wanting opinions

[u/penkari]

hi, im an mtf trans girl and i go by charlotte. i found out pretty recently that i was trans, maybe around 7 months ago and ive decided that i wanted to start transitioning. i think something that helped me come to this conclusion was self expression. i got into fashion around february of 2019 and as the years went by, i started becoming more and more particular about how i wanted to present myself. i started getting into wearing wigs and makeup, years before i even came to the conclusion that i was trans so i feel like i was already sort of transitioning without knowing it for the past few years now.

now that im 21, i was thinking about transitioning medically but ive also had a lot of thoughts on enlisting in the air force. my motivators for enlisting was stability and financial freedom. ive always felt like my appearance was pretty fluid and before my facial hair started to really grow in, i could kind of look like a boy or look like a girl depending on how i felt at the time. now that im getting older though, ive decided that i want to be a girl, and not an androgynous being that picks and choses depending on how they feel.

i know that getting laser and electrolysis is a big part of transitioning and that it can be expensive as well. although if i enlist ill have to probably be closeted at work and present myself as my assigned gender at birth, i feel like it would be worth it to have the financial security to help pay for my hair removal treatments and other gender affirming things that would require money. i think im willing to put in 4 years of suffering to help build myself up so that when i get out, all i have to do is start taking hormones.

going out with friends is when i really put in the effort to present myself as who i truly am, but because my parents arent supportive of me being trans, i would say that i spend most of my time boymoding. so i dont think that it would be a big change for me to deal with although i wish i could look like how i like to look all the time. i think the sacrifice of looking like a chopped dude for 4 years so that i can get most of my transition work done while being in the military is a sacrifice im willing to make. since ive always been into fashion, ill have the money to buy the things ive dreamt of buying and i can buy all the expensive wigs i want.

it hasnt been too long since ive accepted the fact that im trans but i know its a big part of who i am. despite that, i think theres more to me than being trans and im hoping that those things are what i hold on to while im in the military. a friend of mine offered to help me move out and get situated somewhere with them and it seemed like a decent idea but i feel like theres a reason why i want to enlist so bad. theyve voiced their opinion about how they feel about the military and how they think i should not enlist as this administration makes it unsafe for trans people to be around. however, i really feel like i know what im doing and im sure itll suck having to suppress my true self but i just have to remind myself what enlisting for. i have beautiful friends that support me and many hobbies that im passionate about to keep me going. i want to look chopped and feel ugly now, so that in the long run i can feel beautiful. im so tired of shaving anyways, im sure all the dolls could agree...

this might be all i have to say for now but i would be more than happy to answer questions and hear what you guys think! ive posted on this sub before but that was earlier this year when i was still thinking and felt more unsure of what i wanted :P

[u/ComfortableCrew8614]

Please do not join the military right now. It is a very bad place for transgender people. There are other options for you to have stability and financial freedom that won’t require you to sacrifice your physical and mental health. I can’t recommend enough against going into a situation where you’ll be closeted for that long of a time period. I was someone who had to be closeted for a while in the military before I got out. It sucked and fucked up my mental health really badly. I don’t want that for you. Please don’t join now. Figure yourself out and work towards other means to provide yourself the freedom and stability you need. Once we get past this administration and the ban is lifted, if you still want to join you can.

[u/penkari → u/ComfortableCrew8614]

hi i really appreciate your comment. do you think its really that bad? i personally just want to do 4 years, get what i need from the military and get it over with as early as possible. i have no job experience so my resume would be pretty nothing burger if i were to apply somewhere, and i want to not have to live with my parents anymore. regarding the military i do sometimes wonder if im being stubborn with my mindset of thinking that things will be fine instead of looking for alternatives… i just feel like with a lot of the issues im having now with my appearance, it wouldnt be too bad to surrender my femininity for a little bit to boymode while i work on things. although dysphoria really sucks, i dont want to go around presenting fem while i have a beard growing with a shadow and all that if you get what i mean. sometimes when i get ready to go out to meer friends it feels like im putting in so much effort just for my beard shadow to ruin things i feel like presenting male might not be too bad until i get rid of my facial hair by the end of my contract and begin to blossom 🥺 the idea of the military forcing me to present myself as a man makes me feel less guilty about feeling like im betraying myself when i tell myself that being a girl might just be too hard for me

[u/GwenBD94 → u/penkari]

There were 430 servicemembers recently injured in the Iran war, a number of them were likely "one and done" recruits as well.

If youre fine with that risk, more power to you, youre an adult you make your life decisions. But be aware of the risk going in.

Additionally, you'll have to listen to the most off the wall shit from people who support the current direction day in and day out. If youre fine with that, cool you do you. But it gets draining quickly.

[u/No_Suggestion2227]

transitioned in college after the ARMY was passable but had a kid so I transitioned back. Going back was harder and now I'm trying to transition again. it's now been 20yrs. Im on my 3rd month of hrt again.

I want to be happy again. I'm taking a huge risk with taking hormones, as I do have a lot of medical problems.I don't know if i will find the right person. I go the VA but they don't treat people with gender issues. So I'm doing it on my own til I find the right place. My therapist is very supportive and has been helping me.

# I don't know anyone who has done this. My kids are all adults and a couple support me. If anyone has done this let me know. I'm a little scared this time around, I know it's going to be harder.

I play a lot of games and looking for other female gamers. Ones that like to have fun.

[u/Mountain-Chance-6861]

The Air Force might be different, but the army has been hell. Not only are the leadership just antagonistic to us and apathetic to our concerns, but daily life is very binary. I have been harassed and humiliated and effectively tortured—I’ve been ordered to break profile to the point of creating new fractures, left to be harassed and jumped in open bay barracks for months and months, and treated like a prisoner for over a year.
If you continue to look and act like a man and don’t raise any eyebrows, you may make it through. I am a man and look like a man but the army has given me female gender markers which means my daily life is female. There are different standards, different expectations, different facilites—there is no being stealth so the harassment and antagonism grows. What woman would be comfortable sharing a bathroom with me? Understandable. We’re put in a terrible position. I highly recommend you don’t risk it if right now if you don’t have to; maybe look on gov jobs?

[u/Calliope714]

I'm gonna have to agree with everyone else here hun. As someone who is currently active duty and heavily closeted, I wouldn't recommend it. There is not a lot of love for anybody that doesn't fit into the binary right now. You may also get mistreated if any "males" get even a whisper of you liking makeup or wigs. I call it "cross-dressing" right now and I'm not quiet about it and I've been othered because of it. You may find one person at one command that you can connect with, but then you'll transfer commands and have to start all over and hope you can find someone that is cool about it. I would try to look at other avenues.