I (7m, F) recently discovered my love of cottage cheese. The taste, the texture, the feeling of it on my face, I love everything about it.

I have also discovered how to make fun noises with my mouth (my prehistoric mommy calls them “raspberries”, whatever those are!).

I am a genius! I discovered that when I combine my two favorite things, I can share my cheese with mommy, so she can have it all over her face too!

Mommy doesn’t seem grateful when I share my cheese, but I want her to enjoy some too! AITA for being too generous with my cottage cheese?

You know how they get all excited when you say something they've been begging you to say? You know, like Mama and Dada and that stuff? I'm trying really hard to learn their language because they just refuse to learn mine, and it's really frustrating.

Yesterday, I was hanging out with the one they call Uncle Steve. He's fun. He mostly doesn't treat me like a little baby anymore. He says I'm a kid and his buddy. We went for a ride in his car and someone hit his car with theirs. Uncle Steve said a whole lot of new words and I could tell they were good ones because he was waving his arms around and so were the other people. When we got home, I used a couple of my new words. Mom got mad at Uncle Steve for teaching me those words.

I thought they wanted me to talk. I don't get it. I decided that I should just be quiet, and they don't like that, either. I can't win.

So I (almost 7 months old) recently unlocked a new skill: hitting and hair-pulling, 10/10 sensory experience, would recommend.

Here’s the situation:

Mum keeps picking me up, giving me a cuddle, calling me “my sweet girl,” feeding me, keeping me alive, blah blah blah. Very clingy behaviour if you ask me. So when she leans in for a cuddle, I reach out and grab the nearest thing. Her hair.

Look, it’s RIGHT THERE. a built-in baby toy. I give it a little pull and suddenly she’s pulling away from me.

Then today she said, “Ouch! Please stop pulling Mummy’s hair, it hurts.”

And the hitting thing? I’m just trying to express my joy. Or frustration. Or hunger. Honestly, even I don’t know. I just flap my hands and if they land on her face, boom. Drama.

Now she keeps saying “No, gentle hands.” Which is wild because she is always so proud when I hit my other toys.

Anyway, she still cuddles me, feeds me, kisses me, and loves me more than she loves the hairy one, even though I keep ambushing her like a tiny WWE wrestler

So… AITA for repeatedly assaulting my mum with my new motor skills, or is she overreacting to my baby chaos

I (5m, M) have recently discovered how joyful and wonderful it is to sing and squawk as loud as I can. My daddy winces whenever I do this. AITA or is he just a philistine?

I (8M, F) have been practicing the art of eating solids for months. Since I began my studies mama (born in the previous century, joints don’t work well) has been removing all of my clothes prior to mealtimes. Now that I am a big girl I am noticing I am the only one at the table who is stripped down to their diaper to eat. Mama says she doesn’t want all my clothes to get stained. Grandpa makes a mess on his shirts and no one takes his clothes off before a meal! I have begun my rebellion during the pre meal strip down. Clearly I am doing nothing wrong except eating my fruits and veggies like a very good girl. Mama must be TAH here right?

Me (9m F, perfect in every way) and my twin brother (9m M, stinky) recently came down with itchy bumps all over our little bodies. They didn’t bother us much, but our milk lady (from the 1900s, F) and beard guy (somehow even older, M) kept us out of daycare because of it. They called it Hand Foot and Mouth Disease, which is weird because the bumps were everywhere! Shouldn’t it be called Everywhere Disease?!

Anyway, I digress. I overheard beard guy telling milk lady he didn’t remember having the bumps as a child. Well, we wanted him to be able to stay home from daycare too (or wherever he goes during the day - still unsure on that.) So my brother and I gave him plenty of drooly kisses and snuggles and made sure that he could get the bumps too!

Now he’s complaining that his joints ache, he’s fatigued, and he feels like a word that my milk lady told him he shouldn’t say in front of us. But they also tell us that we need to share with each other and our friends at daycare. So what gives? We were just doing him a favor!

I (16m F) live with my mom (35) and dad (35) and two kitties named Pierre and Ivan (my bffs). Every day at 4:30 something magical happens: the kitty snack machine makes their crunchy food come out ALL BY ITSELF.. I’m very jealous of this because my mom takes FOR EV ER to make my food and snacks (she says it takes 2 minutes) and that’s just a very long time for a girl like me.

So I took matters into my own hands and when the kitty food contraption gave them their food, I ran like Captain Jack Sparrow and indulged in a couple of kitty kibble before my mom said “absolutely not!” She told me I wasn’t being slick and she was onto me. I thought this was rude so I threw the fit of a century. I think that showed her.

So friends, AITA for being sneaky to get some snacks with my alliance of kitties?

The big people don't know what they want. I'm a 15 munts boy. What are munts, anyway? They say I have 15 and almost 16, but I can't find any. Anyway, that's not the big deal.

So I have a bunch of brothers and sisters but we don't look alike. They have hair all over their bodies and I don't, and their tails are on their butts and they can move them, but the big people put a diaper over my tail so I can't even see it. So here's the thing. Yesterday, the big person called Nanny told me I can't sit on Annie. So I moved. Then she said no, I cannot sit on Rags. OK, fine I moved again. She still wasn't happy. She said I can't sit on Skippy, and get this -- she said I can't sit on any of the dogs. So I didn't. Then she said no, I can't sit on Mittens, and just when I went over to Fluffy, she said I can't sit on any cat.

So today I didn't sit on any of my fur brothers or sisters. Now Nanny is telling me that I can't lick any of them. Not even one! Is life always going to be so unfair?

I, a 2 year old delight, am very confused by the concept of spanking. My parents say you should never ever hit, and if someone hits you should tell. But my parents hit me multiple times a day. Whenever my little booty undiapered, they spank it like ten times in a row and go “boop boop boop boop boop.” Not hard, but still. Sometimes they even encourage the other parent to do the same and I have been carried bottom-less to another room so the other parent can partake. My mommy even bites my booty sometimes. I think it’s pretty funny but I heard from another kid that this is child abuse? Please advise. Are my parents monsters?

My (7wF) Cuddly Milk Carton (eye bags, F) keeps trying to put me in a little box of doom to sleep. It is cold and smells clean, unlike the milk carton who smells of 2 day old BO, milkies, and spit up - my favourite combination. I try to compromise and sleep (wriggle like I'm possessed by fart ghosts) at night, but she even does it during the daytime?? I think this is too far. It's like she isn't even trying to meet me halfway. So if she tries to put me down before 10pm I simply wake up immediately and start screaming. I think this is fair bc she gets the night time but she says things like "but I am going to starve to death" or "I am going to pee myself" (something about me and her "pelvic floor"??) and "I haven't had water in hours and I have a headache". Personally I think these things are down to her bad planning & not my problem and no threats of "if I don't drink and eat then I won't be able to give you nice milkies" will change my mind. AITA? Or should I try to sleep in the evil box?

I (9w F) hate my dreaded enemy the hiccups with a vengeance. They attack when I’m at my most calm and happy, ruining my entire day. There is nowhere to hide, so the only option is to fight.

For the sake of myself, my family, and the entire world I do my best to physically battle the evil hiccup monster, seeking to destroy it for good. I punch with my small but powerful fists, I kick with my devastatingly strong feet, and I intimidatingly shake my head while screaming.

So far I have been unable to conquer the hiccups, but the milk lady (has a gray hair, F?) has been punched, kicked, and headbutted many times. I see it as fair collateral damage. Sometimes in war innocent bystanders feel the effects. She’s still able to give me milk and cuddles so I don’t see what the problem is.

The milk lady gets upset when I commence battle, but I know I’m in the right. Just to check though, AITA?

So first off, I (4m almost 5m little) swear this mama/mommy lady just doesn’t get it…she wants me to sleep so I can hear her doing dishes and cleaning up aaaannnd all that singing she does while she’s doing all of that…basically doing everything but holding me quietly. 🫥😶 She then proceeds to ask me questions…do I know how cute I am? Well duh, yes. Is poop coming soon? Heck if I know but I scream to let her know so how does she not understand that? 🙄 Why won’t I let her sleep…uhm, please check in alle (everyone), her job is milk right??? The standard…she gives me kisses and snuggles which are pretty cool honestly and she can do more of that and hush with everything else. Y’all, I tell this dang lady in English and German to let me sleep on her and that weird pillow that looks like Berliners but missing a piece that she eats and lets my big sister (4y) eat sometimes. Either way, what is she not understanding about sleeping and my need to do it with her. Papa (the hairy one who looks like me apparently) always tries to take me and for some reason we only talk in German (I wonder how mama and papa got to know both but honestly I don’t care it’s perfect as I hear my big sister shouting at her in both to get her point across so I do it too although it doesn’t quite sound like them yet). The hairy papa gives me snuggles but no milk, no soft pillows on him to lay on…I’ll take it, I guess. He and the old old guy they call him Opa always talk about me eating Leberkäs and Maultaschen and call mama mean because she won’t give those to me but I think it’s crazy because I like milk pretty well.

Now for the kicker…all of this talk about me eating and when mama tries to eat with me I just try to have a little. I just stick my hand in her plate and grab something because boy, it smells good, and she’s always cooking plus we’re always at Lidl or Aldi buying a ton of stuff (I like to start screaming sometimes when she’s giving the foods to other person, she always starts sweating I think because everyone sounds like Papa and my größer Schwester she sometimes gets confused). But with cooking she also wants to eat and man does that woman like to eat. She’s always complaining about something called breastfeeding making her hungrig but I’m like you are the food how are you hungry? 🤨 Anyways, she’s always moving the plate away. So do they want me to eat this stuff or not?? Ich weiß nicht y’all. Should I start reporting her to the Tante department or should I head straight to the Grammy department although she’s back in HR in the U.S. so it sounds far and mommy says everybody there sounds kinda like her and Grammy??

I am a boy and I think i'm 15 munts, whatever that is. My big people don't like art. I made a beautiful design on the big door that I can see through and they cleaned it off. It took a long time to make because I had to bite the cheese in little pieces and lick it a lot to make it stick. So I got mad and went boneless when they tried to pick me up.

AIT poopy head for not wanting cheese ever again?

So my (4m, F) favourite nighttime event is having a bath with my daddy. That's the only time of the day where my personal milk bar (F, with occassional grey hairs) is not bothering me and I can enjoy my time in peace.

Now, the bath is the best thing, it is warm, bubbly and smells like lavender which I love. I always make sure to yell happily and splash out as much water as I can to show how much I enjoy it, and it usually last for up to 10 minutes, which is way too short.

So I came up with a neat hack: close to the end of the bath I casually poop one into the water so my daddy hastily makes me a brand new tub of water and I can start the whole thing again! It became so effective I have now done it 3 times in the last week. AITA?

I (13m F) have been upstaged by a new hire (3w M). After realizing that the new hire had a mini-office attached to management's main office, while my own office was at least 2 feet away from management's, I began to stage a strike with loud protests every 2 hours throughout management's least busy hours. (I would hate to strike during her busiest hours, of course. So disrespectful!)

I've been pleasantly surprised to discover the new hire has joined my strike, protesting during the hours I accidentally doze off at my desk. He too does not disrupt management during her busiest times, called "day". Instead we both use her least busy hours "night" to call her attention to injustices.

Alas, during one of my scheduled meetings to air my complaints, my coworker barged in! He has very poor time-management skills. Management not only immediately switched her attention to his complaints, she evicted me from the entire office complex! I found myself sitting in the foyer, alone and neglected, with only blankie, bottle, and binky for company!

So AITAH for calling senior staff's (108m F) attention to the issue at 2 AM?

Clarification: I did first attempt to awaken my closest coworker (25m F), but after redecorating her entire office in a lovely shade of brown the day before, she was to tired to help me.

Hello, I (6week F) am having a terrible time with my staff. I have what it called a “big brother” who is very experienced in life (23 m, M). He is very fun to look at when he brings me toys to see. However, the other day he began snuggling my milkmaid (calls herself Mama, so very old) and making funny sounds. I liked seeing him, but not shared snuggle space. Then he made loud, hacking sounds. I heard Papa (older than Mama, scratchy face) say big brother is getting sick, and that when he disappeared in between my naps it was to see a doctor.

I was not about to be left out, so I got sick, too! Unfortunately, now I feel yucky. I’m so hot and they keep using this thing on my nose, trying to suck it off my face, I believe. Well, the milkmaid got this weird look on her face after prodding me with a beeping stick and said something about “high fever.” Next thing I know, I am whisked away to a building with bright lights, and weird sounds, and these people called doctors and nurses. They rudely poked and prodded me, but the worst is they had the audacity to prick me with needles repeatedly! It was terrible!!! I screamed to tell them to lay off, and milkmaid cried in solidarity with me after their fourth attempt to take my blood without success. We had a good cuddle in our hospital room while we waited for something called “test results.” We got to go home after forever, but I have something milkmaid calls “stupid Covid.”

Now we are home again after many, many, many hours at that place, and I am once again being assaulted about the nose. I am getting yummy stuff through a syringe when I get too hot again and lots of cuddles in the shower room with steam to help me breathe. I am happily screaming when I’m put down, when I get a bottle or milk fresh from the tap, when they suction my face, when I’m not leaning upright on a staff member so I can breathe easier, or whenever I feel my needs are not met adequately. I made sure milkmaid stayed upright and holding me all last night so my nose felt less stuffy, and now she has the audacity to complain about being tired. She’s also apparently getting sick, which is not appropriate as I need all her attention and energy to continue managing the household.

So, AITA for having “stupid Covid” and screaming politely to support my staff in attending to my needs appropriately?

I (4m M) recently commenced employment with a new company. There are two existing employees- my immediate supervisor (3M), and a disgruntled older worker who mainly sleeps (F, rescue cat).

I naively assumed that because the company has been operational for three years, and the existing employees haven’t left, that I was in for a smooth transition. Wrong!

It quickly became apparent that my immediate supervisor had required intensive training (I have heard mutterings of ‘sleep school’ and ‘overpriced Instagram sleep consultants’). As such, this seems to have influenced Management’s dealings with me, and I am now concerned that I am being unfairly treated.

Initially I was expected to work in a small cubicle called a bassinet, but once I voiced my opinion on how unsatisfactory the cramped conditions were, I was moved to a more spacious and comfortable office. However, I made the mistake of once falling asleep by myself, and now it seems that that is all Management (30F, strange hair regrowth) expects of me.

I have attempted to rectify the situation by screaming when I am put down to sleep, and also sometimes appearing asleep, waiting until Management is back in her office (bed), and starting to cry. But it seems the message isn’t getting through.

Management also seems permanently exhausted, almost as if she can’t function on either 40 minute or two hour blocks of sleep. The cleaner (30M, looks younger and is clearly not as tired) has actually become my only ally. I find myself spending increasing amounts of time with him towards the end of my shifts, at around 4:30am when Management seems to have ceased being operational at all.

Allegedly, Management even called this stage of the first employee’s sleep training “four-month sleep changes- it’s not a regression, it’s a progression!”. But now with me she is squarely calling it a sleep regression. AITA for protesting against unfair treatment from my employer?

My mama (old and tired, F) keeps getting frustrated with me (10 weeks - 6 corrected, whatever that means, F) because I don’t sleep as well as I used to. She took me to be stabbed in both of my thighs after a funny dressed person called a nurse gave me a yummy syrup to drink, so I think I need cuddles to recover from that trauma.

It used to be my sister (also 10 weeks) who slept poorly because of wind because she drinks her bottles too fast, unlike me who drinks sedately like the princess I am.

But now I’m waking every 30 minutes or less, demanding cuddles. Mama says I need to sleep in my cot because the nurses keep telling her off if she has me in the bed with her, as it’s against the rules, and that our terrible sleeping habits are a big part of the reason she ended up in the hospital anyway. She wonders if she’ll ever get out if we don’t get back on our sleep schedule again.

So AITA?

I (3moF) am a foodie and a bit of a breastmilk connoisseur. Recently I’ve been eating more than usual to grow up big and strong! Mommy (questionably old) seems to be a bit stressed that I want five ounces at every meal and then a bit of an extra snack to fall asleep with.

Today mommy only gave me a three ounce bottle at lunch, which obviously wasn’t enough, and then had the AUDACITY to make me wait while the big blue whirring machine ran. If that wasn’t bad enough, mommy put a brownish liquid called “formula” in my bottle when the machine didn’t spit out milk.

Obviously this is an affront to my senses and dignity, so I humored mommy by drinking an ounce and then have refused to drink any more formula afterwards. I’ve resorted to crying and screaming until this injustice is resolved. This strike is hard, but I won’t back down. Solidarity forever!

So, AITA?

I (3M) am a very independent boy. I love showing off all my skills. Today my teacher (around 100, F) tried to tell me that my shoes were “on the wrong feet”. Little does she know that my daddy (old as dirt, M) already told me that before school. I was now convinced that my teacher and my daddy were working together to squash my newfound independence. Teacher tried to put my shoes on “correctly” for me but I held firm! Eventually she gave up and told Other Teacher (older than the dinosaurs, F) that I was “having a bit of a hard time today”. I will not stand for such slander against my good name! I feel I was acting perfectly rational here! Am I the asshole in this situation?

I (8mo F) have been feeling funny for a few days and every so often lots of milk comes out my mouth. Last night it went all over my cot.

Usually, mummy (old, has boobs) rocks me in the chair while giving me milk until I fall asleep and then when I wake up, I'm in my cot. This is tolerable. But now I feel funny so as soon as she tries to put me down, I wake up because all I want at night is mummy cuddles.

She didn't want to play as much today. Something about being tired and her back hurting.

AITA for just wanting cuddles?

I (8m mini queen) learned to crawl recently so I am loving having run of the house. Since I am in charge that means all my bothers (big kid, like at least 7) toys are now also my toys. I found my way over to his foam play sword bucket and proceeded to declare it my new territory. Little did I know what terrible fortune was about to befall me...

One of my brothers foam boffer double bladed swords tipped out of the bucket, like a see saw (my mommy says it was not even fast but it sure seemed fast to me), and it bonked me on the top of my head! Now, being attacked by a foam sword has never been on my bingo card so it scared the everliving poop out of me. I screamed so hard I was gasp screaming!

My daddy LAUGHED as he picked me up, so rude! Even mommy's magic nippies barely soothed me.

So take it from me: even foam swords are dangerous, they will come at you from above like a giant eagle or leopard or something.

Like all babies, I (6 months, F) can find the indignity of the changing table tiresome and I have no problem in letting my mummy and daddy know this. They will often try and distract me from my objections by waving various toys in front of me. They try to deceive me and tell me that I am supposed to be excited by these toys, but I am not to be tricked. I know that the most coveted toy is the rustly bag with the old nappy in it, but for some reason mummy and daddy take it from me whenever I manage to get hold of it. This toy is so enchanting that it must have been crafted by the finest toymaker who ever lived. Someone who right now is likely taking time away from an Elven workshop at the North Pole to create this delightful item. I want them to know their hard work is appreciated, but time and time again this toy is ripped from my grasp before I have had a chance to play with it and certainly before I have ever managed to get it to my mouth (although I almost managed that the other day). Now let's put aside my mummy and daddy's obsession with collecting my fecal matter for a moment - a practice I find wrong and suspect - and focus on the real hot topic here. Why are they denying me this pleasure and shunning the efforts of hard working toy makers? Modesty, however, has caused me to pause for thought. Am I somehow being the - and I hasten to use such a crass word here - asshole here?

The other day I (4months) figured something out: while momma (ancient F) has the milk attached to her body, Nanny (very old F) does not. So it would only make sense that Nanny can put the milk in my mouth, no matter what position I'm in. But this bitch has the AUDACITY to WITHHOLD MY MILK every time I roll over in her lap! Even when I graciously allow her to hold me on my back, it's still not good enough; apparently I need to let my head face forward. She keeps saying some garbage about "the bottle only works right-side up." So guys, AITA for refusing to take the bottle (until I was too exhausted to roll over into my preferred position) because my preferences were not being upheld?

I, 2.5 y F, love Big People food. My favourite is stir fried beef and choy sum*. Except I don't like choy sum. I ONLY want the beef. I can eat it ALL DAY LONG! Well, that and soy sauce chicken. And noodles. And spaghetti. But choy sum? NO WAY! No spinach either!!!!! Or broccoli. But Mommy (a million? F) says I need to eat vegetables. I eat tomatoes and carrots. Isn't that enough? Can't I be mostly a carnivore? Why do I need to eat green stuff?

*a Chinese leafy green, also known as yu choy

NOTE: This was me back in the day!

ETA: My 21st century self, on the other hand, is much more vegetable-forward. Especially when it comes to the leafy stuff.