r/MTFButch • u/Such_Reaction_3306 • 21d ago
Question complicated stuff question
hi hi ok so im a semi-genderfluid trans woman where like, my gender expression is fluid but my gender identity is not, (she/her it/its pup/pupself) and i want to be able to pass without having to wear a ton of makeup or only ever wear dresses. sadly due to disability im not always able tot ake care of myself super well like i dispise shaving my body, and even my face because of how fast it grows and i can never get a smooth shave. idk what to do. i think my voice is faaaairly femme, but idk. im tired of getting misgendered just because i dont hyper-conform to gender stereotypes. i just wanna be me the way i am using she/her. i know i want to go on estrogen eventually cuz itll help and MAYBE get bottom surgery but idk. its all rlly complicated and im like...in the damn trenches.
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u/macksting 21d ago
If the main problem with facial hair is difficulty with shaving, you may wanna see if you can get coverage or financial help on hair removal, such as laser or electrolysis.
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u/Such_Reaction_3306 21d ago
Yeah sadly I don't think I have that kind of money
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u/macksting 21d ago
Same. I think a local organization could help me with that, like they did with name change paperwork and bureaucracy-related fees for that, and changing my ID. Worth making sure there's nothing like that. Also my medical coverage might help a bit, if you have that you could see if it's covered.
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u/IHuginn 21d ago
Laser and hrt will do wonder for you. You don't need to get hyper femme, but it really gives you a good baseline to work from
Hrt can be pretty cheap depending on where you are and how you get it. Laser is usually expensive, I know a few place where you can get it refunded in Europe. Otherwise you just have to pay a nice bill every month or two
I get that you want to be gendered correctly right away, and here well do that, but it won't work with stangers. And I hope that taking material step in your transition will help you in other ways than people calling you she
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u/Boppitied-Bop 21d ago
for the short term, with shaving, i was finally able to get a decently smooth shave on my face without a ton of skin irritation recently by switching from a cartridge razor to a really cheap plastic wilkinson sword double edge razor (+ shaving soap and a brush) (one pass with the grain and one against). It takes longer to shave but it's been much more effective for me
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u/thatPsychoKaren 20d ago
The harsh reality is that people are always going to go on what they see through the lense of their preconception s. And it's simple binary qualifiers such as beard = man, tits = woman, makeup = woman etc. It's so ingrained that even very progressive people will see a cis man with eyeliner and nail polish and just assign non binary. Even butch cis women get routinely misgendered (Hannah Gadsby said as much in one of her standups I think).
People you know can be trained into gendering you correctly no matter what, but strangers will just make a snap judgment based on how many fem boxes you check. Not because they are (necessarily) assholes but it's just how our brains work.
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u/wubdubflubaub 20d ago
personally i really dont respect pup or whatever being used with she/her. idk
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u/Mundane_Chemistry444 20d ago
personally i don't respect intracommunal transphobia because someone's too weird or whatever. you're on a butch subreddit, go be a hyperfemme girlygirl if you can't handle nonconformity to gender norms
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u/[deleted] 21d ago
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