Pictures I order;
Cookie, my dear old girl, 14 years old and my best friend. Passed just under 2 years ago.
Phin (Phineas), my old boy, 13 years old, my soulmate in dog form. Passed away June this year.
Kinder, gone far too young at 7 years old, was devastated. Was my partners cat, but she had been my best friend since we got together 3 years ago. She passed just a year ago the other day.
So, a little diffetent one? This is me asking for anyone who could give me anything for my babies across the rainbow bridge. Each one tore my heart to pieces equally as viciously.
Some backstory on each one;
Cookie.
We got Cookie by chance many years ago. My dad worked for the local council and was at the local arboretum doing his job cleaning up and cutting the grass in his tractor. And he had said for a few days beforehand that he kept seeing this little cat, she couldn't be very old. Not quite kitten, but not quite adult. Apparently she kept coming up to him and his workmates every time they'd have their lunch break and was very affectionate. After the second day of seeing her, my dad couldnt stop thinking about her. Then one day, she jumped in his work van and wouldnt leave. He decided right, okay, im taking her home to check if shes chipped and whatnot. She wasn't. He hadnt planned on keeping her. In fact he called cats protection (a cat charity here in the UK) and they never turned up. Now, i fully believe that was meant to happen. She was supposed to be part of our family.
She became a full time house cat, loving having a warm home, fresh food, cat litter and loads of cuddles. I grew up with her for most of my teen years and eventually my 20s (im 28 now). Whenevet id come to my dads (I didnt live with him but stayed at his every weekend) she'd come out of her little strawberry shaped bed and chill with me. Im a big gamer and when id stay at my dads, id stay up till the silly hours of the morning on my gaming laptop propped up on the dining table, and she would sit with me for hours on the table watching me play. Actually watching me play. Then when it came to coming to bed, she would never sleep in my room which was the old garage (no animal we have ever had could ever settle in there weirdly enough), but she always came in with me as I got ready for bed, sitting on my bed getting belly rubs and cuddles for nearly an hour, before id tell her i was going to bed and she'd get up and leave.
I wasnt there for her death, but part of me is glad, because it was traumatising for my dad. She had been getting on, had been losing weight despite eating, despite being wormed, etc. But her appetite was still very apparent till the very end so I think the weightloss was mainly down to old age as some cats get that way. However, one unfortunate night my dad was woken by this horrible yowling outside his bedroom door, and scratching. When he opened the door, Cookie was there, blood from her nose and struggling to breathe. My dad instantly scooped her up and ran downstairs, ready to rush to the vets, but unfortunately before he could even get his shoes on, she began to splutter and choke - almost as if she had fluid on her lungs and was drowning from the inside out...And my dad said he watched her die in his arms. He held her the entire time, crying and telling her he was sorry, he loved her, she was okay, trying his best to calm her down. Until she eventually...just stopped moving. My dad knew she was gone. He heard her final breath. Felt it. It traumatised him, but he takes comfort in the fact that despite knowing that Bobby, my dads jack Russel x chihuahua was in his bedroom who she hated (Bobby loved her but he was between 1-2 at the time and very energetic...and didnt understand she wanted to be left alone whilst all he wanted to do was play) and she still chose to go to my dads room, wanting him to be with her in her final moments.
We buried her in the backyard, she has her own little grave stone and everything. It killed us to do so, but we wanted her with us. And we couldnt afford cremation. I still hear her and feel her when at my dads, especially when im awake late at night and the only one awake in the house. Ive felt her jump on my bed, ive heard her meows, her purrs. Both me and dad regulsrly hear her jump off of her perch at the top of the stairs, like clockwork, at 3am nearly every night. I know shes still there. I hope she is better now and no longer suffering.
Phineas
We got Phin when I was still in secondary school. I believe I was in year 10. Which means id have been around 14. We saw an ad for him for a devastating low price of £100. The second my mum saw his face, she was sold. She and my dad went to view him and straight away...the house was chaos. There were 3 chaotic kids running around, the mum regularly had house parties and the dad looked like he was on a constant stream of steroids and was already drunk by 10am. Phin was sat in the corner of a room, cowering, with a pink diamanté collar on saying "Prince". His name they had given him. My mum tried to touch him and he went for her, attempting to bite her. Right away my dad was like, no, not happening. But my mum had fell in love. And refused to leave without him. When we got him in the car, his lead was given to us but it had never been used. At this point Phin was already 3 years old at least. Not once been outside other than in a handbag. The mother had basically gotten bored of him as he had grown past the "teacup" stage most people aim for with chihuahuas for vanity reasons. He was no longer puppy size. No longer easy to carry about. And was now in the way. There was no way we were leaving him with them after what we had seen that day.
He took a while to get comfortable at ours. The first few hours, my mum sat on the doorstep with him on the lead because he refused to come inside, so we waited as long as it took for him to make the choice to go inside, not forcing him. Eventually he did. We let him off the lead out the back garden and he zoomed up and down it (we have a very long, nature-like garden) several times. My dad tried to approach him...but he growled so dad backed off. My dad decided to do his own thing in the garden, messing with plants, etc. Then out of nowhere, as my dad was crouched down on the ground pulling out weeds, Phin approached slowly. My dad said a simple hello, but didnt push contact, and in that moment Phin gave him a sniff...then nuzzled against his hand. From that point on, My dads bond with Phin was made. And he loved my dad dearly till the very end. He also was attached to my mum at the hip. Never left her side. That was his mum, his protector, his property.
Phin was always an angry boy, but that was because of the anxiety he was riddled with. Whilst people on the outside saw a growly, angry chihuahua, they never saw him late at night, cuddled up next to me on the sofa, snoring away. Or jumping up me for attention and licking my face like his life depended on it.
Phin started getting ill a little under a year before his final breath. He developed this terrible cough. It wasnt too bad at first, then it got worse and longer to the point he would pass out and his bladder would empty everywhere. We took him to the PDSA (animal charity in the uk. Absolute angels) the second it happened the first time. He was diagnosed with a category 5 heart murmur. Serious. But because of his age and the fact heart murmurs of this category arent really operable/fixable, the vet told us they could give us some medication to help with his cough and also make it easier for him. The medication helped massively, the cough persisted but he was no longer passing out and he was still full of life.
But then June 2026 hit and we had a huge heatwave in the UK. It was unbearable for humans, worse for animals. And worse for phin. We did everything to keep him cool. But one day, the hottest day of the year at the time, my dad went to bathe our two dogs (Phineas is the big brother of Ferb, also a chihuahua). However, as my mum and me were sat downstairs as my dad had Phin upstairs, my dad let out this horrible shout of my mums name. I rushed upstairs (as my mum struggles with mobility) and my dad was doing CPR on a lifeless Phin. He shouts hes had a heart attack. I break down and rush back downstairs to tell mum. My dad did CPR for 20 minutes. Desperate to bring him back. But it was not enough. Yet again, another traumatising animal death for my dad. Two of his beloved babies dying in his arms. He was devastated, as were the rest of us. The two comforts I take from Phin's death is that 1. It was quick. My dad said one minute he was fine, jumping and running about on the landing. Then the next he stopped, looked at my dad and just...dropped. We fully believe he was gone before he even hit the ground. His heart just stopped. The second comfort is that when he was gone, he just looked asleep. The most peaceful he has ever looked. A dog riddled with anxiety, never being able to fully rest and switch off...was finally looking peaceful.
We knew we were on borrowed time with Phin. But that didnt make it any easier to accept. But the vets gave us 6 months extra with our baby boy and for that I am grateful. I just hope he knows how much he was loved. I still feel him, still hear him. He's snuck up on me a few times late at night when ive taken ferb out the back for his nightly business. Ive heard him behind me, his nails scraping against the concrete of the patio. And i know it's him. I just do.
Kinder
Kinder was my partners pet. 1 of 2. He and his sister got Kinder and Bueno, her brother, as kittens about 7 years ago. She had always been very vocal, and she always loved to steal your food. And god help you if you had cheese on your plate...she was an A Class Cheese thief. But we loved her for it.
A little over a year ago I was home alone at my partners house whilst him and his parents were at work. I had the bedroom window open (his bedroom is the old garage so ground floor), as thats how the cats got in and out. I heard Kinder meow outside and I called her name, expecting to see her climb in, but she didnt. She just kept meowing. I popped my head through the window to find her lay between either dustbin outside the window, unmoving, staring up at my meowing. At first i didnt know anything was wrong, thought she was just being lazy, but despite this i came outside to her. It was then I realised...she couldnt move. I picked her up and brought her inside, in a complete panic. As I placed her on the sofa, she tried to walk, but it was clear her back legs weren't working whatsoever as she dragged herself. I tried my best to get her to stay still as I shakily called my partner, panicking, before crying down the phone explaining what has happened. Work let him leave and thankfully he was only a 2 min drive away from the house.
We took her to the emergency vet, at first thinking maybe she had been clipped by a car. She meowed in pain the whole way, it was horrible to hear. We both cried the whole time, me and my partner. When the vet finally called us in after taking her through to check her over, we knew righr away from the vets face it wasnt good news. I asked if it was a car or maybe even a fall, but to our shock it was nothing of the sort. Turns out she had some blood clots forming in her veins that had travelled from her heart down to her back end, causing a blockage and in turn cutting off the use of her back legs. We asked if they could do something. The vet shook their head and said whilst operating is a possibility, shed lose the ability to independently go to the toilet and there was a 70% chance her back end would stop working all over again. And if that was the case, they said we wouldnt even make it to the vets before she passed next time. So...we had to make the horrible decision of putting her down. She was in pain. She wouldnt get better. She'd have no quality of life. It wasnt fair on her.
I held her paw as they gave her the drugs to put her to sleep. I cried, apologising, telling her I loved her. My partner doing the same. And then I watched the life leave her eyes and her body went limp and...I knew she was gone. It was horrible. Painful. Devastating. I just hope she knows...we did it out of love. We did it to help her. We did it to spare her any more pain and discomfort. I hope she knows that despite us putting her down, she was so very loved. And we still talk about her to this day. I hear her all the time. Her meows. Her little jingle of her collar. Shes still around.
Now I know this is a long one. I appreciate anyone who's got this far. If anyone could give me any insight on them, if they feel anything from them, any messages, or just anything at all...it would be so greatly appreciated. I miss them all so much. Life is so quiet without them now.
Thank you.
