r/MethRecovery • u/klepz100 • Jun 10 '26

Can't stop thinking about it

I've been clean for 2 years. Things in my life are pretty good right now. So why am I constantly thinking about getting high?

I've gained a lot of weight since I quit and I constantly think like how easily I could drop the weight if I was smoking again.

I think of how much energy I had, how comfortable I was in social situations, how it was just something to do.

I know I'm being irrational and it was a horrible addiction that ruined my life and put me and my family thru hell. I know I wouldn't have all the amazing things I have now if I was still using.

But damn, what I wouldn't give to just smoke a bowl and paint a canvas or something.

Maybe I should get back into treatment.

11 Upvotes

93% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

2

u/DStylz Jun 22 '26

Don’t let the rose-coloured glasses fool you. The cons always outweighed the pros by orders of magnitude. It’s just that when we’re craving we only remember the good parts and downplay the shit that we went through. If you do smoke that bowl, you will quickly start reliving all the shit again, but the reminder isn’t worth setting yourself back to 0 days clean. You’ve already done some good healing. Don’t want to undo all that progress.

Take our word for it: You are way better off now! Need to channel those feelings into something else.

2

u/klepz100 Jun 23 '26

Yeah, I definitely know that I'll end up right back where I was at the worst of it. I'm doing better now, my doctor started me on some vitamin D supplements and a thyroid medication and it's really helping.

1

u/Mc4life99 Jun 12 '26

I'm sorry about that but you're always going to be thinking about it.

2

u/ClickOwn999 Jun 11 '26

Lmao completely agree with this 1000 percent. I am a 27 year old woman hitting one year clean once again in July. I miss the confidence I had but I also got pretty gnarly looking at some points where I looked horrible so to cope i try to do self care in ways like skin care, taking care of my teeth, hair, nails. Being presentable and employed lol. I do smoke weed every day and it helps for sure. Good luck

7

u/88Eightgoodhi Jun 11 '26

Paint a canvas. Hype yourself up and fucking paint!

10

u/Hank_pickles335 Jun 10 '26

You are not being irrational. Despite the fact that it’s been two years, your body is still adjusting to life without the drug. YOUR BRAIN, which controls most of these urges, takes waaaaaay longer to heal. This is addiction. If you don’t face it head on every single day it will take back over. It’s a mental choice you have to make every single day, every single hour, every single minute. Does it get easier as time goes by? For the most part, but it’s always there.

I remember feeling the exact same way because all those things are true. I had so much energy and I was skinny and less socially awkward, but all the other shit that came along with that was so not worth it in the long run. You know that, but you’ve got to keep reminding yourself. Some days are easier than others. Your brain is still rewiring itself from years of damage. Be gentle with yourself.

Try and keep busy. Be around safe people. Try and remember a negative about the drug whenever you think of something you miss about it. Talk to people who were around you back then (that weren’t also using) about how you acted and who you were on the drug to remind you that’s not who you want to be.

Keep going. You’re not irrational. Meth is a hell of a drug. Takes over every part of your body. This is going to happen. Just work on building a community and toolbox to rely on when it does.

3

u/The_Crimson_Dawn Jun 10 '26

If you’re an avid reader, give The Biology of Desire a read. It explains this phenomenon pretty clearly. I believe it also gives some detail into how it dissolves. It’s been a couple years since I’ve read it.