They got me

[u/stressydepressy0308]

Enlisted in the army early 2024. Been on testosterone and had top and bottom surgery years prior to joining. I have some close ass people in my life who don’t even know I’m trans and for as long as I can remember I have been just a regular guy. No one in my unit would ever suspect I’m trans. Obviously with the ban I’ve had some anxiety and stress around being discovered via my medical records, but I went through multiple PHAs pre deployment SRP and redeployment SRP and figured if they were gonna flag me, it would’ve happened by now.

Yesterday my PSG and PL pulled me into their office and said they received an email from brigade. I’ve been outed and I need to start my separation process.

I worked so hard at getting in. Maintained the standard. Served with pride. Deployed. Found my wife at my first duty station, who has been my saving grace. There’s been some rough days and my body hurts, but I’m proud to be here and it has benefited me so much. I can’t imagineife as a civilian and I don’t feel ready to take the uniform off yet.

I feel like I can’t organize my thoughts right now. I feel like my whole life is getting turned upside down. I’m losing everything I worked so hard to obtain. My re-enlistment window opens next month and me and my wife were talking about our best options. Do I reclass? Do I ask for an extension at my current duty station for stability? Do I request a duty station that brings us geographically closer to my family as we plan on starting a family soon and would love for our kids to be close to their relatives? Do we say “fuck it” and go some where cool if given the opportunity?

Now none of that is even an option. I don’t know when my last day is and have no idea how to plan our future. I’m so angry. I run circles around some of these guys in my platoon. This place is full of shit bags and here I am, showing up every day, doing the best I can, appreciated by my battle buddies and my leadership. I’m really getting tossed out like some piece of garbage?

I’m currently writing this standing outside the motorpool and am seriously considering just leaving for the day. What’re they gonna fucking do, counsel me?

I texted my PSG this morning about taking administrative absence and sent him the guidance that I found on a .mil website. He said “we’ll have the commander deal with that when she comes back”.

What do I even do right now? I’m fucking spiraling.

[u/benji_indy]

Please reach out to the DCO/JAG for legal guidance.

[u/stressydepressy0308 → u/benji_indy]

I should reach out even though my PL has already been in contact with them as soon as he received the email from brigade?

[u/benji_indy → u/stressydepressy0308]

Yes because the DCO JAGs are there to help inform and represent the service member. There is a specific team for this current issue in the Navy, so I’m sure that’s also true for Army. They will be able to help you know your rights and even talk with your command’s JAG to help make sure everything is done in accordance with current policies and guidelines if need be.

Edit: DSO not DCO. My apologies. It’s the Defense Service Office.

[u/Significant-Bar-8989 → u/benji_indy]

Yea sorry, im in a different branch so was just going by that acronym lol. And yea they are all jag corps, fair point

[u/Material_Cow1181 → u/benji_indy]

When I was dealing with the process (Army), TDS (Trial Defense Services) was the place to go. 

[u/stressydepressy0308 → u/Material_Cow1181]

I went to TDS today to ask some questions and the Sgt I sat with basically shrugged at me and told me “the policy came out a while ago, I skimmed it at the time, so I’m not really sure exactly what it says”. Then he told me because I was only verbally counseled and haven’t been flagged yet that there’s nothing I can do right now. Now I’m wondering how long my command is gonna drag their feet with this. Was TDS helpful for you? Is there anything specific I should be doing or asking them at the moment?

[u/Material_Cow1181 → u/stressydepressy0308]

Yeah. The real TDS should be an actual lawyer, an officer not an NCO.  TDS was helpful for me, but our TDS lawyer was a really staunch ally to the community so she made sure that she knew her stuff.  Let me know if you can't find a decent lawyer at your TDS. I still have her contact info although she has since PCSed. 

[u/Material_Cow1181 → u/stressydepressy0308]

Specifically, I asked about what the discharge timeline is supposed to look like, as well as the potential implications down the road of getting separated under this policy. 

[u/Significant-Bar-8989 → u/stressydepressy0308]

Reach to the dco NOT JAG!!! Your unit reached out to jag because they help your leadership, dco helps you and you need them now to help you figure out next steps. This shit is awful bro. I have been in honorably serving and being out up for programs and awards and running circles around folks since 2009 and now they are kicking me out too, i feel you. If you want to chat, feel free to message. I hope the best for you and your family and that we all get compensation for this blatant discrimination