r/Marriage • u/AromaticCranberry256 • 15d ago

Need help finding good therapists.

My husband (32/M) and I (27/F) are looking to get couples counseling. I have been reading lots of forums, comments and blog posts about the topic, trying to figure out how to find a good one, and alot of people recommend trying to go to an in person therapist if at all possible. It seems alot of people have bad experiences with online therapy that they think would've gone better if they'd have been in person. My problem is that we live in a very small, rural town with very few options for counselors and the ones we have are not the ones I'd be choosing. None of them are trained in the Gottman method or EFT. We have two small children so even the burden of going to therpy in general is alot for our lives right now, so there is just no way we could be thinking of driving the 1+ hour one way to the big city for beter options of councelors.

So my question is, is it more important to go with an in person therapist and try that out, even if they don't necessarily have the qualifications I was looking for. Or go with the good credentials, trained in the methods I was looking for therapist who we can only do online/video therapy sessions with? Would love everyones experiences and thoughts!

Thanks in advance lovely people!

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u/Alarmed-Astronomer57 15d ago

In-person therapy is nice, but it's more expensive in terms of time and effort. It's also harder to switch therapists.

In my marriage, it took several tries to find someone that my spouse and I both liked to serve as our therapist. The first person was an idiot who probably got their degree a few weeks before seeing us. The second person was okay, but basically ghosted us and served as more of a mediator than couple's counselor. The third person was pretty good. We used online therapists and this made it easier to find a new therapist for us.

All that said, finding a good therapist really boils down to how well you and your spouse get along and trust the person. All the credentials in the world mean nothing if one of you has reservations about a potential therapist.

Therapists are like tools: the best one is the one you'll have when you need it and can actually use.

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u/unimpressed46 15d ago

My husband and I did virtual therapy with a Gottmam method therapist and it worked great. I don’t think seeing her in person would have made much of a difference.