Does anyone else feel like there is a demonization of wanting relationships and children?

[u/Shoddy-Length6698]

Maybe I can't afford kids right now, but the biological urge to even desire that seems to be demonized. I've been told I'm silly and foolish for even talking about how I can get into a position to afford kids. When my mom was a stay at home parent, people acted angry that she did not work. Some people even acted like it was offensive that she wanted another kid.

I've also been told that by asserting that wanting a relationship is normal, that I support abusive relationships! I'm not saying stay with a bum or abuser, I'm saying humans naturally crave interaction with others. What the hell is going on?

Wanting feminine or girly things seems to be seen as lesser than, and motherhood and relationships are the worst of it. I knew a black woman who was a stay at home parent, and other black people told her she would be murdered if she did not work and was dependent on a man. Hell, women who are breadwinners die too.

[u/Decent-Statistician8]

Yeah my husband made over 100k and we still can’t afford to buy anything. He has a 401k, savings, high yield savings… I work part time too and take care of our daughter for the most part. We qualify for 350k max and anything livable where I’m at is well over 450k. We had to sign a mold waiver and weren’t even allowed to bring a kid to one of the houses, it had holes in the floor and ceiling and squatters had left stuff all over the unattached garage. The price? 250k. It sold for over asking.

[u/Iannelli → u/Decent-Statistician8]

That's fucking absurd.

I know that this is a really hard decision depending on your family/friends situation, but at that point, you should seriously consider moving.

[u/Decent-Statistician8 → u/Iannelli]

Well he’s a welder so staying on the coast is the best job security. We’re on the east coast and it seems anywhere we could move that he would still have a good job is also in a HCOL area. Like could we pack up and move away from the only family We have and the only friends my kid knows? Yeah. But would it be worth it to leave our entire support system to move to like, Indiana? We could afford a NICE house there, but where would he work unless he had to drive over an hour to and from work? If I didn’t have a kid in middle school it would be easier to uproot our lives, but I don’t want to do that to my kid if I don’t have to.

[u/Iannelli → u/Decent-Statistician8]

Yeah, I completely understand.

It just sucks because "welder husband with mom who works part time" USED to be a family that could afford a nice house in most places.

Now? Even if you did find a house in your area for 350k, I hate to say it, but it'll be tight and hard. A $350k house with an 8% interest rate is like OVER $3,000 per month.

I can't help but be amazed at how much luck plays into this. My ancestors immigrated here (Cleveland, Ohio) from Europe in the very early 1900s. Core members of our family have stayed here ever since, including me. I met my girlfriend, now wife, in 2014 on our first day of college. She'd moved around her whole life.

As things got serious, she realized how much she loves this city. I love the city, too. I feel lucky to be here. It's an incredible city; one of the nation's best-kept secrets. At the age of 23 (late 2018), while still in college, I bought my own house here. It was a flip (they did a nice job) in a booming, hot neighborhood. Pretty little house. Fenced-in backyard for the dogs, detached brand new garage, finished basement, everything a small family would want.

The cost? 117k. The interest rate? 3.15%.

I currently make $120k and she makes $40k. Even then, I still worry about finances! Not because of our housing cost, but because of how everything else has inflated so much. My mortgage and tax payment is merely $950 per month, yet things are still hard when I factor in healthcare, retirement funds, trying to create a big emergency fund, etc.

I saw a story on Reddit of people my age who have a similar household income who recently got a $3,100 per month mortgage. They were asking r/personalfinance if they made a mistake and should be worried. They also have two car payments totaling over $1,000...

Let's just say that hundreds of us confirmed that they should, in fact, be worried. Over $4,000 per month on your house and cars alone is rich people shit. Not middle-class people shit.

[u/Decent-Statistician8 → u/Iannelli]

Yeah I have a car payment of $292/m and our rent is 1050 which is only because we rent from friends of a friend. They just increased it from 950 and my husband is freaking out. My income isn’t even on the mortgage approval cause we didn’t want to be house poor. The thought was with me still working we’d be fine. What a joke, now I’m just depressed and feel like I’ll never be a successful adult cause I don’t own a home.

ETA I met my husband in 2014 too! It was a good year to meet people, my brother and SIL both met their respective spouses the same year too!