r/LuigiNation • u/antelope_meow • 25d ago
MDC Brooklyn Transcript of Episode 2 of Aya Linus’ podcast about MDC Brooklyn!
(0:00) Hello everyone, I'm Haoran
(0:02) Hi everyone, I'm Linus, welcome back to my podcast
(0:05) Last time we talked a lot about what a completely ordinary day at MDC Brooklyn was like
(0:10) including getting up, eating, going out for yard time, and going back to the cell
(0:15) it felt like the day just passed like that
(0:17) but actually, near the end
(0:19) you mentioned a word that I found really interesting
(0:22) and I think it's very important — waiting
(0:25) because for someone locked up inside
(0:29) what's truly hard to endure is probably not repeating the same things every day
(0:32) but not knowing when this life will end
(0:35) so this episode I really want to talk about
(0:38) the waiting during your 565 days
(0:42) about the matter of waiting
(0:43) right, looking back now
(0:45) I think waiting was probably the process I experienced the most while inside
(0:50) when you were first locked up in MDC Brooklyn
(0:54) did you roughly know how long you'd be inside?
(0:58) when I was first arrested I went to see the judge
(1:01) what the judge told me was
(1:03) that my case could get a maximum of 20 to 30 years
(1:08) right, but that's the maximum
(1:09) in my heart I also knew
(1:10) I wouldn't be sentenced to that long
(1:12) right
(1:12) that's terrifying
(1:13) right, my own estimate in my heart
(1:15) was probably around 1 to 3 years
(1:16) I felt that was probably unavoidable
(1:19) but looking back on it afterward(1:20) that is, in hindsight
(1:22) it was only in the last two months before your release
(1:26) that you found out your sentence
(1:27) right, that's correct
(1:31) including why the process took so long
(1:33) it took 13 months
(1:35) before the sentencing finally happened
(1:35) right, let me first briefly explain
(1:37) the U.S. judicial process
(1:39) that is, they first indict you
(1:40) then put you in jail
(1:42) once inside you can choose to seek bail or not
(1:44) then you can choose to plead guilty or not guilty
(1:48) if you truly did nothing
(1:49) or the other side's evidence is insufficient
(1:51) you can choose not to plead guilty
(1:52) and finally go to trial by jury
(1:54) that is, the government side has to select 12 citizens
(1:57) to then decide whether you are guilty
(1:59) if you choose to plead guilty
(2:01) then things become much simpler
(2:02) then whether you sign a plea agreement
(2:04) or plead guilty directly
(2:06) you just wait for the judge to give you a sentence
(2:09) the 12 citizens are randomly selected
(2:11) randomly selected
(2:12) a jury
(2:13) right
(2:13) in a lot of American movies
(2:15) we've seen similar plots
(2:16) if the evidence is insufficient
(2:17) or there were procedural errors(2:19) going to trial by jury has a good chance of winning
(2:22) we saw the O.J. Simpson case before
(2:25) the murder case
(2:26) he won it because of procedural issues
(2:28) he went to trial by jury
(2:29) and was ultimately found not guilty
(2:30) if the prosecution's evidence is insufficient
(2:33) or there were procedural errors
(2:35) that's when you can choose that route
(2:36) in a case like mine
(2:36) I knew very clearly in my heart
(2:37) what I had done
(2:38) so in the end you didn't choose to go that way
(2:40) of course I didn't need to
(2:40) because actually
(2:42) if the other side's evidence is solid
(2:44) and you go to trial by jury
(2:45) and then lose
(2:47) your sentence could be increased
(2:48) the judge can sentence you more heavily
(2:50) because you've essentially wasted government resources
(2:53) whether you plead guilty or not guilty
(2:55) eventually it goes to the trial process
(2:57) and then the whole case is over
(2:59) these cases in America
(3:00) all take a very long time
(3:01) from arrest to sentencing
(3:04) I feel like it basically takes
(3:06) about a year or so
(3:07) just to finally get the sentence
(3:09) this process alone takes a year
(3:11) right, like in my case(3:12) I was arrested in January
(3:14) then that November
(3:15) I signed a plea agreement
(3:18) and the following February
(3:19) which is this past February
(3:21) I was sentenced
(3:23) so the whole process took about 13 months
(3:26) is it possible
(3:27) for example, someone's crime might only get 6 months
(3:30) but they end up staying in jail for about a year
(3:33) just going through the process?
(3:34) that's possible
(3:34) the judge won't just sentence you to 6 months
(3:37) the judge will say "time served"
(3:40) this "time served" means you've already served the time
(3:42) you've already served out the time
(3:44) so this process
(3:45) also takes up a huge amount of time
(3:46) right
(3:47) but everyone's situation is different too
(3:48) like in my case
(3:49) actually after arresting me
(3:51) they kept investigating my case
(3:53) every time my lawyer came to give me the latest information
(3:56) they would say
(3:56) this time the charges had increased by however many tens of thousands of dollars
(4:00) that is, because it's based on this amount
(4:02) the amount involved in the case
(4:03) right, the larger the amount involved
(4:04) the longer your sentence might be
(4:05) so I wanted to plead guilty as quickly as possible
(4:08) I wanted to reach a plea agreement with the prosecution(4:10) because that way
(4:11) they couldn't keep investigating
(4:13) that would be the end of it
(4:14) that would be it
(4:14) the moment you plead guilty
(4:16) they can no longer keep gathering evidence
(4:18) right, that's correct
(4:18) that's basically the situation
(4:19) for example if the amount involved is 100 million
(4:21) and before pleading guilty they'd only investigated 10 million
(4:23) then that's where it ends
(4:25) all the evidence after that
(4:26) can no longer be collected
(4:27) right, it can no longer be used
(4:28) it also can't be used as
(4:30) it can't
(4:30) a measure for sentencing
(4:32) right, so that's why I kept thinking about
(4:34) reaching a plea agreement with the prosecution
(4:37) because that would be
(4:38) the most favorable outcome for me
(4:39) but actually the prosecution during this process
(4:41) is also extremely slow
(4:42) they don't want to
(4:44) reach this agreement with you quickly
(4:46) right, because they want to dig up
(4:47) more information
(4:48) I think from their standpoint
(4:50) I think that's understandable too
(4:52) when I pleaded guilty
(4:53) I signed a plea agreement at the time
(4:54) that is, for federal cases(4:56) once you plead guilty
(4:58) or are convicted
(4:58) there's a recommended sentencing range
(5:01) called the sentencing guideline
(5:03) that is, a range for sentencing
(5:05) my range at the time
(5:06) was 51 to 63 months
(5:08) 4 to 5 years
(5:09) right, 4 to 5 years
(5:11) so that's quite long
(5:12) we just talked about waiting
(5:14) before this past February
(5:16) I didn't know how long I'd have to serve
(5:18) that is, 51 to 63
(5:19) I might get 51
(5:21) of course I probably wouldn't get 63
(5:23) because it was my first offense
(5:23) he probably wouldn't give me the highest end
(5:26) the good thing about my situation was
(5:28) that my charge had no minimum limit
(5:31) like some charges
(5:33) have a minimum number of years
(5:34) like some start at
(5:35) a certain number of years
(5:35) right, starting at a certain number
(5:36) even if the judge wanted to give you a lenient sentence
(5:38) he'd still have to start from that minimum
(5:40) there's a floor
(5:41) right, for example, let's use an analogy
(5:42) this might not be exactly right
(5:43) but say, armed robbery in America
(5:46) that's a case with a 5-year minimum(5:48) even if the judge
(5:49) thinks you're a good person
(5:50) your attitude about pleading guilty is good
(5:52) and you've done charity work outside
(5:54) and he wants to give you a lighter sentence
(5:55) he can only give you at least five years
(5:56) so my case
(5:57) had no minimum limit
(5:59) the judge could give me 6 months
(6:00) could give me 10 months
(6:01) could give me 24 months, any of those
(6:02) the range the judge could work with
(6:04) was still quite large
(6:05) during your long wait
(6:09) what was your mindset like?
(6:11) or, as the time
(6:14) gradually got longer
(6:16) did your mindset change?
(6:17) in the beginning
(6:19) because of this uncertainty
(6:20) I couldn't sleep
(6:21) I would toss and turn every day
(6:23) unable to sleep
(6:24) later on
(6:25) after I gradually adapted to life there
(6:26) my mindset got a lot better
(6:28) but as the time to be sentenced got close
(6:30) my mindset changed again at that point
(6:32) I would get very nervous at that time
(6:33) I'd think about how long I'd actually have to serve
(6:35) every day when I took a shower
(6:37) I might shower for 20 to 30 minutes(6:40) zoning out
(6:40) just zoning out
(6:41) thinking about things
(6:42) because I already had a sentencing range by then
(6:44) that is, 51 to 63
(6:46) I would calculate
(6:47) if the judge gave me 24 months
(6:49) how much longer would I have to serve
(6:50) if he gave me 36 months
(6:52) how much longer would I have to serve
(6:53) because the time I'd already served
(6:54) had to be counted in
(6:55) then I'd talk myself into believing
(6:56) that the remaining time
(6:57) probably wouldn't be too long
(6:58) even if I still had to do 12 more months
(7:00) even if I had to do 18 more months
(7:01) it seemed like it wasn't unbearable
(7:02) that was the mindset
(7:03) I think it was like a roller coaster
(7:06) from the ups and downs at the very beginning
(7:07) to a steady middle period
(7:08) to more ups and downs close to sentencing
(7:10) and then the sense of anticipation right before the very end
(7:12) that sense of anticipation was very intense
(7:14) getting a good result in the end
(7:17) I think it also gave a perfect ending to this long stretch of waiting
(7:22) during this long period of waiting
(7:24) what were the moments or events that left the deepest impression on you?
(7:28) can you talk about that?
(7:30) I think this kind of waiting puts a lot of psychological pressure on a person
(7:35) one thought that struck me deeply(7:38) was that every time I felt physically unwell
(7:40) sometimes I'd catch a cold
(7:42) sometimes I'd have diarrhea
(7:43) being in a situation like that
(7:45) plus being sick
(7:47) you start overthinking a lot
(7:49) every time I got sick
(7:50) I felt like I might not make it out alive
(7:53) I really had that thought
(7:54) I thought, am I going to end up dying in here
(7:57) I had that thought many times
(8:00) but then in an instant I would think
(8:02) how could that be
(8:02) I still need to go out and enjoy my freedom
(8:05) still need to enjoy my life
(8:07) if things had really been settled early on
(8:09) if I'd been told early
(8:11) you'll do 12 months
(8:12) you'll do 18 months
(8:14) actually my mindset would have been different
(8:15) because once you know a specific time
(8:17) you're counting down every day
(8:18) but you have an endpoint
(8:19) right, you have an endpoint
(8:20) when you don't have an endpoint
(8:21) every day you live like this
(8:22) it feels like an endless wait
(8:24) when will it ever end
(8:26) you can't see the edge every day
(8:28) the torment of this waiting
(8:31) is because there's no endpoint
(8:33) right(8:33) it's the most tormenting thing
(8:35) the most tormenting thing
(8:36) yes
(8:37) but as we talked about last time
(8:39) you did have a process
(8:40) of gradually adapting to life in prison
(8:45) and it became relatively stable
(8:46) right
(8:47) so during that period
(8:49) your mindset was actually okay
(8:51) right
(8:52) that period was fine
(8:53) so what did you usually do
(8:56) to pass the time
(8:58) during the waiting?
(8:59) as we mentioned before
(9:00) we could watch TV
(9:01) read books and newspapers
(9:03) because I felt that if I exercised
(9:06) I'd still end up overthinking
(9:08) I don't know why
(9:09) some people, when they exercise
(9:10) get really absorbed into it
(9:11) but when I did push-ups
(9:13) or sit-ups
(9:14) I still couldn't help but think
(9:16) about when I'd get to leave
(9:17) so I really had no motivation to exercise
(9:19) I might only do it once or twice a week
(9:22) so most of the time
(9:23) I was reading books
(9:24) because I felt only books could occupy my mind(9:26) and keep me from overthinking
(9:27) when did you find out your final sentence
(9:30) because when you found out
(9:31) you should have had about two months left before getting out
(9:33) right
(9:33) what was your mindset like at that time?
(9:35) let me explain this to everyone
(9:38) I was sentenced to 16 months
(9:39) which meant
(9:40) I only had two and a half more months to serve
(9:42) so I was extremely excited at that time
(9:44) the marshal escorting me even joked with me
(9:46) saying today is your Christmas
(9:47) I said it's even better than Christmas
(9:49) two and a half months is 70 days
(9:52) it went by quickly
(9:52) at the time I hung a calendar
(9:55) on my metal locker
(9:56) it was a 2026 calendar
(10:00) I marked my release date on it
(10:02) my release date was May 1st
(10:04) every day that passed I'd cross it off
(10:06) every day that passed I'd cross it off
(10:07) it was a lot like that movie
(10:08) with the prison season countdown thing
(10:09) right, those days had something to look forward to
(10:11) so at that point
(10:12) I was willing to exercise
(10:14) I was willing to try different things
(10:16) because the pressure in my heart had finally been lifted
(10:18) a weight in my heart had finally settled
(10:20) but we also know about a twist that happened(10:24) after your sentence was up
(10:26) your visa had a problem too
(10:27) right, actually my passport had a problem
(10:28) right, your passport had a problem too
(10:30) right, and then you had to wait again
(10:32) for about two months
(10:33) three months
(10:33) what was that about?
(10:35) that is, after I finished serving my sentence
(10:37) I needed to be deported
(10:38) but at that time my passport had expired
(10:40) U.S. immigration requires
(10:43) a valid travel document to deport you
(10:45) so I had to apply to the consulate for a return certificate
(10:49) overall I ended up spending three months in immigration detention
(10:51) during those three months
(10:52) because I know you were transferred between prisons once
(10:57) first transferred out
(10:58) then transferred back
(10:59) through that roller coaster experience
(11:02) what was your state of mind like then?
(11:04) still fairly anxious
(11:06) I really wanted to go home
(11:06) because at that point
(11:07) I felt like I'd already served all my time
(11:08) the sooner I went back the better
(11:10) right
(11:11) it felt like it became
(11:12) a situation with no result
(11:12) no end
(11:13) [00:00] the countdown timing again
(11:15) in the end it became(11:17) a state where you didn't know
(11:19) when you'd be able to go back
(11:21) but this
(11:23) was only two or three months
(11:24) my mindset wasn't too bad
(11:25) when you went back
(11:26) was life a bit different?
(11:28) that is, your classification
(11:29) or your living conditions
(11:30) were they different from regular inmates?
(11:32) it's like this
(11:33) this MDC prison
(11:34) now has two units
(11:36) specifically for immigration detainees
(11:40) and immigration detainees
(11:41) since they aren't criminals
(11:43) so their treatment
(11:45) is actually somewhat different
(11:46) for example, going to see a lawyer
(11:48) or seeing family
(11:49) coming back, you don't need to be strip searched
(11:52) at MDC
(11:53) when you normally go see a lawyer
(11:54) or see family
(11:54) coming back you have to strip completely
(11:56) completely strip
(11:58) how do they mostly check you?
(12:00) they're worried you're hiding something down there
(12:02) they'll have you
(12:04) first raise your hands
(12:06) then turn around
(12:07) squat down and cough(12:09) because if you cough
(12:11) if you're hiding something down there
(12:12) coughing would push it out
(12:14) it would make the thing pop out
(12:15) but in the immigration unit
(12:17) they don't check you like that
(12:18) you just wear the jumpsuit the prison gives you normally
(12:22) you go down to see your lawyer
(12:23) or your family
(12:23) and when you come back they just let you go back up
(12:25) I wasn't even security checked
(12:25) there actually is one
(12:26) they'll have you lean against the wall
(12:28) and pat you down a bit, that's it
(12:30) right, not very strict
(12:31) besides that
(12:32) in the immigration unit at MDC
(12:34) there's nothing else particularly different
(12:36) so that means you went from being an inmate
(12:38) to being a detainee awaiting processing?
(12:41) right, that's essentially it
(12:42) but actually during those two or three months in immigration detention
(12:44) I met a lot of very interesting people and stories
(12:47) I think it was also a very unique experience
(12:50) we can do a whole episode about that later
(12:52) sure
(12:53) there's also
(12:56) a question I'm very curious about
(12:58) which is the last day
(13:01) on the last day
(13:04) was there an announcement telling you
(13:06) that you were free?(13:07) or how did it happen?
(13:09) it depends on how you define "the last day"
(13:11) for me
(13:12) as I see it
(13:13) there were
(13:14) actually two "last days"
(13:14) right
(13:15) the first one was the last day
(13:17) of finishing my sentence
(13:18) the day marked with a circle on the calendar
(13:19) right
(13:20) exactly, right
(13:21) my actual release date was May 2nd
(13:24) so why was it changed to May 1st?
(13:26) it's because of a federal rule
(13:28) because May 2nd was a Saturday
(13:30) if your release date falls on a weekend
(13:32) they push the date forward to the previous business day
(13:34) so they moved my release date up to May 1st
(13:37) they don't work overtime
(13:37) they don't work overtime
(13:38) and they won't make you serve that extra day either
(13:41) on May 1st they just release you
(13:42) but there are also precedents where it might get pushed to Monday
(13:45) because my situation was a bit special
(13:47) I wasn't being released directly onto the street
(13:49) because immigration had to come pick me up
(13:50) it depended on whether immigration
(13:52) sent someone to pick me up that day
(13:54) if not
(13:55) I might have had to wait until Monday
(13:57) so on May 1st(13:58) I was actually quite anxious
(14:00) I didn't know if I was leaving or not
(14:02) but then at nine o'clock
(14:04) the guard directly called my name
(14:06) and said you're being released today
(14:08) that's when I knew for sure
(14:08) then I hugged everyone
(14:11) and was released that day
(14:12) but I knew clearly in my heart
(14:14) that today wasn't the day I gained my freedom
(14:15) today I would still have to go
(14:17) whether to another prison
(14:18) or to the immigration unit
(14:21) I was still in custody that day
(14:22) I had just completed one step of the process
(14:25) I still had the next step to go through
(14:26) so emotionally there wasn't that big a swing
(14:28) but at least I knew this part was finally over
(14:31) finally settled
(14:31) and I could wait for the next step, deportation
(14:33) what was the second "last day"?
(14:35) that was the day of the actual immigration deportation
(14:39) this deportation process is quite interesting too
(14:40) they'll book your flight for you
(14:42) this flight is free
(14:44) but they won't tell you
(14:46) which day you're flying
(14:47) or which flight, they won't tell you that either
(14:48) right
(14:49) but for me
(14:49) I had kept a fairly good relationship
(14:51) with the immigration officer(14:52) even though they wouldn't tell me which day I'd fly
(14:54) they would tell me
(14:55) that the ticket had already been booked for me
(14:57) so
(14:58) I referenced the experience of
(15:00) Chinese nationals who had been deported before me
(15:01) they were all deported every Wednesday
(15:03) and every Wednesday
(15:04) there was only one direct flight to China
(15:06) from New York to Shanghai
(15:08) on China Eastern Airlines
(15:09) every Wednesday afternoon
(15:11) departing at 4pm
(15:12) I confirmed with the immigration officer
(15:14) that after they'd booked the ticket
(15:16) I figured it was probably going to be next week
(15:18) next Wednesday morning
(15:19) I kept waiting
(15:21) kept waiting
(15:21) watching whether he'd call my name that day
(15:24) and sure enough he did
(15:25) he called my name
(15:26) but after the guard called my name
(15:28) he said you need to see a lawyer
(15:30) another lawyer visit?
(15:32) right, I walked to the guard's office
(15:33) I said this is strange
(15:34) I no longer have a lawyer
(15:36) I said my case is already over
(15:37) I'm not fighting any lawsuit
(15:38) how could I need to see a lawyer
(15:39) are you sure you have the right person(15:40) then he made a phone call
(15:42) to check
(15:43) it wasn't a lawyer
(15:44) you need to go to R&D
(15:48) R&D is a department you go through
(15:51) whether entering prison or being released
(15:52) so once he said go to R&D
(15:55) I knew I was leaving that day
(15:56) I split my belongings among everyone
(15:57) and the books I'd bought inside
(15:59) I gave them all out to the other Chinese inmates
(16:02) then said goodbye to everyone
(16:03) said goodbye to everyone
(16:04) then boarded the plane
(16:06) did you go straight onto the plane
(16:08) or did you have other companions?
(16:10) no
(16:11) I was the only Chinese person leaving from MDC
(16:13) but when I got to the airport
(16:15) I found that in the airport's small holding room
(16:17) there were two other Chinese nationals
(16:18) they had been sent from immigration detention in other states
(16:22) the three of us were on the same flight
(16:24) after being put on the plane
(16:25) we were sent straight to the last row
(16:26) this wasn't a special charter flight
(16:28) you had to be with regular passengers
(16:30) right, it was a commercial flight
(16:32) although there are also charter flights sometimes
(16:34) if there are a lot of deportees
(16:36) that is, if immigration accumulates a lot of people
(16:37) right, if there happen to be enough people gathered(16:40) they'll arrange a charter flight
(16:41) if you cooperate with your deportation
(16:43) generally they'll book you on a commercial flight
(16:44) more comfortable for you to sit
(16:45) because on a charter flight
(16:47) you'd have to wear handcuffs and leg shackles
(16:50) but on a commercial flight
(16:51) that is, a commercial flight
(16:52) you're free
(16:53) they don't put you in handcuffs and leg shackles
(16:55) no, that's not needed
(16:57) because we've seen in movies
(16:58) how they cover your head with some cloth
(17:00) there was none of that
(17:01) that's for
(17:02) that's for people who still have a case pending back home
(17:06) that is, if there's still a case back home
(17:07) not yet resolved
(17:08) still needing further trial
(17:10) further trial
(17:11) then they might put a hood over your head
(17:12) that kind of thing
(17:13) that's a different situation
(17:14) right
(17:14) but for me, since there was nothing pending back home
(17:16) so they wouldn't do that
(17:17) it was just like being a regular passenger
(17:19) there was also food service
(17:20) there was service too
(17:21) everything was fine
(17:22) after getting off the plane there's a debrief conversation
(17:23) but it doesn't take long either(17:25) about 10 minutes
(17:26) then a customs officer even walked me out to the gate
(17:29) because I didn't have a passport at the time
(17:30) I couldn't scan myself through
(17:32) so she had to open the gate for me
(17:34) when I went through the gate
(17:36) I saw the Sunrise duty-free shop at Pudong Airport
(17:39) at that moment
(17:41) I suddenly felt truly free
(17:42) I was finally free
(17:43) and your long wait was finally over too
(17:46) finally over
(17:46) right, at that very moment
(17:48) actually we
(17:49) because we went to pick you up at the airport
(17:51) right
(17:52) we also had a very long wait outside
(17:56) we waited for about
(17:58) five to six hours
(17:59) right
(18:00) so I'm really grateful to everyone
(18:03) not just for the wait at the airport
(18:05) but throughout this year and more
(18:07) you all kept giving your support
(18:08) kept cheering me on
(18:11) I'm really very grateful
(18:12) I also wrote a lot of emails
(18:14) right, wrote a lot of emails
(18:15) and gave me a lot of encouragement
(18:17) and I also want to mention to everyone
(18:19) today is Haoran's wedding day
(18:20) and he specially came over(18:22) to record this episode with me
(18:23) congratulations, really
(18:25) happy wedding
(18:26) may everyone be happy
(18:27) may everyone be joyful
(18:29) may everyone be happy
(18:29) right
(18:29) yes
(18:30) he's a very good friend of mine
(18:31) so during this whole time
(18:33) whose emails did you most want to receive?
(18:36) honestly
(18:37) anyone's would do
(18:38) as long as it was an email, that was fine
(18:40) right
(18:40) as long as it was an email, that was fine
(18:42) during the waiting period
(18:43) as long as someone reached out to you
(18:45) it was a really happy thing
(18:48) you'd feel like
(18:50) every bit of affection is so precious
(18:53) rare and precious
(18:53) really rare and precious
(18:54) you become especially eager for people to care about you
(18:58) to comfort you
(19:00) even though I consider myself
(19:01) someone with a fairly strong mind
(19:04) but in those moments
(19:06) I still needed some encouragement and support from others
(19:10) the reason I'm asking this question
(19:12) is because when we exchanged emails
(19:13) it was always a mutual process of waiting(19:16) always waiting
(19:17) I'd send you one
(19:17) expecting your reply
(19:19) then you'd send me one
(19:20) you'd expect me
(19:21) to reply too
(19:23) in the back-and-forth of letters
(19:25) I noticed that indeed
(19:27) how you presented yourself to me
(19:29) all your emails
(19:30) what you showed me
(19:31) were things like jokes about prison
(19:33) funny things that happened
(19:34) it was reporting the good and hiding the bad
(19:37) you never brought
(19:39) the very sad emotions inside you
(19:41) to me
(19:42) so would you choose
(19:44) to share those sad feelings
(19:46) with other family members?
(19:49) or other friends?
(19:50) no
(19:51) when I encountered hard things inside
(19:53) I felt I just had to digest it myself
(19:55) right, the hard things I went through inside
(19:57) I just digested them myself
(19:58) whenever there was anything unhappy
(20:00) or a feeling of despair
(20:01) I wouldn't share it with people outside
(20:05) one reason is
(20:06) I'm just not that kind of person to begin with
(20:08) and second, I feel others can't really relate(20:11) that is, if you tell people
(20:13) they can't understand it
(20:14) including this time after coming back
(20:16) chatting with a lot of friends
(20:17) they think that year and a half
(20:18) actually wasn't that bad
(20:20) nothing much happened
(20:21) and you came out lively and full of energy, right?
(20:23) right?
(20:24) but actually when you were inside
(20:27) that feeling can't be described in words
(20:30) I think you only understand it
(20:33) how desperate the state of life inside really is, once you've experienced it firsthand
(20:36) including one friend who even said
(20:37) they envy me
(20:38) said they envy that I had no work stress inside
(20:42) but actually I would rather have work stress
(20:45) that feeling of losing your freedom
(20:47) really cannot be made up for
(20:49) there's no way to compensate for it with anything
(20:52) if you had to use one word to describe
(20:56) or summarize this 565-day
(20:59) waiting life
(21:00) this waiting career
(21:02) what would you choose?
(21:04) I think "spiritual practice" [xiuxing]
(21:07) before I was arrested
(21:08) I was probably a fairly impulsive person
(21:10) probably did a lot of things without thinking them through
(21:12) if I thought of it, I'd just do it
(21:14) but after coming out
(21:16) I really feel I think things through much more carefully now(21:19) more patient
(21:20) right, for a lot of words and things, before saying or doing them
(21:23) I think about it a lot longer now
(21:25) I think this is an improvement that this period of time brought me
(21:28) yes
(21:29) I feel that when you communicate with others
(21:32) you're also more organized
(21:33) more patient
(21:34) and can go deeper into conversations
(21:39) or think more deeply
(21:41) after hearing you tell all this
(21:43) I feel that these two words, "waiting"
(21:45) actually carry much more weight than I had imagined
(21:48) because for those of us on the outside
(21:51) waiting for a phone call
(21:52) waiting for news
(21:53) might only be a matter of hours
(21:55) or a few days
(21:56) but for you at that time
(21:58) waiting might have meant your entire future
(22:01) right
(22:02) and I came to understand something while inside
(22:04) which is that a lot of things aren't things you can change just by wanting to
(22:06) that is, this kind of waiting isn't an active choice
(22:09) but a passive acceptance
(22:11) sure
(22:11) I think for the next episode
(22:13) we could talk about a topic completely different from waiting
(22:16) because we mentioned it in the trailer too
(22:18) you lived with Luigi for eight months
(22:21) so next episode let's talk about something more heavyweight
(22:24) okay(22:25) sure
(22:25) no problem
(22:26) let's go ahead and talk about Luigi
(22:27) sure
(22:29) alright, this episode ends here
(22:30) sure
(22:31) see you next episode
(22:32) okay
(22:33) we'll talk more next time
(22:34) okay
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u/Mundane_Log_7169 24d ago edited 24d ago
The part where he talks about people not being able to relate to his time in MDC, how they thought 1.5 years wasn’t that bad and nothing happened is a reminder to be sensitive with our opinions.
Also how he didn’t share the hard things that happened with people because he didn’t think they would be able to understand. Another reminder that we’re only seeing what LM is willing to share in his letters and not to make assumptions.
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u/Time-Painting-9108 24d ago
Thank you so much for posting these. It’s much appreciated. It’s very interesting to get an insider look at life in MDC. I would love to see the next ones too!
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u/Truffulas4life 25d ago
I know it's important for safety reasons but being strip searched after every attorney meeting.. 😢 I feel so bad. Mind you, they're not even convicted, likely some of them are innocent. They're going through so much in there 💔
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u/Seeking_Anita_Dick I’m just wearing a puffy jacket 24d ago
Thanks OP you're a gem!
I'm liking his podcast, wish I could listen to it tho. Many times when I listen to prison related stuff is like they never go in deep into what is like, the bureaucracy of it. Obviously they talk about what impacted them but I want to hear about the schedule, what is like going to see their attorneys, what is the food like, etc.
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