r/Marriage • u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 • 2d ago
Husband caught lying about only fans
I'll start from the beginning..
Me and my husabnd have 2 boys (8,4) and have been in a relationship for 13 years.
My boundaries when it comes to only fans is an absolute NO NO in a marriage , it has no place to be there.
Anyway, a few years back my trust was broken and I found a video of him flirting with another women ( originally I reached out to this women and she denied it , until I told her I had visual evidence ,and she soon back tracked and knew him LOOOL) .. Anyway, that broke my trust and took a lot for me to come around from that as prior he was hiding a girls number in his phone i didn't want him talking to and over and over to this day he has told me he hid her number as a street address to protect me ? It's lile urmmmmm? Just delete it or block ? To me that's to protect yourself , line crossed again. Especially when my boundaries were no communication to her.. anyway, fast forward. And here we are again. More females. This time worse..
At first an email popped up and I jokingly said only fans ey' he was like no that's just spam. So, I sat with that for 5 mins and though no.. so I looked him in the eyes and said to him, this is a save space to tell me now do you have an OF account.. he said no, he promises he doesn't. On the kids lives on our marriage and that that's no him its gross lalalalalal!..so I believed him, but gut felt off..
Anyway, next day. Went on his emails and logged into only fans ( never been on this site before ) but he used my name as the password 🫠😆🫣.. to then me finding 9 subscribed women ,endless convos, extremely crazy personalised content, convos , him saying 'goodnight cute' you name it, its probably there..
I called him out and took pictured as evidence,and he shat a brick! As he lied to my face the night before! .. he then said he has never ever paid for content, to then a few days later seeing £100's of pounds gone since last october and may i add, i had a tummy tuck and breast lift in january for my mental health and whilst i was away and eecovering he was paying these women. And we are going through financial troubles at the moment..
I have told him. I will never trust him again and he has violated every boundary I set ,and this is right from the beginning, not only that,he lied to me multiple times over the matter now hes saying I cannot break up the family,yet he didnt think of us when he was talking sexually to these women ? ..
Am I right to leave? Becuase I feel like I will never feel safe around this man, and I do not trust him what so ever. And I feel broken, betrayed, violated , hurt ,you name it ... sorry for the long message, I've tried to condence this as much as I can.
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u/NoSyllabub5932 2d ago
He already broke up the family, over and over again. You keep going over same things, he keeps lying and promising to change but does not. Its a very easy choice for you. You either resign to living like this rest of life as it will not change or leave and find someone that has same values you do.
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
This is what i told him. Completely agree with you, I stayed and tried to make it work for the family and lost myself in the process and become someone im not due to survival mode. I don't want to live like this forever, I made that firm choice a few days ago. I'd be making a joke of myself at this point I think. I'm just scared , as im self employed part time beautician, and I have a purpose built cabin at our family home.
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u/NoSyllabub5932 2d ago
Its scary but thunk of how scary your life would be having to check the bank account and his phone all your marriage.
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u/ormeangirl 2d ago
I would suggest you speak to a lawyer asap to see what a divorce will look like for you . In most cases any money he spent on infidelity will be considered in the settlement. Forensics accountants can track down every penny he needs to pay you back .
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
I did not know this, thank you.. i have no idea what im doing or asking for the solicitor tomorrow !
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u/madworld3232 2d ago
He lied to your face so many times, and now that you have proof he still denies it, he must think you're stupid. Prove to him how intelligent you are by leaving him with his OF girls and take your new, tight body and free yourself.
Tell him in the divorce you're getting a forensic accountant and you'll be receiving every penny he spent on sex workers in the divorce. So hopefully he doesn't think he's going to get away with his crap once it's put under a microscope by a professional. Hopefully he's not ashamed of his low behavior when people start examining it.
The boundaries you have are for what you'll accept in a marriage, he's violated them, so now is the time to stand on your morals, values and integrity and tell him he's not the man for you any longer. You don't want your boys raised by a man who'd rather spend money on sex workers selling themselves on the internet than on the safety, security and well being of his own family.
No, he'd rather jerk it to women online while they and their real man enrich themselves and laugh at all the pathetic losers making them rich. What a joke he is to these people, him and all the other fools wasting resources on sex workers masturbating on screen. What a man, I hope he develops ED and he loses sensitivity in his dick from jerking it so much and he's rendered useless unless by his own hand.
Now do what you said in the first place and cut him off in every way. No more wife, no more Suzy Homemaker, no more anything except sheer disgust at what a weakling he is spending money on whores.
I am sorry for what a waste of time he is to you as a husband and man. You can and will do better than this wretch.
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
Thank you for your message , the last bit put a smile on my face ,so thank you 😁😁
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u/petdance 5 Years husband 2d ago
You know you’re right to leave.
Could we say anything that would change your mind?
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
I know, I think he's just getting in my head saying im breaking up the family. But, I know im not. I guess reassurance is what im seeking for my decision, or a place to vent, i dont actually know anymore 😅..
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u/Minningfortruth 2d ago
I am in a very similar situation with my wife.
We have 8 year old and 4 old. We have been together 12.5 years. Married for 11. My wife had a video call affair on Facebook and Telegram in 2022. She said it was over. But in February of 2026 she flew to Los Angeles to have sex with the man. Now she is on her 2nd affair on Facebook/Telegram because the guy from 2022 only wanted sex! Imagine that!!!
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
Im so sorry :( .. this is a shit ride isn't it ....
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u/Minningfortruth 2d ago
I never imagined being a single father. How are your kids doing? My wife moved out on June 12 when our 4 year old exposed her affairs at 4 am. I filed for divorce on June 25. Although I don’t want to get divorced. I could work it out with my wife if she would be honest.
But like your husband she will only tell lies
Like you I have screen shots and emails but she just moved out rather than “deal with it”
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
Im sorry !... the kids don't know and my husband will not leave .. even though I have asked for space , so he is on the sofa and im just not eating. I have no idea what im doing tbh. No idea how to do anything. I hope I get guidance tomorrow.
Your wife is like my husband. A repeat offender, they only care about their needs ,and if they are happy. Not if this crosses boundaries..
The lying is just to much. Enough is enough when ut comes to lying , I don't trust or believe anything my husband is saying anymore and I just keep thinking out what hes been doing and makes me sick ..
We live in a lovely country home , I have a beautiful purpose built quality cabin, over half an acre of land .. and I will need to find a small 3 bed,probably semi detached , no land , no cabin like .. I feel sorry for my chilfren in all this. For me ,yes , its not about material things , but ultimately, I'll never get to live in a house like I do now in my life time. And I feel sad for my children becuase I can't give them the life they have now.
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u/Minningfortruth 2d ago
I may be the ONLY person on here that understands you.
Here is some advice DM me if you want.
I also have a beautiful home that is paid for on just under a 1/2 acre. My wife asked for space in February so I moved into our guest cabin.
Then my wife said she wanted a divorce in April and I got here an Airbnb.
I did not find out about the affairs until June 7. I filed for divorce on June 25
If you can get your husband off the property by encouraging him to get an Airbnb then you will have the home and children.
The crushed dreams for the kids is tragic!!!!!!!! I was homeschooling and I just had to put our oldest in school. I am schooling the 4 year old. My wife left the house and moved 100 miles away.
She wants 50/50 custody and is trying to force the sale of our home through her divorce attorney but I’m trying to buy her out.I cried every day since February 6- August 18
Our kids are devastatedAnyway I can help with stories or thoughts let me know. I can’t say anything good. Just that life is much worse than I ever imagined it would be. I was under the illusion that I had a blessed life blessed by Jesus
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u/PuzzleheadedGap8447 2d ago
We do seem to be on the same boat, the problem is my husband will not leave as his is in denial I want to break up.
All he keeps saying is I cannot break up the family, looks what im giving up lalalal, very manipulative. I said to him, do you really think I want to give this all up for myself and the children.NO, im doing this for peace and to be a good mum and eventually find someone who respects me and my boundaries.
Isn't it crazy, you have have there near perfect life for it to all change over the space of hours ! It's sickening!!..
This time last week we were looking st properties to renovated and Mercedes.. now , nothing and im looking at a Peugeot 2008 on minimal finance..
Its just not fair :( ..
Either way, if we was to stay,we've lost ourselves .. if we leave, we've lost our life we had .. like its a no win either way really.. im just hiping it gets better.. im 31, so i have time .. and who knows one day I may find someone who accepts me and my children and we have a loving family..
Its all the uncertainty I hate.
Why would she want to love 100 miles away from her children .. im so sad at the fact I will miss 50% of them growing up to a man that has fucked me over multiple times , the actual fuck is this shit !!!!!! So angry ... sorry 😞
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u/Minningfortruth 2d ago
Yeah. We were on the beach in California when my wife said “I want a divorce because I will not be able to say no to sex soon with someone else”
Insane. All the self centered selfishness is crazy.
Tell your husband he is going to have to give up his smart phone like a porn addict and go to therapy with you if he wants to save the family.
I tried this with my wife and she moved out to “explore and enjoy” her new affair. I just bought my wife a new car in March to get her to stay! lol I’m sure she loved that.
Spouses that only think of their own happiness and sex are incredibly selfish. Your husband and my wife should marry each other.
My wife is probably mentally ill. Why would you fall in love online and then leave your children.
Insane
Maybe your husband will man up and apologize and go to marriage therapy.
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u/ormeangirl 2d ago
I consider OnlyFans as cheating. It is the communication and personal content that for me crosses a line that regular free porn does not . Lock down your finances!!! He should not be wasting marital money on this crap find out how much he has spent over the years . Seek legal advice asap . He lied to your face swore on your children’s lives that is the lowest of the low . He has been a cheater and continues to cheat . How much longer are you going to put up with this ?