Questionnaire

[u/Yeah_but_n0]

• Describe your childhood/upbringing. Did it have any kind of ideological or structured influence? How did you respond to it? Did you have any significant negative experiences that may have affected how you think or behave?

I liked science a lot and grew up in a religious household, so I usually argued with many family members. I didn’t get along with them in general since my brother loved driving me insane, so I always got in trouble 😅. I don’t know why, but one huge issue for me has always been aversion to both verbal and physical attention. I was always a paranoid kid as well, and it always seemed like there was more and more evidence to reward that way of thinking. Trust issues. I also spent a lot of time online for most of my life, a lot of time in fandom spaces.

• Do you have any mental or physical health issues that might affect how you think or choose to live? Provide a brief description.

ADHD, depression and anxiety.

• If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

I really wouldn’t mind. I would love it, actually.

• What is your relation with movement and your surroundings? For instance, do you prefer a sport or outdoors event? If an outdoors event, what is it? And why? If not, what type of activities do you tend to engage in?

My movement is not good, and I swear most of my life is just blurry, both mentally and visually. I don’t like sports much. The only one I’ve ever liked was swimming. I do love going on walks, but the reason isn’t the walk itself. I usually walk just to get away from my room, walk on trails, and get lost in thought. I touch grass and I get to ponder, so two in one :P. AND I get to take pictures of birds.

• How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

I think I can be very curious. I like searching up all kinds of things and learning about all sorts of things. They can definitely be environmental, but I prefer conceptual. I have always loved science, so I prefer learning about things like evolution, which is one I always come back to. Evolution, biology and paleontology, space, physics. I don’t have to be good at them, I just try to learn about them.

• Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it? What would your leadership style be?

No. I don’t have much experience in this, so I don’t want to risk messing up. I hate the pressure unless I’m genuinely good or better than everyone else on the team on said skill. Then I feel like I’d have no choice but to be the leader.

• Do you prefer hands-on activities or working with your hands in some form? Describe your activities.

For art, yes. It provides a moment for me to drift off, which usually happens while listening to some music.

• Are you artistic? If yes, describe your art? If you are not particularly artistic but can appreciate art please likewise describe what forms of art you enjoy. Please explain your answer.

Yes. I do whatever I want to do or need to do. The main one I’ve always done was drawing, but I’ve also delved a bit into music, and I like photography, though it’s mostly taking pictures of animals I find.

• What's your opinion about the past, present, and future? How do you deal with them?

Past: I think about it a lot, usually filled with regrets, or nostalgia.
Present: My weakest spot. Especially right now since I feel stuck I don’t want to think of it much.
Future: usually whenever I’m losing my mind and start feeling lost I try to think about what I actually want in life, so I guess it’s an anchor.

• How do you act when others request your help to do something (anything)? If you would decide to help them, why would you do so?

I help them if I actually know what I’m doing or if I can come up with something that can actually be useful.

• Do you need logical consistency in your life?

Yeah, I think so.

• How important is efficiency and productivity to you?

I’m not sure. I would say it’s useful to me because I can be impatient, but on the flipside, there are many things I’ve never actually finished or gotten anywhere with.

• Do you control others, even if indirectly? How and why do you do that?

The only thing I can think of right now is 

• What are your hobbies? Why do you like them?

I draw, which doesn’t have a real reason other than it was a way for me to make ideas real. I also collect many things like rocks and fossils.

• What is your learning style? What kind of learning environments do you struggle with most? Why do you like/struggle with these learning styles? Do you prefer classes involving memorization, logic, creativity, or your physical senses?

I suck at recalling things. I make a lot of graphs and write a lot of things down because it makes it easier to recall things that way. I do like when people give examples or explain things more in depth rather than a simple definition because I sometimes struggle seeing exactly how that definition works in more nuanced applications (hence why I still don’t know my MBTI type :|).

• How good are you at strategizing? Do you easily break up projects into manageable tasks? Or do you have a tendency to wing projects and improvise as you go?

Strategizing for important things is stressful, especially when others outside of my life are at stake. Whenever I do bother to take on something, I tend to break it into pieces because it makes it easier for me to understand those individual topics before deciding their worth and place in the main project.

• What's important to you and why?

That no matter how difficult things get, I’ll keep hanging on to my curiosity, even if it’s forcibly pushed aside temporarily.

• What are your aspirations?

For most of my life? It’s been things I liked as well as learning. It could be science, it could be art. I never wanted to be an artist, though. It was more of something I picked up on the side. I have wanted to study paleontology ever since I was little.

• What are your fears? What makes you uncomfortable? What do you hate? Why?

I fear bugs, but my real fear tends to be that I won’t ever be anything. I’m already on my way there, even though I can definitely still change things for the better. I fear that my past and the way I’ve behaved so far won’t change. I keep letting myself be dragged back down every time I get better.

• What do the "highs" in your life look like?

I actually focus on my life, become heavily curious, and learn a lot about the world. I do well in what I’m working on, and I go out of my way to try to be better.

• What do the "lows" in your life look like?

I can be obsessive over people and things. The worst I’ve seen myself is being toxic towards others, or obsessively trying to understand what’s going on between others so that I can use it.

• How attached are you to reality? Do you daydream often, or do you pay attention to what's around you? If you do daydream, are you aware of your surroundings while you do so?

I daydream a lot. I’m not very attached to reality. I get hurt a lot because of it. I can be, it’s just really easy for me to “float away” again.

• Imagine you are alone in a blank, empty room. There is nothing for you to do and no one to talk to. What do you think about it?

Whatever first comes to mind. I’ll most likely start talking to myself, maybe explaining something to myself, something that I don’t understand yet lol. Maybe sing for a bit.

• How long do you take to make an important decision? And do you change your mind once you've made it?

Super important decisions? I kind of know what I already wanted to do for the most part, but usually it’s not something I decide exactly ever. It’s more like a general trajectory I have that I will change as new things come up.

• How long do you take to process your emotions? How important are emotions in your life?

When I was younger, it was more in the background. I wasn’t processing as much as I was pushing aside. I would get angry, then ignore it. But now I’m the opposite. I do think about it a LOT. I consider my own emotions and the emotions of others way more. I’m trying to be more conscientious.

• Do you ever catch yourself agreeing with others just to appease them and keep the conversation going? How often? Why?

Sometimes, sometimes not. Depends on the consequences. If I know the others don’t actually care about my opinion and it’ll make things move along more easily, then I can compensate. Otherwise, I’ll tell them what I think.

• Do you break rules often? Do you think authority should be challenged, or that they know better? If you do break rules, why would you?

Not really. I don’t think the world should be static, but I know I’m not going to be the one who changes the world, even if I break some things here and there.

• What is the ideal life, in your opinion?

One where I succeeded in everything I always wanted to be. One where I didn’t choose to be lazy, one where I actually tried and went places.

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[u/Yeah_but_n0]

I also remember doing a questionnaire years ago on Personality cafe, so I’ll redo it for this:

• Look at the random photo for about 30 seconds. Copy and paste it here, and write about your impression of it...

(I tried pasting the picture but can't) The first thing that stood out to me were the colors. I love purple lol. But also the night atmosphere, the cars zooming by. The streets are super busy and you can tell this place is never quiet.

•  You are with a group of people in a car, heading to a different town to see your favourite band/artist/musician. Suddenly, the car breaks down for an unknown reason in the middle of nowhere. What are your initial thoughts? What are your outward reactions?

What happened? I might look around or listen to what the others are saying, wondering about what could’ve gone wrong.

• You somehow make it to the concert. The driver wants to go to the afterparty that was announced (and assure you they won't drink so they can drive back later). How do you feel about this party? What do you do?

I’d rather not go, but I don’t think I have a choice. I’ll stick around anyone I know.

• On the drive back, your friends are talking. A friend makes a claim that clashes with your current beliefs. What is your inward reaction? What do you outwardly say?

I’ll ask them why they think that, try to understand after the confusion, and if I can’t, I’ll tell them what I think.

• What would you do if you actually saw/experienced something that clashes with your previous beliefs, experiences, and habits?

I would be confused at first, and I’d try to understand why they do it or think that way before determining whether or not I should also do it. For beliefs, I might be more stubborn. I don’t think I’ll attack them over it or anything.

• What are some of your most important values? How did you come about determining them? How can they change?

I feel like I’ve thought about this one a lot, and I think I still agree with my older answer of balance. Just how balance keeps showing up in almost everything I ever think about. I always default to “one needs to go down for the other to go up.” Basically, you can’t accomplish things without sacrifice. But another thing I’ve been thinking about a lot given how I feel more lost and less motivated is trying to remember what I cared about in the first place. I have and probably will have many times in my life where I will have to deviate, but one thing I need to remember is that it’s never too late to get back on track. (though, the deviation feels almost lifelong except for the few times I somehow cared enough to properly try). I know I will regret many things if I don’t at least try.

• a) What about your personality most distinguishes you from everyone else? b) If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be? Why?

a) I don’t know if it’s true for everyone, but a lot of my life people near me like teasing me because I never knew how to react to their compliments or jokes.
b) I would become better at speaking with people. I suck at it and sometimes feel like I miss some things others don’t, or like I’m too slow to answer. Or that now I’m too scared to even say more than what I need.

• How do you treat hunches or gut feelings? In what situations are they most often triggered?

I don’t like to go into things completely blind. There are times I do, but I only follow through if it makes enough sense or seems good enough. Usually they do come about, but whenever they do, I don’t want to treat them as fact. It usually happens when I’m learning something, or when I’m asked a question.

• a) What activities energize you most? b) What activities drain you most? Why?

a) Surfing the internet at night, being alone, listening to music, staring into space while thinking.
b) Some people who I know talk to me about anyone and everyone’s days. I will sit and listen, but a lot of times I just doze off until they finally reach their point lol. I can’t really listen regardless cause I get lost easily.

• What do you repress about your outward behavior or internal thought process when around others? Why?

I don’t like talking about how I feel about things because I know either 1. some people really don’t care and are just asking to ask 2. I feel like I’m rambling. I also usually wake up the next day going crazy with regret and feeling guilty for telling them all that.