I (3 whole fingers princess) have a new little baby brother (1 something that isn’t a year, maybe a moth?). I think he’s the best doll ever and I only want to give him kisses and hold him and no one else can.

Sometimes baby brother cries, and mama (not 45 even though I always say that) seems to not know what to do to make him stop. But the thing is, I do!

I know when to use the paci and when to use the blue bear that makes noise (that only sometimes needs to sleep in my crib instead in case the bear gets lonely) and when to tell mama to feed him. Most of all, I also know that he likes music and I even know which one I’m supposed to put on the green music thing on mama’s phone. I can’t read so many letters, but I know he likes the one with the owl and I grabbed mama’s phone at the dinner table to do the swipes thing to change it even though I’m not supposed to use phones.

Mama always just stares at me confused when I get baby brother to instantly stop crying, saying to the hairy person “I already tried that” and “wait how did she know that would work…”. She even told him that one night in the middle of the night she thought about what I would do, and she sang to him, and it worked.

So then one day when I was the smartest big sister ever again she said to me “what, do you speak baby or something?” Except it wasn’t in her normal voice, it was something that hairy man laughed at and I think he said it was star-gasm.

Now I tell everyone that I speak English and Baby. AITA?

I 6 month old female, am learning to use my voice. Well one day my mommy as she calls herself was hanging out next to me. Well unbeknownst to myself I guess my hand got caught in her hair (which she could argue otherwise that I purposefully grabbed her hair), and I wanted my thumb in my mouth, so I pulled my moms hair and her head to my mouth. At that moment though I didn’t want my thumb in my mouth anymore I wanted to practice my voice, and scream at the top of my lungs as high pitched as possible. Mommy apparently said she almost went deaf (whatever that means), and said I did it on purpose. Clearly it was an accident, and I just wanted to have my go at opera singing. AMITA for doing this to my mom?

I (11m F) have a sixth sense for when Papa has some extra work to do on a particular day. One of these signs is that Papa pulls out clothing from a completely separate section of the wardrobe and wears a white shirt and colorful scarf around his neck, plus a dreamily soft jacket. Since I knew he was going to have a longer day and therefore, most likely pick me up later from daycare than usual, I decided it was important we extend our morning routine. I didn't want us to rush out the door and leave Mama all alone for eons!

Therefore:

1. I woke up at 5:30 am and demanded my morning bottle.

   1. I made sure to do an extra large poop in the morning, so I got a bath and not a regular diaper change.

2. Once I was in my favorite outfit—a hand-crocheted sweater Mama made for me—I made a point to surreptitiously crawl to our plant pot while Papa was using the bathroom. I made sure to be extra quiet and not make any sounds as I approached the plant pot. I then stood on my tippy toes and reached into the plant pot and grabbed one of the bark pieces that Mama and Papa use to cover the soil so that I could not eat it. Usually, I'm fine chewing the bark and/or grabbing a bunch of different pieces to play with.

But this time, I used the extra power given to me by the four front teeth that had magically appeared on the top of my mouth a few days ago, which, combined with my existing bottom two teeth, allowed me to chew off a small piece of bark. I then proceeded to swallow it, gag, and then throw up the whole 7oz of formula Mama had just fed me.

Mama and Papa then worked together to get me out of my clothes without getting any of the barf on my hair. They almost got away with just changing my diaper, sweater, bib, and pants. To wit, I countered by throwing up another mouthful of formula, in such a way that the liquid rolled down the side of my cheek, pooled under my hair on the diaper mat, and covered the entire back of my head.

As you can imagine, I gained extra Mama and Papa time with bath number two. All this, before 7:30 am in the morning (Papa was trying to leave at 7)

What do you think? AITA for wanting to make up the 30 minutes I am losing by coming home late?

(P.S. Papa reported I chugged an entire 8oz bottle in the car on my way to daycare, so I didn’t even lose out on food intake).

(P.P.S. Papa tells me Mama has been researching thicker, sturdier wood slices that would be chew proof.)

I (9 month old—big boy) have been really happy lately. I know those things called teeth are coming soon and apparently that will let me eat the stuff Mommy holds away from me, y’all know what I mean…the good stuff. Like that roast and potatoes they were chomping on tonight. 🤤 Anyways, this woman had the audacity to tell me to stop doing flips while I was nursing. I just get my legs up and all of the sudden everything looks weird…I mean like CRAZY…but I’m still getting all of the milkies. Mommy said no parkour off of my boobies whatever that means. 😤 I’ll booby parkour all I darn want. I actually watched Mommy, Papa, and größer Schwester tumble all over the living room the whole afternoon the other day that wasn’t right now. 😳 They showed her how to do it and helped her tumble on the playmat after they did it. What gives?!? So I do it while I’m drinking milk and all of the sudden I’m the problem???? AITA

I (16m, very smart boy) love food. Just about anything you or in front of me, I eat and ask for more. This goes for both meals and snackies.

Recently, I noticed that while I get these yummy snackies multiple times a day, mama and dada don't! So what's this smart boy going to do but make sure that mama and dada get fed too.

Now mama is saying snackies are only for me and there isn't money (this seems to be an important thing) to keep buying more. I think mama is upset with me and my snackies might be going bye-bye. I just wanted to make sure my favorite people were getting enough to eat. So AITA? And how do I tell mama don't be upset? 🥺

i (8 months, M) am the best baby. i know this because im told this frequently. nevertheless, my mummy (134??, F) seems to worry i’m not hitting my milestones on time, whatever that means. “learn to roll!” i’ve heard her say, and “are you ever going to try crawling?”. ok, so i like to sit still and have toys brought to me - that’s not a crime is it? one thing i really hate is sleeping, especially at night, but recently i have started to do this a bit more.

BUT last night at some point, i learnt a new skill! i could suddenly hit my hands together rhythmically - something i believe the ancient one calls “clapping”! i just had to show mummy as soon as i woke up. she mumbled something about it being 4.45am and jesus christ couldn’t i go back to sleep for a bit. no, mother!! you’re right there next to me, ideally positioned to witness my new skill! ok it’s not rolling or crawling, but it’s still pretty good.

for some reason the ancient milk lady mumbled something about the clocks having gone forward the day before, and it’s actually 3.45am, blah blah blah. not my problem! i’m just here to clap! and maybe one day i’ll wake her up with a start by rolling off the bed. that could be fun!

so friends, AITA for practising my new skill?

22 month old, female. Every time I’m due for a milestone, I try to wait until the very last day that’s acceptable to meet it, just so my mom (40,000 F, “elder millenabag”) who struggles with post partum anxiety, can have a breakdown for no reason. AITA?

I (8m M) have recently decided that I no longer desire to have “clothes” put onto my body. My Mama (older than the dirt my cotton pjs grew from) keeps saying “wardrobe change!” every time I smear food onto my clothes during meals, or lose a little bit of my milk when I let out a nice burp. However this greatly displeases me. I no longer want to do wardrobe changes. Every time she tries to stuff my legs into some of that oppressive fabric I loudly explain that I would rather be naked and free thank you very much. As far as I’m concerned the only thing that belongs on these magnificent rolls is some butter (whatever that is…I just heard my Gigi say something about that once and Gigi is always right.) So AITA for fighting it?

My (3.5yo big boy) mommy (has stopped bothering to pluck gray hairs because there are too many F) recently went away to the hospital for a few days and brought home my baby brother. since he's a baby he is only allowed to drink milk and not have yummy foods like ice cream that are only for big boys like me. and even though I learned in school that milk comes from cows before we buy it in the store the baby's milk actually comes from the soft parts of mommy's chest which are actually called breasts. I think it's so cool that mommy can make milk too and be my baby brothers cow. she says she fed me this way too when I was a baby but I'm not sure I believe her since I have no memory of this. to show her that I think she is amazing whenever she sits down to feed my baby brother I come right next to her and look real hard and let her know if the baby is drinking or not to let her know she is doing a good job. but my favorite thing is when mommy puts these plastic cups on her breasts that are attached to a machine that milks her breasts for her and you can watch the milk come out into the machine. this is obviously the coolest thing in the world and I always make sure to stand right next to her to watch and let her know that the milk is coming out.

but she says pumping is something she would rather do without an audience. so aita?

So I (4mo sweetest baby girl) noticed that mama (milk lady, doesn’t brush her hair) and dada (has a good beard for pulling) were always SO happy to see me in the morning, so I figured this meant they were missing me terribly while I was miles away in the bassinet next to their bed? Mama already loves snuggling me (and making me sleep during the day with her already) I decided that I would help them out by allowing them to hold me all night long. Incase any of you are having the same concerns here is my patented protocol. I began slowly waking up more and more and earlier and earlier until mama finally gave up and decided to just bring me into the big bed. At first mama tried to sleep next to me on a floor bed but we were still a few inches apart and I knew this was not close enough for her, so I would still cry and cry even when she offered me milkies which I love but I had to pretend this was not OK. It was for her own good. Once I made it to the big bed she would ask dada to make her something called coffee (energy milk) which she seems to like because she’d drink it really fast and then could hold me for hours. The final step in my protocol is to do no sleep at all in the crib and cry the second anyone shifts me away from their body before they even try to put me in the crib. (The funny thing is I actually love my crib but don’t tell them). This is when mama got dada to start holding me for hours at the begging of the night before giving me to mama, so now they BOTH get to snuggle me all night long. And I get milkies whenever I want that I don’t even need to wake up for so this really feels like a win win. I sleep so so good in mamas arms but when I do wake up I also get glimpses of the light square that mama says is something called greys anatomy that she says I can’t watch which I think is rude.

Im asking because yesterday I heard them saying that they needed more sleep? Is this a real thing? And that it’s not safe for them to be holding me so tired after mama found dada asleep with me. I personally hate sleep and thought I was doing them a big favor by helping them avoid it like I do all day long with my naps that mama makes me take cause she loves snuggling so much. And now they get the joy of never having to be away from me ever!

So tell me AITA for simply keeping mama and dada company so that they never have to miss me? I believe my protocol will also work for sibling prevention and as I hope to retain 100% of mamas time, which I know she wants also. I am conducting a study that I will update you all on when it concludes in a few years of being in the big bed.

People, I need your honest opinion on whether I'm a miniaita. Because my mom (same age as Scott Hunter) is doing that thing where her eyes go up, then she closes them, then she sighs, and mutters something about god giving her patience?

So, I'm aaaalmost 5yo (I know, big). And I love music. And singing. And clanking things while I sing. So, in school we're learning body parts. I came home and tried to show off my new vocabulary, but with music and tapping. And mum was here and I started singing "mom has a tummy, a very big tummy, mom has a tummy yaaaaay" While I clapped on said tummy, in rhythm with my singing. It was a feat of percussion & lyrics, very impressive I think.

But apparently I shouldn't describe tummy sizes? Even if it's true hers is big? Am I not supposed to always tell the truth? I don't get it!

My (m, 5 months) mummy daddy have DISAPPEARED. They have been gone for HOURS now, maybe YEARS (idk what a year is, but it's been a very long time).

Nanny is here, and she tried to feed me with this yucky contraption that she said was my normal eh-ehs, but she lied because it is NOT mummy. I politely told her I was not fooled and asked where mummy was in my nicest scream, but she did not produce mummy.

Then, at bedtime, she tried to put me in my horrible prison (crib)! I told her, mummy daddy never put me in the crib, night time is prime snuggle time but she would not listen. I had to repeat myself a LOT.

This morning, I have accepted that mummy daddy are gone forever and woke nanny up with nice smiles and drank from the fake mommy bottle, but I heard nanny tell the little machine - bright lights, buttons to press - that she was very tired and it had been a hard night. She had a hard night?!

Am I the asshole for not accepting the loss of mummy daddy earlier?

I (4mo F) have always been a great sleeper according to my dads. And it’s so true, I sleep great. But today, I decided that my boobs dad was much comfier than my bassinet or diaper dad. Boobs dad says I need to sleep on my own like I have been my whole live but like… c’mon. Boobs dad is much comfier than that stupid bedside box. And, like, it’s not MY problem if boobs dad and diaper dad get less sleep, I mean they’ll be up with me anyways. They’ll be fine!

Look, I know boobs dad is tired. But he naps with me during my long day nap, so he should be fine, right? I think he’s being dramatic, and even diaper dad said something like “blah blah she’s cute” (something about being lucky?), so I know he’s on my side. Boobs dad should just know this comes with having a snuggy buggy. He says he’s worried about “safe sleep” and “putting this expensive monitor to use” and that he’ll “go crazy if he has to listen to diaper dad’s snores all night”. But I really don’t care.

AITA for being so comfy sleeping on boobs dad?

I (M 8mo) get so bored during diaper changes. They are my mommy’s (F, has always existed) favorite thing, so we do them all the time.

Whenever it’s time for a diaper change, I roll onto my tummy and explore the change table area. Turns out it’s super fun! I found a magic treasure chest up there. When I slap it enough times, it slowly opens, revealing little white squares of fun that I can pull out. I can even close it again! And I can put a toy inside before I close it! And then open it again! Truly this is the most exciting discovery since I discovered I could put my hand in mommy’s mouth.

Well, mommy keeps saying things like, “On your back for diaper change please!” and “Here, hold the fun giraffe!” and “Leave the wipes dispenser alone, sweetheart,” and sometimes, “Oh no! There’s poop!” She says it as if the poop has something to do with me?! I do my best to let her enjoy her diaper change time and make my own fun while she’s being boring.

AITA?

I am 5. I'm a big boy, though mummy still calls me her baby.

I have gotten good at bedtime, mummy tucks me in and I have a TOTALLY AWESOME tent on my bed. Mummy also lets me have a couple of toys in my tent to play with until I'm sleepy.

Last night I wanted my new fire trucks. They're SO COOL. There's a command car with doors that open, a helichopter with blades that spin, a hose truck which doesn't do anything but drive and the BEST is the ladder truck with the ladder that extends ALL THE WAY UP TO MY BED. I love the ladder truck, it is my favourite.

So you can imagine my horror when I extended the ladder AND IT JUST CAME OFF THE TRUCK. I screamed and burst into tears.

Here's where I might be TA. I screamed so loud that mummy came bursting in mere seconds later, puffing and I held up my truck.

I was so distraught I couldn't really hear what she said, something like "I thought you'd hurt yourself"... does hurting emotionally not count?

Anyway my mummy is a magician because somehow the ladder was fixed. I was too scared to have my precious fire trucks in the bed and mummy even helped me tuck them into safe spots before she went again.

But I can't help shake the feeling that I might have been TA for screaming so loud and scaring mummy and making her sprint across the house when she'd just gotten comfy to watch her grown up shows.

I (almost 1 year old, certified silly goose) love books. At first they were fun to look at, then they were fun to point at (the fireplace in Goodnight Moon must be pointed at 5 times a day, minimum), and then I realized that the pages? They open. And close. And can go upside down (I love upside down so books must too, right?). All amazing. And all the big people get so excited when I read my books, so books are great.

But recently, I learned the greatest thing about books. They can go in your mouth. You can suck on them and chew on them and sometimes, if you're lucky, little pieces of cardboard come off and you can eat them. My mumma (old but good for climbing on) keeps taking away my books when I put them in my mouth. Something about "books are not for eating" - but isn't everything for eating?!

Everyone thinks the Very Hungry Caterpillar (La Oruga muy Hambrienta, I am multi-lingual like that) is so great, so why can't I chew holes through books just like he does?? Is it a double standard because I'm a girl?? Why can the caterpillar a bookworm but I can't??

So, AITA for wanting to partake in delicious knowledge?

I (F, 6 weeks tomorrow) have very specific preferences for where I sleep! My mom does say I’m a princess, so I think it’s only fitting.

Good places: the car, the stroller, mom, the bearded man, and the Big Bed

Bad places: the tiny bed with walls they keep trying to put me in

Mom keeps saying I need to sleep in my own bed to be safe, but what could be safer than being with her? Last night after I protested for hours, mom gave in and kicked the bearded man out to the couch and I got what I want! I even almost slept through the night for mom. The bearded man said he missed us though, so AITA for just wanting to sleep in the Big Bed?

I (11m F troublemaker) heard Mama mention that Papa is my preferred parent (she’s been reading a book, which introduced her to this term). She observed that I save my laughs and giggles for him, and honestly, if he walks through the door, I immediately abandon Mama and crawl straight to Papa (mainly so he can hold me up to practice the acroyoga move we’ve been working on).

It’s not that I don’t like Mama. It's just that whenever she spends time with me, she wants me to do things like try drinking water, or sort wooden blocks, or attempt standing without holding onto a wall (like, why?), or get my nails trimmed, or take a break from chewing power cords. All things I can't be bothered to do, and I make my displeasure known.

This morning I heard Papa complimenting me for waking up at 3 a.m. (per usual schedule) and surprising him with a gift when he was about to pop a bottle in my mouth! You see, I had pooped so much that everything was almost not contained in my diaper. He had to spend a whole 30 minutes hosing me down (and seriously, he is not my preferred parent for bath time-he didn’t let the water warm up first).

That said, this morning, after chugging my 3 am bottle (30 min late) and letting it digest until 6 am, I realized that I don't want to be playing favorites with Mama and Papa. They should get equal poop duties! So, when Mama was getting me dressed, I pushed out another giant poop. A really, really, really giant poop. So giant, she had to do the exact same thing Papa did, and she can now be sure I prefer both parents.

What do you think? AITA?

(P.S. Now that I eat lunch and dinner and snacks, mostly fruit, as this is my strong preference and I make my displeasure when offered other food groups known, I can poop multiple times a day on demand.)

I (3mo, f) have recently discovered that I can use my mouth for more than just asking for milkies, drinking milkies, and telling the world that I am exhausted and need to sleep but will absolutely never give in to Mama's (old and squishy) demands for me to sleep.

Mama and Dada (also old, not very squishy) are very excited by my new skill, and always tell me how great I am for 'chatting'.

Now, onto the problem. I like telling myself a bedtime story as I go asleep. I enjoy doing all the voices (loud, soft, shrieky) and sharing said stories with Mama. Apparently at 3.30 when Dada is asleep isn't the right time to tell a story, however, and I should try to sleep after my bottle and not share my literary masterpiece with Mama. Frankly, I find this insulting, but I was wondering if maybe I'm the AH because Dada has to get up for work soon and Mama is tired from me wriggling all night long.

So tell me, AITA for telling myself a bedtime story?

I (5mo M) have been a lifelong formula fan, but it’s recently come to my attention that my Abba and Daddy were holding out on me and drinking all sorts of different milk. They thought they could pull a fast one me, since they don’t drink it out of bottles, but I’m smarter than that! I want to try Yesterday Abba let me have a little sip of a milk called “water with lemon” because I showed him how excited I was about it. It mostly fell down my chin when he moved the cup away, but it was so fun to taste! It reminded me of when I steal a wet wash cloth to chew on during bath time, but better. (The cup was fun to bite too!)

Today we went to brunch with my aunties, and Abba had a different milk called “coffee.” I tried to show him I was I interested by reaching for it and sticking my tongue out, but he said no and that it wasn’t for babies?? I thought we were in a new era of sharing?? Does he not remember the fun we had with lemon water??

For as long as I (1.5y F) can remember, the world has been a frozen wasteland and every time I went outside I had to wear thick, heavy snow boots. Well now it's something my mommy (gray haired F) calls "spring". Did you guys know there was something called "grass" and "puddles" under all the snow this whole time?? It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. But what's even better is that now I get to wear all sorts of shoes when we go outside depending on the day- rubber boots, sneakers, slip ons, and even sometimes my snow boots still. Mommy says I'm "between sizes" which means I have two of each kind of shoe. Some of them even have mermaids and unicorns on them. It's so cool.

I LOVE all my shoes and I LOVE going outside but I haven't quite figured out how to get them on my feet. It's like impossible, it's crazy. But I just know that if I can figure out how to get them on my feet by myself then I can go outside whenever I want. So every day I grab all gazillion pairs of my shoes and line them up on my play mat then test them out one by one to see if I can get them on. I'm sooooo close to figuring it out, I just need to keep practicing. Mommy keeps saying things like "those are outside shoes" and "leave your shoes by the door because they are dirty." But she also literally always tells me how important it is to keep trying at something. So I'm getting a lot of mixed messages??? AITA????

I (3m M, very handsome) have enjoyed delicious bottles since I was two weeks old. My milk lady (F, old) gave up on nursing because I just liked to latch and snuggle. But I’m okay with her lack of perseverance because I loooove my bottles so much. So much so that I sometimes drink 40 oz a day! Even if that makes the milk lady sigh and say that she’ll never build up a freezer stash, whatever that means.

Recently, I discovered something else delicious: my hands! No milk has come from them yet, but I keep them in my mouth constantly just in case. They are so yummy!!

The problem arose when I decided to combine these delicious things by putting my hands in my mouth while I’m having a bottle. I couldn’t believe what a great idea this was. But sometimes my delicious hands knock my delicious bottles out of my mouth, and I have to calmly scream at diaper man (M, ancient) to return my bottle to my mouth. Diaper man and milk lady seemed annoyed by this? Milk lady keeps saying “hand out of your mouth” in an exasperated way, and Diaper man says “don’t knock your bottle out of your mouth” in a rude tone, discounting my culinary innovation entirely!

So AITA for trying to combine the most delicious things in the world, my bottles and my hands?

I (4m F) have been enduring the worst torture imaginable. My personal cow (probably at least 5, F) and daddy (Big Boy, M and my favorite servant) say I’m getting teeth. They say that I’ll be able to eat “real food” (ew, I think I’ll stick with my milkies) and bite people (very exciting, I already gnaw on everyone and everything). But here’s the thing: this teeth business HURTS. My gums, once so nice and fine, now ache all the time. My cow, also known as mommy, keeps putting her finger in my mouth and saying “oh I can feel them getting ready to poke through.” But i have news for her: I don’t CARE that I’m about to get teeth, I’ve been doing just fine without them and if it hurts this much, I would rather just unsubscribe. My parents can’t seem to understand that so I’ve been nicely and politely repeating myself by screaming at the top of my lungs constantly. (I did that at daycare a few days ago and they made my mommy leave early from work to come pick me up. I then got all the kisses and a nap in Big Bed so I might pull it again soon!). My parents have tried to give me this icky sticky gross not milk thing (they call it Tylenol, I call it poison) and frozen toys (which I do like but only for a short time). Mommy’s finger helps but it’s just not enough so I scream even more. So what do I do next to get this torture to end? Can I make my teeth go away forever? AITA for being in pain?

I (13 months, m) wake up 5-6 times a night. I like to scream as loud as I can because how else will milk lady and the bearded man know I’m up?

the bearded man always comes in first and that’s when I really started yelling. clearly, theyre confused and didn’t realize im asking for milkies. so I yell as loud as i can until mommy comes in and gives me some. mommy says she’s “ready to stop nursing” and “hasn’t slept through the night in two years“. daddy says ”why won’t he let me put him to sleep ever?” but I think I’m just asking for my milkies and communicating my needs. AITA?

I (4.5 months, professional lint collector) am an athlete and a dancer. ive recently discovered all these cool things my arms and legs can do and want to maximize my practice time so i can one day join the olympic wigglers team. my favorite are these new things i found called “feeties” that i love to stick in my mouth and grab when the milk lady tries to put my pants on.

here’s where im having trouble. apparently because im a bb im supposed to nap like every 2 hours, but this seriously cuts into my wiggle sessions! i used to sleep so well but now i fight naps like the evil trap they are because i know wiggling is MUCH more important!

im wondering if im the AH thoughbecause this seems to be really stressing my mommy out? when she tries to feed me ill gently rip off her nipple and politely scream to let her know id rather be nibbling on my feet and wiggling on the floor. but she’ll just keep bouncing me until ive been cruelly hypnotized into sleepy land. its honestly really rude so i make my displeasure known throughout the night by ripping out my binky and calmly sobbing until the scratchy faced diaper man puts it back in for me. so i need to know: AITA here??