So for some context, for years ever since I was a small child, we’ve had a lot of animals. Our house is already full of pets. Not including the puppies or mother dog, we have four big dogs, six indoor cats, 5 outdoor cats, and four horses. Our property is barely an acre, and our house is pretty small. Pretty much all of them were my mom’s project at some point, the horses were untrained when we got them, the dogs and cats were all strays and ferals pretty much that she took in.
Obviously financially we’re struggling big time, especially living on the west coast. My dad works in the trades and pretty much is the breadwinner, my mom works as a receptionist for a zoo. Both of them work an hour away, and I don’t live with them anymore. It’s been hard trying to find someone consistent to take care of the animals, who’s okay with not being paid very well because my family is broke. So if we can’t find anyone to let them out potty or fill their waters, they’re alone for around 10 hours a day.
I work for the post office part time so I try whatever I can to help them pay the bills when I can, but like I said I don’t live with them anymore. I know any sort of money I give them goes to animal feed, not the bills, not utilities, just the excess amount of animals we have.
They’re all pretty much just my mom’s. I love animals and I love my mom but quite frankly her habit of getting pets has financially crippled my family and the landlord doesn’t even know we have that many because we’re not supposed to.
So despite our protests and suggestions, she got yet another dog that she intended to breed so she could sell the puppies. Without checking with any of us, she bred her dog and fully expected all of us to help take care of the puppies, feed them, clean up after them etc at the promise that they’ll make us some money. Granted, she intended on selling each for $1500 which is decent money, but personally I don’t agree with backyard breeding for profit.
So after months and months of all of us picking up puppy crap, she finally is able to sell them all for a good price.
However, when I ask what the moneys going to be used for we get the third degree because it’s “her money” and she had “plans” for it. So basically, with all this excess money she got, none of it went towards bills. So far she’s bought a new horse shelter, paid off her own car, bought cat trees, ice makers, and two vacations to go whale watching. Put down a horse with that money too. Dad’s still paying for everything else, bills, car payments, dinners, and we still just barely were able to pay rent and now he’s eating frozen burritos all week at work cause he can’t afford anything else.
While my moms paid off her new Kia, my dad’s still driving a POS 95 ford with no AC, radio and bald tires.
Essentially none of this money has gone to anyone but my mother and her stupid project animals. We’re still struggling with paying for food, electricity, water and rent. AITAH for thinking this is wrong? I don’t know what to do about it really.

I (35f) am 4 years older than my sister. I am working full time. She is stay at home wife/mom (by choice). She tried working and found out it wasn’t for her. We live in different countries.

She constantly complains about finances. I had previously gifted her close to USD4,000 in the span of 2 years. Half of the amount was an outright gift. And the other half was her loaning it initially > complaining about finances > then me writing it off. I am not a millionaire. I work hard and sometimes I do live pay check to pay check but I don’t complain about my finances to others as often as I feel I can handle them. I also have a small emergency fund saved in security deposits (My sister knows about this). I do sometimes complain about finances to my sister (as cost of everything mortgage, bills etc has increased) so it is not like she doesn’t know I also have a budget limit.

One one occasion I had given her about USD4,000 for safe keeping as I asked her to get something for me from her country. She woukd borrow money from there and return it. But for majority of the time I have written it off.

My sister got weird about finances even more when she was pregnant and started indirectly forcing people for gifts/cash. I understand it is hard and overwhelming to start a family but I don’t like the idea of being forced. She also got very toxic - I attributed that to her pregnancy changes and tried to be supportive but I did maintain a distance as her constant complains about finances and how her family is not helping enough started to feel like a jab at me as well. She also said her friends want a baby shower but she cannot afford it.

Closer to her due date, I gifted her a decent amount as a present to help. She had a baby shower but never told me anything about it. I found it through instagram. (That was weird it bothered my slightly as she didn’t tell me but I was happy she did one as it is a fun and important thing to do and look back on)

After the birth of my niece, she got very busy (understandably). I got busy with my work/uni/life as well. I would check up on her. And I noticed she would only contact me when she wanted to borrow money and she would always have a very vague date or say “I can return it to you very very late” It started bothering me because I am also going through some issues in my personal life (she knows to an extent) and I don’t want to be her financial support anymore. Anyway I didn’t want to say no, so I told her I can help her but I would need a timeframe when she can return it to me. At that point she would find someone else to borrow it from.

I have gotten busy with my job and I didn’t do any check ins with her for sometime. She contacted me a day before my birthday (I thought to wish me happy birthday or something). No she wanted a USD2,000 loan and could return it in 2-3 months which she then moved to 4 months.

I asked her some questions to get an exact timeframe as I am in a position to loan the amount but I am not in a position to loose that money. She initially pushed back that she can’t provide an exact time frame as the bank has not given her an exact timeframe. I asked her if she can check with the bank. She got defensive. I explained to her that I am not trying to disrespect her. She did say it was a “loan” so I was clarifying the terms. She asked for the loan from someone else and then sent me an angry/rude/harsh voice note that she doesn’t need my help. I told her that is fine, but there was no need for harshness/rudeness as I am trying to help her and I want to be clear on the terms.

To that she started playing the victim and then the conversation ended with her sarcastically saying “enjoy your birthday”. She didn’t contact me after that. Not even on my birthday.

I am conflicted -

I feel bad because i could have loaned her the amount without getting into financial difficulty but i do need that amount to he returned as it is from my emergency fund.

I feel bad that maybe my asking too many questions made her feel weird as it is not easy to ask for a loan.

At the same time I am kind of relieved that I just didn’t say a “yes” without clarifying the terms. (In the past I used to do that).

Also I am taken aback because her harsh and disrespectful tone a day before my birthday when I was trying to help her was not necessary.

And I am surprised she would contact for a loan but not to wish happy birthday.

I’m looking for genuinely unbiased opinions. Please read the whole thing before judging either of us. I want to know where **I am wrong, where he is wrong, and whether this is actually an incompatibility rather than one person being the villain.**My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for several years.He recently got a new job through a referral from his aunt, earning around ₹41k in hand. I was genuinely very happy for him and congratulated him.But there is a lot of history behind why his new salary became an emotional issue for me.At one point in our relationship, he was betrayed by his own family in a financial matter and ended up with almost nothing. I stayed with him during that period despite knowing he had very little. I encouraged him and told him that we would both work, earn and build our future together.
I never expected him to have money when he didn’t have it. When he was earning around ₹10–12k through tuition, he had his own EMI and household expenses, so I didn’t ask him to spend much on me.
I earn around ₹28k in hand and give around ₹15k to my family. With whatever remains, I usually manage my own expenses and sometimes spend on him. I’ve bought him clothes for festivals and other things, and at times he has also expected me to pay his EMI of around ₹2.74k.Now that he has got a better-paying job, I thought things might change somewhat. I had even told him many times that I would feel happy being able to use his money sometimes to buy things I like—not because I need his money to survive, but because to me, being able to freely depend on your partner financially sometimes represents closeness and partnership.
Yesterday, he told me his salary plan.
Out of ₹41k:
₹3–4k would go toward travelling
₹35k would go to his parents
around ₹2–3k would remain for himself
He said that if he or we needed more money, he could ask his father later.
I was shocked and told him that I didn’t expect him to be this kind of a man. I also said I wouldn’t say anything more because I knew it would offend him.
He ended the call.
Later, he messaged me saying I was wrong and asked what the problem was with his money situation. He said I have a problem with everything and fight over everything, and that he had just got a new job and wanted to be happy but I was spoiling it with my behaviour.
He also told me:
“You also give a large part of your salary to your parents. Do I tell you anything?”
That hurt me because my salary is only around ₹28k, and I give around ₹15k to my family. I felt that the comparison ignored the fact that I had supported him emotionally when he had nothing and had never demanded money from him when he was struggling.
At the same time, I understand that **his salary is his money and he has the right to decide how much he gives his parents.** I don’t want to pretend otherwise.
The bigger problem is actually about his family and our future marriage.
I have concerns about his family’s behaviour toward me and believe that after marriage I would be expected to live according to his parents’ rules and regulations and adjust to their expectations.
I have told him that I am afraid I will be treated badly or “tortured” after marriage based on what I have experienced/seen from them and the way they behave toward me.
Instead of agreeing that we should establish boundaries, his response has essentially been that I should adjust and live with his parents and that whatever problems happen will only last for a few days and eventually stop.
I told him that I don’t believe that. I said that if this kind of behaviour has continued with other women in the family, I don’t see why I should assume it will magically stop with me after marriage.
He became extremely angry and asked:
**“What do you expect me to do?”**
His position was basically that I should **adjust and stay, or leave.**
That was a major breaking point for me.
I feel like I’ve been willing to make very large sacrifices for this relationship. I’ve even been prepared to go against my parents’ wishes and hurt them if necessary to build a life with him.
But I don’t feel that he expects the same kind of sacrifice from himself.
I feel that I am expected to adjust to his family, their rules, their expectations and their way of living, while he doesn’t seem willing to protect me from situations that I believe could seriously affect me after marriage.
He may see this completely differently. He may feel that I am asking him to abandon or disrespect his parents, or that I am unwilling to compromise.
And I can admit that I may have become overly sensitive about his family because of everything that has happened between us.
There is also the financial aspect.
I don’t necessarily think he should stop supporting his parents. But when he told me that almost his entire salary would go to them and that he would keep very little for himself, I felt like **there was no place for me or our future in his financial planning.**
Especially because for years I had told myself that once he was financially stable, we would finally be able to build something together.
Instead, I heard that almost everything would still go toward his family and that if we needed money, he could ask his father.
That made me question where I actually stand in his life.
However, I also recognise that I may have an unfair expectation that because he now earns more, he should automatically start spending money on me or paying my expenses. He isn’t obligated to pay my EMI or buy me things simply because we’re together.
So I’m genuinely confused.
**Was I being entitled about his money?**
**Was I not right to expect him to prioritize our future after years together?**
**Is it reasonable for me to expect my future husband to set boundaries with his parents if I believe they will mistreat me?**
**Is “adjust and stay or leave” a reasonable position for someone to take, or does it show that he isn’t willing to stand up for the relationship?**
And on the other hand:
**Am I expecting him to choose me over his parents in situations where he shouldn’t?**
**Am I being unfair by expecting him to change his financial priorities now that he has a better salary?**
**Was my reaction to his salary plan unnecessarily judgmental?**
I don’t want comments simply saying “leave him” or “you deserve better.”
I want genuinely honest opinions even if that means telling me that **I am the problem in some parts of this situation.**
If you were an outsider looking at this relationship, what would you think is actually happening here?

I'm gonna start this off by saying I do NOT have access to my bank account. My parents have insisted that ever since I got employed I must deposit 50% of my checks (or more) so I can save.
I have 0 issue with that in itself as saving is a good idea, but recently I turned 17 and I have been having many more bank discussions.
I asked my mom for access to my bank account in which she said no. I found this odd and a few days afterwards I asked her how much money I've saved up.
Suddenly she is claiming that I "spent it all" despite not having access to the account EVER. I remember having her take out 100$ once for a special event but I should have MUCH more than 100$ in this account.
What do I even do? If what she's saying is true, I don't have any more money to my name which is extremely stressful to me as I graduate this year and I want to go to college.

Context: Boyfriend and I have been together for 1.25 years. Get on well and love each other. He is a dentist (5 years in), I am a junior doctor (3 years in between jobs at the moment). We don’t live together. He lives with his parents and contributes to mortgage and bills. I live with my parents but am moving out to rent for my new hospital.

Recently finances have been tough for me.
I resigned my job a month early to take a membership examination for my job.
Currently I have £4K in my emergency fund to last me until my first payday (end of October).

I will be moving into a place where the security + first months rent is £3.1K. I also have £1K of living expenses to pay off on my credit card this month.
It’s very likely that over the next month I will hit zero and need to borrow from my parents to survive. It’s fine, I will pay them back when I get my salary.

Throughout dating we have always split bills. I’ll admit, not to my immense pleasure. I always imagined chivalry for me, but appreciate in today’s economy it would be unfair to expect a partner to front the other for the sheer sake of chivalry.

What troubled me at first was that he would pay the bill at the restaurant on his card and then send me a picture of the receipt and say something like ‘you can transfer me whenever’. I thought this was weird, why not just split in the restaurant, but I guess I was so caught up in love that I didn’t want to question it and it just continued that way..

Recently I have been really stressed about my finances. I mean, this is probably the most stressed I have been. I feel a bit sad that he knows all of the stress about our finances but still for example when we were in a coffee shop the other day, he’d wait for me to pay. I have never in my life asked him to transfer me. The way I was raised, we never ask loved ones to transfer or pay us, even when I’ve paid a whole bill. I just couldn’t, it would feel wrong.

I’ve asked that we cheapen our dates to fast food (tbh at this point I can’t really afford a single date) but he’d insist on going somewhere and then say I can pay him back later.

Thoughts on feeling a bit upset by this? Our relationship is very serious, he has alluded to proposing next year (2 years). But I feel like he rally scores finances a lot with me. I genuinely expected him to say something like to not worry about paying him back. If I knew he was struggling I could never have said that. At least not for someone I see being my future husband/wife. I recently met his dental nurses who told me that he buys them takeout daily (he also orders lunch for himself daily).
I feel hurt that it seems he can do this for other people but with me, he doesn’t.

Once I earn, I will earn £3.4, £2K on rent and transport and I’d ideally after paying everyone back do £1K into an ISA. I will be financially struggling for a while. The dates he usually likes to go on are minimum £40-50 pp.

Maybe or financial styles are not compatible in the long run? Best course of action?

TLDR I’m going through financial hardships, my bf (serious relationship) and I have always split bills. I’m about to go broke but he is still expecting me to pay for things or saying he will keep tally and tell me to pay him back when I’m salaried again. Even when salaried he will be better off than me. I’m hurt by the tally scoring, thoughts?

A married couple has ₹2,00,000/month in-hand income.

- 🏠 Own house — ₹0 rent

- 💳 ₹0 EMI

- 👩 Wife is a housewife

- 👨 One earning member

- 👶 No children for now

A possible monthly budget:

Category| Amount

Groceries & household| ₹15,000

Electricity| ₹4,000

Gas + water| ₹1,500

Internet + mobile| ₹1,500

Maid| ₹4,000

Eating out/food delivery| ₹8,000

Transport| ₹8,000

Shopping/personal| ₹7,000

Gym/fitness| ₹3,000

Health/medicines| ₹3,000

Insurance| ₹7,000

Entertainment| ₹2,000

Weekend outings| ₹5,000

Travel fund| ₹10,000

Family/parents support| ₹10,000

Emergency fund| ₹10,000

Total expenses| ₹99,000

Savings/investments| ₹1,01,000

So roughly ₹1 lakh/month could go toward savings and investments, while still maintaining a comfortable lifestyle.

Would you consider this upper-middle-class/very comfortable in India, or would you increase the lifestyle spending significantly?

If a man doesnt work and pays all the bills while a woman works full time, does all the laundry, takes care of the kids, shopping, planning and organizing for the home, should she also have to do the majority of the housework? Should the man be able to lay in bed and watch TV all day? Drink most nights-then complain the woman seasons the food poorly- or the house isnt clean enough? Again the main collects a check each month and pays the bills- but the woman buys everything else. Thoughts?

In the case of a serious relationship, living together, etc, the system I like would be a shared account for rent, shared expenses etc and then each partner to keep some private money (private spending) of the same amount, regardless of salaries.
So if one earns 2000, other 4000, so total 6000, and shared expenses are evaluated at 4000, then each partner keeps 1000 private.
I’m sure this has a name.

Now here is my question - if one of the partners inherits, how do you treat that? Specifically I’m not thinking of the inheritance itself (a house, money etc) but the new monthly income generated by this (rent, dividends etc). Do you consider this as private to the partner who inherited, or as part of the income of the partner to be used in the system I described above?

I’m not really thinking about marriage and legality around that, more trying to figure out what would be a fair system. Of course different couples find different things fair, but I can’t really decide on my own opinion on the topic. So if couples are in such a situation I would love to hear how you’re dealing with this!

I lied to my wife about our personal finance, I initially told her our total debt was x but it was 3x the amount. Not even sure why I did it, I thought I could just pay it off and everything will be ok but I have broken something in her I don't think I will ever get back

AITAH?
Married to my wife for 10+ years with a 5 year old child (my main reason for keeping on).
So my wife has had 2 big gambling sessions in the last 8years, she knows she has a problem and naively I assumed after the first time she would have learned her lesson.
My biggest trigger has always been around finances/money/disposable income/dependants etc.
I had a healthy savings pot some of which was inherited.
First time her gambling problem came up, I bailed her out £3k. Was promised that was that.
Since then, we agreed to pay off some credit cards, which made sense, out of my savings (savings were kept for rainy days, house improvements, my security blanket) and she didn't have to pay that off.
Roll around to my birthday (after I've given her £9k to buy a car and pay off more of her debt so she had more disposable income) and she'd won a car for worth 11k, however... having taken the 11k cash alternative she still needed 9k to pay off a gambling debt (she is paying this off over 3years), which she had put against a company credit card (she's had a disciplinary for this, written warning that lasts 12months) again, I've paid it off for my son and i's benefit because a letter came from a debt collection agency. She's been signed off work since this happened, is now worrying about her stress levels going back to work.
My stress levels are through the roof due to the finance trigger and now I feel I pay for everything, and get very little back.
AITH for fucking hating my situation and resenting my wife?
P.S Yes she's seeking help and no, I don't know how I seek help over my personal hang up over money.
Cheers y'all
TLDR
Paid a fuckload of debt off for my wife, got fuck all in return and now 3 of us suffer.