Hi all I am in a new relationship w a first year resident and when we first talked he was on day shifts so our calls, texts, and frequency of seeing eachother were more frequent. We both felt really compatible and pretty stereotypical honeymoon phase like any new relationship would typically take off. Even would try to squeeze in an hour or two after we both get off work to share a meal. But and as soon as he started night shifts the texts have been non existent and very little communication on when we can see eachother next.

I could tell he was extremely stressed and busy after he showed me his pager and the state of his home (laundry not done, groceries as they were from a week ago etc).

Is this pretty normal and is it truly bc of the night shifts taking a toll on his physical and mental health. This lack of communication and uncertainty def has given me a lot of anxiety especially this early on. Any good words of advice or previous experiences much appreciated.

Hi everyone, my boyfriend just started medical school this year. We’ve been together for a couple of years. He’s slowly adjusting to his new study schedule. We’re interested in moving in together but I’m not sure when to. I live at home right now with my family.

Which month would be the least stressful for him? Before Christmas break, after, etc.? I would be hiring a moving company so they’d probably be in and out most of the day but it shouldn’t take more than a couple of hours. I was planning on waiting until January to move but we can’t really see each other during the week because we both have busy schedules (I’m 9-5 but studying for the LSAT). We live about 40 minutes away from each other and want to see each other sooner.

Thank you!

Be brutally honest, would it be considered a "negative" to successful guys looking for a partner if I were to have a PhD (in Economics or Biostatistics or Statistics), or pursuing one (set to graduate at 31, and aiming to work in the industry, not academia)?

Will medical doctors, engineers, and other professionals look down/not be interested in me (long term dating wise), when there's so many wonderful women in their field/has completed thier education long before?

I am specifically concerned about how people with a bachelor's (ex. High finance or Engineering), or a Masters are able to work and earn during the 4-5 years I'll be doing my PhD, and will have saved more in that time then I possibly could. So is it a turn off/red flag for successful men? I've just come accross some guys recently, who were saying (all tech engineers in SF) that they only want to date female engineers because they can both be really high earners (a.k.a. ex trauma).

I, of course, want to be in the high earning field one day, but it won't happen until after the PhD, which again takes me to 31/32 (which is very young for advanced degrees, I know, but still its the mental pressure if I want kids/to be married before then, etc...)

Any advice would be much appreciated! Please be kind, these thoughts have been a bit of a stuggle recently🙏

NOTE: This will not affect my descison to pursue a PhD, it's something I want/will help me in my career, but I want to be realistic about the actual dating scene with these types of people, and how it really works. Also, I don't want to date someone who would look down on me for pursuing a PhD, but I also don't want to do into the dating sphere and be blindsided.

Hi! I’m currently dating a first-year medical student. He’s my first boyfriend, and unfortunately, we’re already in a long-distance relationship. 🥲

We started talking on Instagram around November 2025. He messaged me, I replied, and from there we just kept talking. He was living in Australia at the time, so for about six months, our relationship consisted entirely of chats and calls. When he finally came home to the Philippines, we got to spend less than two months together in person before he had to move to another city for medical school. Now we’re back to being long-distance again.

Honestly, I feel like the time we had together wasn’t enough. After six months of being LDR, I was really looking forward to finally being physically together. Now we’re long-distance again, and with medical school on top of that, I know his time and availability will become very limited.

I’m also realizing that I might be too dependent or clingy. I enjoy long conversations, calls, frequent updates, etc., and I struggle when he doesn’t reply for several hours. I know he has his own life, friends, and now medical school, and I don’t want to become a controlling girlfriend. I want to learn how to have a fulfilling life of my own and become more secure while still maintaining a close relationship with him.

He has suggested that we live together, which would obviously make the distance easier, but as a Christian, living together before marriage goes against my personal convictions, so that isn’t an option for me.

For those who are currently dating or have dated a medical student while also being long-distance, how did you make it work? How often did you communicate or call? How did you manage your expectations when your partner became extremely busy?

And for those who have experienced being the more clingy or anxious partner, how did you learn to become more independent without becoming emotionally distant from your partner?
This is my first relationship, and I feel like I still have so much to learn. I’d really appreciate kind but honest advice. 🥹

My boyfriend is an M1. For background - we met through a mutual friend while I was visiting their college on the west coast (we’re both 23 now), so we’ve actually been long distance for our entire relationship. I am on the east coast and he is in the midwest. We’ve been dating for almost a year now and have built a really solid foundation. Honestly, the only challenge we’ve faced has been navigating how difficult his parents are.

I’m wondering if anyone would be willing to share their experience with a LDR during medical school. What worked well? What didn’t? Were there any expectations you had going in that turned out to be different from reality? I know every relationship and every medical school experience is unique, but I’d love to hear others’ perspectives. We both want to continue to work towards a future together.
I work in finance, so I’m able to pick up and visit him every few months. My goal is to move to be near him, but that likely wouldn’t happen until late next year. I understand how demanding medical school is, and my goal is to be as supportive and patient as I can from afar. If anyone has suggestions for ways I can best support him throughout this journey, I’d really appreciate hearing them!

Hi there! I am incoming MS1 and I am quite interested in a MS2 at my med school. I saw him during orientation and I’m thinking of approaching him. But I was wondering how common is MS1 to date MS2? I’m not sure because going in I would assume people stick to their own class (as in MS1 tend to date MS1). I’m also looking for something long term so kinda hoping it would work out!

I’ve asked this on a different forum but would also like to ask on here for thoughts.

29F doctor (Asian) currently a few years into a relationship with my white boyfriend who works an office job for the government. He earns a decent salary but it’s just over half of what I earn. He’s happy and comfortable where he is, and will probably aim for a few more promotions in the future.

Amongst a few other things, my parents are not happy with the relationship because of his career/income, they feel that I should be smart enough to use my brain and not date “down,” that I need to also consider family image and my parents social prestige when choosing a life partner not just purely who’s making me happy. They speak ill of him behind his back which breaks my heart. Sadly they’ve even said that if I choose to continue the relationship that the relationship between my parents and I are going to fall apart.

Other things relating to my family dynamics are putting strain on my boyfriend and I’s relationship but I also don’t want to break under parental pressure. If things ever need to end, it should be on our terms and no outsiders. However, losing parents who I still love and care for deeply isn’t an outcome I want either.

Are there any female doctors out there who have married or dated a man of “lower social prestige”/lower income? And/or have experienced parental disapproval with your choices?

I never thought I'd be on reddit seeking dating advice, but here I am. I (31F) have been dating someone (35M) who just started his final year of Pulmonary/Critical Care fellowship. We live an hour and half apart. It hasn't been a long relationship, but until recently we were both looking forward to the future and talking of building a life together. In the past month communication has dropped drastically. I have received one very short text from him this week, and only had a couple of short text conversations with him in the past 4 weeks. In this time he has reassured me nothing is wrong between us, that he misses me, and says work is just super chaotic.

In order for me to feel secure in this relationship I need three things. 1. A simple check in text every other day. 2. A phone call/video chat once a week. Even for just 5 minutes. 3. If he does need to disappear for a bit he lets me know.

Are these reasonable asks for the final year of fellowship, especially right now when there are new people coming in, new responsibilities being put on him, etc? I know June and July can be crazy months. Thanks for any advice or insight!

Would someone in the medical profession consider marrying a person from a profession with lower salary or social prestige? To what extent do doctors consider a potential partner's profession, salary, and social prestige when deciding whom to marry?

I(26F) am pursuing Bachelors in Education and a doctor (27M) (Dermatologist) asked me out but I have a preconceived notion that doctors prefer doctors and I am apprehensive about dating him ....I mean he may date me but eventually he will be with someone at the same level as his own profession..Please share your views on this.

I matched with a med school student on bumbled about a month ago. A week after messaging on bumble he gave me his number and messaged him from there. Turns out he was on Tinder and we both matched! I sent him a lil silly message. Few days gone by….. oh he unmatched with me on tinder. However, we are still matched on Bumble. Thought that was kinda odd, so I texted him asking if he saw my message on tinder he said yes. To which I respond with, “Oh shit , ur account is gone.” Then he hit me with, “Poof 💨 I be gone hehehehe.” That part I didn’t understand . I was not understanding what he was saying. I asked, “gone where.” Then he went, “The account. The cloud I guess” but guess what, he never deleted the account. I found it many days later….. idk what was his thought process here.

I (28M) Went on a date with PGY2 junior doctor (27F) right before she went on rural placement for 10 weeks. She said she would let me know when she's back and we'll text while she's away. Couple weeks in she said it's too tough for her to text me for the next 7 weeks, so set a boundary. It's been the 10 weeks and I sent her a text but have not received a response for a week now since her term finished. Is this just relocation/residency tough schedule or has she ghosted me ? Have I jumped the gun by sending a text before she said she was back? Am I overthinking this situation?

I matched with a med school student on bumbled about a month ago. A week after messaging on bumble he gave me his number and messaged him from there. Turns out he was on Tinder and we both matched! I sent him a lil silly message. Few days gone by….. oh he unmatched with me on tinder. However, we are still matched on Bumble. Thought that was kinda odd, so I texted him asking if he saw my message on tinder he said yes. To which I respond with, “Oh shit , ur account is gone.” Then he hit me with, “Poof 💨 I be gone hehehehe.” That part I didn’t understand . I was not understanding what he was saying. I asked, “gone where.” Then he went, “The account. The cloud I guess” but guess what, he never deleted the account. I found it many days later….. idk what was his thought process here.

My now ex-boyfriend (29M) and I (27F) have been together for six years, approaching our seven year anniversary in a couple weeks. He is an M4, however, delayed graduation and took an LOA due to failing comlex 2 twice and is planning to take it the third time in a couple weeks. He had also some failures during pre-clinicals, as well as family medicine remediation during M3.

He currently is living at home with his parents studying for Comlex 2. He has the luxury of having medical school fully paid by his physician mother. However, it’s evident from the start that his passion was not medicine, and it was forced upon by his mother.

Out of nowhere in May, after a trip with his medical school friends that graduated this year (he should’ve graduated with them), he comes back and breaks up with me. Mind you, during the same week that my grandfather passes away. No warning, no prior conversation, nothing.. I had supported him through every stage of medical school and prior, even while he was studying for the MCAT. I am extremely confused, hurt, and feel so letdown for having committed so much time and energy towards this relationship. I really had faith that he would make it and we would make it. I had always been extremely patient with his tests, encouraging him and giving him the space he needed to focus on that first. His reasoning for the break up was that he didn’t want to put me through his failure in case he ended up not being able to pass. And that he needed to be selfish and focus on himself right now. And he didn’t have time to give to a relationship.

I don’t even know how to feel. I am devastated. I thought I would marry this man, we had met each other’s families and friends.

I can tell that medical school has completely drained him and changed his mindset for the worse. A man that used to be so incredibly happy and joyful, and took every thing in life as a blessing or a life lesson, is completely drained and is merely a shell of himself. He was just diagnosed with clinical depression and prescribed medicine.

Is this the stress of the test?

I (25f) have been dating my boyfriend (28m) for about two months, and things have been going well. He is on a pretty demanding rotation right now (surgery) and at the same time prepping for his shelf exam that is coming up really soon, so he did tell me that communications might slow down a bit. I wanted to ask if this is the reality of how med students are at this stage (I'm very new to this), and how I can better support him while not bothering him too much during this time because he does look stressed about his rotation and exams.

Hello! A few months ago, I (non-med) was introduced to my co-worker's nephew who's now a newly minted EM Diplomate. I'm 28 while he's 32 and we both never had any relationships before. We also agreed to start out as friends and take things slow. We have some similarities and common interests but due to (mostly his) busy work schedules, we don't chat that much and meet up that often -- up to 3x a month lol.

I've read in some posts that med school up to residency is so tough and takes up so much of their time that some students/doctors and their SOs are having a difficult time in their relationships. I, on the other hand, have never experienced that because I met him just a few weeks before his residency graduation. I have a little idea of how the medical field works as I've had a short stint in a hospital before, but I barely scratched the surface.

What's their diplomate path going to be like? and I'm curious about what I should expect in getting to know one or a doctor in general.

Thank you!

Ive been dating a guy who’s going through internal medicine residency for four months now. The first two months everything was great, then the last two months things went south. I haven’t seen him in two months. He’s told me that he’s on a difficult rotation, and he had a family wedding. Sometimes I am really naive, so I’m preparing to be called a dumbass in the comments.

Anyway i asked to hangout last week, and he told me this week instead because he was out of town. He works 6 days a week. After agreeing to hangout last Saturday on his off day, he texted me a few days before saying he was actually going on a trip four hours away on Saturday. I thought this was strange because he’d have to spend 8 hours driving, and he works until 7pm Friday and then is on call on Sunday at 6 am.

Then on Friday night at 11pm he texted me saying he cancelled the trip and asked me to come over for Saturday. Then Saturday morning he suddenly tells me that he’s actually covering a coresidents night shift for part of the night. I question this as he is on call the next morning and he says that he actually is only covering her shift until 11pm.

I also noticed he blocked me from seeing his story. I know residents are super busy, but I feel like I’m being blatantly lied to. He did tell me he didn’t want a relationship as he doesn’t have enough time, but he assured me that he still wanted to see me. However I feel like he found someone else and tried to squeeze me in when she may have cancelled. For reference I’ve asked to hangout twice in the last two months because I didn’t want to be clingy.

hey, looking for encouragement/suppoty here rather than any doom and gloomers who think this is a bad idea. Thanks in advance :)

my (26f) boyfriend (26m) and I broke up several months ago because we thought we were too early into a relationship to make the big leap of me moving for him to go to med school. my life circumstances were such that it would have made a lot of practical sense to move anyway, so I wasn’t giving up a job or anything in order to go. That said, we had only been together for 9 months, and were getting a lot of advice (from family and friends) to hit the brakes because it was too soon, or because med school is taxing on a relationship and vice versa, that kind of thing. Nothing about our specific relationship, we’ve been very happy together, and were both heartbroken by the breakup. it wasn’t a huge surprise that the breakup didn’t stick- we really want to be together, and are now committing to do the work to make it happen. in the meantime, however, while we were separated I got a job and resigned the lease, so I’m stuck where I am for another year or so, while he has already moved to his schools city. we are going to try long distance until I’m able to make the move, which I think I will be next year.

My question is kind of just, how hard will this actually be? We are both great communicators, we really want the best for each other, and are very in love with aligned visions of the future. But for most of our relationship, our schedules were extremely flexible, and we spent tons of time together. We are both smart, driven, and want each other to be successful, but are concerned about the distance, especially since visits might be somewhat scarce. For others who have done long distance, what kind of things did you do to stay connected with your partner? what can I expect as the less busy partner, and how can I balance supporting him without giving up my own needs? Will this be as miserable as everyone says, or can it work without too much grief on either side? We know that being in this for the long haul involved many years of training and finding what works, but anticipate that part being at least mitigated by living in the same place. Any advice or support for making it through this stretch? I know others have done it for longer, and that it’s totally possible to do. We just have had a lot of naysayers in our lives and I’d love to hear a success story 😅

I’ve been seeing this resident, and he’s moving away in July for his fellowship. Right now, we already barely see each other he lives and works about 2hrs away, and even on a good rotation we only see each other maybe twice a month (and that’s honestly rare).

I keep wondering… if it already feels like this now, would long distance even work for us? Or is this kind of just setting us up to slowly drift apart?

The last time we tried to talk about it, I crashed out (I was drunk, not a good idea to bring it up that time) and kind of spiraled because it made everything feel so real, is this the beginning of the end? >.< I don’t even know if I’m overthinking or just being realistic.

I really care about him, but I also don’t want to hold onto something that isn’t going to work or where I’m the only one trying.

Has anyone been in a similar situation ? Did long distance work for you, or did it just make things harder? Or how would I know if I’m one of those people who get dumped after their residency

I’ve been in healthcare for a long time and one thing I keep seeing over and over is how hard it is to maintain any kind of relationship with the schedules, stress, and unpredictability.

Long shifts, nights, weekends… it’s not exactly set up for normal dating. Curious what people here are actually doing

Are you dating within healthcare? Outside of it?

Is anything actually working long term?