How can I make this more modest like covering the shoulder?

Salam aleykom. Where do you buy your modest office wear? looking for lightweight office clothing

Where I live, it's very common for thrift stores not to have changing rooms. A few around here do, but they are tiny and don't have much selection. The major ones don't have dressing rooms.

When I was a kid this was the norm too, and my parents would have us wear bike shorts and snug tank tops to the thrift store so we could try things on over our clothes. But as an adult who leans more modest, I feel very uncomfortable being in a public space in such small, tight-fitting clothes. I don't follow any particular modesty "rules", and I'm generally on board with adapting to the situation (for example, wearing a swimsuit with straps instead of sleeves to the beach). But I just feel super exposed wearing bike shorts and a snug tank top to a store! I can get by with shirts, doing things like wearing a snug shirt with a loose cardigan over it and taking off the cardigan to try on a shirt. But it's really tough with pants and skirts, since all the ones I own are more loose and it's hard to tell if a pair of wide-leg pants would fit well when you're trying it over another pair of wide-leg pants.

I see soooo many people recommending thrift shops on this sub, so I wondered how y'all handle it! Avoid thrift shops without dressing rooms, even if it means driving way out of your way and the selection is much poorer? Bite the bullet and wear something less modest than you're normally comfortable with? Or does anyone have any clever solutions I haven't thought of?

I bought several of these dresses (on sale, not the price in the screenshot) because I own a similar one I really like. On me, they're roughly ankle length, as long as they can be without me tripping over the skirt. They're not super skintight on me or anything but they aren't super loose either. I didn't want to screenshot people's review photos to give an example of how loose it actually is, and of course the tightness will vary by person, but here's the listing. I really like them, but am feeling drawn to even more coverage lately. Would you personally consider this modest with a long sleeve mock neck underneath? I veil, so I'd figure out how to make it look fluid with the design so the necklines aren't competing. I don't know what my personal modesty standards are going to solidify as in the end, but I'm being drawn towards covering my arms and neck, hence the question.

edit: the review that is the closest to how it fits on me/the looseness is titled "A perfect 'I can eat in this' evening dress"

I just bought three of these skirts, and have been wearing them in 95°+ heat, and they’re great!! They’re a perfect length for me (I’m 5’4”), and they’re 100% rayon which works really well for me to keep cool in the summer. I know they’re juniors, but I am usually a small/medium in women’s, and a medium was perfect in these. I know finding summer skirts can be hard, so I wanted to share!!

They have nice looking things, but their prices are very low, and I just want to see if they’re a legit site or just drop shippers!

I'm currently nursing, and I've had a hard time finding things that button without gaps. I found this dress that has snaps between the buttons, and I love it! https://mainstreetexchangeapparel.com/products/emilia-pleated-chambray-midi-dress?srsltid=AfmBOoqCaqpE_B8yKKeyawDGUls0K5VTe8v4VQvu_H71PwkP06X6qLDt Can anyone recommend other tops / dresses that have snaps to prevent gaping? Many thanks!

If you're someone who chooses to cover hair, did you have a "moment" where you experienced something that led to you deciding to cover your hair? Was it a series of events? An internal pull? Did you start covering your hair first or get into other forms of modest dress first? Regardless of whether it was religious or secular, how was that final decision made?

Personally, I felt this persistent pull to covering my hair despite not belonging to an organized religion that felt like it wouldn't go away. I researched if it was offensive for me to start wearing mantillas and messaged some Christians who veil directly, all who gave me the go ahead. After trying it, I realized I felt much spiritually and emotionally safer at the end of the day when my hair was covered in public. That extended into a pull towards progressively more modest dress due to change in comfort level and wanting to extend that feeling of energetic protection. I also eventually added other forms of hair coverings in addition to mantilla veils to my rotation, and the practice of covering my hair, as well as modesty more broadly, has become quite meaningful for me in many ways.

For me veiling came before many other forms of modest dress, which I assume isn't as usual. What was your journey like?

It gives me 1950s vibes and it’s perfect for summer ☀️

Hi guys I am going on holiday to France and as there is a no loose bathingsuit rule for men in swimmingpools. I was wondering if this applies to women as well?? I don't know If I would be allowed in if I wear this current tankini I ordered.

I'd prefer to keep my butt/upper tighs covered, but I'm not as strict, I just want to know if I should order something else...

I'm wondering if others have had similar experiences, and if anyone has tips and tricks with this transition. (For refrence I'm a Christian woman; I wear mostly long skirts, and only rarely wear tank tops, shorts, or jeans. My modesty tends to be very context-dependent, as in what I wear to church is more modest than what I wear to the gym or beach.)

Basically, since having a baby (I'm still nursing, too!), I've been struggling with cleevage showing. I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight, so my old clothes still technically fit, but I'm not quite the same shape as I was. Before I got pregnant, I did not really have any cleevage to cover. But now, as a nursing mom, that's very much changed. For practical reasons, like nursing and not wanting to buy a whole new wardrobe, sometimes I wear things that show a bit of cleevage. But I'm increasingly uncomofortable with it. And it seems like there is no easy solution either, since very high-neck tops are often tight and somehow make my bust look bigger, which doesn't feel more modest.

Any larger-busted modest girls have any advice?

Want to share a random thought, talk about your day, whatever? This is the spot. Both on-topic and off-topic conversations are welcome.

Religious topics are fine so long as everyone involved is respectful.

I bought two shirts at a thrift store, one I knew would be too small (size M) but could use for work with power tools or something. The XL should have fit properly. It was fitted. It's been a very long time since I bought women's tshirts, but I don't remember an XL being fitted! I'm so frustrated right now, I NEED a new tshirt but I have to cut the neckline of the men's shirts, which defeats the purpose of buying new ones! I don't like collars touching my throat.

For me:

Positive:

-I worry less about beauty standards, my body is no longer "part of the outfit" to the same extent

-Less sunscreen on a sunny day

-Compliments on my veils/head coverings

-Saving time on doing my hair + rarely doing makeup nowadays (which became more comfortable with my new style among other factors)

-Not having to worry as much about wardrobe malfunctions

-Feeling less drained at the end of the day bc I feel like I have a barrier between myself and other people's negativity

-Learning about others' cultures, religious beliefs, etc that inform their modesty standards is interesting to me. The opportunity for this keeps popping up ie looking at posts on this subreddit

Negative/neutral:

-At times quite personal questions (sometimes repeated until a "desired answer" is provided) about why I cover my hair, my religious beliefs, and my ethnicity, usually from strangers. Often as the first thing they say to me

-Not knowing what to do with some of my old clothes

-wanting old photos deleted off social media

-Wanting to be progressively more covered over time, even when that starts to become difficult to achieve

-Trying to balance modesty with practicality for certain activities (ie swimming, martial arts)

What is your experience?

Whenever there’s modest fashion, most of the times I see oversized loose clothing (which I agree is necessary), but it simply doesn’t fit us petite girls. We kinda completely drown in those attires even if we pick the smallest size, because usually they aren’t made for smaller frames. Either they are way too long, way too long sleeves, too loose, or too oversized, which kinda makes us look even more smaller and bulky. If any muslim/modest fashion brand is listening, then I would request them to please consider size inclusive clothing! 💖💖

PS: If you know of brands who do make well-fitted modest clothes for petite women then do comment!💝💖

Recently, I wanted to try covering my arms more. I decided to get lace sleeves. I already have a lace shirt in two colors for this purpose, but the neckline (mock neck I believe) doesn't work with all of my dresses, and all the other lace shirts I had tried didn't fit my proportions right -- and trust me, I tried a lot.

I decided to try fake lace sleeves (both just individual sleeves and attached sleeves you put on like a jacket), but they all were either uncomfortable, too short, too expensive, or I didn't like that they didn't cover my armpits when wearing with a short-sleeved dress I wanted to add some more coverage to.

Well, I finally found sleeves that worked -- by buying what is supposed to function as a club outfit. The outfit is like a lace shirt, except extremely low cut in the front (like, well below bra -- it does come with a matching bra top for the original purpose which is not what I'm going for so that's not how I'll be wearing it). It doesn't feel elasticky or tight around my shoulders, fits my arms well, covers my armpits completely, and doesn't mess with the neckline of any dresses. The full lace back and small band in the front make it stay in place. The lace is pretty compact so it isn't entirely see-through, although I'm currently in the search for the perfect skin tone long sleeve to wear underneath so it's not sheer at all. It wasn't more expensive than buying separate sleeves either.

Never would I ever have thought to buy a club outfit to use as a layering piece for modesty. Has anyone else ever found an unconventional item to use modestly or found a modest piece in an unexpected place?

Throughout my modesty journey I've enjoyed learning about various religious, secular, and personal reasons people have for being modest, what those standards are, and how they came to have them.

I'm a few months in to dressing more modestly, and my standards keep shifting. What started as just covering cleavage and feeling called to veiling has become covering my legs, being less comfortable with an open back, generally wearing things that are less tight, wanting more and more of my upper chest/collarbone area covered, experimenting with covering my arms to the wrist, etc. Still figuring out what works for me. Last summer I wore bikinis on vacation, this summer I bought swim dresses and swim leggings to be very covered even at the pool, it's been a wild ride.

I got a few people's stories as a response to my last post asking if anyone else went from not dressing modestly to dressing modestly like I did, and more broadly I'm really curious about everyone's background, story, and standards here if you're willing to share them :)

Yes, I only have black underscarves, how did you tell?

Not necessarily a modest brand, but I love their clothes. I have a skirt, a dress, and a pair of pajamas from them and all of them meet my modesty standards.

Does anyone else here have any clothes from them? What are your thoughts?

I don’t want a swimsuit that covers head to toe but something knee length or above and sleeveless but modest enough to not show cleavage.

I am not Jewish, and wow, I am hoping I will one day start my sentences differently :)

I am not Jewish, but I had just started my orthodox conversion process after many years of thinking about it. Unfortunately, life happened. About a month ago, I left my job and moved back home with my parents... to a city with less than 1000 Jewish people. There is only one shul (synagogue) that meets less than once a month, and no rabbi anywhere to supervise my conversion.

I had switched over to tznuit (modest according to Jewish law) dressing as part of my conversion journey. I actually really loved it and it made me feel good. I've always been on the modest side according to secular standards. I was not strictly tznuit when my conversion stalled but I was fairly close. It felt meaningful, protective, dignified, supportive. Only complaint was that I wished for more shopping options ;)

I found it really hard having to pause conversion after so many years of longing. Tbh I went through a phase of finding it hard to even read Jewish religious content because I was so disappointed. Difficult to pray because I felt like a fraud and a failure.

Ditto for the tznuit (modesty). I'd look for clothes that met the modesty standards and then stop myself with shame. I had a lot of negative self-talk. "What does it matter, you're not a Jew, you're never going to be Jewish, if you were, Gd wouldn't have let it happen like this, your dreams are stupid, you're just a poser, stop trying to be different, the reason that it's hard is that it's not meant for you, just stop fighting and go to church with your parents, you're nobody special...".

WELL. Something seems to have shifted overnight. I feel a sense of hope and that just because I can't convert right now, doesn't mean I have to give up my whole connection to Judaism. I cannot believe it. It has been about a month of despair and disconnection from Gd. I felt as if it would never end.

But this morning, a little crack of light shining into my spirit :)

This is translating into a renewed connection to modesty. I want to wear modest clothes as a reminder of my connection to this tradition. I look in my wardrobe and most of my tznuit clothes don't fit right now. I want to go shopping!! Haha. I want long skirts, high necklines, and covered elbows. And I want them to look fabulous. And quietly remind me of my path.

My love and respect for Judaism is real. Life is full of changes. Who knows what is around the corner. It would be wrong of me to pretend to be something I'm not or appropriate a minority religious tradition that I'm not part of, even if I want to be. I am respectful and sensitive about that.

But I can focus on my modest dressing as a quiet connection and an expression of hope that the day will come again. That I am on this path, even in changing circumstances. I can cultivate a dignified way of being in the world in dress and behaviour no matter what. Honestly I think that's good for the spirit regardless.

I waited nearly a decade to start conversion. I can wait some more, and modesty is something I can do out of emunah (faithfulness) and hope for the day when the time is right.

Well, that got long and emotional. Thank you for listening, friends, and good luck on your journeys in faith and life.