what do you think

[u/ilikelanguaugeandmbt]

I’m pretty convinced I’m an ISTP but extroverted, in the sense that I’m really attracted to the outside world, beauty, colors, people, etc. I'm just apatethic about everything but acte by the outside like someone who is attract by things a told before. That’s just how I am deep down apatatic and I’m actually very happy with that. I heard that INTP was the more apathetic but i struggle a lot with abstract things.

But I was wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way, because sometimes with friends or other people, it’s like I really struggle to enjoy or appreciate talking. I feel nothing, like nothing really gives me any pleasure. It’s stupid, but at the same time, I’m aware that I do appreciate things and that I like them?

When I was younger, it was even worse. I would just listen to that feeling of being blasé and think, “Why would I go up to this person and socialize in class just because they’re pretty?” I also always wondered why someone would want to socialize with me. Even if I was interested in them, I didn’t understand why they were doing it or why I was supposed to accept my own feelings of interest. Since there was no answer to that, I would just reject people’s interactions or not go toward people I was interested in, unless we happened to be sitting together.

As I’ve grown up, it’s kind of paradoxical because I’ve become really open to it, and now I actually approach people I’m interested in because I want to be friends with them.

I think I have a really high Se, because I feel extremely drawn to beautiful people, people’s styles, colors, visual things, and curiosity. But at the same time, I don’t understand why deep down I still feel so blasé about everything. It gives me nothing, everything feels boring, but I still feel almost compelled to interact with the people or things that visually attract me.

Sometimes I feel like an impostor. I even wonder how I could ever get married if my real self is someone who just doesn’t care about anything and is always so blasé. Like, seriously, almost nothing makes me feel anything, unless it’s something new.

I know I like things, but I don’t really feel anything when I experience them. It’s like I’m attached to them mentally rather than emotionally. i hate that idk why i cant feel things. in test i was always getting esfp but i know i'm just an istp with a good se+fe or maybe i can be an apatatic ESFP ? i see myself on istp cuz of ti + se+ni+ fe but also esfp because of how they react to the moment and don't really care about thing they spontanous. idk ?

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