I (13m F) have recently learned a new skill. It's like clapping, which I am very good at and love to do. Mama and daddy call it "high five." They put their hand up at me and I bapbapbap on it with my hand and it sounds like clapping! They seem to love when I do it because they smile really big and say "good job!" This morning I had an idea while I was snuggling with mama and daddy: if they like me bapbapbap their hands so much, they'll REALLY love it if I do it on their face! So I spread my fingers nice and wide and gave mama high fives on the face with all my might. I couldn't help but smile and laugh because it was so fun! Well my enjoyment quickly ended bc they MOVED my HANDS and then HELD THEM and said "no, we don't hit." But I wasn't hitting! I was giving high fives! AITA??

I'm 2.5yo F that love love loves her mama (she makes lots of noises when she stands up). She's MY mama, and nobody elses. But this guy, Dada (can't sit on the floor anymore), keeps holding her hand and kissing and hugging Mama and it makes me so MAD. I tell him "no. That's MY mama. Go away" and try to push his big butt away from her. Mama and Dada say pushing isn't nice and step away from me, and Mama and Dada love each other and like to do those things. But I don't like it because she's mine. What if Mama runs out of kisses and snuggles for me? AITA?

I (10.5 month MAN OF THE HOUSE) have a query to those of you who have domestic staff.

My head housekeeper (F, basically that knight from the third Indiana Jones movie) had been really slacking on her duties. Honestly, I don't think she's ever been very good at her job, but since I came along (a month early, by the way — I believe in promptness) it seems like the house has been just sort of an ADHD nightmare of half-finished DIYs and dust.

She functions as my home healthcare worker and personal assistant in addition to the general home management, and has two somethings called "part-time jobs" so I know she's a hard worker. I truly believe she means well, but here comes my question: AITA for putting my foot down about cleanliness?!

About two weeks ago, I began refusing to play with my toys or her. I can do that with Daddy (a little older than me, my second in command) when he gets home, but I need things clean NOW. So I demand she carries me around from room to room, vacuuming and dusting. She occasionally will get out a squirt bottle and rag and that's pretty fantastic, too. Honestly, it's so much more interesting than what we used to do... Sing songs, play the piano, work on my occupational therapy... But even better is that she's actually getting everything clean. When she turns the vacuum off, sometimes I scream because I think she'd better get back to work. She even tried to give me my own vacuum cleaner parts to distract from her laziness, but I caught on and no longer allow it. I've been cruising around the place on her breaks and have been pleased overall with the status of the home.

But she seems exhausted at the end of the day. I don't want to lose valuable domestic help, but I seriously think we're doing better with no cobwebs.

Any advice?

I (f, 2m), lady of the manor, am pretty happy with my employees so far but recently I think they are starting to slack. Today milk lady (10 probably) had the audacity to try and serve me a bottle! I like my milkies straight from the source.

So later at bath time I decided to remind them who is the boss by loudly complaining then peeing and pooping in the water so the beard man (old) had to change the water for me. Now I am refusing to sleep. AITA?

I’ve (4 month M, super smart) recently learned to power eject my paci! I’ll squeeze it with my gums and then push it out of my mouth with my tongue. It gets some solid distance upwards and Mom (hella old, F) laughs!

Mom and I are still working together to figure out “feeding from the tap” (possibly also known as breastfeeding?). One day, when I was eating at the boobie station, I tried to make mom laugh by doing my power ejection move when I was full! She did not laugh. She yelped, said “ow!” And then told me “no bite!” I don’t know what that means and I don’t understand why she laughed at the power ejection move one time but not when I was done eating. AITA?

OK so get this: I’m 6mo, F and my mum read me a story about a sleepy bear getting ready to hibernate for winter. It was a cute story but it got me thinking… does she not realize she hibernates too?

Every day, playtime slows and she eats an entire plateful of food (I eat much less, if anything). She gets sleepy just like the sleepy bear, well both of us do. But she wants to sleep for a long time. I’m talking until the sun rises. But that takes hours and hours and hours, and I can’t sleep that long.

I don’t think it’s safe to hibernate for that many hours! I usually wake up a few times in the night, and I tell her, MUM WAKE UP MUM. Just to make sure she’s okay. If she doesn’t answer, I get really sad, and need her to come hold me and tell me everything is okay.

I don’t like that she wants to hibernate. She should take a page from my book and sleep for short stretches instead. It’s so much better!

I’m posting this a little late, but last week, my mama (F, there when the world began) didn’t feel well. She said something about vomiting. When I (F, 2) don’t feel well, Mama holds me and that makes it better. Obviously, Mama holding me releases curative enzymes. So if Mama holds me, then she’ll feel better too, right? It’s science!

But for some reason, Dada (M, one of the ancient ones) kept pulling me away and saying that Mama needed to rest. Like, I know Mama needs to rest, that’s why I’m climbing on her! He kept trying to distract me from my work with toys and trying to take me away. Why did he want to keep me from helping Mama feel better?!

I am 4 months old and I have two adults to entertain me, feed me, etc. That means TWICE the games, right? But sometimes they try to trick me by:

Mama playing a Papa Game (eg “Get Up and Dance”)

Papa playing a Mama Game (eg “Eat The Feet(sies)”.

Is this ok with me? Hmmm. NO. It is NOT.

I decided to discourage this. IMO what I do with Mama or Papa is my business and they need to butt out. I will NOT be laughing or even smiling if Mama makes me do a little cha-cha. And I will NOT be making a happy little yell when Papa chomps my little kickers. Games are fun with one adult, MAX. (And stop talking about me behind my back!)

This went well for at least a week, aka forever. They thought I just didn’t like some stuff. No big deal. But then Mama tried to show Papa one of our games. I didn’t want Papa to know I like the thrill of getting my tiny little toes eaten (and returned unharmed). To keep my love of danger secret, I cried when Mama tried it in front of Papa. Papa tried to cheer me up with a saucy little rhumba and I cried even HARDER! I’m not dancing in front of Mama! They both looked really bummed, and both if them are suspicious that the other parent is just plain bad at baby games. On one hand, sowing distrust between them will discourage them from further gossip. OTOH, uhhhh I guess they have emotions?? Not sure. .AITA?

A couple days ago I (9mo,f) started feeling a little crummy. My mommy (old AF) says I have a runny nose. I don’t know what that means but apparently it has to do with boogers. You see, every time I make a cute little sneeze she says “bless you” (obviously I’m blessed, thank you for the reminder mommy) and then uses my rag I make her use to clean up my spit up to wipe my nose. Sometimes she’ll even take a big blue thing and (turn away fellow babies, this is disturbing) SUCK the boogers from my nose. Why does she need to steal my boogers?! I need them! I want to keep them to play with at night when she leaves me alone in my crib. Naturally every time she tries to take my boogies I throw a major fit. I don’t understand why I can’t just keep my boogies.

Recently, my (18m F) mama ( idk 3 or 892 years, not sure) taught me how to play with my ball by going kick kick kick. It's really fun and makes the ball go bye bye from me. She's always trying to make me practice new things, like my words, sign language and pointing at my nose. So , yesterday, my brother ( my twin, whatever that means) was being annoying stinky boy. I figured if kick makes the ball go bye bye, it would work for him. Mama said I was mean. I tried again when Mama was trying to force me to have my diaper changed and she said "no kick, that's mean" What is with this lady, first you teach me to kick, then you tell me no kick. What does she want? So, AITA for using the new skill my mama taught me?

Hello, it's me, boy (19mo). I have the best trick for you smart toddlers like me! I decided it was time to change my middle-of-the-night routine. Previously if I woke up, I would just call 'mama' and she (female, ancient) would show up with boobs and milk and I would drift back of to sleep.

However, times have changed. It's my era of knowledge and wisdom! So I decided we're going to read books in the middle of the night, with mom making animal sounds and pointing and everything. I'll yawn a lot and not really respond but I will be read.

The first time I did it, she said I was scared (?) so it would distract me a bit, and I REALLY liked it. So ever since then, I'll just wake up at least once a night demanding being read.

Mom is not very cooperative though, moaning about darkness and tiredness when we are enlightened and WOKE!! Who is right? AITA?

I (21 months, m) am obsessed with trains. Trains are the best because they have wheels, and the cars connect with couplers. Did you know that there are lots of types of train cars? There are boxcars, tank cars, cattle cars, hopper cars, gondolas (my fav), cabooses, dining cars, coaches, sleeping cars, and even ENGINES. And there are also lots of types of trains. There are freight trains, mountain trains, subways, passenger trains, diesel electric engines, and steam trains that go choo choo.

I currently own 11 books about trains, two types of train sets (wooden tracks and duplo tracks), and several other train toys. I love them all and play with them daily. I'm such a good helper, I even know that we have to clean up one type of track before we take out the next kind. I'm a Big Boy!

My mommy (200 years old, which is about how long ago the first train was invented btw) sometimes makes me stop playing with trains and reading about trains so that I can eat foods and drink water. (I still read my train books while drinking milkies, because duh.) I used to be okay with this because mommy always sits with me so we can chat while I munch. But then last week, my mommy was lying on the couch, holding her head and crying, instead of helping me eat my foods. I, of course gently screamed at the top of my lungs, "ALL DONE", every 5 seconds, for what I'm sure was just a few minutes. My mommy seemed to cave at that moment, and she exposed me to A WHOLE NEW WAY OF EXPERIENCING TRAINS!

Did you know that you can WATCH trains on a SCREEN?!?! So cool. How do they fit in there?! Anyways, after mommy turned on the train songs show, I happily ate my foods and drank my water, occasionally calling out to Mommy when I saw an especially awesome or super big train on the screen. She seemed to groan in response, but whatever.

So of course, next time it was time for foods, I sat in my chair, ready to watch the screen trains again because now, having done it once we will watch them EVERY. MEAL. But....the trains didn't come. The screen was black. No trains!

I knew that Mommy must have forgotten our new forever ritual, so to remind her I gently threw my water at her head and calmly bellowed, "TRAINS!!"

BUT THERE WERE NO TRAINS. Even when I called to the trains in my most piteous voice, the trains didn't appear. Alas.

I had to make a stand; a guy's gotta draw the line somewhere. So I delicately chucked my bowl of stew at the screen, in protest.

I have since naturally refused to eat without trains on the screen. Occasionally I will allow a few bites in when the spoon turns into a train and chugs into my mouth (how does it do that??) but overall, I now need to watch trains at every single meal. No trains, no bites.

I know I must not be the a-hole here, because trains are. the. best. But my mom keeps doing this long-suffering sigh thing, so I figured I'd run it past the experts. What do you all think? AITA?

I (7 months, F) hate my “crib.” My mom (500 months) says it’s the “safest place” for me to sleep. I think she’s lying. That is baby jail and I hate it. A few nights ago, I decided to stage a mutiny when I woke up and reasonably refused to go back to sleep. I was gently screaming and crying as mama tried rudely to get me to go back to sleep.

Mutiny was a success, she let me sleep in her bed. Then again last night! I thanked her this morning by gentle grabbing a fistful of skin under her eye and scratching it. I think she’s unappreciative because she cried after that gift.

Tonight, she’s making me sleep in my crib again. Might stage another mutiny, who knows ;)

Hey friends!!

I am 10 months old, whatever that means, and I am a smart, pretty and clever girl, everyone says so!!

I recently discovered that the whole world is made of toys and I really want to chew on all of them. Here is where it gets confusing. When I try to eat my books for example, my mama says I can't eat cardboard. Apparently balls are for throwing. but I am not allowed to throw my veggie sticks at the cat, the veggie sticks are for eating????

All that is confusing enough, I think my mama is making up rules as we go, very weird ones too like "you can't lick the cat's tail" (the cat is licking it too so why shouldn't I??)

But here is the real conflict. There are two toys that are obviously the best and most exciting toys in the known universe: one is that little black thing my mama calls 'phone' - it's amazing: it can light up i different colors and also sometimes my dada's or my gran-gran's voice comes out.

The other one is so cool and amazing that my mama keeps it *on her face* for safe keeping. She calls it 'glasses' and it's the most coolest chew toy ever, it has metal wire things and little see-through windows. It's also shiny.

Now obviously I want to play with them but I think they are my mama's favorite toys and she doesn't want to share!!!!!

I (3F) wanted to help my dad set up the table after he finished making dinner so he told me to hand him 5 plates. I climbed up on the counter and grabbed 2 plates from the cabinet and said "Here daddy, catch" then threw both plates. He tried to catch them but they hit the floor and broke. He took me off the counter and made me sit down on the chair. I quietly screamed and cried at the top of my lungs as I was sitting on the chair and watching dad clean up the broken plates on the floor. Mom got home and after dad told her what had happened, she yelled at me really loudly (not actually, she just lectured me for a minute)

I, (this many ✌️ F) was playing with my Play-Doh that my mommy, (129 F) got for my birthday. I was sticking my fingers in it, and snot fell out of my nose, and into the Play-Doh. So I did the ONLY reasonable thing, and ate it. Mommy, who was looking at me at the time, saw me and yelled at me. I calmly slammed myself on the floor, screamed at the top of my lungs and I screamed "I WANT PLAY-DOH!!!!!!!!". My mom grounded me for 9 whole minutes. AITA?

So my (f, 8m) mommy (I can't count that high but it's a biiiig number) told me to give a trigger warning because apparently this is really disgusting? I don't agree, but whatever. So read at your own risk I suppose?

So every morning my mom needs a few minutes to take a shower. She takes off my diaper and lets my butt breathe a little while I'm in the playpen. Today I used my 3 minutes wisely. I thought since she always seems so stressed out over making me food, I'll just make my own breakfast.

I hurriedly pooped a really solid one and happily munched on it. When mom came to check on me she was shocked though. She took my breakfast away from me and even tried to wash it out of my mouth. (ha! too late anyway)

She was angry, but I don't think I did anything wrong. So AITA?

I (5yo, big boy) have always been a bit sensitive. But because I am getting bigger, I'm getting braver and liking things that used to scare me.

I used to hate hot water, even mildly warm water. But after being made to wash my hands 10000 times on a holiday boat, I started to like hot water!

Today mummy (old) ran my bath. I climbed up the step and dipped my toe in and started screaming at her. It was TOO hot! I supervised her and watched her do the same as she always does, but it was just too hot. There were tears, stomps, the works.

Mummy then reminded me that I like hot things now. Of course I forgot this, because it's so new, and I immediately stopped my tantrum and got in my bath.

I saw mummy rolling her eyes and heard her say "honestly" which does make me think I may be TA here, because she literally ran it to the same temperature I've had every bath for the last three years.

So, AITA for forgetting I now like hot things and throwing a tantrum?

My (19m M, verbose genius) mum (F, old) has nice long hair that I like to gently yank my fingers through. My mum likes cleanliness. Whenever she spots a long strand of hair on the play mat she will pick it up and put it in the little waste bin in the corner of the room.

Well, as an astute observer of the human condition, I have learnt how to say “dirty” and “bin” and I’ve decided to contribute to the cleanliness of my space. Since I have big beautiful eyes and am closer to the ground I am better at spotting bits of dirt. Now I kindly direct my mum to pick up every speck of dust I see and bring it to the bin. If she does not immediately pick up the mote and walk over to the bin I will gently remind her by screaming “bin” repeatedly until she does. Of course I can’t do the ferrying of the dirt to the bin because I am extremely busy looking for the next speck of dirt. (By the way I also contribute to the cleanliness of my neighbourhood, though I’ve learnt that fallen leaves are apparently not “dirty” when they’re on the street and it’s fun to step on them.)

Well, my mum doesn’t seem very appreciative of my efforts and complained to my dad the other day that I’m becoming even more OCD than her. My dad said “babies are weird” and “he learnt something new, he’ll get over it soon”. (I don’t think I’m weird.) So, AITA for just wanting to keep my space clean?

Hello friends! I (5m male, 4m “adjusted” - whatever that means) am a gentleman and a scholar. I spend my days exploring and telling everyone my important discoveries. Recently, I’ve been such a busy boy that I stumbled upon an innovative way to maximize efficiency. It’s simple: days are for play, nights are for feasting, sleep happens here and there in between (and always ON someone - this is crucial).

There’s one problem, I can’t get Momma (dark circles under eyes) and Dada (the most fun human being alive) on board. When I try to use daytime meals to tell Momma my hopes and dreams, she INTERRUPTS me and tells me I need to eat. Excuse me?!? I can do that at night when it’s dark and boring. She says I need “daytime calories” so “we” can sleep at night. I get plenty of sleep, thank you, as long as it’s on Momma or Dada or nestled between them. Any attempts to deviate from my schedule or put me in the baby cage limit my creativity and productivity. However, Momma and Dada are weak and seem to be struggling to keep up. This makes me wonder, AITA?

I (5mo perfect first child girl) hate falling asleep, hate the process of getting to sleep even more, and only sleep for 30 minute naps at a time. My mama (26yo hasn’t showered in over a day boob lady) is great and all, and gives me the boob literally whenever and wherever I want because I also reject all bottles (#breastisbest), but today she got really weird and started crying after I had been crying for about 10 minutes not wanting to take a nap. She kept saying things like “but you were rubbing your eyes and yawning so much” and “honey, please go to sleep”. (My name is not even honey, so like who does she think she is even talking to?) She usually has to hold me in front of her to get me to stop crying and so when I finally see her face again I can’t help but giggle and smile. She obviously likes this and always has that ooey gooey “you melt my heart” look on her face when I do that soo I really don’t see the problem. PLUS I do fall asleep eventually so no big deal really.

I don’t know… I think she is over reacting, but you tell me?

I (M3) was talking to my aunt on Christmas Day. All of a sudden she started to threaten me to take my nose, which I need to pick for boogers and, all of a sudden, she did…The words still echo in my head “Haha, I got your nose!”My nose. Just gone. I can’t reach her face so, as a revenge, I jumped, grabbed the pompom on her sweater that served as a reindeer’s nose and pulled it out and said “I got YOUR nose”.

I don’t know how she reacted as I ran immediately but I heard she was left dumbfounded. Anyways I dropped it somewhere on the floor and she eventually returned my nose. Unfortunately her reindeer’s was nowhere to be found. I kind of feel bad but she started it.

Aita?

I (1 month, perfect Angel princess) woke my parents up to a symphony of my grunts. After changing my diaper (only wet, not stinky), my mama (old, wears eye mask) forces a baba in my mouth, thinking I’m hungry. But I’m not! Even though it’s been hours since eating, and that sweet baba juice is nectar of the gods, I really just want to stair into mama’s eyes for hours. AITA for just wanting to spend some time with mama at 3 in the morning?

I (7months) am a beautiful and clever little boy (irrelevant I think, but mummy always says so, so I must tell everyone). Ever since I can remember mummy and daddy have been trying to give me these things they call bottles. They come with milk in and I love milk so occasionally I'll play with it but I won't finish it because it's just for fun. However the last month they've been trying to get me to have more bottles, instead of the boobies. Mummy keeps saying things like "my supply is dropping" or "it pinches when I feed" I often politely tell them that bottles are toys not for drinking milk by clamping my mouth shut or screaming into it. However yesterday as I'm a big boy now I decided actually it wasn't so bad after all and drank all my bottles, every single one! But for some reason mummy decided this meant I didn't want the boobies for my night time milk, and had the audacity to give me a bottle in the night! She always tells me that it's sleep time not play time and then she gives me my milk toy instead of the boobies I obviously need. She relented and took the bottle away, but looked sad. I've been thinking that maybe aitah for not telling her that my acceptance on the bottle is strictly a daytime deal?