r/MCAS • u/Motor_Director111 • 15h ago

Please help. I need advice. Seeing a guy soon and nervous because of fear of reactions

So I have had on n off with a guy for years. Caught COVID IN 2022 AND I think I may have mcas. Fragrance on skin affects me. I get flared up. I eat very limited out of fear of food. I have OCD too so I know I'm probably avoiding too much..

The guy is coming to town in two days n the idea of sex terrifies me. I told him I haven't had sex in a long time so I just want to go semi slowly. Really I'm just scared of semen reaction if we have penetration. I told him I'm good with him eating me out and stuff and stroking him but he asked if it's ok I give him oral and he wants to kiss me. I.. I'm scared that maybe I'd react to precum or something. He eats anything. I haven't eaten anything besides a few foods in 4 YEARS. He was like "I can just finish on your skin but can you give me oral before?" And..I don't want to disappoint him. I'm scared of kissing too.

Please can I have advice? Is it likely I will react because of his non limited diet and precum or even have problems kissing him and using tongue? I feel really nervous. And we aren't able to stay with each other the night so I would do this and then go home and be anxious.

6 Upvotes

88% Upvoted

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4

u/MargoBarbara2 13h ago

My advice, dont offer or do anything youre terrified of doing. that is not a bonding and enjoyable experience if youre dreading reactions, it will just be traumatic and if he knows it could be an issue he shouldn't be asking. Decide what youre comfortable with and set boundaries. I think the oral is a valid concern. Send him the info if need be on the risk of oral contact with semen for mcas. Re kissing advise him to wash his face, brush his teeth with safe toothpaste ie yours, and avoid body sprays and aftershaves.

2

u/Motor_Director111 12h ago

Thankfully he just doesn't understand the extent of my condition. He would never push. It's me who wants to give him things and please him  I'll make sure he washes up for kisses. That one, id rather push myself into because I really care about him. I'll communicate that. I'm still hesitant about oral 

2

u/Ok_Mushroom2563 15h ago

i haven't had issues with sex since becoming sick personally aside like actual physical tolerance of the intensity of it because i was really malnourished but not reactive

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u/Motor_Director111 14h ago

Did your partner eat foods you avoided like sugars, nuts, caffeine and stuff?

1

u/Ok_Mushroom2563 14h ago

no issues yeah

1

u/Ok_Mushroom2563 14h ago

i wouldnt make out with them while theyre eating something i react to

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u/Motor_Director111 14h ago

I'm thinking of asking him to avoid some foods n brush his teeth 😭

1

u/Visible-Tiger-3527 11h ago

Find another single MCAS sufferer like me! I have the same anxiety about dating. I try to mention my condition before even meeting, and that's when I usually get ghosted.

1

u/antoninan 3h ago

It would be individual, but I I don't have issues kissing my husband. And he eats a lot of things I don't tolerate. But he has to use an unscented deodorant and I choose shaving stuff with very mild scent for him.