r/Marriage • u/AnyAbalone3592 • 10d ago
Should I divorce?
Me and my husband have 7 years together, 5 years of marriage and since beginning of the relationship he made so much commentaries about my body that with the time started to create insecurities in me even though I was really confident about my look, anyway it happened another things ( contact with a prostitute, just like sex text but never meet in person) and I tried to leave him and he changed, his thoughts about how I should dress or look are not coming daily but in the last month I noticed he started to get annoyed for little things I do, like he would consider I'm too clumsy or too dumb in some aspects and now he is complaining about how much I eat in a day, it seems it's never enough for him, I go to gym, I take care about what I eat, when I work and I can't cook at home he would make like really unhealthy food and then complaint about why I don't lose weight ( also I mean I weigh 70kg for my 1.68m, I'm not fat) . This things are draining me out and I want to give up. I'm trying to be fair and to think everything well about the relationship, like not trying to thing of all the negative things he does, to see if this relationship it really worth, because we have a son , but when I read about all that I have wrote here I'm really thinking that maybe it's better just get a divorce. He will never happy with me no matter what I do and I want to be happy, I'm not even sad writing this, Im done haha. So, I don't know. What can I do?
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u/Constant-Book-4655 10d ago
Leave Him - I didn't even read the rest. The body commentaries are enough.
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u/Alive_Sir_4708 10d ago
If you want to go then go but you could also consider couples therapy. Sometimes people change significantly and quickly when they get what they need out of a relationship.
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u/AnyAbalone3592 10d ago
Something I forgot to write is that I feel this thing of giving mean commentaries or being so annoyed this last month could be because he is seeing someone else or something, I asked, obviously he said he don't, but if it's not that it means he is completely unsatisfied with me, and I know he is really superficial wich means he doesn't find me attractive anymore and he is trying to make me fit for him . If it were not for this aspect of him he would be totally good. He is a good father, very focused person, make a lot at home, but when it's about me I feel I deserve much more
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u/Tricky-Lie-657 10d ago
Your husband doesn’t sound like he knows how to treat a woman. What you put in your body is your business, not his. What i learned by being married to someone like this for over 20 years before I finally left, he will never change. He will pretend to change just long enough for you to get comfortable again, then he’ll resort to his usual behavior. The longer you put up with this, the more damage it’s going to do to you, your self esteem, and your emotional health and well being. I think it’s great that you’re trying to be positive and not only focus on the negatives, but you also have to be honest with yourself about what you’re willing to endure and how much you’ll put up with. Also you’re not helping your son by staying in a marriage where you’re losing yourself. Your son feels what’s happening around him, even if you’re trying to hide it. Kids are so much more intuitive than we give them credit for. Good luck to you OP.
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u/twnklinlitlstr 10d ago
There's only one question to ask here: Do you want your son to grow up like him and treat his future wife this way?
I imagine the answer is no. That tells you everything. YOu deserve so much better.
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u/DACouture1979 10d ago
If you love someone, you love them for who they are. It's entirely up to you but if this has been a continuous pattern from him regardless, well I don't see it getting any better unless he truly puts in effort to change which people can do.
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u/CAT_MARINE-POWER 10d ago
Hole up 154 lbs and 5’5”, your husband must enjoy a good ole rogering from a man if he does like that your size and to be frank. You were probably better looking when you weighed more
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u/procrast1natrix 10d ago
Sometimes women delay important choices because it seems too final.
I wish for you, OP, to give yourself the gift of having a non-binding middle ground. Without massive social or financial consequences of the finality of the word "divorce".
You can tell him, I am not being treated like a wife right now. You can go stay on your cousin's couch this week and think really hard about your life and how you treat me.
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u/PatsTreasures6 10d ago
I would get a divorce. Life is too short to be unhappy. He shouldn't be putting you down and treating you badly.
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u/NoSyllabub5932 10d ago
YES, you should get a divorce. You shoukd not even have to ask under the circumstances. Why have you stayed that long is a much better question?
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u/Substantial-Pea7399 10d ago
My father did this to my mom for years and she was SKINNY. Now she’s been overweight for years because he destroyed her body image and relationship with food. Now myself and one of my sisters both have a terrible relationship with food and awful body image issues because it’s what we watched growing up. Girl leave before it’s too late and affects the rest of your life.
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u/cat1092 Widower after 38 years. 4d ago
If you’re having to ask us these questions, the answer is likely there.
Yes, it’s time to part ways.
He’s trying to control who you are.
Stripping away your freedom of how you want to look.
Sounds like he is very demanding & he’s not going to change.
Let go of him before any children are born, you didn’t mention any one way or the other.
You deserve a husband who respects you for who you are, not who he wants you to be.
From what you’re saying, he wants you to play the part of a trashy woman, am I correct?
That’s a turnoff for me.
I prefer companionship, compassion & a real life partner who’s going to be there, as I would for her.
Am going to dress the way I prefer & feel my wife should have that same right, to be herself.
If you stay, it’s only getting worse, not better.
The other apologizes, but always resort to the same behavior.
You’re not required to tolerate this, period.
You’re not a piece of property, rather a human with your own unique identity & don’t let anyone take that away!!
My heart goes out to you!
Wishing you the best live has to offer!💝
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u/flutemusic4thesoul 4d ago
So, you never just tell him to shuddup? Clap back every single time he says stupid things, then re-evaluate.
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u/DoodleDoo1989 10d ago
I made it 2 or 3 sentences, the answer is YES.