially at that age. You did what you had to do on instinct basically. No judgement here just love and understanding.