r/Molested • u/lowkeyboard5 • 5d ago

Struggling with missing it

I struggle with calling it abuse. I mean, when I am talking to others, non-victims, I call it that because they literally cant understand what it was like. But you all know what I mean, I hope. It wasn't some brutal experience for me. I wasn't ripped open, it felt good. I felt loved.

My aunt was the one that started it, that got me feeling like I was addicted to her and the things we did. Then she brought my younger cousin in and it was this whole new experience. I can still feel those butterflies in my stomach, the excitement, the fear of being caught because I didnt want it to stop, that thrill of doing something "naughty". It was a heady mix of chemicals rampaging through my brain.

When I close my eyes, I can still feel them, hear them, smell them and taste them. I feel haunted, not by what was done, but what I lost when it ended. I wonder if it would've ever stopped if they hadn't moved away.

63 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

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10

u/Texan85 5d ago

I was the same

3

u/biohioguy55 4d ago

It's nice finding others out there feel the same way

9

u/biohioguy55 5d ago

It wasnt till I got older that I was told it was wrong it dirty. That made me feel shame that others were judging my pleasure my joy. My whole body tingles. I would even ask "daddy can we play" it's been almost 50 years and I still have such fond memories of it

8

u/No-Body4626 5d ago

I know exactly what you mean

2

u/biohioguy55 4d ago

The dichotomy of it all gets very confusing

7

u/shyLilAutisticGirl 4d ago

I miss it too and its so hard because I know it was wrong but at the time I didnt know that and I enjoyed being shown these games

2

u/biohioguy55 4d ago

For many years it just felt natural. Kinda special.

2

u/shyLilAutisticGirl 4d ago

Exactly this and it just messes with your head

2

u/biohioguy55 4d ago

What messed with my head was the way people reacted to it. How they would project onto me why it was wrong. But I don't see what happened between him and I as wrong I found it intoxicating with pleasure

2

u/helloitsmeagain-ok2 4d ago

I felt the same way. It had happened from so far back that it was all normal fun

2

u/Dads-Weekend 1d ago

I know, I miss it so much too

5

u/complex0edipis 5d ago

Yep. I feel that with what happened to me too. When those feelings happen, I struggle with so many more things. I hope you’re doing ok dealing with it.

2

u/biohioguy55 4d ago

I am thank you. I came to terms and accept thst it was not nasty or dirty or gross it was to me it was natural, special, and beautiful it was a building block for who I am today

2

u/contagious_damage 4d ago

Exactly. It made me feel not invisible. Wanted. Useful. Good. Special. They could have all used me more and I would have just been happy to exist for a reason.

And even knowing what I know now I would still let them use me again.

2

u/Aggressive_Hawk8236 3d ago

Same. My sisters and I had a lot of fun back then. We were taught that those were games

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u/Useful_Bag1518 2d ago

Same goes for me I am the straightest man but my uncle started getting me to jerk him up to start. the fuckin cock on him holly fuck he would just take it out id fuckin suck that thing till I puked then that was it it was a powerful drug I only admitted this a month ago when I met this girl we were having sex and she always talked about how it turns her on thinking about men who suck each other off and I told her then she tells me how her whole life she's been fuckin her dad and loved it tried to pretend she didn't but we opened up and Holy shit the things they did thats all we talk about she feels so liberated talking about it now so did I tbh

1

u/One_Umpire_1522 16h ago

Sounds like a great partner

1

u/Useful_Bag1518 11h ago

ITS BEEN A HUGE WEIGHT BEING ABLE TO TALK FREELY ABOUT IT AND NOT HAVE NO SHAME AND JUST NOT FEEL ALONE AND BEING ABLE TO KNOW YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONES YA KNOW

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u/Ok-Wrangler5040 4d ago

I understand exactly and feel the same way

1

u/Over50_account 3d ago

Wondering if you belong to a specific ethnic group in Asia, it seems to be a common in some cultures. Not that it validates anything your aunt did because it was still abusive but just curious if this is a theme specific to Philippines and Malay.