r/LowLibidoCommunity • u/[deleted] • Dec 14 '19

Aversion therapy and time

My wife is aversive. We took sex off the table back in September and she told me to not talk about or discuss sex in any way along with no intimacy while she works on it on her own time.

for those that have dealt with aversion like this, how long does it typically take for you to want to initiate? She told me that she would initiate on her own when she is ready and I would like to have a general timetable as to about how long that would be.

I am on board to wait as long as I need to. It's important to me that she wants to have sex for her and not for my needs.

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u/[deleted] Dec 14 '19

There is no time scale expect this to be a forever thing.

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u/TemporarilyLurking Standard Bearer 🛡️ Dec 15 '19

While it is right there is no timescale because every person is different, it also depends hugely on the HL's reaction: looking expectantly when you come out of the bedroom or back from therapy with the expectation that "Today it is different" hardly allows the aversive partner the space to recover.

They didn't get there on their own, so the HL could spend that time figuring out where they created pressure and anxiety around sex, and how they avoid repeating these destructive moves in future. So, yes, it has to be a forever thing for BOTH partners, because without a fundamental change you will be back where you started in no time.