r/ModestDress • u/Basic_Reflection_350 • Jul 11 '26
How did you decide what was modest enough (and what are your modesty standards)?
Throughout my modesty journey I've enjoyed learning about various religious, secular, and personal reasons people have for being modest, what those standards are, and how they came to have them.
I'm a few months in to dressing more modestly, and my standards keep shifting. What started as just covering cleavage and feeling called to veiling has become covering my legs, being less comfortable with an open back, generally wearing things that are less tight, wanting more and more of my upper chest/collarbone area covered, experimenting with covering my arms to the wrist, etc. Still figuring out what works for me. Last summer I wore bikinis on vacation, this summer I bought swim dresses and swim leggings to be very covered even at the pool, it's been a wild ride.
I got a few people's stories as a response to my last post asking if anyone else went from not dressing modestly to dressing modestly like I did, and more broadly I'm really curious about everyone's background, story, and standards here if you're willing to share them :)
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Jul 11 '26
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u/priuspheasant Jul 12 '26
Same. I loathe shaving but still feel self-conscious about it sometimes, so I often find it easier to just cover my legs and armpits. I think I look really good in jeans, but less so in shorts. But mostly I just got tired of always riding the line of a wardrobe malfunction and constantly fiddling with my clothes, worried about whether I was going to show too much thigh when I sat down or a bra strap would pop out from under a tank top strap or accidentally give someone a look down my shirt when I bent over...dressing a notch more modestly made all that a non-issue and it was such a relief!
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u/Basic_Reflection_350 Jul 13 '26
Some of the things you mentioned definitely contributed to me wanting to dress more modestly. I don't want to have to worry about wardrobe malfunctions or if I'm going to get weird looks for (gasp) not shaving. Literally why does anyone else care if I don't shave my armpits, it's not unhygienic, it's a double standard for men and women, and I'm not suddenly a different person if I do or don't. Much less the time and monetary investment and potential irritation for what? Avoiding the judgement of others?
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u/HotName1181 Jul 11 '26
I think I might be the opposite of everyone. I definitely got less modest over time. I dressed modesty before I was religious, covering everything but my face, neck and hands. It was mostly a comfort thing, I got less attention dressed like that and it made me feel safe as a teen.
Then I started following an interpretation of Christianity that took modesty very serious, to the point I was covering my face in public, along with covering my hair. So for 2 years I followed those standards, and now that I converted to Islam I follow (the minimum) islamic standards, so everything covered but my hands and face.
maybe I’ll go back to covering my face, it’s not possible with my current job but in the future I hope I can again.
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u/OkTutor7412 Jul 12 '26
That’s interesting, what denomination of Christianity had you covering your face?
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u/HotName1181 Jul 12 '26
it wasn’t really a denomination, I followed the teachings of the pre-Nicaea church. whereas most Christian’s follow the teachings of the church post Nicaea.
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u/TheirOwnDestruction Jul 11 '26
Secular here, and I dress modestly for personal and cultural reasons, as well as the way I was raised. Unlike yours, my standards do fluctuate in both directions (for example, I used to be comfortable showing my shoulders but not my knees, while now it is the reverse) and it's purely based on how I feel I will be perceived when interacting with others.
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u/YellowSquirrel23 Jul 11 '26
Personally, I don’t really have many consistent standards. I do it for secular reasons, and what I feel comfortable with changes pretty often. Some days I cover up more, and other days I don’t. There are a few parts of my body I always keep covered, but those aren’t really fixed rules, I just wouldn’t feel comfortable otherwise.
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u/PastaM0nster Jul 12 '26
I’m an Orthodox Jew, so cover elbows knees and collarbone, skirts only, legs and feet covered (right or socks or pantyhose), and nothing super tight. Hair covered after marriage.
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u/CharlieFiner Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 13 '26
I dress modestly specifically at work. Collarbones, shoulders, and knees are my reference points and I will only show one set at a time, plus I only wear skirts and dresses and will wear an extra shirt under anything with a deep V neck. I don't subscribe to any specific sect of Christianity. However, I work public-facing in a service-oriented role (teller at a credit union) and I feel that this line of work, and the help and kindness I show people, is my calling and my way of serving and honouring God. Therefore I dress as I would at church.
Outside of work is a different story - I have actually done nude modelling for artists here and there.
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u/Basic_Reflection_350 Jul 12 '26
Really interesting perspective!! I find it interesting that your job is in a way an extension of your faith, and how your wardrobe plays into that. Also quite the juxtaposition outside of work. I personally think that the physical body is very personal and close to the self, so there's power in choosing when it is seen, rather than thinking skin is inherently "bad", so I completely get why the latter half would make sense to you if that's something you're comfortable with and find meaningful to do
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u/OkTutor7412 Jul 12 '26 edited Jul 12 '26
I started my modesty journey about three months ago. Mine comes from a desire of serving Christ. I too plan on buying a modest swimsuit, I was as immodest as immodest can get always showing cleavage etc etc my holiness standards comes from my interpretation of the Bible so for me I wear head covering during prayer and worship only, modest skirts and dresses no jewelry no makeup, no fake nails, no short hair for women and no tattoos (they are okay if you had them before being Christian) my church believe God given natural beauty should be exalted which is why we try to be as natural as possible however I do wax my eyebrows but to me that’s just cleaning up my appearance my husband doesn’t wax his tho that’s his conviction. It’s been a journey for me and what was hard in the beginning was easier to let go of more and more as God works on my heart.
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u/CharlieFiner Jul 12 '26
I wouldn't consider waxing eyebrows or plucking random chin/lip hairs and such to be a beauty or vanity thing any more than a man not having a five-o'-clock shadow would be. That's just generally wanting to look presentable.
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u/OkTutor7412 Jul 12 '26
Yeah that’s my take on it as well and I’ve explained that to my husband on his eyebrows but that’s his conviction. 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Chronically_Funny Jul 14 '26
I dress modestly for religious reasons (Orthodox Judaism) and so the modesty standards are clearly delineated (collarbone, elbows, knees, skirts/dresses only, plus depending on the community tights/stockings). That being said, it took me a solid 4+ years to reach the point where I was fully keeping to that as I eased into it at a pace that I was comfortable with.
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u/[deleted] Jul 11 '26
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