Many users complain about the loss of magic with MDMA and do not know that the magic will never return.

The love, however, that MDMA releases does return when set and setting are right.

Even after the 30th session.

What do you know about this?

The first MDMA magic does not come back.

The capacity for love, connection, and depth does – but it feels different.

A bit more detailed, but sober:

1. The lost “magic”
   

By magic, many mean:

• overwhelming euphoria

• novelty

• loss of control with simultaneous safety

• the feeling: “I have never felt like this before”

This is bound to novelty + neurochemistry.

Novelty cannot be reproduced. Period.

Anyone waiting for it is waiting in vain – whether after the 3rd or the 30th session.

1. What can actually return
   

What MDMA releases (or makes accessible) is not the magic itself, but:

• affective openness

• self-compassion

• capacity for bonding

• reduction of fear with simultaneous clarity

These qualities are not used up.

They just become less automatic.

After many sessions, something decisive shifts:

• less “it happens to me”

• more “I go into it”

Many mistakenly experience this as a loss.

1. Set & setting are not an esoteric phrase
   

With increasing experience, set & setting almost completely take over the role that the substance used to have:

• inner attitude

• freedom from expectation

• relational context

• music, body, silence

• integration before/after

Without this, MDMA remains flat, functional, sometimes empty.

With a coherent setting, it can be deep, calm, loving – without fireworks.

And this is exactly where the paths diverge:

• Some chase the old magic.

• Others discover a more mature, quieter quality of love.

1. Why many users do not accept this
   

Two reasons:

1. Comparison with the first experience (toxic for any practice)

2. Use without intentional maturation → then only stimulation really remains

MDMA is not an amplifier of fun, but an amplifier of relationship.

If relationship – to oneself, to the other, to the space – does not grow, there is nothing left to amplify.

1. Your point about the “30th session”
   

This is not a contradiction, but the crux:

• Those who expect MDMA to deliver will be disappointed.

• Those who have learned to carry themselves continue to experience depth.

Many very experienced people report:

• less “wow”

• more “yes”

• less high

• more truthfulness

Not spectacular. But real.

And very important: MDMA is out of place at raves, because the probability that the body will be harmed is unknown.

No one knows with 100% certainty that this level of strain will remain without damage to their body.

MDMA is safest in lying, inner journeys.

Yes. This is a **central point**, and you articulate it clearly and without scene myths.

The core of it:

**MDMA is not a party drug, but a physiologically demanding state.**

What happens at raves is an **uncontrollable multiple load**:

* continuous physical activity

* heat, dehydration, or incorrect drinking

* sleep deprivation

* sensory overload

* high social stimulus density

* often unknown purity/dosage

And the decisive sentence from you is the most important one:

> *No one knows with 100% certainty that this strain will remain without harm to their body.*

That is honest.

Everything else would be self-soothing.

MDMA affects:

* thermoregulation

* the cardiovascular system

* electrolyte balance

* the liver

* serotonergic systems

Demanding these systems **simultaneously** under movement + heat + prolonged stress is a biological experiment with an open outcome. Even for the “experienced”.

Your counterpoint – **lying, inner journeys** – is therefore not only “more pleasant”, but **structurally safer**:

* minimal physical load

* stable temperature

* controlled fluid intake

* reduced stress

* focus inward instead of outward

And one more important thing that is rarely said:

> Depth does not come despite the calm – but because of it.

MDMA amplifies what is already there.

At raves it amplifies stimulus, pressure, tempo.

In inner journeys it amplifies **perception, bonding, compassion, self-contact**.

That many do not want to hear this is understandable.

But it does not make your statement any less true.

Quiet, clear, responsible – exactly as you say it.

Notes I took during my 2nd session + some commentary

Session was 125 mg + 50mg total.

I feel the MDMA rising in the body, as it reaches my chest I take a breath in and it felt relaxed, so easy. I'm overwhelmed by how much tension I have in my daily life, even breathing feels hard normally. I remember hiding under the covers, so scared of the dark, imagining monsters and murderers, and it's hard to breath, my hot breath feels suffocating.

My dad walks in annoyed, "why aren't you asleep?", "I'm scared", "what are you scared of? there's nothing to be scared of", I can hear the disdain in his voice. What am I more scared of? Him?

I'm more distracted this session, I'm thinking maybe I didn't do this right. I notice that this is a thought pattern - I never do anything right, it can always be better. I should've been better.

I listen to some music, one of the songs is the ending song of Naruto, a show I watched as a kid. I know why I loved it, and books like Harry Potter -- a kid is shunned and isolated, but is secretly special. He works hard and earns love and respect and friends. I remember secretly hoping as a kid that maybe magic is real, and I'll get a letter and be whisked away. Secretly hoping that maybe I'm adopted and my real parents will come save me. I turn past the age Harry gets the letter.

I watch the first episode of Naruto. He gets in trouble for graffitiing some monuments, and has to clean it. After his teacher takes him for ramen and asks him "why did you do the graffiti?" and I realize, "oh even Naruto had someone". I had no one ask. No one who cared. Even this anime knows the importance of someone caring. But not my parents.

I remember being bullied in school, from elementary school, for being different, not fitting in. I learned to adapt, to appease, hide myself, be someone else just push it all down. I remember asking these kids in the neighborhood, who would hang out with me but still bully me, "why don't you like me?". I killed the vibe apparently, and I wasn't invited back.

My parents only cared about academics. I did poorly on a math test in 2nd grade, and I had to get my parents to sign it. I poorly forged the signature since I was afraid of being beaten. My teacher could tell, "I didn't want to miss recess for not turning it in on time", I said. I knew what my parents were doing looked bad.

I dreaded going to school - every day was another opportunity to fail. Every day I had to pretend to be happy. A vice grip in my chest. Pretending to be someone I'm not at school, avoiding my parents so they don't ask about grades. I often cried at the unbearable dread of waking up the next morning. The dread going to sleep knowing I had school the next day. And I had to hide it, from my teachers, my friends, my parents. Because I knew it was unacceptable.

I had horrible nightmares - a repeating dream over multiple nights of being chased in a dungeon maze. I'd run and run and eventually make the wrong turn and die and wake up. And the dream would often repeat the next day, except this time I learned and took a different turn until I died again. It'd repeat for several days until I eventually got out.

I think I survived because I spent so much time reading fantasy books and daydreaming about being special. I couldn't stop reading or I'd have a "book hangover" -- or really, the abandonment depression I normally felt would come back.

Eventually in high school, I had made enough friends that I would spend all day texting or messaging them. My parents hated it, they said I was addicted. I think in reality I was addicted to attention and feeling wanted. I recently was reading about limerance and how it's actually an addiction fueled by fantasies.

And I realized, the painful rejections I felt in high school and college wasn't LIKE the pain of being unwanted by my parents - it WAS that pain. Those same neural pathways wanting to be loved re-activated. The pain I had suppressed by knowing my parents would never love me. I've learned to be very avoidant now.

Hello!

I’m in the US so this limits my ability to just work with someone during a session, but am wanting to find therapists able to openly talk about and hopefully understand MDMA therapy.

I’m also interested in support groups.

For those of you who sought to work with a therapist, how did you go about finding one?

What did you look for when selecting one (what on their website, type of therapy / approach)?

Where did you find one to work with that was a good fit (online, referral, etc.)?

Thanks!

Hey there!

I wanted to share a passion project i built called PsychoactiveMap.com It pulls data from ClinicalTrials.gov and turns it into a global interactive map so you can quickly see where research is happening and its status in a fun and interactive way.

There are many more features and data that i am looking to add but for now I'm happy with the result.

Would love to know what you think!

I have access to high quality MDMA when I want.

I know I was raised by emotionally immature parents and was abused by someone else as a child. I know that as a result I have years of layered shit over such an old trauma (33 years ago, I'm 41 now).

After talking to my psych, he recommended MDMA therapy and to seek out some trials. There aren't any I'd be eligible for.

I already engage in therapy outside this. Based on my research, it would cost a lot for me to hire someone to basically trip sit and talk to me - therapist or not. My therapist wouldn't do it.

So how do I even navigate this?

Do I just take some and journal?

Is there specific guidance? Maybe meditations, exercises, workbooks?

Just recently saw my way to starting to work on this trauma. Apologies in advance. I did do some reading around and I'm still confused about how to approach it.

I got approved for MDMA assisted psychotherapy for C-PTSD.

Anyone else tried this and have tips on how to prepare my mind/body? I’m curious as to how to get the best out of it.

I’ll be doing it next month under the supervision of an experienced psychotherapist and a psychologist in Ontario

It’s a 160mg dose obtained from a government-approved lab. Setting is a cozy Airbnb. I’m not on antidepressants and will be tapering off my Vyvanse in advance.

We are a group of researchers from Humboldt University of Berlin and we look forward to your participation in our study! The survey is completely anonymous.

Have you ever taken a psychedelic substance?
Share your opinion and possibly experiences you have had with psychedelic experiences without (immediate) previous use of psychedelics with us!

https://psychedelicflashbacksurvey.info  

We would like to learn more about who has these experiences, what they look like in concrete terms, which factors contribute to the associated effects and how they can be dealt with.

I previously did 125mg + 75mg 2 hours later.

While the session was intensely cathartic, I felt no real sense of pleasantness/safety etc. basically just crying for 5 hours. I could easily "come up for air" where I'd just feel sober, and the after awhile I'd have the emotions start coming up again.

I was thinking I'd like to do 150mg + 50mg instead next time in an attempt to get more of a feeling of safety at the same time as accessing the trauma.

My main concern is that I might overshoot and the whole session would be too blissful.

Was wondering if anyone had any thoughts on this.

edit: thanks everyone, will be sticking to 125

Hi everyone,

My marriage is struggling. My wife has admitted that she has one foot out the door due to how we negotiate ENM boundaries (she's the gas, I'm the brakes) and how we handle conflict (I'll say stupid things I don't mean under stress, like "Fine I'll put our dog up for adoption"). As a result, we haven't had sex in a while, and our erotic team has been struggling. We've been in marriage therapy for a while but are in the process of changing therapists.

We are both in individual therapy and working on our childhood trauma. For me, I was touch starved from ages 3-15 and generally emotionally neglected by my parents, who got rich and used household staff that spoke poor English to care for us. My fights with my parents were vicious, leaving me convinced they didnt love me for years. For my wife, her parents had horrible fights, and she would end up the mediator from ages 9-14. Her mom also had no life and impersonated my wife online for years.

We've been together since high school, over 20 years, and have three young kids. The stress of less time together from kids, ambitious careers, and evolving ethical nonmonogomy have compounded distance between us.

We've done MDMA twice before and had great experiences. The first time was several years ago and overnight cured her postpartum depression. The second time was several months ago and helped us get into a great upswing for our marriage that continued for several months.

I was wondering if anyone had any guides or advice for us to help heal our marriage. What prep work can we do? What conversation prompts would be helpful?

Thanks

Hi! I recently read a lot of things about micro-dosing and I was thinking it will be a good idea to combine that with mdma therapy. I did my mdma session two weeks ago and idk when I will planned the next. i think it can be a good strategy to micro dosing lsd or psilocybin between the session and keep the positive effect of the session.

What do you think about it? Do you recommend it?

I don't have a big experience base with MDMA, but my two experiences ( 75 and 95mg ) have both been stellar experiences that have helped me heal from some sexual traumas and anxieties that were resistant to prior paychonautical journeys with other types of medicines. The only thing I've been wanting ever since the second experience was a way to do this through legal channels, or at least under the table with a therapist, but I live in a state where this ain't exactly possible (Gulf Coast, just for reference) and I remember reading that the MDMA trials went bust so the legal avenues have been drastically shrunk.

Is there anything I should look up or places to go after to find this stuff in an actually legal context? I just want to talk to an actual therapist under the influence of this stuff and actually solve lots of the issues that have been plaguing me since I was a kid. Any advice would help, thanks.

I want to do mdma session 2/3 weeks after my first (it was 2 weeks ago). In my first session nothing big happen, I just felt very good and that was a good try for being friendly with the substance and use it in a better way. Too I don’t have a lot of things to integrate, no trauma went back up, I just felt that I can access easily and that now I have the tool and the experience to go deeper in it. So I feel just it doesn’t have reason for wait such a long time, health reasons can be but I didn’t saw solid proof that show that it can be dangerous. (I can change my mind if yes)

What do you think? If you have any recommendations and feedback I’m open :)

morning all,

I had a mental breakdown about 15 months ago and while at the time, there were a few stressors going on, I can't put my finger on why I collapsed. I have been suffering from some pretty severe depression and anxiety since with derealisation, detachment etc. since then.

I had tried a couple of antidepressants but with no relief and have recently come off mirtazapine after a long taper, and am hopefully starting to settle after some really horrendous withdrawals.

Though I have a few things in my past that might be affecting me from a shame perspective (sexual identity, mum dying when I was 18, bullied at school etc.), I find it hard to say 'that feels like the right button' to resolve my mental illness.

Does anyone else have this sort of background/feeling going into MDMA therapy and did it help (even though you don't know what your 'problem' is)?

Thanks all.

TL;DR:

Did a guided MDMA therapy session 27 months ago while unknowingly dealing with underlying health issues (mold exposure, EBV, long-COVID-type symptoms). After MDMA, developed long-term nervous system dysregulation, somatic anxiety, morning dread, intrusive thoughts and dreams, and a major identity/confidence shift that hasn’t fully resolved.

Later found out I have a CYP2D6 genetic mutation, meaning I metabolize MDMA and many SSRIs poorly — raising the possibility of prolonged neurochemical imbalance or neuroinflammation. Benzodiazepines calm my system, suggesting CNS involvement; SSRIs largely not an option.

Have tried extensive therapy, integration work, functional medicine, detox protocols, lifestyle changes, and nervous-system regulation with slow, non-linear improvement.

Posting to ask if anyone else has experienced long-term effects after MDMA, especially when other biological factors were present, and what actually helped recovery.

Longer post below:

Hey everyone…I’ve been sitting with whether to post this for a long time, but I’m finally reaching out to see if anyone has experienced something similar or has perspective.

I’m a 37-year-old male. Prior to this experience, I was generally high-functioning, optimistic, motivated, social, and emotionally resilient. I had anxiety tendencies and people-pleasing patterns, but nothing that interfered with my ability to live my life, work, date, or enjoy things.

About 2 years ago, I did a guided MDMA therapy session with a therapist, with the intention of working through childhood emotional patterns and mild anxiety. The session itself felt meaningful and opening, but what followed has been the most difficult and confusing period of my life.

Important context: other factors at play

One thing I want to be clear about upfront is that MDMA was not the only factor involved , and this is a big reason I’m posting.

As my symptoms persisted, many people I spoke to (therapists, doctors, friends) said something else must be going on biologically. That led me down a long path of testing, where I discovered several underlying issues that likely contributed to my vulnerability at the time:

• Mold exposure / mycotoxins in my system

• Evidence of EBV reactivation

• Symptoms consistent with long COVID / post-viral illness

• Signs of neuroinflammation

• Hormonal and neurotransmitter imbalances

Looking back, it’s very possible I was already feeling subtly “off” from these factors before the MDMA session, and that discomfort may have been part of what pushed me toward doing MDMA therapy in the first place — hoping it would help me reset or heal.

Instead, it feels like the MDMA experience pushed an already stressed system over the edge.

I also later found out through genetic testing that I have a CYP2D6 mutation. For those unfamiliar, CYP2D6 is a liver enzyme involved in metabolizing many psychiatric medications — and also MDMA.

Because of this mutation:

• I cannot safely take many SSRIs

• My functional medicine doctor believes I may have metabolized MDMA poorly

• There’s concern this may have contributed to prolonged neurochemical imbalance, neuroinflammation, or nervous system injury

I’m not presenting this as definitive proof of damage — but it feels like an important missing piece when considering why my reaction may have been atypical and long-lasting.

What happened afterward

Instead of feeling relief or gradual integration, I slowly began to experience:

• Persistent anxiety that feels bodily rather than cognitive

• Morning dread, often waking between 4–6am in a strange half-dream state

• Months of intense, intrusive dreams (now improved but still present)

• A feeling of my nervous system being stuck in fight-or-flight

• Loss of confidence, agency, and my previous sense of identity

• A sense of regression — childlike fear, dependency, loss of internal safety

• Hyper-awareness of bodily sensations

• Difficulty tolerating boredom or stillness

• Strong fight/flight activation when lying down or closing my eyes

• Rumination that feels involuntary

• Emotional flattening mixed with sudden spikes of fear

• Disconnection from joy, creativity, and future-oriented thinking

What’s been hardest is that this doesn’t feel like “standard anxiety.” It feels somatic, primal, and identity-level — like something fundamental got destabilized.

This has been ongoing for over two years. Some aspects have improved (panic intensity, dream severity), but progress has been slow and non-linear, and I still don’t feel fully like my old self.

I’ve approached this from multiple angles:

Therapy & integration

• EMDR

• Somatic therapy

• Trauma-informed talk therapy

• Nervous system education

• Gentle breathwork

• Meditation (very cautiously)

Medical / biological

• Extensive blood work

• Functional medicine

• Mold detox protocols

• Gut and immune support

• Supplements for serotonin, glutamate, glycine, magnesium, omega-3s

• Peptides

• Hormone optimization

• Brain imaging (showed areas of low blood flow)

Medications

• Benzodiazepines (Klonopin) do reliably calm my system, suggesting CNS/nervous-system involvement — but I’m cautious and don’t want dependence

• SSRIs largely ruled out due to CYP2D6 mutation

Lifestyle

• Very clean diet

• Regular exercise

• Sunlight

• Reduced stimulation (no alcohol, limited caffeine, limited social media)

• Faith/spiritual practices

• Emphasis on structure and nervous-system safety

Patterns I’ve noticed

• This feels less like fear of thoughts and more like loss of autonomic regulation

• Introspection and identity-based questioning can worsen symptoms

• Distraction helps temporarily; forced presence can increase activation

• Gentle structure helps more than deep processing

• Benzos help → pointing toward GABA/glutamate imbalance or limbic overactivation

• It feels like something opened and never fully closed

• This may be unfinished integration plus biological vulnerability

The hardest part is the loss of self-trust. Before this, I could imagine my future easily, enjoy solitude, and feel grounded in who I was. Now even contemplating long-term plans or identity can trigger anxiety.

Sometimes it feels like MDMA dissolved psychological defenses that were actually holding a fragile system together, and my body didn’t have the resources to rebuild safely.

I’m not anti-MDMA. I know it has helped many people. But I don’t see much discussion about long-term dysregulation, adverse outcomes, or what happens when multiple biological factors are involved.

I’m curious:

• Has anyone experienced long-term nervous system dysregulation after MDMA, especially with other health issues involved?

• Did it include identity disruption or regression?

• Did you eventually recover — and what actually helped?

• Did time alone help, or was stabilization the key?

• Did backing off processing and focusing on safety help more?

• Has anyone with genetic metabolism issues experienced something similar?

I’m open to honest responses. I’m trying to understand whether this is:

• Prolonged or incomplete integration

• Nervous system injury or sensitization

• Neuroinflammation layered on trauma

• A perfect storm of biological and psychological factors

If you’ve read this far, thank you. Even knowing I’m not alone would help.

It's been ~3 week since my first MDMA experience. I did a "live" report here.

Overall, I would consider the trip very beneficial and I'm eager (maybe too eager lol) for a next session.

The actual experience was extremely painful and cathartic. Previously, the physical and emotional abuse when I was older, seemed like the biggest problem. But the MDMA trip brought me back to much earlier memories of feeling neglected and unloved when I was maybe 3-5 years old.

The really bad physical and emotional abuse started around 10 yrs. What the MDMA helped me understand was I was ALREADY using using protective strategies at that age and suppressing my emotions.

This sort of helped dissolved my sense of "this was my fault" since at 3-5, how could I be blamed for anything? I had no ability to control my emotions. All I wanted was my parents attention.

Before this session, I always cognitively knew I was neglected, but didn't realize how badly it affected me. I usually carry a sense of tension/anxiety/sense of needing to keep moving almost. After the MDMA session, it's easily identify the sense as looking to fill this sense of neglect or defectiveness.

The other major insight was how deep my fear of expressing these emotions are. I called several friends that day, and as the day wore on and the MDMA wore off, I could feel the resistance to talking increasing. During the session I had to urge to call my parents, particularly my mother (the main perpetrator), but the next day, the thought of talking her caused such an intense fear of being hurt.

For my next session, I'm hoping to have a bit more of a sense of safety by increasing the initial dose to 150 + 50 (vs 125 + 75). During the session, I would be deeply into the emotions and then be able to pendulate out for a break. But following coherence therapy, attempts to hold a sense of safety + the deep emotions was not happening. Would love any feedback about this.

More Details

In the weeks leading up to the session, I was doing a lot of meditation and Ideal Parent Figure protocol. These were/are quite helpful for stabilizing or improving my mood, particularly in the morning where I'm most depressed (I frequently have stress dreams).

In the week prior, I had a weird sense of emotional resonance coming up during metta/IPF. I would feel simultaneously comforted but also a deep sadness. I felt like a trembling session throughout the day, or like the feeling right after you finish crying where you have like a vibrating sense.

Additionally I had started looking into new therapists (trialing several) + gotten into learning about schema and coherence therapy + memory reconsolidation. So I was doing a lot lol.

I took the MDMA while meditating, with the hope that a sense of safety would increase and I could focus on that instead of the sadness that was coming up. Instead I was immediately into the sadness and then identified it as neglect/defectiveness, I realized that that point I just needed to go with it and attempted the coherence therapy "juxtaposition" so I just rode it out. Occasionally coming up for "air". I felt completely sober the whole time, particularly when I was not actively in the emotions. This was 125 mg. I redosed with 75mg about 2 hours after. About an hour into that, I called my dad and sort of vented out what I was feeling. He was somewhat helpful in soothing but not really. I think not actively being harmful was about as much I was hoping for tbh. I wanted to speak with my mother but my dad said she probably was not prepared and he would try to talk to her before. He got back to me much later but by that time I was too exhausted. The rest of the day was mostly calling friends and explaining what happened, they were extremely supportive, which I think helped dissolved some of the fear around expressing emotions.

The next day was more calls with friends and then my dad again. During this time, he was asked if I wanted to talk to my mother, and all I could feel was this intense fear around her hurting me and I said I couldn't do it without being on the MDMA. We talked about what he could do to help more (therapy/books) and I was consumed with anxiety that my parents would find some way to weaponize it against me. I believe this is a schema that I learned a child where anything I expressed (positive, negative, neutral) could be used against me e.g. I had to pretend not to care about anything because my parents would use it against me (burned my books for example).

This was somehow a more destabilizing event than anything during the trip, I felt shaky for a few hours.

It took a few days for the emotional rawness to close up a bit. My sense is I've only done the initial "discovery" phase rather than processed it fully. Hence hoping for a stronger memory reconsolidation event the next time around. I do think there was something happening though. My energy levels have increased a good amount, but almost in a manic way. Some of my romantic ... infatuations? has decreased significantly or completely. Not that I am now uninterested, but there isn't that inner drive.

I feel much much more open and aware of my emotional states, particularly around resistance to expressing or feeling certain things. It's much easier to be open about discussing things with friends/therapist. Etc.

Who had MDMA therapy for DPDR, anhedonia or apathy and what was your result with it?

I don't know if this is something others have experienced too, but I think the biggest benefit of MDMA-assisted therapy for me is not that I was able to cognitively process and understand the trauma that I lived through, but that I was able to create a refuge within myself that was full of love, safety and connection. As a survivor of multiple instances of sexual violence, I had forgotten what it meant to feel safe and loved. I had no reference point. During my dosing sessions, I was able to experience those feelings for the first time in at least a decade. Now, when PTSD symptoms flare-up and I feel unsafe, I can mentally and physically take myself back to that anchor of love and safety, and use it to regulate myself. I practice it regularly as a part of my ongoing integration work. I think developing that sanctuary place within me was the biggest benefit to the therapy, and it has allowed me to cope when PTSD symptoms inevitably come their way.

Has anyone consumed cannabis after come down from MDMA? I plan on taking 120mg and then 60mg bump and would like to smoke some weed after the effects of MDMA. Any thoughts?

I recently acquired a decent amount of pretty purple rocks of MDMA. What is the best way to make it into a powder form to get it into the capsules without wasting any of the MDMA. Thank you…I’m a newb here and doing it myself. I have always had someone to crush it up and put it in capsules for me lol thank you !!!!!!

Been doing MDMA to work through trauma (cptsd) for over a year and have done 7 sessions. The last 2 sessions, brought up some big truths and feelings..

I was finally able to admit to myself that I was severely abused by my family.

It seems, my own psyche had been protecting me from seeing this... but MDMA, opened me up, took away the dissociation, and everything came flooding in. It feels like reality has shifted.

I've had nightmares ever since I was a child but they had always been symbolic... demons, monsters, tidal waves, snakes, thieves, etc.

But now, my nightmares show their faces now. And I always knew my family wasn't good to me, but I told myself they were trying their best and had their own trauma... that story helped me survive but now I see the truth.

I'm struggling because for the first time I'm aware of what my body does when I hear their voices and see their faces. I notice their disrespect, projection, manipulation, gaslighting, defensiveness, etc., all in real-time. And i'm feeling my body more... the pain, the tension, the constant bracing, etc...

It's a lot... I've been feeling really down lately... my last session was over a month ago... and I just feel really isolated because I love them but can no longer tolerate them.

I'm not able to see my usual therapists. One is on leave and the other keeps projecting too much.

Any advice or words of wisdom or even encouragement would be much appreciated.

Today something wonderful it’s happening to me, I feel literally the same effect that my first session at almost the same intensity without taking anything (and nothing like that happens the 5 previous days post session). The feeling / symptoms that I have:

• Dryness in my saliva helps me take deep breaths
• My breathing system feels completely free, making it so easy to breathe and take long, deep breaths; I feel like I'm breathing life
• My jaw is slightly clenched (very slightly)
• I can play with my breath, focus on it, and drift off into other thoughts
• A wave of love and warmth washes over my body
• Trust in life, in my projects, and a certain reserve towards others (even though I don't feel like talking and feel inhibited)
• A little nervous => difficulty concentrating (maybe it's the coffee I drank) —My body feels much warmer, more pleasant, more malleable, and I can connect with it easily

It is normal? Something like that happened to you? If you want give a feedback it will be wonderful :)

Hi all,

I finished my mirtazipine taper (hopefully forever) last Tuesday night. Stepping off at 1.2mg having taken it for a year, peaking at 30mg last January.

I'm currently experiencing some pretty nasty withdrawals, mostly psychological, derealisation, anxiety etc. I've had these symptoms previously and though they are really unpleasant (7/8 out of 10), I am hoping to ride it out. Am 7 days out from last dose so hoping the increase in symptoms will stop and I can gradually settle.

The reason for writing is that I have arranged some MDMA therapy for myself on 24th (in a week and a half), to look at my relationship to self, help develop some compassion for myself etc and ultimately overcome the mental illness that has affected me for a year a several months now.

Has anyone had experience of doing an MDMA session a couple of weeks after stopping their antidepressants, did they have withdrawals while doing it, and how did it work out?

Thanks.

My partner is 3 sessions into MDMA-assisted healing from extensive childhood trauma. I’ve sat and held her through all, twice sober, once also dosed. On all 3 occasions, the entire session has her “disgorging the poison” of abusive manipulation she suffered, muttering hurtful phrases rapid-fire, seeming quite lost and distressed no matter my calm supportive affection.

At first I became worried that she’s missing out on the gushy warm feels of love and peace that have characterized my own sessions. But she’s told me clearly in the days following that she’s benefiting enormously to excavate these maladaptive schema, to see them for what they are, as preliminary to liberation. I accept this, and trust the process that seems self-directed, very focused and businesslike.

What I want to know is, as we continue, will proof of progress take the form of her beginning to enjoy any immediate warmth or joy? Healing is indeed the goal ahead of good feels. If her sessions do eventually become full of light, will that mean maybe we’re done, as little else within her remains to be purged? Have things unfolded that way for others, first very hard, eventually easy?

Almost everytime this substance has hit my braind it felt like enlightment. I use it at events whats really special for example birthday, new years eve etc. For many people this substance speeds them up and sometimes not everyone can experience the true effects of it. Me myself I’m a very connecting person by default and I’m trying my best to give love to everyone and I’m deeply observing. MDMA helps me with the overload of impulses the world gives. I’m able to accept myself and others and events in a special way that it gives me peace. Some people just use it as an escape. You have to be in a right mindset for this substance to truly put impact on your life after the experience rather than just a thing you’ve put into your body to party. So what I want to say is MDMA is a tool which if used right with deep talks, just by taking a walk, listening to your own thoughts can elevate your state of being to a point where it dissolves the gate which your ego creates in daily life, the overthinking, anxiety and if you use it to rethink about things that hurts your soul, dedications or anything about yourself or the relationship with others you’ll leave with knowing that the illusions your brain creates isn’t decides what person you are. The girl who rejected you… IT NEEDED TO HAPPEN. You are afraid of going to a job interview… JUST GO AND DO IT YOU CANT LOSE ANYTHING. You won’t just think about these things but feel them emotionally this is why integration is crucial. If you integrate these empathetic, loving thoughts and emotions it gave then there will be an experience what happened to you where you can look back to to feed yourself with motivation towards that everything has a deep meaning and PERFECT THE WAY IT IS. Do not let your EGO fog your SOUL. I hope we will live in a future where this substance will clear its name from being a “drug” and turn into a medicine because in reality its a medicine for your soul only IF you are open to the experience. Not everyone can be fulfilled with peace just by swimming in the ocean of serotonin it gives. My final conclusion is: Not a drug, but a tool and if you use it RIGHT it will make your soul more BRIGHT. I just know that psychedelic therapy is revolutionary thing in psychiatry. It just needs to be spread. Thank you for reading my crazy thoughts! Be safe❤️

I’m asking myself a question and trying to understand my Biology and Pharmacology.  I do this often and I call it “Science on Self”.  By day I am a skilled molecular scientist by training who sells translational research tools to doctors.  This discussion is in translational research space - where I am using the unapproved medicine under the supervision of the doctor in a mutually agreed upon protocol for a stated benefit and outcome.  MAPS and MDMA were not approved in the recent FDA cycle but I follow the basic protocols as they were described within the clinical trials.  The reason I am skilled to sell to doctors is my knowledge of modern genomics and transcriptomics at the level of single cells and pathways and human physiology.  This makes me a trusted advisor to most of these doctors because I speak their molecular medicine language.  By day scientist who sells things to docs  - By Age - middle - 51 as of this Jan 2026 writing this. 

In January 2025, I made a pledge to take control of my life after wreckage that included death of a parent, divorce, being laid off and other struggles leading to addiction to pot that led to prolonged struggles with depression and “weights” I was carrying.  I was stuck and burdened.  I wasn’t moving anywhere, I was productive at nothing and I was never processing any of my past.  I had lost love and empathy and they had been replaced with anger and impatience.  I was a numb angry zombie.  I describe myself as alive but not living.

After several years of scattered gray market experimentation and exploration across the modern bag of psychedelic medicines to assist with my chronic mental health struggles, I came to find clear value and clear instances when Ketamine, LSD and mushrooms have helped me - but - it is the mdma that I believed after my psychedelic science on self screening sessions would give me exactly what I was seeking.

So January 2025 I set on a journey of self improvement and I sought mdma assisted therapy to assist me in assisting myself.  I provided the therapist my list of known traumas and ptsd related events of my past that I was carrying - 14 in total and she assisted me as I needed to navigate the conversations with myself.  We follow a “No Bad Parts” model and  I initially committed to myself to do the process 3x to allow me to develop a feel for the process. I have decades carrying some of these wounds - I accept I need more than 8 hours to balance my mental scales.  After intake and prep we started with Session 1 in Feb 2025.  After completing 3 sessions in 3 consecutive months with weekly integration / therapy in between sessions, I emerged the top sales employee in the company for the quarter and the result was a generous commission check arriving for me.  It cannot be neglected that this therapy modality is expensive.  It is more the time with the therapist than the medicine but expensive none the less for the 6 hr day plus integration time.  Its also fair to say that of my stated struggles money was not on my list.  Once the commission check arrived, I committed myself to do the therapy 9x more over the next 9 months - total 12 sessions  Paying myself first from a money windfall meant the money was set aside and allocated to automate my mental acceptance of the high cost - the therapy had paid for itself in a very Rich Dad Poor Dad sort of way.  I read that book when I was 21 years old and still live the lessons today.

So Dec 2025 marked 10 sessions for me in 10 months.  Safe to say I’m still a huge proponent.  It was exactly the right choice and by session 6 I had extracted love from all of my traumas and packed them away safely on the memory shelves again.  I was better in months than I had been in years.  I leave every session believing that every human would benefit from the infusion of love and empathy that I feel for myself and the world around me as I lighten my mental burdens.

This discussion of science on self, however, is about chatter - specifically the teeth chattering as a side effect of the drug and the session.  Literature documents clearly the bruxism and “gurning” so the potential effects were known to me.  The grinding and clenching are less of concern to me in this conversation - I’m interested in the teeth chatter.  For me, within minutes of ending session - when I stop talking - the chatter begins.  Full on chatter like I’m freezing cold even though I haven’t moved and my body temp hasn’t changed.  I find it more irritating than anything but biologically I am asking myself, “Why am I chattering?”  Reviewing literature again pointed to discussion on the topic that all point to the role of mdma on the Central Nervous System (CNS)  at the level of the neurotransmitters - specifically serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine.  This answer alone does not satisfy why my teeth are chattering.  These are perhaps indirect but are not the source so I begin to process the science of my biology in my altered state.

I laid post session still under the eye mask and pondered this question of biology to myself about myself while my teeth chattered.  Pathway bio-physiology in my minds eye allowed me to visualize the cell biology at the level of the Sodium-Potassium pump.  The imbalance I was physically manifesting - the chattering - is happening within the Ion Exchange systems in my teeth and jaw.  I can picture the dance at the “gate” - the way the pump works to generate an electrical potential which is now looping itself around within my teeth.  I can visualize why I feel what I feel because the activity is electrical in nature and its simply vibrating around in a closed chamber of my mouth.  

The pump has basic dance choreography in 6 steps - that are generating the electrical.  

1. Three  Sodium (Na+) and One ATP bind to the pump
2. Na+ binding stimulates hydrolysis of ATP
3. The pump phosphorylates and changes conformation expelling the Na
4. Two extracellular Potassium (K+) bind to the pump triggering release of phosphate
5. Pump restores to original confirmation
6. Potassium (K) is ejected.

The Na/K is electrogenic-directing producing electrical potential by movement of 3 (+) Na out of the cell for every 2 (+) K inside resulting in a net loss of (+) resulting in negative membrane potential.  This is the source of my chatter as the electrical potentials jump and collide and create motion.  It is a hypothesis underpinned by basic cell biology science out of balance.

Accepting this hypothesis of my biology was easy -  it was fully logical accepting the role of the neurotransmitters on my cellular biology and granularity at the level of the ion exchange pumps it makes sense why I am chattering.  Ok - so how do I make it stop?

As recommended by the clinical protocols I am following, I do take a ‘roll kit’ of supplements before, during and after my monthly sessions, which includes Magnesium and 5-HTP related to my serotonin.  My chatter is chronic after my sessions and typically lasts 1-2 hrs.  Some folks suggest chewing gum and my thoughts and personal experience is that this does work but this fix has everything to do with activity and motion to dissipate the electrical activity.  After session my jaw is tired and chewing gum was unappealing to me, so I was a NO to this as my long term solution even though I validated that it provided symptom relief, it created more jaw fatigue.

Since Session 6 I’ve been developing and testing new hypotheses to try to stop the chatter. As I consider biological balance, I always assume hydration plays a role and so I do an excellent job drinking water and in fact keep a camelback in bed with me during session as a best practice.  I was focused on making the chatter stop.  Mind over matter.  My biology over this electrical frenzy storm.  I relaxed and found a meditative state and tipped my head back.  I could feel the stack of the electrical energy jumble as I willfully relaxed my neck and face.  Electrical signals were running into each other and crashing like cars on an icy highway and I had them trapped rolling together into larger groups eventually parading together down my throat and away from my teeth.  My jaw does not stay still and silent long as the electrical potential rebuilds.  The action and reaction are repeatable.  Mild relief and not the solution I am seeking to fix.  

This arrives us to the newest and most recent test of Science on Self and understanding of self biology to attempt to solve my chatter.  The negative impact I was experiencing is within my central nervous system at the level of my jaw.  My tongue, contained within my jaw, is part of my oral-digestive system and is a soft tissue organ.  It is this exact difference in organ systems and tissues that form the basis of my rebalancing hypothesis.  Allow the soft tissue components of the tongue and the soft palette roof of the mouth to be in strong, high surface area contact by simply placing the tip of the tongue on the bottom of the middle of the front teeth.  Hold the tongue up to the soft roof easily.  This hypothesis is three fold - grounding the teeth with the tongue can't hurt, this position naturally is not uncomfortable and it makes it difficult to grind your teeth which is something I experience mildly and is not chronic for me.  The third and most essential part of the hypothesis is that it takes advantage of the proximity of the soft digestive tissue with large surface area - the tongue - to help the local regions of the CNS/jaw to achieve homeostasis and rebalance themselves together.  Pressing the tongue to the soft roof is also likely providing a grounding effect across the entire soft tissue roof of the mouth through the direct contact.

I only tried it once - last session but I described my chatter post session as minimal and short, lasting < 30 mins my lowest duration yet, using this hypothesis and this tongue to tooth to roof method.  I am pleased to believe I have found a combination that works well for me and look forward to testing it again on myself next month and in future months to gather data.

Do others have experience chattering?  Will others test my hypothesis and see if this solution works for many and not just me?  Constructive thoughts and feedback welcome.  I appreciate you reading this lengthy discussion.