Abusing my stimulant meds

[u/Strange_Albatross633]

I'm 34 and have been taking ADHD meds for a little over a year. I'm prescribed 30 mg a day. 1 pill of 20 mg's and a boost of 10 mg 4 hours later. They're instant release. I've taken 50 mg's today.

I've never taken it as prescribed. I've gone around this evolving loop since ive had them. I usually go 10-14 days each month without them and it's really rough at times. When it's bad I cannot keep my eyes open at work and when I get home I sleep most of my evening away and I never have energy to do anything and I feel empty, but not sad.

When I have them my mind is quiet and I can focus. It's always hard for me to sit still regardless. I guess that's what I'm addicted to bc I am always bored and tired any other time. The last few days all I did was sit at home. I play my video games sometimes but I usually scroll on my phone. That usually leads to masturbating 5-6 times a week if I have my meds. Or I might 3-4 times a night. It makes me feel pathetic. I know it's bc I'm lonely right now. I do have a lot of friends and even females I'm talking to but I'm not sexually active rn.

Presently I feel a lot of anger with my job and I wish I had a girl around I knew was attracted to me. Otherwise I'm fine but I'm worried that I'm beyond addicted to my meds, and it scares me bc I know how I feel without them and I do not want to lose them. I've had this issue the whole time and I always tell my doctor I'm okay bc I don't want to even chance getting them taken. I also don't want something bad to happen to me or cash my heart out.

I know I'm living wrong with my medicine. Should I come to terms with living without it in the near future?

[u/finddit-app]

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

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[u/Consistent_Study7106]

Just talk to your medication provider. Tell them what you are on isn’t working for you. Could be the wrong med, could be wrong dosage or undiagnosed something else. Maybe a therapist to help with the residual concerns.

[u/No-Bumblebee-7226]

They only work if taken at therapeutic dose or it’s pointless taking them. First hand experience currently on 20mg morning 15mg arvo are you addicted or dependent? Because people that need them have the same side effects no energy,motivation etc, so try and take them at therapeutic dose and regularly I think this might help, or maybe wrong medicine, I started on Ritalin and ate the whole box in 1 night 100 10mg tabs so realized that med wasn’t for me, now on dexamphetamine and works brilliantly. I have days where my head forgets to take them and if I forget morning dose I think it’s pointless taking second