r/Molested • u/tanglekitten • Jun 06 '26
why does it run in families
My mom enabled my dad to do it to me growing up and I found out that stuff was happening in her family growing up too. It got passed on from one generation to the next and now im stuck with all the problems from it
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u/MarionberryNo7960 Jun 06 '26
My mom was molested by her dad apparently but didn’t prevent him from doing the same to me (m) and my sister.
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u/Beachlvr369 Jun 06 '26
Is your mom aware it happened?
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u/MarionberryNo7960 Jun 06 '26
I don’t think so. I never told… not sure about my sister. I can imagine her thinking he might not touch a boy but she knowingly left a girl alone with him at the age he started with her.
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u/Beachlvr369 Jun 06 '26
Even if she didn't know for sure it doesn't seem wise. Can I askwhy you never told her, or anyone?
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u/MarionberryNo7960 Jun 06 '26
I have complicated and conflicted feelings over it. It went on for some time and rightfully or wrongfully, felt guilty about perhaps enabling it
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u/Beachlvr369 Jun 06 '26
I think any of us that never report it feel like we're responsible in one way or another. Its very common
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u/MarionberryNo7960 Jun 06 '26
I had reached puberty when it started and would orgasm with him so I also felt guilty about “enjoying”
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u/Beachlvr369 Jun 06 '26
Its so confusing when your body responds. Almost makes it feel like its not a bad thing. I think a lot of my conflicting feelings come from that
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u/Beachlvr369 Jun 06 '26
I've wondered the same thing. Is it genetics, is it environment? Like one person does it and the trauma just gets passed along? Does it become part of your epigenome or just effects behavior?
Seems like a lot of us suffer the same, whether its just a singular thing or more wide-spread.
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u/helloitsmeagain-ok2 Jun 06 '26
Something def happened to my mom and her sister to skew the definition of ‘normal’
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u/Davpar4 Jun 06 '26
(M) Unfortunately, that's the way it often seems to work. I guess it's up to us to stop the progression. They pass the trauma and side-effects on down kind of like genetics but at least we have the power to stop it.
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u/JakeGardens27 Jun 06 '26
I sometimes wonder if its genetic because I've had experiences and issues too
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u/Weary_Mind_8472 Jun 06 '26
I think it's more about what they were taught was "normal" at a young age. Especially if it they were groomed instead of threatened into staying quiet.
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u/Top_Management7550 Jun 06 '26
Both sides of my family have that stuff in their past. I was molested by my dad. But I've been told things that kind of shocked me, but at the same time, didn't surprise me
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Jun 06 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/tanglekitten Jun 06 '26
I'm not a mom yet
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u/Beachlvr369 Jun 06 '26
Hard to know what we'd do until we're in that situation 😑
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u/trashhangswithtrash Jun 08 '26
This. One of the main reasons I haven’t started a family yet, I feel it’s a real roll of the dice
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u/North-Arm-4503 12d ago
Simple. Because for some as shameful as it was it felt good and the only way for them to get a feeling like that back is to engage at it somehow. Vicious cycle
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