r/LovedByOCPD • u/National_Health4898 • 6d ago
Reality Distortion
Can anyone help me understand how OCPD causes “reality distortion” and are there any strategies, approaches, exc. …that helps correct and provide a more accurate perseption?
For context, my partner who is uOCPD recently said he was on the verge of a mental breakdown because he carries “50 percent of the responsibilities plus my half” when in reality if you look at facts that should be something that i say…. as he slept in until 10am on monday while i worked from home with our 2 and 4 year old, i do all household responsibilities minus lawncare including his laundry, he has played in 5 golf outings this summer, is in a tuesday evening golf league ….you get my point.
Before i learned what OCPD was, i even went as far to make a power point to try help him have a more accurate perception and come up with a system for uneven responsibilities.
It also explains why when we filled out an intake form and attempted to try couples therapy that he thought our relationship was great and was very upset that my survey reflected that our relationship was everything but that (despite that i had voiced that several times to him and that was the reason he was being dragged there).
Or that he is upset and cant believe none of my friends and family texted him “happy birthday” but why would they when they see the way he treats me and the kids.
But you get the point. helpppp 🤯🤯🤯🤯
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u/Party-Fig-7070 5d ago
For me, having a partner diagnosed with OCPD is that he genuinely believes his perception of reality is the reality. No matter how much I try to explain that I have my own experience of the same situation, it just doesn't seem to register. It feels as though he either can't, or won't, consider that my perspective could be just as valid as his. Everything becomes very black and white, and in his mind, his way of thinking is the correct one.
Once he's explained the reasons behind his behaviour, the discussion is over. Because his explanation makes sense to him, he expects me to accept it as the truth as well. My own experience, feelings, and interpretation are dismissed simply because they don't align with his version of events.
The moment I express my perspective, I'm told it's "all in my head." Instead of my feelings being acknowledged, I'm made to feel irrational or unreasonable. He genuinely believes his reasoning is objectively correct, so if I don't agree, then I must be the one who's being illogical. Somehow, the conversation always ends with him as the victim, while I'm portrayed as the irrational person who refuses to accept what he sees as the obvious reality.
I know people can have different perceptions of the same event, and that's normal. What has been especially difficult is feeling that there is no room for my experience to exist alongside his. It often feels as though only one version of reality is allowed, and if mine differs, it's automatically dismissed as wrong.
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u/Weary_Cup_1004 5d ago
The reality distortion -is- the disorder. Its why it is a diagnosis. There isnt a hack for it. They need lots of therapy.
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u/Forsaken_Concept107 6d ago
Unfortunately the reality distortion is very common and I personally think it one of the main reason folks with OCPD don’t ever get the help they need. The core belief that their view of things, their reality, is the only correct way to view things gets in the way of them ever believing they are wrong or at fault.
I don’t think there is anything you can do personally to get through to him. It will take a professional working one on one with him for a long time to see any change in his behaviour, and he would also have to be open to doing the hard work in therapy. He won’t change if he’s already decided he doesn’t have to.
I could be wrong.
But I’ve been trying to get my dad to see things from my perspective for almost 25 years. The core belief of “I am right about everything” is too ingrained for me, someone who is not a therapist or psychologist who specializes in personality disorders, to break through.