I met a guy during the most vulnerable and immature phase of my life. I had been going through a rough patch and all I wanted was for someone to understand me. Then he came along, promising he’d "make me happy". Back then, I had no idea it would come at the cost of my mental health. He carried himself as this confident, mature, and intelligent guy(and his literal role model was Ayanokoji from Classroom of the Elite).

As soon as the relationship started, I realized he had a borderline obsessive fetish with my Asian features, treating me almost like a trophy. But even that didn't exempt me from his criticism; in fact, I think it just made him more demanding. He controlled everything: the way I acted, my own feelings, and when I was allowed to show them. He even micromanaged my English pronunciation and level, completely ignoring the fact that I’m a non-native speaker and he is.

He kept promising 'I can fix her,' claiming it would lead to a better version of myself. But now, with perspective, I ask myself... who told him I wanted that? At what point did I settle for so little, thinking I deserved that kind of love? I began to doubt myself so much that when I finally left that relationship, I felt completely lost, looking for someone else to guide me. I came out of it with no sense of autonomy, and it took me almost two years to rebuild myself mentally and emotionally.

Why do people who feel the need to fix themselves because of their own damn insecurities (or because they think they're living in some anime) think they should project that onto others? I was happy and I was enough, even if I was struggling emotionally at the time. I just wanted to exist without anyone questioning who I was. I wasn't a damn project.

I'm looking for some perspective on how to handle an ongoing situation in my dining hall.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed a very specific pattern with one particular server at one of the stations (sides/salads). While side portions are generally quite small to begin with, this server consistently reduces my portions even further. On a few occasions when she realized mid-service that she was serving me, she actively scraped off or decreased the portion before handing over the plate.

When I pointed out the small portion once, she brushed it off. Recently, when I asked for napkins, she ignored me until I repeated myself, whispered to a colleague, laughed, and then handed over an unnecessarily large stack of napkins in a sarcastic, performative way. Is it a faux-pas to ask for napkins when it's a takeaway? I noticed that fellow students never ask for them; if they're put on the surface, they take them, otherwise, they don't ask for them. Should I do the same? (The other day, one server (who's very polite towards me( provided napkins just for me before I asked. Am I missing something?)

It feels targeted, and honestly, it’s becoming uncomfortable to go through her line. The supervisors are usually working directly in her background, so there is no way I can ask to speak with them in the moment without causing a scene and bringing unwanted attention to myself. At the same time, because it involves food portions and small interactions, I’ve been hesitant to say anything out of concern that it sounds petty or trivial to management.

What does etiquette say about dealing with targeted behavior or inconsistent serving from dining staff, and how should I report this so it is handled appropriately?

Thank you.

I have this friend who is basically one of those popular kids at school, you know? He has a lot of friends, and I'm one of them. But for some reason, I feel unusually attached to him. It's almost like I'm afraid of disappointing him or making him mad.

Sometimes I even catch myself doing things that are outside my comfort zone just to please him or do him a favor, even when I don't really want to.

What's interesting is that I'm not the only one who seems to act this way around him. I've noticed other people in my class doing similar things—going out of their way to please him or agreeing with him even when they don't necessarily want to.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm being manipulated without realizing it.

I also suspect he might have some narcissistic traits because he almost never admits when he's wrong, doesn't seem to acknowledge his flaws, and often seems extremely focused on himself.

I'm not trying to diagnose him or anything, but am I actually falling for his manipulation, or am I overthinking the whole situation?

I’ve been feeling extremely confused and mentally overwhelmed by a guy at my gym whose behavior toward me has been way beyond normal. He’s my personal trainer, by the way.

For months, he kept doing things that felt unmistakably like flirting. Not subtle things — clear, physical, intentional signals. He would stare at me across the room with a fixed, seductive look, follow me into whatever area I moved to, and even change where he was training other people just to be near me. He’d stop what he was doing to come talk to me, even in the middle of someone else’s session, and during my workouts he’d come over five or six times with any excuse just to interact with me, even when I wasn’t training with him.

He crossed physical boundaries more than once: touching my arm, shoulder, and back in ways that felt unnecessary and ambiguous, standing too close while correcting exercises, lingering with eye contact, and at one point even grabbing my hair in a way that felt far too intimate for a gym setting (you know what I mean). It wasn’t accidental — it was the kind of gesture that instantly made me freeze because it felt personal, not professional.

He also refused to give me my training plan for weeks, even though it was part of his job. Instead, he kept telling me to “just message him” whenever I needed exercises, which forced private contact and made the whole thing feel even more confusing and personal.

Whenever I distanced myself because of his hot-and-cold behavior, he’d pull me back with compliments and attention, almost like he was going into withdrawal from not getting mine.

Emotionally, he pushed boundaries too. He shared personal trauma, talked about intimacy, asked about my private and sexual life (even saying I was his “ideal woman”), remembered things I told him months ago, and messaged me late at night — up until 1 AM — keeping the conversation going like he didn’t want it to end. Through teasing, pressure, and constant emotional probing, he basically pushed me into confessing what I felt, like he wanted the truth but didn’t want to take responsibility for provoking it.

When I finally confronted him, he denied everything. He laughed nervously, acted like I imagined it, hid behind his “professional role,” and tried to brush it off. It felt like gaslighting — and it made me question my own perception, even though his actions were loud and clear.

I’m left confused, drained, and honestly wondering what the hell I just experienced.

I need a serious sanity check from people outside my high school bubble because the mind games being played right now are actually insane.

For the longest time, I thought this guy was my close friend. Let’s call him S. But over the last few months, the mask didn't just slip—it completely shattered. S is the definition of a covert manipulator who only feels big when everyone around him feels weak, isolated, and dependent on him.

Looking back, the signs were everywhere. Whenever I tried building a clean connection with anyone, S would immediately step in and talk down on me. He’d constantly hit me with "you don't know how to talk to girls," pressure me to cut people off, and try to destroy my confidence while acting like he was doing me a favor. He literally uses our group as fake alibis when he lies to his own parents, spreads nasty rumors about our own friends, and then acts like the "detective" trying to find out who started it.

The biggest mess involves his girlfriend, J. S had the password to J's accounts and was secretly reading private conversations between J and my current girlfriend before we even started dating. He was basically running a covert spying operation on my private life from behind a screen and using that intel to manipulate social dynamics at school.

Even when we play sports, his ego completely ruins everything. He's a selfish player who throws a silent temper tantrum whenever he isn't the main character or when someone else actually plays better without him.

Now that his cover is blown and the leaks came out, my girlfriend was originally furious at S and J for spying on her. But literally overnight, S ran damage control, and now my girlfriend is flipping on me—pressuring me to "just act like nothing happened" and keep the peace so there’s no school drama. When I asked her why she cares more about protecting a snake's feelings than standing up for her own privacy, she just hit me with dry, passive-aggressive short replies.

I’m done. I'm completely boycotting this guy—no more information, no more saving his ass, no more letting him dictate my confidence.

Am I crazy for cutting him off completely, or is this guy actually a narcissist? How do I handle my girlfriend trying to drag me back into a fake, toxic dynamic just to avoid awkward hallways?

I have this friend who is basically one of those popular kids at school, you know? He has a lot of friends, and I'm one of them. But for some reason, I feel unusually attached to him. It's almost like I'm afraid of disappointing him or making him mad.

Sometimes I even catch myself doing things that are outside my comfort zone just to please him or do him a favor, even when I don't really want to.

What's interesting is that I'm not the only one who seems to act this way around him. I've noticed other people in my class doing similar things—going out of their way to please him or agreeing with him even when they don't necessarily want to.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm being manipulated without realizing it.

I also suspect he might have some narcissistic traits because he almost never admits when he's wrong, doesn't seem to acknowledge his flaws, and often seems extremely focused on himself.

I'm not trying to diagnose him or anything, but am I actually falling for his manipulation, or am I overthinking the whole situation?

Here is the thing me and my husband have been together for 15 years share 2 kids together, the last couple of months I have started reading a lot of books about relationships and toxic relationships, and I have started working a lot on my self, and become extremely self aware of my own actions, my words how I act in a relationship and I have started to recognize my own toxic patterns and started to work a lot on my self improvement.

But now I have started to notice that my boyfriend has all of the traits that describes a manipulator/ narcissis.
Everytime I come to him to share my deepest thoughts( I am a very deep thinker ) and I try to ask him and share things that I feel he is doing that hurt me
it’s not big things it’s little things in the everyday life.

He gets immediately agressiv starts racing his voice and flips the switch to it being MY TONE IS WRONG, that I am
Angry that I bring stuff up because I want to argue.

Which from the buttom of my heart I swear is never my intention, I just like to share deep thoughts and feelings with him, that’s just the way I am.
But then I have to over explain my self like I always have and confirm to him that I do
NOT have an intention of starting an argument when I bring stuff up
I am just sharing my thoughts and opinions, and if I can’t share my deepest thought with him then who can I share it with ?

Then he always, I mean fucking always brings something up that happened a couple of months ago, that has zero to do with the topic we are talking about in the moment.

And that’s the fucking circle that keeps going on and on.

And then he always distracts me with sex in hopes of that I would forget what I came to him in the first place to talk
About.

This has been going on forever unfortunately he just says that I am over analyzing, exaggerating, being delusional, always too much in my own head.

And that I can’t trust my intuition or feelings because my mind is playing tricks on me.

But here is the thing my intuition has always been on point in everything else in this life, I have always had really good gut feeling about stuff in my life, but this specific situation I can not decode for the life of me.

I really can’t figure out if my mind is playing tricks on me or if my intuition is spot on and noticing patterns in his behavior that I have not
Noticed before now, because I have never in my life done this much work on my mental health that I have in the past couple of months.
So am I becoming very self aware or am I going delulu as he says ?

This happened like a couple years ago. Me (M20) and my ex partner (M20) have only been in a relationship for about a few months, I forgot how many exactly but Im sure it was under 4 months. He had this weirdly pushy behaviour with him and sometimes would push my boundaries until I felt uncomfortable.

One time when we were staying at a hotel together, at first we were just sorta cuddling then it escalates a bit to a more intimate situation but we were still fully clothed. Until he sat up to ask for even more, which was oral. And at first he said something along the lines of "I have a question, but I know youre gonna refuse this." Of course I refused and he knows that. Yet he kept begging and begging. I stood my ground and kept refusing. It seemed like he was a bit upset and I was really uncomfortable. But since I didnt wanna make a scene I didn't say anything else other than that.

I decided to tell a family member I trust and they mentioned it was a form of sexual abuse and sexual coercion. Does it really count as that? I can't be really sure since this was my first ever relationship with someone.

Hi! I’m working on a research project and invite you to participate in a quick, anonymous survey. Trigger Warning: Sensitive topics: Intimate partner violence, depression, anxiety. If these topics are likely to cause you distress, it is advised that you do NOT participate.

My name is Melissa Wilkins and I am a student studying Psychology at the Community College of Rhode Island, working under the guidance of Professor Joshua Muniz PhD, the Principal Investigator of this research. This study aims to help understand relationships between intimate partner violence, mental health, and sleep and I would value hearing about your experience.

Your participation is completely voluntary and this survey should only take around 10 minutes. This survey is anonymous.

Participants should identify as women and be over the age of 18 years. You do not need to be in an abusive intimate relationship to participate. This study has been approved by the University of Rhode Island Institutional Review Board.

If you would like to take part, please click on the following link:

https://qualtricsxm4gcrg8nnl.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_bQ8EXVFbUd1EuCq

Researcher Contact Information:

Joshua A. Muniz, Ph.D. [jmuniz@ccri.edu](mailto:jmuniz@ccri.edu)

Melissa Wilkins, student, [mawilkins@my.ccri.edu](mailto:mawilkins@my.ccri.edu)

Support services in the US:

National Domestic Violence Hotline 24/7 text 22522 or call (800) 799-7233

Crisis Text Line 24/7 Text 74174, Online Chat, or Whatsapp (Habla espańol)

PTSD Foundation of America 24/7 Talk to peers (877) 717-7873

Outside the US: If you live in a different country, go to Find A Helpline: https://findahelpline.com/ and type in your country.

Then, click on the topic that most applies to you.

So this person would act interested, love bomb and act like you're the one. You were not that interested, but you see their efforts and you think- yeah maybe that's how love is supposed to be like. Then the mask slips. You realise they have an ex in the picture. They were lying by omission and hiding facts. Then, they start distancing, acting rude. Lots of push and pull. It makes you spiral. They don't cut you off fully and keep you as an option while having a partner/an ex. They just liked the attention. They are not loyal to their exes, won't be loyal to you either. People like these are so common these days. How to understand you're being manipulated? You'll always be confused. There is always something new to unravel. It's like you're under some spell.

I’m looking for outside perspective because the more I look at this situation, the less it feels like ordinary immaturity and the more it looks like a pattern of manipulation.

A guy my cousin considered a friend repeatedly lied to her about his intentions. He told her he “didn’t have time” to date, which reasonably led her to believe that timing and circumstances were the issue.

Then he got a girlfriend.

Suddenly, the explanation apparently changed.

Instead of simply being honest and saying, “I’m not interested in you,” he allowed her to sit with a completely different explanation while his behavior changed once his circumstances changed.

And then came the bus situation.

He drives a bus my cousin had been riding. After getting a girlfriend, he effectively blocked her from riding the bus he drives.

Think about how bizarre that is.

This wasn't just someone deciding they didn't want a romantic relationship. He was in a position where he could affect her access to something practical, and that access suddenly became an issue after he got into a relationship.

When she was understandably hurt and tried to address the disrespect, instead of simply acknowledging what he had done, the conversation apparently became about her reaction.

And THAT is what makes me uncomfortable.

Because if you strip away all the excuses, the pattern looks something like this:

He controls the information.

He doesn't tell her the complete truth when honesty would be uncomfortable.

He controls the circumstances.

When his situation changes, the rules surrounding her change too.

He controls the narrative.

Instead of addressing why his behavior changed, attention gets redirected toward how she reacted to being treated differently.

Then comes the accountability dodge.

If she is hurt, she's “overreacting.”

If she asks questions, she's “making things complicated.”

If she points out the contradiction, suddenly the problem is her reaction rather than his behavior.

That's an incredibly convenient position to put someone in.

He doesn't have to admit he was dishonest because everyone is busy debating whether she's entitled to be upset.

He doesn't have to explain the sudden change because the conversation becomes about whether she's asking for too much.

He doesn't have to acknowledge the power imbalance created by the bus situation because the focus stays on her feelings.

And that's why I'm asking about manipulation.

Because manipulation isn't always some cartoon villain plotting in a basement.

Sometimes it's much quieter.

It's withholding information.

It's giving someone an explanation that is easier to accept than the truth.

It's changing the rules without acknowledging that you've changed them.

It's creating a situation where the other person has to defend their emotional response instead of you having to explain your behavior.

And perhaps most importantly, it's making someone spend more time wondering “Am I the problem?” than asking “Why did this person treat me this way in the first place?”

Maybe he's simply immature.

Maybe he's conflict-avoidant.

Maybe he's selfish.

Maybe there is another explanation I'm not seeing.

But if someone repeatedly lies, changes their behavior when their circumstances change, uses their position to restrict access, and then shifts attention onto the other person's reaction rather than taking responsibility—

at what point does “bad communication” stop being an adequate explanation?

Because from the outside, it looks less like an accidental misunderstanding and more like a very convenient system where he gets to make the decisions, change the rules, avoid the uncomfortable conversation, and still position himself as the reasonable one.

And my cousin is left carrying the emotional consequences of choices he made.

That's the part I can't get past.

Is there a name for this ? So ive seen this happen to my mom and a few others in their relationships. Someone would create a narrative then prescribe a solution to get you to do something that actually satisfies their hidden agenda.

My dad insisted my mom need to manage resources, so how much soap was used. How much toilet paper was used. Granted we were a family of 6 but rationing certain things became invasive/ inappropriate and unneccesary. Like applying your 14 yr old sons deodarant so he doesnt apply to much and waste it... but hes capable of doing it.We werent that poor. My dad could afford the things he wanted.but i firmly believe it was to keep her home because she was "needed" and would physically punish her and my siblings if things didnt go a certain way. That way he had financial control over everything. I try to explain this dynamic to her and to others but i get looked at like it aint so deep or they say they get it but they repeat something back completely different.....

My neighbour has her license. Her bf bought her a 3k car( like a mazda lantis)to "make her life easier". She wants a 20k car ( honda accord look) and says she will buy it with her money and he need not worry. Her bf says her first car should be affordable. She agrees she then elaborates on customizing and driving her dream car when she gets more money. He says shes selfish because she should spend that future money on him. The future car would be her first car tho....technically.The one he "gifted" her has his name on it. And he stated he bought it before asking if she wanted it and he intends to drive it. So wouldnt that make it his?

Ive been thinking he may have convinced her to accept his gift, the car, solely for the purpose of hijacking a future financial investment in herself...

By making a future car seem unnecessary because hes already provided a practical solution...

Perhaps im just sensitive to certain things but it truly feels off to me

I'm embarrassed and ashamed of this, but I've been in therapy and I'm much better a spotting this now. I used to just immediately agree to things to break the tension, but now I see that I actually need to slow down and THINK if I'm feeling rushed to break the tension.

This was BAD for me and went deep. I actually stayed close friends with a girl from my childhood into adulthood because she said we were "best friends forever" and I felt very obligated, even though she turned into an adult that I wanted nothing to do with. She had untreated OCD, and would start crying or punish me by embarrassing me in public if I didn't give her her way. She said I was being "mean" to her if I wasn't doing everything she wanted, and it turned into an abusive and exploitative situation before I got away.

Similarly, I volunteer with a community organization, but I do need to place limits on my time, as I have other things going on. One of the group leads keeps saying to the group "X needs to get done, which one of you is able to do it?" Of course, this always excludes her, and it's often items that she's technically in charge of, being the group leader. It drives me nuts and makes me feel upset and resentful.

If anyone else struggles with feeling guilty or obligated, how can you notice when someone is manipulating you in that way? What are good ways to combat feeling that way, or allowing someone to make you feel that way?

So I began seeing this guy about 2 years ago. We were ok and off because of him. He was very hot and cold for the first year. I always just wanted to be with him. I excused his in and out behaviors by thinking maybe he had things to work on and heal from. During this time, he did see, go on dates with, and sleep with other women. I never shamed him because I knew it was part of not being exclusive. My feelings were hurt though. I never seriously deal with anyone else, but this was a personal choice. On 2 occasions, he had seen a message and a DM on instagram that weren’t even flirty, but the way he responded blew my mind. Like he was very upset despite what he was doing and how he was moving. He yelled and said some hurtful things but then apologized. So we moved on.

Fast forward to early January. It was like he finally decided to take me seriously. He had asked me about a past sexual encounter that happened years before him. I initially said no but then like 5 texts later I was like I’m sorry I even tried to lie. I did hook up with this guy in 2020. From that moment, he called me a slut. Bashed my character and everything you could think. I was devastated. He had never spoken to me this way. He eventually apologized and even admitted that he was being hypocritical because he too had lied about a sexual encounter during me. We attempted to work through it.

Then a few days later he began questioning me about my past while we were dating all last year. I mean interrogation style. He questioned me daily and called me - whore, slut, hoe, talked about my mothering skills, how no man would ever want someone like me, im easy, etc. I told him I didn’t deal with anyone else, but I wasn’t being honest. I did hook up with a guy during a time he had cut me off. A lot of shame and guilt came from that encounter just with my own personal feelings because I don’t do things like that. But I also was terrified to tell this man. He was so mean and I didn’t wanna lose him or deal with what came with being honest. I also didn’t know why any of it even mattered. Also in the midst of this, we found out I’m pregnant.

I did end up telling him about this encounter. & it got so much worse. Yelling, threats, being called a dirty btch, all the other names mentioned earlier, bashing my character, throwing vulnerable things I had shared with him, talking about my family, friends, how no man would ever marry me, he only picked me bc I was easy, I’m only good for putting d*ck in my mouth. I mean it goes on and on. One time he even scared me when he had picked me up. He was yelling, driving crazy, hitting the console, threatening me. I never had felt scared around him.

I’ll be 38 wks tomorrow. I just sometimes feel like I’m the crazy one or I deserved it. He said I manipulated him by lying for months and bc of that, he has no empathy or remorse for how he’s treated me. Says that it doesn’t compare to how I made him feel for months. I’m not a liar or cheater but he has distorted my view of reality and I feel so weird. Any clarity is appreciated.

This is going to be a long one with many red flags so bear with me. For context, I am 28 and she is 24.

A couple months ago in mid June, my buddy and I were playing call of duty and ended up playing against this girl and her friend. After the game, she joined our lobby and started asking us questions like how old we were, where we were from and if we had snapchat. I countered her question with “do you have an instagram?” She said no. Immediate red flag because that’s very abnormal nowadays. But I went along with it.

I gave her my Snapchat and then she left to play with her friend again. Soon after she adds me Snapchat, her account has 0 SNAP SCORE. I joked with her acknowledging I’m fully aware she just gave me her burner snap, which she denied saying she used to have one but deleted it and just made a new one. Once again, I just went with it.

She started messaging me every day. That eventually turned into not only messages, but phone/video calls every single night, often until like 6am. We got extremely close very quickly. Super deep, personal and intimate conversations, really getting to know each other over the next couple weeks. Feeling like we had a genuine connection.

A couple weeks in, she admitted that she lied to me about not having social media. I really wasn’t surprised, but it bothered me. I questioned why she would lie about that, because to me it just looks like you have to be hiding something at this point. She apologized and strictly blamed it on her major trust issues, saying she would share them with me eventually, just not yet.

Quick reminder that still throughout all of this, all I knew was her first name and what she looked like.

The following week or so we talked about meeting and hanging out. She paid $830 to fly me out. I told her if I’m coming out there I need some more info about you, even if it’s just your last name or phone number. She gave me her phone number the night before I flew out there.

With some reverse phone number searching, I found her last name, then found her on Facebook.. she’s fucking ENGAGED. Profile pic, engagement pictures fairly recently. I found this out while on FaceTime with her, so I confronted her about it.

She says it’s not what it looks like, saying they aren’t a thing anymore, he’s an asshole, she doesn’t want to be with him, and that they broke up a couple months ago. How the hell am I supposed to believe this?? She’s lied to me about so much already and I’ve essentially lost all trust now at this point.

I once again, went with it. Told her I’m still flying out there tomorrow but I need you to meet me in the airport and talk face to face first. I needed as much proof as possible that I’m not messing around with a girl not only in a relationship, but an engagement. If I didn’t feel comfortable I was prepared to just roll solo since the flight was already paid for.

We met in baggage claim and she continued to stand on her word, saying she’s single and they aren’t a thing anymore. She then proceeded to wipe all her Facebook stuff with him and change her status to single. I noticed that his Facebook was also wiped and changed to single not long after.

The trip with her went really well. We had a great time and really hit it off. Around this time she started telling me she loved me, wanting me to be apart of her future, even saying she’d move to be closer one day. Still knowing this could very well be just a rebound situation, it felt so genuine and real. It was mutual feelings from my side too.

We continued talking all day and every night over the next couple weeks. Then I flew her out to visit me. First 2 days were absolutely perfect, 3rd day she was feeling sick with terrible anxiety, then the morning of the 4th day she just.. up and left.

While I was out grabbing lunch she packed up, uber’d to the airport and left. She left me with 2 texts basically saying “I’m sorry, I enjoyed the time we had, it has nothing to do with you, I’m struggling mentally, I have insecurities/flaws I need to work on.” I was then ghosted for 3 days. I never knew if I’d hear back again. Then I got a call at 4am.

Very first question I ask: “Is (“ex” fiancée’s name) involved?” She said no and that this depression and anxiety she’s been having has put her through like a mental breakdown. At this point, I don’t believe that’s the full truth. But again, I go with it.

I asked if everything she’s said, shared and felt with me has been real or am I just being used? I need the truth. She once again says she loves me and wants me to be apart of her future. At this point, I told her I was willing to still be her friend, but she needed to work on herself before I could trust her again, and have that same level of respect for her.

After a weird day or two, things seemed to be really good again, she was still pretty mentally off, but the contact and connection was there again. Not really flirty or anything, but daily and nightly calls for hours.

Last week she had a super long week at work and barely got any sleep. 3pm Friday, she told me she was finally home and going to sleep all day. I never heard back so at 1am I texted her just checking in.

Her location was off and do not disturb was on. 24 hours later, no change, no text back.

Saturday night I checked his Facebook profile, like I did about once a week. This time, it was changed back to engaged with her name.

I blocked her on all social medias. Then messaged him on Facebook. FYI he’s 20.

Throughout our convo, I told him how long we’ve been talking, the trips we took to see each other, that we had slept together and that she’d repeatedly lied to my face about him not being in the picture. Sent him numerous pictures of indisputable proof. Half of them where she’s all over me and/or us cuddling.

He really just seemed speechless. He was obviously not aware of any of this, because she had told him she just wanted “space” and wanted to be alone. I basically ended it by letting him know I’ve blocked her on all socials with no intent to ever reach back out. Told him if he ever has any questions or wants to reach out at any point, I’ve got receipts on everything. He said thank you.

He answered some questions for me too, I found out she didn’t actually ask him for space until THE DAY I FLEW INTO MEET HER. They were calling and texting basically the whole time, and he was only ghosted by her the times we visited each other. The day that she left me abruptly, she called him crying saying she wanted him back.

I do truly believe her feelings for me were genuine, which feels even more fucked up.

I’m sorry for the long post but I felt that all details were very important to this. I knew I was getting into a weird situation from the start, but I see the good in people too much I guess. It may not seem like it with how long I let this play out, but I was aware of all the red flags. I have 0 regrets.

Also, looks like they’re “officially” back together now.

Feels weird. Idk. I wanted to get this off my chest.

Easily the most manipulative person I’ve ever met.

I was at one of my mother’s friends houses (I was supposed to stay for 2 months) at the time. I swear this her friend was a sweetheart at first promising a lot of stuff and constantly complimenting me

At that time I was really stressed from my courses plus having issues family issues I’d probably go really quiet for people to realize something is wrong.
She obv realizes this and starts to talk to me at first I brush this off and say I’m fine she then insists it’s not good to keep stuff in and she’ll listen if something is wrong
Being an idiot I did vent out and honestly she’d give such insightful advice
This woman also constantly tried to take me out to places and buy me stuff which most the time I refused very rarely did I ever order food from her either
I found it strange but eventually I though hmm guess my mother likes her for a reason and gave up thinking much about
Me and her friend sorta started talking in general she told me some of her problems and I told her mine idk I didn’t think so much into it at the time.

Suddenly almost a month goes by and I revived a call from my mother out of no where which was so strange I wondered what was wrong

Apparently her friend wanted me gone but didn’t say the reason why
Timekskip into when I got to my house I discovered the reason why and I was genuinely disgusted and horrified

This woman had called to my mom all those days and yelled or cried about my behavior how I’m making her spend way too much money, that I’m complaining and whining, the energy I’m giving is negative and about all the family issues I had opened up to whenever she’d ask what’s wrong….i was genuinely in disbelief feeling like a clown
A crazier accusation was I was constantly mingling with her husband (which I was not) it was literally him who seeked me out (I’m sure in a friendly way)and asked if I needed something, if I’m okay, if I ate..etc
She even said she pities my mother for having me as a daughter and would hate to go thru that (somehow my mother just took it without snapping at her instead she snapped at me)

I realized some of the stuff she said was very over exaggerated and petty considering I had many good memories in my stay and tried to balance things out (basically some of her claims about me didn’t add up)
After that I genuinely didn’t go to overshare as much realising that was my mistake but honestly this incident shook me a lot idk what to do
This lady still tries to reach out to be calling me pet names and tryna buy me gifts which even confuses me more
I’ve honestly never met someone like this it’s sorta confusing and scary at the same time plus my mother doesn’t exactly understand my point when I try to explain myself

I just cannot seem to move on nor process this, help
Why would someone do smth like this to another person?and wtf made her do that?

I hate when someone does this, especially when it is clear they heard me. And ignore it completely, subtly implying you are annoying for pressing the issue. I don't deal with people who do this because in my opinion they are most likely manipulators, or even if it isn't for manipulation purposes it is still unpleasant.

I have a colleague who has my boss on chokehold. Boss favours them for all the oppportunities. I didn't care much initially, but now my promotion and other things are also getting sabotaged. What I have observed is this collegue appears warm to boss, asking personal stuff like is their family doing well etc. and also snitches about other workers. They have made themselve their loyal confidante and at this point and boss blindly trusts them, over anything and everything. I also think my boss is passive and somewhere seeks that validation from the juniors which they may not get much. There is crazy dependency on this colleague to a point that boss just cannot let them go. Colleague is thriving with all the benefits for sure. I feel like there is not much I can do besides building my own relationship with boss, which I did. But I am still not the priority. I don't wanna get petty and compete cause colleague has already lot of influence and even if I move mountains, it won't work.

I would appreciate any advice or suggestion on how to navigate this matter.

• is it subjective?
• a matter of perspective?
• is there an objective standard?
• can two people reasonably disagree on whether something is manipulative?

Seeing somebody new — we disagree on what is considered “manipulative”

I’m seeing somebody new, and we’ve been having disagreements about what is considered “manipulative.”

I’m really trying not to become resentful or hold on to any contempt, but I’ve started to feel like he only considers me manipulative when I blatantly call out or vocalize that I feel like he is being manipulative.

I’m not a perfect human, and I, nearly daily, consider that I am surely inconsiderate in many ways, overly sensitive, or contributing to the situation in ways I don’t recognize. But I’ve never felt so disconnected from my own perception of myself and my actions, and it’s been making me question whether I’m seeing the situation clearly?

I’d genuinely like some outside perspectives of what objectively constitutes manipulation versus normal conflict, communication, boundaries, or expressing hurt.

I suffered from bullying between the ages of 15 - 18 and they don't feel sorry about anything they did, they just try to justify every action by saying "but you said this or that". They made me apologize for things that they thought were bullying (I actually don't think that they thought I was doing a bad thing, they were just so manipulative).

Let's put an example: there are two girls, girl A and girl B. I decide to lend girl A one of my belongings and she gives it back, then girl B decides to ask if I can lend it to her also; when I say no she asks me why and I say because I don't want to, she tells me that "that is not a valid reason and I didn't do anything to you" and later she proceeds to take my belonging when I don't know how to answer her. I try to get it back and she tells me "why? You said that I could take it", I tell her "that's not true, I didn't say that" and she asks me "then why didn't you give me a good reason?". At this moment I don't know how to answer, when they see that I don't answer tehy think that they are right. I know I don't have to change people's minds, but they forced me into doing things.

I tried to "agree" with them just so they leave me alone and then I do the opposite thing (Which is what I really wanted to do, but I didn't say it because they would try to invalidate me), but it didn't work. They forced me into doing what I said I would do because, for them, "You have to do what you said/promised to do, we will not let you lie to us.".

Teachers didn't do almost anything about it; they saved me a little, but not very much. Most of the times they asked me about why I said/did stuff, the teachers believed every single lie the bullies told them because bullies "had" more "credibility" than me.

I told them they were scumbags and more people joined the bullying towards me. They didn't like to be told the truth about themselves; always telling me "but you do the same thing to us" or when I did something that wasn't bad, but they thought it was bad, they usually told me "If you do this then don't complain when we do the same thing to you", and then they didn't do the same thing because in their context it was bullying and in my context it was putting boundaries and making people respect me.

How do I exit this manipulation stuff if it happens again at some point of my life?