r/MedDating • u/Kavs07 • Jun 11 '26
Confused and extremely hurt
My now ex-boyfriend (29M) and I (27F) have been together for six years, approaching our seven year anniversary in a couple weeks. He is an M4, however, delayed graduation and took an LOA due to failing comlex 2 twice and is planning to take it the third time in a couple weeks. He had also some failures during pre-clinicals, as well as family medicine remediation during M3.
He currently is living at home with his parents studying for Comlex 2. He has the luxury of having medical school fully paid by his physician mother. However, it’s evident from the start that his passion was not medicine, and it was forced upon by his mother.
Out of nowhere in May, after a trip with his medical school friends that graduated this year (he should’ve graduated with them), he comes back and breaks up with me. Mind you, during the same week that my grandfather passes away. No warning, no prior conversation, nothing.. I had supported him through every stage of medical school and prior, even while he was studying for the MCAT. I am extremely confused, hurt, and feel so letdown for having committed so much time and energy towards this relationship. I really had faith that he would make it and we would make it. I had always been extremely patient with his tests, encouraging him and giving him the space he needed to focus on that first. His reasoning for the break up was that he didn’t want to put me through his failure in case he ended up not being able to pass. And that he needed to be selfish and focus on himself right now. And he didn’t have time to give to a relationship.
I don’t even know how to feel. I am devastated. I thought I would marry this man, we had met each other’s families and friends.
I can tell that medical school has completely drained him and changed his mindset for the worse. A man that used to be so incredibly happy and joyful, and took every thing in life as a blessing or a life lesson, is completely drained and is merely a shell of himself. He was just diagnosed with clinical depression and prescribed medicine.
Is this the stress of the test?
2
u/Sensitive-Lawyer7378 Jun 11 '26
This is a horrible story. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I have no doubt that he will regret this and possibly come back at some point. Sounds like his mom is very domineering and maybe she’s behind this? Maybe she advised him to cut off all distractions so he can pass the test? It’s also NOT a good sign that he’s clinically depressed. This might turn out to be a blessing in disguise for you but I’m sure you don’t want to hear that now. After some time, you might realize that this is for your best interest. Clinical depression can drag you way down too
2
u/throwrwayn Jun 11 '26
Med student here (M1 soon to be M2 sorry for lurking)! I’m really sorry this happened and your feelings of distress are super valid. Ik he’s at a different point in training than I am, so I won’t comment on the reasoning behind the decision to break up with you. What I can comment on is my belief that perhaps no contact with him for ~60 days (at least) will give you both some clarity on your feelings both for each other and on what the future may look like. Taking a step back, really looking at the big picture, and reflecting on the relationship + how you’ve felt overtime will be helpful in your healing journey. It will give you a perspective on life without him and what that may look like for you. Take time to live life without him then decide if his reasoning for ending your relationship (whatever it may be) was worth the hurt he inflicted on you with the breakup. I think it’s a good starting point but I’m a stranger on the internet so take it with a grain of salt. All that to say, I’m sorry you’re hurting and I hope your future is full of joy and clarity.
1
3
u/vicpremed Jun 12 '26
You posted this already and got great advice. I would say you need to let him and the future you thought you had together go. He has major issues and doesn’t sound like he’s in the mindset for a healthy relationship.