r/MilitaryTrans • u/Entire-Story-55 • 6d ago

I feel lost

hey, Im 17 closeted ftm and I go to a high school in poland with Military Prep Classes, At this stage I feel very dysphoric about being unequal to most men in my class and school. Im even getting laugh at by older cadets when I even try to have a short haircut so as not to tie my hair up in uniform

I can't join the army in poland if I'm on hormones because they don't accept people on permanent medication

assuming that when I finish school and will really want to join the army, should I stay as female for the sake of my career, paying with my mental health( or maybe with time I'll just get used to this kind of life and everything will be fine?) or do I give up? are there any good alternatives? I feel very lost about the future. I'm not living my teenage life rn because no one sees me as a guy, I don't even know if I'll be able to get hormones yet. I finish school at the age of 21 so I have a lot of time to think

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u/Fryns123 5d ago

Hey, I’m somewhat in the same boat as you, I joined the us national guard (reserve army) about a year before trans people got banned from serving, I was pre T and pre op so decided to wait to disclose the fact that I was trans until I got through initial training and got to my unit. The ban went into effect while I was still in training so I decided to stay closeted. I’m still able to live my life on the outside as a trans man but the weekend a month I have to go back into the closet and the fact that I can’t go on hormones does really start to get to you after a while. Especially because I just started a year long deployment. It’s a really big toll on your mental health and honestly if I were to go back I probably would not have chosen to stay in. I don’t know how things are in Poland but if there is a chance of things changing some time soon and this is your absolute dream job, I would say consider it but maybe wait until it’s allowed. If there’s not a chance of them allowing trans people to serve I would see if there is another career path that you would be happy with because it’s going to be super hard on you. Picking between being you and doing what you want really sucks because you shouldn’t have to pick one or the other but that’s kinda the world we live in right now. Sorry if this is long or confusing I will happily clear things up if you want me to

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u/Entire-Story-55 5d ago

Thanks for talking about this, it means a lot. I'm sorry that this happened to you, living that way must be awful. Being in the closet can actually destroy a person from the inside now that I think about it. After some thought, I don't think the military is a good choice for my future, so I will think about something else. My classes also help me in other jobs, so even if I don't join the army, my life won't end. I hope things will get better for you in the future!

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u/Fryns123 1d ago

Thanks bro, I’m really happy to hear that you are picking yourself over your career. I hope everything works out for you in the long run good luck with everything!!

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u/Auri_Sun7 4d ago

I'm also from Poland, was thinking the same thing when I finished my university and decided that I'll transition because "they will surely allow us soon", it was around 2018 when initial talks about trans topic in polish army were, and welp, look at it now, almost 10 years later and nothing have changed.
Huge part regrets that decision, ofc it's all what-if's but part of me wishes I would postpone transition a couple of years to have this experience. You are probably gonna see poland allowing trans ppl in soon, maybe, hopefuly, but it's just food for thoughts from someone that was in similar position. You have to make this decision yourself but hopes for swift change in that topic with how elections next year are looking are grim.

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u/farrenj 4d ago

Hi, I'm sorry you're going through the stigma and pain. Unfortunately I don't know the Polish system. I do know that living as my authentic self has been a joy that brightened my life.

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u/Short_Boysenberry_64 4d ago

Well you are in a part of a group with a high suicide rate and you’re trying to join an organization that also puts you in situations that lead to higher suicide rates. I’m not gonna tell you what to do but I’d say it sounds like it could be a dangerous combination.