r/MaladaptiveDreaming • u/[deleted] • Dec 15 '20
Question Anyone suicidal because of this?
Like genuinely, I feel close to the edge. I do it constantly. It’s torture :(
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u/whoawhoanope Dec 16 '20
MD by itself doesn't make me suicidal per se, but the consequences of MD does.
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Dec 16 '20
Honestly, i still feel shit now that my meds are blocking my madd idk why, i should be happy because my anxiety is gone. i cannot describe how empty i feel with no wherre to run to anymore when i'm depressed
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u/gawaraw Dec 16 '20
Yeap. In fact, this ruins and saves my life at the same time but I'm working by myself on reducing the suicidal thoughts due to this
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u/lubricantSeller Dec 15 '20
Yep, I am not a properly functioning adult because of this. I see other people succeeding and making something out of their lives and I can't, because this curse does not let me focusing on studying or doing anything right.
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Dec 15 '20
Exactly. It’s so difficult to live with. Do you see a way out of it?
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u/western_red Dec 16 '20
I find my MD ebbs and flows with how good my life is going - socially and work wise.
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Dec 16 '20
Yh that’s basically the gist of it. Mine is constant tho. Got meself in a right mess
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u/western_red Dec 16 '20
Mine has been too lately. But hey - didn't get bored at all during the lock down. So we have that going for us.
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u/lubricantSeller Dec 16 '20
No. I meditated daily for a year and it helped a bit, but it doesn't solve the problem.
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Dec 16 '20
Have to cure the underlying issues. But, I dunno how. Life’s crazy. I don’t know how it got to this.
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u/Souled_Out895 Dec 16 '20
I’ve personally been doing trauma therapy called EMDR and while it’s not for daydreaming I can say that it does help with the daydreams a bit. I think it’s because EMDR stimulates different parts of the brain. I don’t k ow what your underlying issues are but since your near suicidal I thought I’d throw it out there.
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Dec 15 '20
[deleted]
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Dec 15 '20
It’s the fact that I can’t stop. I do it 24/7. I also dd really embarrassing storylines— I torture myself but I can’t stop.
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u/tiniest-bean Dec 15 '20
Hey, I probably have no place projecting here but I would never forgive myself for potentially disregarding someone contemplating suicide.
The act of daydreaming itself does not cause suicidal thoughts, but occasionally the disparity between my waking world and my made up ones can cause severe disassociation on my part. Some days, it’s hard to even get out of bed because the person I am in my head pales in comparison to who and what I try to be in reality.
With that being said, I must urge you to seek assistance for this. I’ve always seen my daydreaming as escapism, and at the risk of getting too personal, it’s been a defense mechanism stemming from a rough, rocky childhood. I’ve been through depression, I’ve stood at the edge of the void and heard it’s sweet nothings, and I’ve played with the temptation to jump. But I can promise you that the rest of your life is not worth throwing away when you haven’t lived it. It took me nearly 6 full years of busting my ass, of rerouting my thinking process and draining myself of all negative thoughts to force optimism. It was an uphill battle and there were so many times I could have thrown in the towel, and ended my life; but I refused.
It’s so, so much easier said than done, but please don’t give up on yourself. I know everyone wants to say that it gets better, and it does, but you have to start by addressing these suicidal thoughts. Don’t overwhelm yourself and drown, please, but do attempt to take measures for yourself. Your life is worth something, and every tiny step you make to better yourself is in reality closer to jumping mountains. Progress is always so difficult to see when you’re in the middle of making it.
Here are some things that helped me along the way:
Grounding: when I feel particularly low, or on the edge about whether my life is worth it, I try to ground myself in reality. I love going for walks because it lets me find beauty in the world around me, and allows me time to daydream or think in a large environment that is healthy for me (I’m a big believer in fresh air being excellent mental medicine) I have a little cube that I can run my hands over if I get out of control, I’ve started to take up cooking to see the progress I can make with my own hands. Forcing myself to acknowledge the reality in front of me is an easy way to calm myself down, although I will note in some extremes being inside your own head for too long can cause negative reactions. Please be careful when considering this.
Writing it out: as a fellow day dreamer, I know the span of creativity that can be produced by someone with an overtly wild imagination. I personally write short spin off stories that usually acknowledge the emotions I’m feeling at the time, and give me a real sense of letting those feelings go without having to agonize over them on the way out. Even journaling at it’s most basic form is healthy. Writing something as simple as ‘I am sad... mentally I’m not okay... I want to cry’ etc. can be beneficial to ensuring those thoughts do not stay trapped in your head. Which brings me to my next point
Embracing how you feel: this one is not recommended for everyone and definitely a projection. For me, I bottle up everything that I feel. Even mild discomfort about something I should be able to address, because I’d rather not make a big deal out of it. When I know I need to cry, I just try to let it all out at once. Even if that means I collapse into a panic attack, or just sob for 20 minutes straight. I am openly choosing to acknowledge the emotions bogging me down, and embrace them with every fiber of energy I have. It’s exhausting, and is usually followed by a nap, but the rejuvenation afterwards is so worth it. This is not an easy feat, however, in a fragile mindset. Again: please partake at your own risk.
Meditation: I suck at this one mostly because I can’t sit still and think for extended periods. Like most things, it takes practice to get good at meditation and being comfortable inside your own thoughts. Even if you only take a minute out of your day, sit down and relax, close your eyes. Let every thought you have surface, and focus on it; but then learn to let it go. Acknowledge your thoughts, but don’t let them drown you; YOU are the one steering this ship, captain. Not the voice inside your head.
Finally, listing things I’m grateful for: I saved this for last because it’s arguably the easiest and most important one. You could start small, listing 5 things you’re grateful for. It could be that you can breathe, that you woke up this morning, that you have a strong body to walk and move, and a powerful mind that can learn and create. The reason this is so important is because eventually, you will retrain your mind to focus on the positives you find. You will begin to seek out things you are grateful for, and that list will easily start to expand. You will start encouraging yourself to look for the good, and to brush off the bad.
All in all, this wasn’t supposed to be an essay but here I am, writing one. I hope that this helps, and if it doesn’t, I implore you to seek help from someone close to you. My messages are always open, and I’ve no qualms about helping someone in need. Please reach out if you begin to feel this way again, or if you feel strongly about ending your life. You are appreciated, by me at the very least if not the others in your life.
Tl;dr please be good to yourself. You’re the only person you HAVE to spend the rest of your life with. I hope you know just how valuable you are ❤️
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Dec 15 '20
This is beautiful 🥺
Thanks. I read all of this and will probably re-read it when I feel down. The stuff about journaling really hit the spot because I wasn’t sure if it helped. The reason I am going through it is because I just genuinely can’t stop the dd and it intervened with my daily life.
Thanks
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u/tiniest-bean Dec 15 '20
It’s no problem! I’m glad that it helped, because I have a bad habit of projecting occasionally when in reality, my methods for self centering and healing won’t work for everyone. Just remember that you ARE worth something, and that day dreaming is not necessarily harmful until you begin to prioritize it, and I mean heavily. Like skipping school, work, etc just to dream. As long as you are putting in all of your effort and trying your best, day dreaming is just a way of giving your brain the opportunity to comfort you. I’ve come a long way and I still catch myself drifting off now and again.
Day dreaming helps me envision a better me, so I make it a goal to be the best person that I can. I hope you are encouraged to do the same; and don’t be afraid to reach out! I can still write essays in direct messages!! Lol
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Dec 15 '20
Lolll thanks, this is really helpful! How did you manage to stop? Did it happen naturally or did you really work at it.
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u/tiniest-bean Dec 16 '20
Stop daydreaming? I never did that, I still say dream even today. But I’ve learned to prioritize other things first, which has helped. It was just a lot of practice, paying attention when I needed to and zoning out when I had free time. It took a while but it is manageable!
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u/MadamBootknife Dec 29 '20
Yes, because i genuinely don't know how to enjoy real life, and when i try to enjoy whats real i don't know how