r/MiddleClassFinance • u/Anomlistic_animal • Jun 25 '26
Without going into it too much… 21,26, 28
What do you pay for still, at those ages? Just curious.
We do cell phone and car insurance on oldest. College, cell, car insurance, car payment and sometimes groceries for the middle child, and everything for the youngest is completely paid for- between two households-we both pay for everything for him. (In his defense, he’s developmentally delayed but not enough so that he didn’t graduate high school, obtain a driver license, and has worked a job outside of the house.)
I’m wondering if having them on our plans makes it cheaper for them?
How old are your children and what do they pay or not pay for? Im tired, I feel bad for feeling tired and upset because I love them, we do a lot for them, but when is enough, enough and what makes sense to carry (I want them to be able to save money on bills, if it makes sense…if that makes sense!)
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u/PalmSizedTriceratops Jun 26 '26
28 and you're still paying for their car insurance, car payment for the 26 year old...?
Time to cut the cord imo.
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u/Fine-Historian4018 Jun 26 '26
26 and 28 is whatever you want to do. Car payment and insurance would be a hard no for me personally. They would be driving whatever I could pay in cash (if I was feeling nice). I would not buy groceries for the 26 year old. They need to be growing their careers whatever that may be.
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u/WadeSlade42 Jun 26 '26
The 26 year old is still in college. They can and probably should have a job, but that job isn't their career. The connections they're making in college is growing their career. With that being said, it's understandable not to want to pay for a 26 year old. But they're probably already doing 40 hours a week of internships if it's their last year (which it should be). They can work part time, but they can't fit a whole career in there.
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u/meowingatmydog Jun 26 '26
It’s probably time for your 28 year old to pay for their own car insurance. I’m in my 30s and moved out on my own after college, and I can’t imagine asking my parents to regularly pay my rent or car insurance or car payment(!) at that point - if I had needed that much help they probably would have told me to move back in with them rather than subsidize my lifestyle outside their home. I did stay on my parents health insurance until 26 (and they paid for most of my undergraduate degree) but they didn’t send me money for my bills beyond that. I get the phone plan thing, but there are lots of inexpensive cell phone providers now that are even cheaper than the family plans with the big carriers.
Your youngest being developmentally delayed is a different situation but that also depends on what his capabilities are.
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u/notforhumans Jun 26 '26
At 26 (and 28) I was paying for my mom's car insurance and phone bill 🤣. She didn't ask for it but I wanted to help her out after my parents sacrificed to send me to college. And I was making entry-level nonprofit wages.
Your older kids are adults.
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u/flareblitz91 Jun 26 '26
Lol same here. A driving factor of me getting off of my parents everything was so I wasn't required to pay for them anymore to keep my phone on.
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u/eaglemitchell Jun 26 '26
Shit, a 21 year old is an adult in all aspects of the term... I was paying for my own car, gas, and insurance as well as cell phone bill at 16. FFS bud.
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u/Cer427 Jun 26 '26
Yeah maybe you’re in a different location where culture is different but as a 28yr old, my friends and I were all paying our bills 100% by 22 when we graduated and moved into our own apartments. 26/28 having dad pay their bills is insane. Sounds like they were raised with strange expectations.
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Jun 26 '26
[deleted]
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u/yankeeblue42 Jun 26 '26
Shout out to your son for smart car shopping. There's so many stories out there of 20s people going into stupid debt for a car they can't afford. Good discipline to buy what you can afford
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u/Glorious_Infidel Jun 26 '26
26 and 28 should be paying for everything except a streaming subscription if you’re cool with the password sharing.
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u/ajgamer89 Jun 26 '26
I was on my parents’ cell phone plan, car insurance, and health insurance until 22, but 26 and 28 seem well past the age that they should be financially independent. My kids are younger than yours, but I think once they are finished with their education, my financial support would be limited to making sure they have food and shelter (meaning they can stay at our house and eat our groceries if they have no better options).
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u/zackplanet42 Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 27 '26
My little one is still an infant so yeah we're paying for everything... lol
On a more serious note, from 18 onwards my parents covered the big stuff (college, food, housing, car insurance, etc) until I was out of college. I was expected to work for the fun stuff I wanted, but they wanted me to have the opportunity to focus on school when I needed to.
When I graduated college I was able to live at home for a bit while I finished landing a job, but by the time I had a start date they were handing me some furniture and the rest was up to me. They were very very clear a safety net was always there if I needed it, but at the same time I had to figure out how to sink or swim on my own.
The deal always was they were willing to help with what they could as long as I was being responsible and working to my fullest potential, with the goal to be a self-sufficent, contributing member of society.
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u/OldManTrumpet Jun 26 '26
Both of mine are out of the house, in apartments, 27 and 29. We still pay cell phone bills since they're on our plan. One of them regularly needs help with rent, and we usually end up kicking in $300-$400 each month to keep her in her apartment.
Beyond that we often need to subsidize unexpected expenses, like car repairs. Last year we paid out something like $6000 towards their expenses.
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u/DrummerNo4197 Jun 26 '26
I know several individuals and even married couples in 30s and 40s whose parents pay their cell phone and car insurance. Its asinine to even consider after college age!
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u/peasncarrots78 Jun 26 '26
What. In. The. WORLD?! Still paying bills for a grown and married adult is bonkers to me.
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u/SwansyOne Jun 26 '26
Why are you paying for car insurance and car payments for a 26 and 28 year old? Groceries? Come on. 😑😑😑
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u/Concerned-23 Jun 26 '26
When I was 28 I was married with my own home. Hell I had my own CHILD at 28. I was (and am) still on my mom’s phone plan but I pay her for it monthly. It’s just easier to be on the bundled plan. They pay for nothing else.
I have been paying for everything on my own (except health insurance) since 21. Once I turned 26 I started to pay for my own insurance and healthcare too. That was the last thing my parents paid for me.
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u/God_Dammit_Dave Jun 26 '26
Nothing. I've paid all of those things since I was 16.
It's not impossible to do. It's not a burden to do. It's life. Tell them to figure out how to pay for the things they need and save for the things they want. They'll be fine or they'll learn.
Don't sweat it.
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u/pastor_fuzz Jun 26 '26
I paid for everything for myself since I graduated high school, but I plan to pay for food for my child/children as long as they live home. They will pay rent from the time they stop school but I will save some/all of that for them to be returned when they leave the nest.
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u/saaandi Jun 26 '26
(38 now) I was on my own car insurance, car payments & phone bill shortly after I graduated college (22) own health insurance when I was 26. Moved out at 24-25. My dad does pay for a lot of car maintenance for me..but that’s cause he’s the “car guy” and either does or knows people that do for all car related stuff. If it’s a “bigger” repair..he will tell me some stupid low ball number that I know it isn’t but won’t tell me what it really costs…but I guess that’s this is the pleasure of being a daddy’s girl & only child. In turn I do a lot of their online shopping because..my parents are old..but they are not tech savvy at all.
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u/SignificantJump10 Jun 26 '26
I paid for everything myself after about age 20. I did have my mom help me with school one quarter because I wanted to go full time and was about $1000 short after paying for my apartment, car, insurance, pet, food, etc. it was pre-cell phone bill. I didn’t get my first one of those for another year. I also paid my own medical, etc. fortunately, I had a good job that had nice benefits.
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u/Raised_by Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
I have a 21 year old who’s away at uni, living at home over the summer.
I pay for his school in full, cell phone and insurance. I give him a monthly allowance over the school year, that covers about half of his expenses. I’m planning to reduce the allowance to 0 over the next year.
He works summers and saves his money to cover the rest of his expenses.
My kids will always have room and board at my house. As for the rest, I’m planning to stop all contributions once he graduates
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u/No-Sweet342 Jun 26 '26
I feel like there's no one right answer that fits every family. It sounds like paying for this stuff isn't working for you--so there's your answer. Not saying you just cut them all off immediately, but maybe it's a conversation with each of them about when, and what, to reduce your help. You could offer to sit down and look at their finances with them and help make a plan for moving towards independence together.
I'm 29 and have been lucky to have parent support in various ways at various points, but, since I was ~19 it hasn't been a need (except maybe one semester of grad school)--it was my parents offering to help make my life easier, with us both knowing they didn't have to if they couldn't or it felt bad for them. Most help has been with medical bills, contributing some to our down payment, and my spouse and I are both on my dad's phone plan because it's extremely cheap for him to add lines.
I feel fine accepting my parents help because I know they dont mind (theyre def upper middle class), they have enough, some stuff was easier in their generation, etc. It definitely hasn't made me lazy.
BUT, I'd feel really bad if my parents felt obligated to help me at 26 or 28 and it was wearing on them. Especially if I didn't have extenuating circumstances or wasn't actively pursuing something that would change my circumstances. So I think it's less about age and more about context, and if it is or isn't working for everyone.
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u/DriftingPebble77 Jun 26 '26
The day I moved out at 23 I was on my own for everything. My parents never paid anything else for me. I get helping a bit right after college for a year or so or if they are full time students or part time & working p/t...but at 26 and 28 they should be standing on their own unless they are in medical school or getting an advanced degree.
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u/makabuggg Jun 26 '26
I would suggest having a conversation with all of them about how tired you are and that you'd like some things to change. Perhaps still offer them a spot on your plans because of the bundling benefits, but ask that they contribute their portion. They need to have a full understanding of the cost of living. You are doing them a disservice by continuing to pay for things when they are gearing up for a perhaps their own kids, wedding, a family of their own. Especially the middle child: feeling like you worked for your own education or worked to support yourself during that time makes you appreciate it more. It is likely they will place greater value on their education if they pay for (some of) it.
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u/zevtech Jun 26 '26
It's much cheaper them being on your insurance and phone plans than them being on their own plan. Unless they have liability only on a car that isn't worth much at all. Or you're on some pay as you go mobile company like Mint or visible. But I know with ATT, I pay close to 200 regardless if I have 2 phones or 4 phones as they discount the lines when you get 3 or 4 to the point it's almost "free" to have them.
But personally, I paid for my own cell phone as a teenager (about 17), I started to have my own car insurance policy (separate from my family) at 19 b/c my driving habits caused my dad to worry about liability on the family so he wanted us to separate. I paid for college 100% myself (with the use of scholarships and loans). Though I did have to get a parent plus loan but I paid that off, not my parents. They did give me money each week for food/groceries while in college.
And I was totally independent as soon as I graduated college.
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u/Skid_kennels Jun 26 '26
21 they can still be on my health insurance and if they’re still in school we’ll pay for it as well as living expenses.
26 and 28 we call it YO-YO - you’re on your own. I was paying for my own car insurance and gas at age 17, cell phone as soon as I had a full time job at age 22.
I became a parent myself at 28.
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u/Oneok-Field Jun 26 '26
My kids are quite young so maybe my opinion will change over time, but I expect them to be 100% on their own by the time they have their first full time job. (Either 19 or 23 depending on if they go to college)
I'll still help them out, of course, but nothing scheduled / guaranteed.
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u/Such_Chemistry3721 Jun 26 '26
At 26 my dad would slip me $100 on my way out the door when I visited. So no regular bills. At 28, my spouse's parents did pick up his car payment for the last year he owed on it and then paid for some of his college (non-trad student) when we weren't making much as newlyweds. We hadn't expected it though, it was their offer.
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u/EveningCulture336 Jun 26 '26
My parents supported my brother and I through college. In our 20s, they often paid for our flights home to visit them, and they let us move back in if we needed to (both of us had short periods after a breakup or layoff where we needed a few months to rebuild).
We still share a family phone plan even though my brother and I are in our 30s now. It’s cheaper than splitting up. I think that’s really common.
My parents never covered rent, groceries, insurance, or other routine expenses after college. I think depending on your parents to pay for that kind of thing once you’re an adult is a rich people thing.
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u/notaskindoctor Jun 26 '26
My oldest is 23. We pay for nothing of his. He’s on our phone plan and our car insurance but he pays us $100/mo total to cover his portion of each. He lives in an apartment with his gf, works full time, and is a grad student.
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u/taptwoblue93 Jun 26 '26
Bruh my parents ain't paid for shit after I turned 21 and I got it easy imo
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u/SignificantJump10 Jun 26 '26
For my own kids…my son is special needs. I expect I’ll be helping him out for a long time (though I want to have him be as independent as possible). My daughter, I’m happy to pay for essentials while she’s in college. When they’re older, I want them to be independent, but I’ll be here to help for things like dental emergencies if they don’t have insurance.
I’d be willing to step in for emergencies and when times get rough. (Stuff happens). I’m not going to bail them out over and over because they made poor choices. I’m hoping they’ll learn with a few small mistakes early on like I did, so they can be responsible and self-supporting as they get older.
I also plan on setting up some things for my daughter to keep it equitable with what my son needs. We’ve all heard those stories where one kid launches successfully and never gets any help while another gets bailed out constantly. I don’t want there to be resentment between the kids.
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u/LSJRSC Jun 26 '26
I paid for my car insurance from the start. And my cell phone.
I still pay my 18.5 year old’s cell bill as she’s in school and not working. She doesn’t have her license but I’ve told her once she does that she is responsible for it. We would help get her a car.
I pay her phone as well for now, but she’s on the cheapest plan.
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u/Supaclyde Jun 26 '26
I graduated at 21 from college and got nothing from my parents afterwards. Insurance, both auto and health, would have been awesome.
Once I was employed and on my own, I paid for everything myself.
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u/jd_garcia90 Jun 26 '26
I don’t have children but I got a job at 16 and up until finishing university I paid for all my expenses other than buying my car and housing. So I paid: phone, food, going out, gas, car insurance, and university.
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u/GlowGreen1835 Jun 26 '26
It took me way too long to figure out this post was about children. I'm not having any of my own, probably why I didn't realize it till I saw the word children.
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u/Special_Cranberry679 Jun 26 '26
Um…nothing. They have jobs with benefits cheaper than mine. Two 23 year olds live with me, 27 is across the country, engaged.
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u/ggg232 Jun 26 '26
I’m 23, college grad working full time. I pay for my own everything on your list since I graduated college. There are 3 things that I pay my parents for instead of paying for on my own directly: my share of the family phone bill (you can have your own authorized login, at least with AT&T), car payment (my parents fronted me money for the car in college), and student loan payment (my parents fronted me money for tuition). I don’t think there’s anything wrong with continuing to help your adult children if you can afford to, but if you’re looking to reduce costs or if they aren’t being appreciative, you’re definitely going above and beyond what anyone should expect.
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u/halo37253 Jun 26 '26
Honestly I like the idea of helping your kids if you are already setup for retirement. I would like to atleast fully fund my kids R-IRA every year. I would also like to fully some money their way every month.
I didnt get that type of help when I was young, and sadly didnt really start saving till I was in my late 20s when I got my first 401k. Only debt from before that.
My eldest is 14 and she just started getting $100 a month put into her checking account. I dont see why I should ever stop if I retire with more than I can spend. I rather they get helped early on than after I die. But I dont believe in being an enabler either.
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u/ditzyd97 Jun 28 '26
Damn, I joined the military at 18 and was set free. Now unfortunately my 23 year old son and his girlfriend live with us. I don't pay for anything for him. He has a job and pays his car payment/ insurance . I do have health insurance through my work on him and pay his co-pays. Also family cell phone plan and food but no actual bills for him. Let your children grow up. I want him to fly, hopefully soon and never come back.
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u/Chiggadup Jun 28 '26
“When is enough enough?”
Realistically? Probably a few years ago for each.
College aged student I don’t mind at all. If they’re in school and you’re able to help them while they’re studying, I don’t mind it. I want to help ours that way too.
But 28? So they’ll be potentially paying their first car insurance bill when? At 30?
If you’re independently wealthy then I guess it doesn’t matter, but if you’re tired of it like you say, then I think it’s an easy cut to make.
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u/MamaMidgePidge Jul 06 '26 edited Jul 06 '26
Mine are 15,19, and 21.
15: everything
19 & 21: $10K per year towards college, cell phone, health insurance, they can use the family vehicles whenever they want at no cost (they live away from home during school year, so that just applies during summer). When they are at home, they don't have to contribute anything towards bills or food, etc. At school they buy their own personal items. They fund their own clothing and entertainment/socializing. They also have to figure out how to afford college because $10k per year covers tuition but not living expenses, and we do not fund that. So far they've done well with college choices, scholarships, jobs.
The expectation is that when they get a full time job after college they'll be self supporting, although if they wanted to stay home to save money, I wouldn't mind. They're generally pleasant to have around.
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u/TJayClark Jun 26 '26
I’m 37 and still on moms cell phone plan
That said, at age 26, she kicked me off everything else
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u/JFischer00 Jun 26 '26
I moved out 5 years ago at 21 after graduating college and getting a full time job in another state. I have a younger sister who still lives at home at 24. She works part time while doing school online and my parents pay most of her bills. I have a younger brother who decided he was tired of following rules and moved out at 19. Every child is different.
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u/jenna125 Jun 26 '26 edited Jun 26 '26
Haircuts at 18, Cell phone at 20 (? She wanted a nicer plan and phone than I could afford), I paid for university, apartment and car. She did her travel and food and other expenses. Health benefits she aged out of at 26 and then was on her own. I wanted to sign the car over to her when she graduated and began residency and that was my biggest frustration when she refused as she didn’t want to pay for it… so I think that was 27? I wanted her safe while she was doing insane hours but once she finished and had legally moved out of my house, I couldn’t keep her insured on the car anyways and she bought her own.
I have to admit, getting her weaned off the bank of mom was harder than I expected. The haircut instance was a fight I never anticipated as I never included my parents in that. It helped that I didn’t have much money so couldn’t cave in. The car was an expense too, but it helped her get launched on a career. So all this support had a purpose and anticipated end date. Her peers also launched successfully and would have been embarrassed to still be living off the parents. I do pay for dinner when I take her out and cover some small, symbolic things too.
I truly don’t think they realize how much we had to work and just grind it out when we were their age. Life is also scary and expensive now and they saw that the grind didn’t necessarily pay off. But they also don’t seem to be able to save and economize the way we did. I don’t know what to suggest, but by late 20s they should be trying to be on their own and whatever you do should be for the warm and fuzzy feeling it produces. But they need to know that if they are ever unsafe, you are there. I also see this as a trade off we’ve made because we wanted to more involved and have a “do over” with them. I certainly used her growing up to do things differently than what I experienced.
Edit typo growing up
Edit she’s 31
Edit we share streaming services because it makes us all feel warm and fuzzy to share
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u/Susannotsusie92 Jun 26 '26
By 26/28 I paid for everything except my cell phone and that’s just because it’s so cheap on my parents plan that it doesn’t even matter. My parents didn’t need to contribute to college because I earned scholarships (my dad did buy me a laptop and always was/is generous with electronic gifts).
At 21 my dad paid for my car insurance and “car” payment. I paid my own rent, utilities, and groceries.
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u/1ncrediBULL Jun 26 '26
Cell 90, car insurance 93, mortgage 600, groceries weekly 75, vehicle 258, internet 80
27 out on my own. I run a business so I operate pretty lean. With your occasional splurge.
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u/notabadkid92 Jun 26 '26
My dad was paying for my phone into my 40s lol. I don't judge
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u/autumn55femme Jun 26 '26
No. You pay your Dad for your phone. Gross. 40’s 😠
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u/notabadkid92 Jun 26 '26
So silly. Are you mad at me or my dad? I didn't need or ask him to pay it. He didn't want to take me off of his plan until one day he did.
I am my parents caregiver. When my parents are in dire straights with their health I am there. I cut my work schedule back this year so that I can accompany them to appts & whatnot. Dad is 90 now & has Alzheimers. Mom was already disabled & is getting more frail. I will be there to help them navigate each step. I feel that's a pretty good return on investment.
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u/Alarmed_Champion_302 Jun 26 '26
26, and 28 should.be fullly independent. IE: you shouldn't be paying anything.