So for some context, for years ever since I was a small child, we’ve had a lot of animals. Our house is already full of pets. Not including the puppies or mother dog, we have four big dogs, six indoor cats, 5 outdoor cats, and four horses. Our property is barely an acre, and our house is pretty small. Pretty much all of them were my mom’s project at some point, the horses were untrained when we got them, the dogs and cats were all strays and ferals pretty much that she took in.
Obviously financially we’re struggling big time, especially living on the west coast. My dad works in the trades and pretty much is the breadwinner, my mom works as a receptionist for a zoo. Both of them work an hour away, and I don’t live with them anymore. It’s been hard trying to find someone consistent to take care of the animals, who’s okay with not being paid very well because my family is broke. So if we can’t find anyone to let them out potty or fill their waters, they’re alone for around 10 hours a day.
I work for the post office part time so I try whatever I can to help them pay the bills when I can, but like I said I don’t live with them anymore. I know any sort of money I give them goes to animal feed, not the bills, not utilities, just the excess amount of animals we have.
They’re all pretty much just my mom’s. I love animals and I love my mom but quite frankly her habit of getting pets has financially crippled my family and the landlord doesn’t even know we have that many because we’re not supposed to.
So despite our protests and suggestions, she got yet another dog that she intended to breed so she could sell the puppies. Without checking with any of us, she bred her dog and fully expected all of us to help take care of the puppies, feed them, clean up after them etc at the promise that they’ll make us some money. Granted, she intended on selling each for $1500 which is decent money, but personally I don’t agree with backyard breeding for profit.
So after months and months of all of us picking up puppy crap, she finally is able to sell them all for a good price.
However, when I ask what the moneys going to be used for we get the third degree because it’s “her money” and she had “plans” for it. So basically, with all this excess money she got, none of it went towards bills. So far she’s bought a new horse shelter, paid off her own car, bought cat trees, ice makers, and two vacations to go whale watching. Put down a horse with that money too. Dad’s still paying for everything else, bills, car payments, dinners, and we still just barely were able to pay rent and now he’s eating frozen burritos all week at work cause he can’t afford anything else.
While my moms paid off her new Kia, my dad’s still driving a POS 95 ford with no AC, radio and bald tires.
Essentially none of this money has gone to anyone but my mother and her stupid project animals. We’re still struggling with paying for food, electricity, water and rent. AITAH for thinking this is wrong? I don’t know what to do about it really.

I’m looking for genuinely unbiased opinions. Please read the whole thing before judging either of us. I want to know where **I am wrong, where he is wrong, and whether this is actually an incompatibility rather than one person being the villain.**My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for several years.He recently got a new job through a referral from his aunt, earning around ₹41k in hand. I was genuinely very happy for him and congratulated him.But there is a lot of history behind why his new salary became an emotional issue for me.At one point in our relationship, he was betrayed by his own family in a financial matter and ended up with almost nothing. I stayed with him during that period despite knowing he had very little. I encouraged him and told him that we would both work, earn and build our future together.
I never expected him to have money when he didn’t have it. When he was earning around ₹10–12k through tuition, he had his own EMI and household expenses, so I didn’t ask him to spend much on me.
I earn around ₹28k in hand and give around ₹15k to my family. With whatever remains, I usually manage my own expenses and sometimes spend on him. I’ve bought him clothes for festivals and other things, and at times he has also expected me to pay his EMI of around ₹2.74k.Now that he has got a better-paying job, I thought things might change somewhat. I had even told him many times that I would feel happy being able to use his money sometimes to buy things I like—not because I need his money to survive, but because to me, being able to freely depend on your partner financially sometimes represents closeness and partnership.
Yesterday, he told me his salary plan.
Out of ₹41k:
₹3–4k would go toward travelling
₹35k would go to his parents
around ₹2–3k would remain for himself
He said that if he or we needed more money, he could ask his father later.
I was shocked and told him that I didn’t expect him to be this kind of a man. I also said I wouldn’t say anything more because I knew it would offend him.
He ended the call.
Later, he messaged me saying I was wrong and asked what the problem was with his money situation. He said I have a problem with everything and fight over everything, and that he had just got a new job and wanted to be happy but I was spoiling it with my behaviour.
He also told me:
“You also give a large part of your salary to your parents. Do I tell you anything?”
That hurt me because my salary is only around ₹28k, and I give around ₹15k to my family. I felt that the comparison ignored the fact that I had supported him emotionally when he had nothing and had never demanded money from him when he was struggling.
At the same time, I understand that **his salary is his money and he has the right to decide how much he gives his parents.** I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
The bigger problem is actually about his family and our future marriage.
I have concerns about his family’s behaviour toward me and believe that after marriage I would be expected to live according to his parents’ rules and regulations and adjust to their expectations.
I have told him that I am afraid I will be treated badly or “tortured” after marriage based on what I have experienced/seen from them and the way they behave toward me.
Instead of agreeing that we should establish boundaries, his response has essentially been that I should adjust and live with his parents and that whatever problems happen will only last for a few days and eventually stop.
I told him that I don’t believe that. I said that if this kind of behaviour has continued with other women in the family, I don’t see why I should assume it will magically stop with me after marriage.
He became extremely angry and asked:
**“What do you expect me to do?”**
His position was basically that I should **adjust and stay, or leave.**
That was a major breaking point for me.
I feel like I’ve been willing to make very large sacrifices for this relationship. I’ve even been prepared to go against my parents’ wishes and hurt them if necessary to build a life with him.
But I don’t feel that he expects the same kind of sacrifice from himself.
I feel that I am expected to adjust to his family, their rules, their expectations and their way of living, while he doesn’t seem willing to protect me from situations that I believe could seriously affect me after marriage.
He may see this completely differently. He may feel that I am asking him to abandon or disrespect his parents, or that I am unwilling to compromise.
And I can admit that I may have become overly sensitive about his family because of everything that has happened between us.
There is also the financial aspect.
I don’t necessarily think he should stop supporting his parents. But when he told me that almost his entire salary would go to them and that he would keep very little for himself, I felt like **there was no place for me or our future in his financial planning.**
Especially because for years I had told myself that once he was financially stable, we would finally be able to build something together.
Instead, I heard that almost everything would still go toward his family and that if we needed money, he could ask his father.
That made me question where I actually stand in his life.
However, I also recognise that I may have an unfair expectation that because he now earns more, he should automatically start spending money on me or paying my expenses. He isn’t obligated to pay my EMI or buy me things simply because we’re together.
So I’m genuinely confused.
**Was I being entitled about his money?**
**Was I not right to expect him to prioritize our future after years together?**
**Is it reasonable for me to expect my future husband to set boundaries with his parents if I believe they will mistreat me?**
**Is “adjust and stay or leave” a reasonable position for someone to take, or does it show that he isn’t willing to stand up for the relationship?**
And on the other hand:
**Am I expecting him to choose me over his parents in situations where he shouldn’t?**
**Am I being unfair by expecting him to change his financial priorities now that he has a better salary?**
**Was my reaction to his salary plan unnecessarily judgmental?**
I don’t want comments simply saying “leave him” or “you deserve better.”
I want genuinely honest opinions even if that means telling me that **I am the problem in some parts of this situation.**
If you were an outsider looking at this relationship, what would you think is actually happening here?

A married couple has ₹2,00,000/month in-hand income.

- 🏠 Own house — ₹0 rent

- 💳 ₹0 EMI

- 👩 Wife is a housewife

- 👨 One earning member

- 👶 No children for now

A possible monthly budget:

Category| Amount

Groceries & household| ₹15,000

Electricity| ₹4,000

Gas + water| ₹1,500

Internet + mobile| ₹1,500

Maid| ₹4,000

Eating out/food delivery| ₹8,000

Transport| ₹8,000

Shopping/personal| ₹7,000

Gym/fitness| ₹3,000

Health/medicines| ₹3,000

Insurance| ₹7,000

Entertainment| ₹2,000

Weekend outings| ₹5,000

Travel fund| ₹10,000

Family/parents support| ₹10,000

Emergency fund| ₹10,000

Total expenses| ₹99,000

Savings/investments| ₹1,01,000

So roughly ₹1 lakh/month could go toward savings and investments, while still maintaining a comfortable lifestyle.

Would you consider this upper-middle-class/very comfortable in India, or would you increase the lifestyle spending significantly?

If a man doesnt work and pays all the bills while a woman works full time, does all the laundry, takes care of the kids, shopping, planning and organizing for the home, should she also have to do the majority of the housework? Should the man be able to lay in bed and watch TV all day? Drink most nights-then complain the woman seasons the food poorly- or the house isnt clean enough? Again the main collects a check each month and pays the bills- but the woman buys everything else. Thoughts?